I wanted to post something here yesterday, but I've had a lot on my mind.
I've had a good feeling for 2017.
This year, I've started being consistent in the plans I lay down. Tomorrow, I'll be finishing my first seven days of exercise and running. It's a big day because I'd have to be running 5 mins x 2 after half a year's lack of any physical, and I'm a bit nervous; but I haven't skipped a day and have been following the protocol, so I should go through with it just fine.
Started writing the outline of the world I'm setting a forum (literary) RPG in. It's about humanity dealing with the sudden appearance of something utterly alien; PTSD-affected superpowered people who went through months of hell; and using one's wits to survive and emerge victorious. Staying on course of trying to figure the world out, instead of abandoning the idea, and consulting a couple of locals helped me get to the point where I have a solid understanding of what I want from it.
I've decided this year to incorporate things one by one, few weeks apart, into the daily routine. Next week, I'm going to include getting up on my German and starting Icelandic.
I'm also going to include more and more details about my personal life into these posts. A Lifehacker video told me that empathy is a process of mutual understanding, and I've been effectively trying to exclude my part from it so as to not feel vulnerable. I think it's going to help me improve in interpersonal communication and empathy.
Next week's the start of the new uni semester, and I feel nervous. I've managed to ruin my image with the group by verbally attacking my groupmate at a slight provocation in the online chat; I'm deeply ashamed of having done so; you can see how it makes me uneasy, being in their company for most of the week afterwards. The idea of "class/group as a family" makes me value the group too much; that, or I'm too used to pushing people away hard the closer I want them to be.
Instead of entering the "easy course" of Literature of the Main Language (where you have to do almost nothing to get the semester's pass mark), I chose to enroll in Masterpieces of World Literature. What makes the difference between those two is the teacher of the course: MWL is led by a woman who's decided to send a message, literally and figuratively, to us second-year students where she stated that she wants no one lazy and stupid attending her classes. This raised an uproar within the group, with words and phrases like "stuck-up" and "thinks too much of herself" abound by the vocal minority. I tried to object so as to not silence people who might want to choose it instead of opting out of education they fucking paid for; it led to... see above. I'm attending MWL because I want to get into literature that I so eagerly escaped as a teenager at school, but I'm afraid I'm going alone on this one. A friend of mine from the year above made it easier on me by agreeing with my choice on the same basis, having attended it herself; she was the one to tell me it's not that bad, either.
There's one other concern I have about the upcoming semester. There are no requirements to pass the Philosophy class, led by an old man too busy complaning about us youngsters during the lectures to actually tell something interesting (his ramblings are so toxic and mind-numbing I went catatonic after the one lecture I visited). There is, however, a tradition that's been going on for years - something our Language Practice teacher told us about - to "thank" the old man for getting the "free" pass marks by "gifting" him a bottle of liquor; I, as the man of the group, am supposed to "gift" it, because the old man has a disdain for women.
It has occurred to me, however, that I am effectively to do is bribe a teacher; simply because it's technically post-factum doesn't make it any less of a bribe, and you don't have to be Rene Descartes to figure that out. If I refuse to bribe the man, the whole group - possibly including myself - might get what would be perceived "unfair treatment" by my groupmates (i.e., being "robbed" of free pass marks). If I do so, knowing full well that I'm bribing someone, I'll have to live with it for the rest of my life, and I'm not okay with that. This "bribery" is harmless and you get to get away with passing an exam or a final test, but it's still morally wrong; besides, his lectures are crap, so it isn't worth it even from that perspective.
If I was in Europe, the university commission would most likely be interested in corruption in education; but Russia isn't Europe, and I'm seeing the apathy too vividly in front of me to go for their help. I don't know how to go about it, either; all I know is that I'm not a cheating man, and I'm not going to bribe anyone.
Other than that, things are looking up for me. I'm going to take my education more seriously and get as much as I can from it, because so far, I'm disappointed of not getting enough of the really interesting stuff; hopefully, things are to change this semester, with the introducion of the cooler linguistics subjects such as Theory of Language (led by the former dean, no less). I'm going to take my 2017 To Do List seriously and get stuff done. Like Bruce Lee said, "If it kills you, it kills you". I'd rather die from what I love than from fear of not getting it right.
To finish, here's a Russian cover of Johnny Cash's awesome God's Gonna Cut You Down.