UPDATE: The class was actually really good. A lot of fun, and a really interesting way to say YES, rather than NO. You can learn more about The Consent Academy on their website. The Burningman community, which I am an active part of, is a rather sexually liberated group of lunatics. There's a lot of sex, and sexy touching, and sexual innuendo, and overt sexual displays, and ... well, because Americans are such fucking prudes, the easiest way to be "non-conformist" or "radical" is to do something sexual or expose a bit of your naughty bits. BUT. All of this stuff happens within a culture that empowers people to be open and outlandish, while also respecting other people's boundaries. Over the last 7 years or so, as social norms have been changing, and people are redrawing their boundaries, and women are exerting more power over their sexual interactions, and speaking up more about their own needs, the sexual-experimental aspect of the Burningman community is changing. This all came to a head at my wedding, when a really aggressively sexual dude grabbed the butt of a woman he only sorta knew, and she was in a bad post-relationship space, and took MAJOR offense to being groped. It triggered a HUGE cacophony of discussion and argument and outbursts and butt-hurt feelings throughout a large group of people who - up until then - had been perfectly comfortable being half-naked in a pile of pillows and bodies while rolling on mind-altering substances. So my wife decided to do something about it. And tonight, our community is having our first ever "Consent Workshop". It's a guided discussion by a professional trainer, focused on how to navigate the conversations and permissions and ... well, the minefield, really ... of intimate (not necessarily sexual) relations. At the heart of the whole thing is the question, "Do you want to GUESS if someone wants to do something? Or do you want their enthusiastic consent?" Which is pretty fucking cool, if you ask me. Fumble around and wonder if it is OK to take her bra off, or ask her, and have her give you the thumbs up? That makes both parties equals, it levels the playing field, and also makes sure that people are actually doing what they want to do, and not just feeling pressured to "go along with it." Yeah. I'm a married monogamous dude. But that doesn't mean that I don't snuggle with female friends, or find myself in sexually ambiguous situations. So understanding how to communicate MY boundaries, is just as important as understanding the boundaries of the other people in my community. I'm looking forward to this tonight!
That is very fucking cool, there's so much about sex/sexuality that I want to write about on Hubski but just don't know quite how to get it out there yet. But consent workshop sounds like a fantastic idea, it's just a shame the sex ed in schools is such a let down it's necessary; though as you touched upon, it is something that is evolving within society and subcultures alike, so maybe it will always be needed.
b_b is making the Forever Labs team sign a sexual harassment thingy to lower our insurance costs. #sellout
I'm finding out that there are so many things that I used to say, "We will never do that," where the 'that' in that sentence is something that your insurance underwriter insists that you have to get the best rate. I'm not a fiduciary in the legal sense, but (a) I want our business to survive, and (b) I feel a responsibility to our investors and employees (many of whom are close personal friends of mine) badly enough that I won't spend a dollar that I don't see a benefit to spending. Hence, by this time next week, we're gonna have ourselves a sexual harassment policy, a fire escape plan, and whateverthefuck else our underwriters give us as a carrot. Insurance people might be more ridiculous than lawyers. They're just as evil, but so fucking polite it makes you sick. At least lawyers have the balls to be pricks.
In order to get my wife's business loan she needed a life insurance policy that named the bank as the benefactor. As a cosigner on the loan I did, too. Which meant in order for the bank to give us funds we had a surly Russian dude come out and give us physicals and take blood. I literally have blood in the game.
One of my favourite webcomics to have started in the last few years is Oh Joy Sex Toy, while some / most of the comics are effectively paid adverts they do have the occasional comic that touches on some good topics. This comic prompted me to add my first book on sexuality to my Amazon wishlist -- I've not bought it yet cos... I dunno... just not there yet.
LOVE that comic! I remember when it started, I read it religiously. But then, after being in a relationship for more than seven years, and having our fair share of toys, just regular ole sex is what does it for us. Fiddling with devices can be fun in the right context, but ... it gets distracting after a while. Toys are a GREAT way to start the "consent" conversation, though! :-)