A few days ago, a woman messaged me on the social network. Said she liked my comments under the Harry Potter fan group posts, so she wanted to get to know me. Said she never tried it, but there we were, chatting. I suspect her breaking her leg the day prior and spending all her time at home may have had something to do with it.
Getting quite popular in the same fan group by doing my best to speak the truth, despite not being a member. One of my curator friends is a member, though, and because of that I get occasionally recommended the group's posts by the system. Sometimes, I comment - and likes come running. It helps that the group is predominantly occupied by girls and young women.
I used to be preoccupied by others' attention and appreciation. As notifications for likes and replies pop up, I notice that I enjoy it, but it no longer holds sway over me. I'm learning to speak the truth - the kind of truth I know with my heart to be true, which includes expressing my own thoughts. Some things I say sound harsh to the echo of my soul from a few months ago, but unlike the pretense I used to put up not to harm others, it no longer makes me feel guilty. The tension is still there when I speak the truth, but my heart no longer races, as if it justify the intense guilt I do my best to suppress.
With the truth, comes calm that I've been yearning for for so long.
I'd like for more people to come to me to get to know me. It's not because I'm too timid to reach out on my own, though there's nothing to not admitting some tension remaining about rejection. It's because I've put so much effort into reaching out to others - to no avail, because they were the wrong people - that for once, I want to be desire, not to desire myself.
Soon, I'm going to embark upon the journey to find me an apartment in a city that has rent market as a good deal of its tax profit. It's going to take some running around and a lot of calling. Most of the number will belong to a rent agent saying they're "not exactly an agency" but also "not the owner". I'm okay with that: that's the reality of things around there. Got my eye on a particular apartment on a pretty cool street. If the number's still on the board by tomorrow, I'm setting up the appointment. Any tips on living in a private house? Anything I should be looking out for?