I've been pushing myself more lately and it's really starting to feel euphoric in a way. I realized it the first time when I was ice climbing and I had to look within to find the encouragement to keep going when I was out of conversation distant from the belayer. I could ask to be let down but I couldn't talk them into letting me give up and that pissed me off. I had to decide that on my own and I had to own that choice completely. It felt really fucking good to own the choice to keep going.

I'm experiencing the same thing with snowboarding, the guy teaching me is supportive and clever enough to ride far enough ahead that I have to keep getting up if I want to keep talking to him about all the things I can't do that I really can do as soon as I push myself. I push myself because I want to keep up with them. This has been a pretty interesting development in my life right now, it feels like reigniting that fire to explore and grow we all start out with that life sometimes dims. Half of my thoughts here came together in the moment so I don't really have a clever conclusion here but fuck I feel like 2017 has been a good year for me.