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Men go and come, but earth abides.

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Isherwood  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: February 21, 2018

I like this personality system called the enneagram.

Essentially, you find your type and it'll help you understand how you act in times of stress and times of success. By understanding how you act, you can recognize when you're in a low point. It also details why we sink to our low points and the steps each type needs to take to get out of it.

When I'm feeling low, it doesn't help to have my wife make a plan because I don't understand how I'm feeling. But when I use a system like the enneagram, I have a better idea of what's going on and can see why certain actions help.

It's a neat system.

Yeah, sorry. I wasn't trying to discredit anything. We've just started to seriously talk about starting a family and I think some unformed thoughts slipped out.

That's fair. If I wrote out why I chose my spouse I'm sure it would read pragmatically.

To me, it's some homogeneity of belief. I like the farm because it acts as a social safety net - if conversation gets difficult or awkward, you can retreat to what you know is a shared belief by everyone who's there. It keeps the connections from drying up completely.

I'm not sure I get the context of the Heinlein quote though.

No. I was thinking more about the mindset that creates an objectively good mate as opposed to the more subjective, romantic notion.

Man, I just can't buy into the only value (or primary value) of children being labor.

Nail on the head.

I think about this a lot with churches. My wife has been looking for a church that's more diverse. She found one that had a lot of racial diversity, but most of the members were in the local divinity program and she just didn't click with any of them.

Now we're at this farm where everyone has similar ideas on the value of food, but there are widely different backgrounds and beliefs (though most of us are white.) She likes this group more, but feels guilty because in her eyes it's less diverse.

In the latter location, we're exposed to a broader range of opinions and experiences, but they feel less diverse (to her) because they're all processed through a similar lens.

I'm not saying one's right - but I do believe a community requires some degree of homogeneity to at least start to mix together.

What a weird donut.

I feel like this thread has shone a light on how few romantics frequent hubski.

I don't know how much I buy this. My wife is one of three kids. Their mom raised them for a while, while their dad worked as a teacher. Then their dad took some time off while their mom worked as a teacher. They're all well educated and, for the most part, well adjusted and they were all planned for - but based on your premise they were working -2 jobs while raising their family.

I'm thinking about my sister who, with her husband, is very well off. And yeah, I'm sure raising a kid as they know it takes a massive chunk out of their income - their kids want for pretty much nothing. But I also think there are ways to raise kids that aren't so detrimental.

I'm not trying to say kids aren't expensive, but I do think there's a bit of a fiscal boogeyman around kids, especially among the well educated.

Man, there's some kind of irony or something in the space between people saying minorities don't need special treatment or attention, and those same groups making targeted threats against those minorities.

I can't put my finger on how to phrase it just right though.

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