This lady walks around in all black with a black blanket put over her head, covered in dirt and soot. It's like some kind of comic arson villain.
I've never felt like I had less ability to make useful change or that my actions were more futile than I do now a days. I think part of this is age and realism.
There was a lady near my house who was in the throes of a full blow psychotic episode today. Covered in scabs, near insensible, no shoes, dirty tanned as brown as mahogany. I talked to her for a minute to try and find out what size shoes she wore and came back with water (it's in the 90's) a snack and a pair of shoes. She needed all three of those things but I have no idea if she ever put the shoes on. I was a distraction to her so I went home.
She needed all three of those things but none of those three things were what she really needed. I can't call the fucking cops lest they beat her ass in an effort to protect her. There is a new mental health response team but it only operates in one of the 95 neighborhoods in the city. I couldn't give her what she needs but godamn she was in need.
The homeless explosion is overwhelming. Twice people have tried to break into my home while I'm home now, once into my sister in laws van which is in my driveway and which she is living in. Crazy Soot Bitch tired to burn my shop down. There is trash everywhere, there is misery everywhere.
If things were a little different I'd get the fuck out of here but they aren't and I can't, oh well.
I've been thinking about what I'm going to do next in life. I always thought that I would be good at sitting with dying people for Hospice but maybe I need to find a way to work with the mentally ill or homeless. I'm pretty tired of not doing much of anything besides giving money, a meal, a cup of coffee or a pair of shoes. Most the people I know who work with the homeless or mentally ill seem worn out by the system and lack any real hope that things are going to get better any time soon, I don't know if that's something I want for myself.
Maybe I should just pursue my dream of being a ditch digger.