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"I've got my head so far up my ass that I can see the future."

- Erlich Bachman

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This is one of those things where I'll never bring it up and I'll always I flip flop depending on who I'm talking with.

The website design is sick, I'm kind of in love with the Stripe style websites that have been coming out lately. There's some overflow going on desktop, just a heads up.

Clicking Download on the navbar and making it download immediately gave me a heart attack. At least distinguish the button with a download symbol.

I would kill to have some short gifs (instead of video) of the games that are featured. Clustertruck is the only recognizable game on the front page.

One thing that I've noticed in my life is that choice overload is a big thing with games. If I were to sign up for this, it would be to play a single game I had in mind, and then browse around a few games I've heard of, pretty much the same reason I used to download entire libraries of SNES emulator games.

Stealing this, because otherwise too much information washes over me.

weewooweewoo  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: June 21, 2017

I like this cafe though, I don't want to ruin that. Joking aside, I'm really discouraged about structure, but the agency job I had was difficult for me mostly because I had 13 different clients. I'll try it, the one barista job I had was one of the best times I had in my life.

Before I do that, I currently have a $6000 invoice that I am terrified of writing. I don't feel like I deserve the money, and I am not in a good place today.

weewooweewoo  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: June 21, 2017

I've spent the last 4 years of my life working in Webflow, as some sort of weird web design / artist / marketer. It's sort of a drag and drop thing. People like the websites I make, but I know that I'm not really a web designer, or a UX designer, or a professional in any sense, and it's really stressful on an existential level. I don't really know what I'm doing with my career.

And it's really lonely. I feel like I'm reading a book that half the people who know anything about it will laugh at me for, and the other half will know nothing about, and politely be amazed with the magic.

I'm kind of frozen with the amount of choices I have to go from here, can I PM you and ask for career advice?

weewooweewoo  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: June 21, 2017

On a particularly bad day last week, I looked into Talkspace (online therapy for people who listen to a lot of podcasts) and found out that their base pricing was $396 a month for 2 live video sessions and $196 for one live video session.

I thought it was too expensive so I looked into competitors, and 7 Cups came up. It's $156 for a weekly free trial that said it included 2 video sessions and that seemed cheaper so I signed up, which required putting my debit card in. In the intro session the interviewer said that no, there are no live sessions (I guess I misread the most important part) so I cancelled it in the settings.

I swear to god that I saw the $156.00 charge as a notification on my phone when I signed up for 7 Cups, but it's nowhere in my bank records nor in my Mint.com account. However, over the past week I got two $0.35 that I know is from them. Maybe it's crazy, but it's really stressful. Fuck, if I just wanted someone to talk to, I should just find a a cam girl. We need strippers for emotional labor.


The reality of my situation is finally becoming apparent to me.

I never really adulted. Conversations with my parents are awkward. They don't know that I left my job yet. I've been waking up early to go to a cafe in town and working on freelance stuff that fuck I'm too anxious to ask for payment for. And that's on a good day- I have other rabbit holes I can fall into, including crafting the perfect hubski comment or playing chess or working on a personal web design project or fuck if I know.

Every now and then I remember that Brittney Spears is under conservatorship and can't make major or financial decisions on her own. I'd kill to be Brittney Spears, I mutter to myself, at the cafe. I don't care if anyone heard me.


My ex is back in town. We're complimentary crazy and aloof, they're changing their name and gender and I can't help but wonder if they're doing so to make it harder to write about them. It's a red flag that my hanging out with them needs to be hidden from their current boyfriend, among other things. I am anticipating that any sane person is going to tell me cut things off with them, but we are liars to our families and to our friends and ourselves, so we tether the truth for each other. It's not really beneficial to cut off things with them right now.

weewooweewoo  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: June 21, 2017

I gotta admit it, F bombs are clickbait to me.

It's bizarre to see this comment, because this morning I sent out a job description to hand off the editor-in-chief position for the journal. I'm eager to finally get this guilt ball of a project off me, but I still get a lot of joy from hearing what people think of it as a project. Thanks for the comments you left, they make me feel like I'm ending the project on a good note.

My life looks nothing like the schedules posted. I felt like I needed adulting school for awhile. I'm a little better now, at the time I was functionally broken.

I liked your post on flow. When I first learned about it, I had never heard of the goal setting parts of it. I always thought that taking the time to set goals was antithetical to MY-CHICK-SAI-HAI-YEE's theory, but I learned about it in an intro to philosophy class and interpreted it to my food service jobs and my love of procrastinating and panicking to finish homework in college. It's a lot harder to find flow in my freelance work, but I've kind of resigned to the fact that it will usually take me 8 hours of "work" to do 2 hours of real work, 2 hours in a real flow state.

I've been thinking about how I reach flow state in the video games that I really like. I'm the type of person who loves the feeling of coming up with ways to optimize on the fly, more so than sticking with the optimal plan that I came up with the day before. (Stardew Valley / Harvest Moon / Factorio / Disgaea 5 come to mind as games I wanted to emulate) I came up with a system that gives me a lot of guidance while being simultaneously open ended.

I've been chasing after flow lately (and making sure that I don't fall into rabbit holes) by prioritizing through a data sheet I made, loosely grading the amount of passion, income, and learning I'll receive from each project. Then I multiply the scores against each other, (for instance, passion * income = survival), and then have been prioritizing doing the projects by sorting by which has the highest score for the time. It's been helpful for the last two weeks for me, I'm unsure if it'll help for you as well.


But I am a longform.org addict.

Weird question. Half a decade ago someone on reddit recommended Milan Kundera's books in a comment somewhere, saying that Life is Elsewhere is the best of the bunch. Was this you? This thread reminded me of it and I binged it.

The Poet Masturbates, haha. My name is Jaron, and the main character's name is Jaromil. If it is you, well, thanks for influencing my self obsession.

I've been thinking about this comment, I promise I haven't ignored it. Mostly in regards to how I can change my lifestyle, and how I've failed to cultivate habits conducive for a healthy mind, even though I've always seen my love of learning as the main driver in my life.

I'm a freelance web designer who likes reading Longform.org articles. And non-conversational podcasts. General infotainment. I also have a lot of trouble with internet compulsion. I spend at least 10 hours a day on the computer, to do 3 hours of work. Most things interest me, they contribute to one giant idea of the world that I have in my head.

I think without a stable backing, I'm free to learn to a detriment, to ask questions of all of the shades. All is interesting.

The devaluization of thought has been on my head lately. It occurred to me that on any given day, I'm probably consuming 2-5 thoughts that click with me, as if they could resonate throughout my life and I could base the entirety of my thoughts around them. One good Nautilus article. One good poem I feel the need to read out loud. A Youtube analysis video on a great movie. A song I want to become friends with. These ideas spend increasingly shorter amounts of time in my head as I encounter more of them.

I yearn for that feeling I got the first week of college, when the many introductory professors had filled my mind with persuasive arguments for how their field encapsulated the entirety of human experience, and it clicked to me while sitting in a coffee shop- "Everything is connected!" I spent that week starstruck, in love with an idea and the way it danced, the way it gave space and voice to other ideas it interacted with- if an idea was a person, this "Everything is connected!" would be the kind of person who walked with gravitas, would ask questions and be genuinely inquisitive of the answers she received, would be the type of hiker who made sure to stay slightly behind the slowest person, who knew that in their head, always seeking to bring the best out of people.

Over time, I've treated "Everything is connected!" terribly. I've danced with tens of thousands of other ideas and there's an embarrassment of being seen with her. She is pop poetry, and it seems as though the more I encounter, the less likely I'll ever enjoy her the same way, the longer it'll take for me to recall how it felt, the easier it'll be for me to confuse her for someone else.

Just another stepping stone to bigger ideas, I guess. I never want to take that away from someone else.

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