Well, I am, but I'm also particular in what I'm looking for, and it's not that easy to find.
I would bet a pitcher the next time you’re in Banff that you’re just afraid to really be vulnerable so your relationships don’t get to that next stage. What millennial doesnt have that problem, honestly ? A guy I was seeing in the summer helped me realize this, and it was a casual thing the whole time. Basically if he didn’t want a relationship I did and the second I didn’t he wanted one. It just went back and forth. As long as the guy isn’t asking a whole lot of me emotionally I feel great and the second they want long term I think of every reason why it’s a bad idea without even realizing I’m doing it. Well now I notice when I’m doing it and I’ve been doing a pretty good job squashing those feelings and actually letting myself get close to somebody. You’ll figure out whatever is stopping you.
Mmm, I don't know. Can't think of any instances the past few years where somebody has wanted a more serious relationship and I've said no. Can think of two instances the other way around, where I have asked. Though, come to think of it, I can't even think of having been asked in the past few years. Maybe there's a reason for that? I might be in Banff in late June / early July.
Saaaaame it’s because my brain decided I was afraid of commitment but let me believe I wanted it so that fucker kept going for emotionally unavailable guys. That way when I experienced this desire for commitment I had already set myself up in a situation where it wasn’t going to happen without even realizing it. So one night summer guy and myself are planning to talk about where this relationship is going, and I wasn’t actually sure what he would say. I was pretty firmly in the “want” group before we were going to talk and as soon as this conversation was inevitable I pivoted quickly to the “omg I don’t want a relationship right now” group until he said he wanted to keep things casual and I wound up in the “sad because obviously we would be great together if he just gave it a chance” pit of confusion. I ain’t proud. Although, it did make it easier to evaluate my thought processes having them laid out on such a short timeline. He did the same thing. As soon as I didn’t want one again he would start to feel like a relationship was a good idea. Prime patio days. Can think of two instances the other way around, where I have asked
Hah, it's not even that. Things either fizzle or blow up before that conversation even happens. Or in the two instances, it's a no, and things blow up a couple of weeks later.
mhmmmm, I know that fizzle and I know that blow up. I also know I pushed away every guy who was a good fit because I got scared even though my brain came up with a bunch of not very important personality flaws to cover up my anxiety. It might be something different but it's worth evaluating your motivation a bit more. I could easily keep on thinking that I pick apart every good guy's personality because I actually found a bunch of things I don't like but I've realized I only do it because I'm afraid I will like it. Funny timing, I actually realized yesterday that my favourite bars are always dive bars but I fought it. I don't fight it anymore, I know who I am and I know what I like. I think every time we decide we like some thing we are putting a piece of ourselves out there. Every time we decide we like a person we are putting a pretty big chunk of ourselves out there. Are dive bars perfect ? Hell no, but they make me happy and that's what's really important.
That's true enough, but sadly I'm not sure what if anything one can do to accelerate the process.
You either change your expectations or accept the fact that you are likely to frequently be an un-partnered person.
Oh, I meant in terms of accelerating the process of finding someone.