I’m dropping off a few more applications today. Talking to someone the other day, they think the reason I’m not getting hired anywhere is because I make too much as it is and because of that no one wants to give my applications a further look. So I’m thinking of no longer filling out the pay history section of job applications. Anyone have any thoughts on that?
That job I mentioned the other week, that I applied for? The one I think would be really cool to work at? I haven’t heard back from them even after leaving a voicemail and all. It’s pretty disappointing, but that’s the way these things go I guess. I’m just kicking things into high gear at this point, because work is not going good anymore (not that it has been, for a long while).
Without going into too much detail, I’ve had this job for over ten years with the exception of that time where I got that new job but things fell through, found a different job but things fell through, so I’m back where I’m at. Over the past five or six years now, working at the place has been like sitting in the passenger seat of a car heading straight for a wall, all in slow motion. The things that have happened year over year has been crazy. Compared to when I first started, we’re at about 40% of the payroll hours of what we used to have. As a result, people are over worked and over whelmed and we’re at the point where it’s literally impossible to get done everything that needs doing in the course of a day. In addition to the slashing in hours, there has been layoffs and department shut downs, the cutting back of benefits, anything the company can do to save money even if it means they’re shooting themselves in the foot. That alone makes the place a ghost of itself. It’s worse though, in so many ways I don’t want to get into.
The scariest thing though, is the culture now. You guys know what a brain drain is? When a country’s economy starts to go bad so all of the smart, hard working people leave the country for greener pastures and there’s a positive feedback loop and every cycle things get worse and more people leave? That’s literally what’s happening at this company. What was once a place of encouragement and empowerment has been replaced by goons in charge and an oppressive bully culture. I’m not a lawyer or a business analyst or anything, but I do know some of the lingo and I know my rights as a worker and I think at this point and from my perspective, the whole company could pretty much be summed up as a hostile work environment. It’s a pretty normal thing now to talk to employees who are frustrated and angry and overwhelmed and scared and there’s gossip and backbiting and it’s hard to keep out of and things are pretty scary. Really scary.
Back to the car crash analogy, the wall has been oncoming for years. Without going into specifics though, some crazy scary crap has gone down the past few weeks I think we’ve finally hit the point where the car has come into contact with the wall and the engine compartment is getting crushed and glass is shattering and this vehicle is an ‘80s GM G-Body with no airbags and shitty seat belts. Things are fucked up, really bad, and it’s obvious they’re only gonna get worse. The crazy thing is though? On realizing this, I’m not scared or frustrated or upset. I’m gonna do my best to get out, like I’ve been trying, and keep my head up in the mean time. Other than that, I really feel emotionally detatched from what’s going on. I think it’s because I’ve wanted to rage quit so many times over the past year and haven’t, that I’m just in a mental place where my job doesn’t matter anymore. The only thing I’m scared about is the wellbeing of my coworkers. For quite a few of them, this crappy job is the only thing keeping their lives together and that’s pretty awful to think about.
At this point, I’d want to note I have a back up plan. One of my coworkers is a manager at another job and has been begging me to work for them for a few years now. Only problem is, it’s minimum wage. It’s nice to know though, if something happens to me at this job, I have a pretty much guaranteed safety net.
Also funny, my boss is trying to get me to come in today. It’s Christmas week and I have errands for the whole day (including dropping off those applications I mentioned). They asked yesterday for me to come in today and I said no, but I’d be willing to come in early or stay late on another shift to help out. They asked again today and got the same response from me. They’re probably dragging my name through the dirt right now in front of my coworkers, cussing me under their breath like they do whenever things don’t go their way, which is funny cause I constantly work extra shifts, come in early, stay late, never call in sick, and always give 110% when I’m working. Heck, the past four out of my six paychecks I’ve already worked past my alloted payroll hours. The one time I say “no” though? I become Villain #1.
New Years Resolution
I finally stopped drinking about two or three months back. It took me the majority of 2017 to get there, but here I am. I already miss it, quite a bit actually, especially when I see people on television drinking beers, whiskey, etc. Everything looks delicious. I have the same problem with smoking. I’ve been tobacco free for seven or eight years now but every time I see a cigarette or cigar, I want one. It’s nice though, to have that willpower over it. The plus side is, I’m actually a bit more productive now because lets be honest, you can’t take boozy naps if you don’t drink any booze. So what do I do with my new found free time? Chores. ::Half hearted cheer:: Yay. I love chores.
So what’s my new, new years resolution for next year? I’m gonna focus on being a more positive person. That means I’m gonna try my best stop making disparaging comments about people in power, governments (on all levels, domestic and foreign), getting into useless arguments on the internet, listening to others gossip, the usual. It’s a tall order and it’s gonna take some time to get there, but I think with practice, I’ll get good at it pretty quick.
Study Bibles and Qurans
The other week Dala had gotten a study bible as a Christmas gift for a friend of ours. She happened to pick one up for ourselves as well since she knew I needed a new one. I haven’t done more than just thumb through it yet, but it looks more than halfway decent. It made me miss my old NIV Study Bible though so I swung by the bookstore to see if they had one in stock. They did. For $100. I don’t remember how much mine cost but I’m halfway sure it wasn’t that much. So I think I’m gonna hold off for now.
That said, while I was there I figure I’d check to see if they have any Study Qurans to replace the one I lent out so many years ago. They did, this guy and let me tell you, it’s both really cool and a lot to take in. To give you an idea of how loaded it is, this thing is about three inches thick and the pages are as thin as you can possibly get (think tissue paper thin). When you start going through it though, you suddenly see why. On every page, only about the top third of the page is religious text. The other two thirds of the page? Information upon information upon information. We’re talking history, language, culture, on and on. This thing is detailed, almost to a fault. It’s not what I would call a fun way to read the Quran, partly because the religious text itself is in plain english (if language was a food, this thing would be white rice with just a touch of salted butter) and the format of only reading the top third of the book kind of hurts the flow. But other than that, wow, I don’t think I can recommend this book enough. I’m thinking about getting two copies to donate to my local Baha’i Center. It’s good for a library like that.
So yeah, that’s kind of life at the moment. Christmas is almost here Hubski, here’s hoping you’re all having an amazing close out to this year.