This in the first one that really hurts and makes me reconsider some stances. I don't know why she left, but I've always been of the stance of "when the redditors influx, give it a few weeks of shit before the assholes leave." But they haven't left and now one of my favorite contributors is gone, and I wonder if it's time to take a bolder stance to ensure the culture of the site isn't threatened.
That's a major part of my point. The culture of the site isn't immediately clear to new users, as it isn't with most sites immediately. But no one ever listened to the time-wisened knowledge of "lurk moar." Since we're so small, a ton of redditors will come in at the same time, believe we're a reddit clone, and will treat it like a reddit clone, none the wiser that what they're doing is contrary to what we are trying to do here. It's not their fault, it's just that since they came in with a bunch of redditors, their experience here is.... a bunch of redditors. It's hard to try to quantify and lay out to people the difference too. Saying "we care about personal relationships with other users" and "your network of people, ideas, sites, and connections is a vital component here" and "the experience is truly more in line with a coffee shop, or a pub, or any sort of local hub with people you love than an internet community". These are abstract ideas, and ones that other sites will use, and ignore, and they think it close enough to reddit that people will start to get angry at central components of the site, telling the people who have been here for years that they're wrong for wanting it one way or being resistant to change. And don't get me wrong, we value new ideas, but the angry vitriol people come in isn't new. You know how many times we've had to fight users about the mute function? It's tiring. I understand not wanting to put up with another month of assholes coming in and ruining something you love. I understand having a socialist, feminist safe space cut out for you on the site, only to have it shit on by assholes who don't get it over and over and over as new people come in. The important thing is the people like you who come here, don't want to step on toes, do want to understand, and do contribute a very large amounts of good quality. But that's such a minority on the internet. That's why we're small anyway. People will come in, self-centered, see a platform to preach their stale language from, and will be angry when they're not given voice. Reddit serves that masturbatory sense of ego, where here, if there are people who want to listen, they will. If people don't want to, they won't, just like in real life. If you have the self-awareness of "I've made bad habits", and "I want to learn", and "I would hate to step on the culture". you're a hubskier that we want here. That's what we strive for. If it's the people saying "I want to shape this place for my voice", get the fuck out of my coffee shop.
Literally every single slap fight I've had with new Reddit refugees has been "old makes way to the new" "but it's the old that attracted you here" "but I'm new and therefore better and therefore STFU." You remember how much blood and treasure was squandered over muting? As it turned out mk rolled out the feature I wanted, exactly as I wanted it. Go to "settings". "Filter users less than 2 days old." OMFG it improves your experience. Gives them a chance to get their sea legs and it gives me a respite from watching them orient themselves to a culture not built on pandering and flame wars.
I think part of the issue is volume. Say there are 20 active members who essentially guide the disucssion, mood, community feel, etc, of the general site. If you get 50 new members, even if each of them only sticks his or her foot in his mouth once, all of a sudden the whole pool is looking really, really shitty. I will be honest that the waves of new users in the past few weeks has driven me more away from Hubski than otherwise. I am sad about it, and it is not because I do not like people in general or as a whole. But I'm not here to chill with new users, I'm not here to watch people fall for bait, I'm not here to hold hands and share fluffy bunnies, I'm not here to pretend or put on a friendly mask. What's most unfortunate to me is that I feel driven out, instead of that I should and can defend my territory. I guess the other option's the pass of thermopolae? This, by the way, is why I'm so gung ho about a 30-day free trial and then, pony up your cash. If that would make a potential user decide not to join, I'm very, very fine with that.
you can't see but i'm banging my fork on my fruity drink glass in agreement. it's very loud. i've been on hubski for ~800 days. I don't think I first started commenting or getting involved until at least 100 of those 800 days (partially because I forgot about hubski) because i wanted to figure out the ropes before i jumped in. i don't understand why that's so difficult. rinx tagging you here because i'm muted on dear OP's post. you're attempting to tango with the devil and i am going to advise you now that it's not worth it
I'm new here, but I've been told you try to talk out differences, so I figured I'd give it a shot. I keep trying to talk to him rationally, he just ignores me so far. Is there a way to filter him for just that tag? He keeps posting things with interesting conversations elsewhere, then trolling the feminism and gender tags. I'm a little disappointed he has so many followers. I thought hubski was different but right now 3/5 top posts in #feminism are mens rights clickbait.
If you had a friend in real life who was blatantly sexist or blatantly racist how long would you be willing to tolerate the racism or sexism because you sometimes have really interesting discussions? Would it be after the first time they said something really terrible in public? Or the first time you were embarrassed to be out with them because of your conversation or their attitude. Would it be when you realized that everyone else who knows your friend knows that they are a terrible sexist/racist, and when they see you two pal-ing it up, they think that either you must be ignorant, or also sexist/racist? Do you think it's possible this user deliberately posts interesting content outside of the racist/sexist discussions, in order to a) hide his wolf nature in sheep's clothing, b) convince others he's not a troll, c) be that much more successful in his trolling? LOL do not blame Hubski for this. You can blame waves of users who may or may not have arrived recently, but Hubski has over and again been a place to defend minorities (race, color, gender, etc). I have had many great vehement discussions about it. Some even with this-user-who-must-not-be-named-because-we-care-so-much. Ben will tell you that when I want to I come down like a hammer. But if there are 50 new people on a site having discussions I've already had with people I've already figured out are trash, I am not going to spend the energy. That's not fun, it's not social media, it would be a god-damned job. My theory is that that user is just the trollingest troll playing a long game. Obvious trolls are obvious. A troll who appears otherwise sane and reasonable and even funny or nice to talk to - now that's a troll that will work, and can stick around. If you are repeatedly engaging with this person outside of his areas of trollery, you are making him appear more legitimate to other users. Trash should be taken out to the curb; ignorant people who like to pick fights and act innocent should be muted, filtered, and hushed. You will find that they bother you less. I'm a little disappointed he has so many followers. I thought hubski was different but right now 3/5 top posts in #feminism are mens rights clickbait.
Heh you're kinda assuming some things about me here. I do have sexist friends. Not many, but a couple. I keep them around because ignoring them means they go on being sexist. We have occasional debates about it, but more importantly they see the unfair things I struggle with. Even if we never see eye to eye, we learn from each other. If it gets to the point where knowing them is bad for me I'll happily cut them off, no problem. But for now, my goal is sharing and expanding each others worldview. To me, hubski seemed kinda about that too. I'm not blaming hubski, although I do believe grendel is proof that the site probably has some kinks to work out. It's hard to invite my friends to the site. "Hey check out hubski! It's different from reddit! Women are welcome!"
"Um.. rinx... why is the 3rd post down about whipping feminists" "Oh trolls are a very small minority, you can block them!" "yeah... that's what people said about reddit" For me personally he doesn't bother me. Like I said, I know people like him in person. Once you've met them it's impossible not to feel sorry for them. I would like to see him have less representation in #feminism, so that's why I suggested us consolidating on a tag to filter.
I think the difference is though, that while you and your friends disagree sometimes, you can still have civil conversations and healthy dialogues. My best friend and I for example, we agree on almost nothing, but that doesn't get in the way of our friendship because we have an honest respect for each other's opinions. With trolls, it's a different story. They often choose belligerence for the sake of belligerence and when you discover that they're not there to be reasonable, sooner or later you have to decide how far you really want to go to work with them.
Sure, my point is more, I'll always start with an attempt at real conversation. If it's obvious I'm talking to a troll, or it's something that is unhealthy for me, I end it. Otherwise I try to keep the pipeline open even if I disagree with people. Grendel's an obvious troll, but probably also a really unhappy person. I don't regret at least attempting a reasonable conversation, although I won't keep doing it.
Trash should be taken out to the curb; ignorant people who like to pick fights and act innocent should be muted, filtered, and hushed. You will find that they bother you less. I know myself personally, that I've rubbed a few people on here the wrong way, even though that was never my intention. When you put so and so's behavior exactly like this, I start to wonder if that's how my actions come across as well. I think, especially for those of us who have come from Reddit or other sites with an ingrained culture of confrontation and belligerence, really need to stop and be careful of not only what we say, but how we say it. At the same time, I know this is a frustrating period for a lot of Hubski veterans, and though it's not my place to say it, a bit of patience on their part is definitely appreciated. Unless someone's a complete dick. Though, how many of us really wake up in the morning and say "Today, I intend to be a dick."?My theory is that that user is just the trollingest troll playing a long game. Obvious trolls are obvious. A troll who appears otherwise sane and reasonable and even funny or nice to talk to - now that's a troll that will work, and can stick around. If you are repeatedly engaging with this person outside of his areas of trollery, you are making him appear more legitimate to other users.
There's no rationalizing with this one. You can go through my past comments and see what happens when you try and have a real honest to gosh conversation. I think if you filter the user, you won't see their posts in a tag. The real tag you wanna use is #grrlski
I will personally shout him down. If hubski is my bar, grrlski is my barstool. And you don't get to shit on my barstool without me making a big stink.
Suggestions as to why it's not done more are: * most of the people who notice how badly the place is being shitted up because of him don't get the chance to tag him; they nope out when they see him dominating activity stats and getting shares * those who filter in the hope that enough filters will eventually get him globally filtered don't see his posts * troll watchers want to watch the fights * the majority here are from privileged demographics and still think it is genuine discourse and use the free speech card despite holy fuck look at what that did for reddit. But anyway, some people have started tagging him #troll, though then someone went way too far and mk and insomniasexx (rightfully) had a sad.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I can take it. He can't mute me on my own posts.
We've used the bar analogy a lot and when I stop and think about it, I've always left my favorite bars after a while because the vibe changes as new regulars populate the place. I feel like if there were a few such places on the internet where I could go and bump into familiar usernames, I'd feel less annoyed by influxes. I don't think that any of us wants to feel that we have to maintain anything, especially for something we're doing in our free time. For me, over the past few influxes hubski has started to feel more like a chore.
For it to continue. In real life this is done through things like tradition, common history, food, language and family. Other than, "welcome to hubski! did you check the primer page?" and "lurk moar!" what can we do? Take everyone by the hand and show them how we've been doing things? Sounds exhausting to me, but cheers to anyone who has been trying to maintain the site culture.
Keep participating. Welcome people who are doing it right. Give the cold shoulder to people who are doing it wrong. Don't feed the trolls. Eventually some people decide this isn't the community for them, some decide this is the community for them, and the trolls realize they're foaming at mouth in an empty room. It's a fragile thing and stops working if an overwhelming number of people want to come recreate reddit, but I don't think we're anywhere near that point.
I was just remarking to mk that I think something like 99% of laws and rules are made to protect people from the 0.1% of people out there who are complete jerk offs. With regard to the internet, it's amazing how far one really committed troll can bring down a site.You know how many times we've had to fight users about the mute function? It's tiring. I understand not wanting to put up with another month of assholes coming in and ruining something you love. I understand having a socialist, feminist safe space cut out for you on the site, only to have it shit on by assholes who don't get it over and over and over as new people come in.
And that's what it always is, unfortunately. Before it was mreiland, before that teamrajoncal or something like that. The names stick with you because it's always that one dedicated chucklefuck. It just feels worse this time because usually a flux is a month, a month and a half, and the person makes some grandstanding nuclear meltdown of a post and leaves. But with how it's been non-stop fluxes for two months now, it's terrible. It provides him with new venues every day, and it makes him the face of the site that everyone sees. It's extremely frustrating.
hidden posts: 0 hushed users: 46 muted users: 30 filtered users: 149 filtered tags: 20 filtered domains: 1 I don't screw around with filtering users.
Hush is my first line of defense/first reaction. Hush is for when I feel you are a person behind your username, and I want to give you a chance, but damn do you piss me off. I usually hint at it when I've hushed someone because I tell them, "Hush, you." I hush people when I still want to give them a chance.
My thinking is: Spammer? Filter. Posts things I don't like? Filter. Posts things I don't care about? Filter. User I like who infrequently posts something I don't like/care about? Leave it, not that big of a bother. Don't see much of a point in using the hidden post feature given how much control I already have over how my feed looks.
I'm almost the opposite. Hardly any mutes or filters except for a few #technology spammers. I think it might be because I hardly visit global... hidden posts: 2 hushed users: 10 muted users: 6 filtered users: 12 filtered tags: 0 filtered domains: 2
Or you're substantially less combative than me. Keep in mind: Every chucklefuck flameout Meriadoc mentions hasn't been "fuck you Hubski" it's been "fuck you Hubski also kleinbl00 is your butt buddy and I hate him" or "fuck you kleinbl00 also hubski because you're kleinbl00's butt buddy. I think Hubski attracts the thin-skinned, and a lot of them harbor an untested notion that they're cleverer than most. It's difficult to disavow them of this notion gently, and until they are disavowed of it much of their discussion is flavored with "you're wrong because I'm clever, mommy told me so." It stands to reason that I end up as Bubble Burster In Chief 'cuz if you don't have a thick skin you got no business moderating a default on Reddit. Little-publicized fact: the FPH fiasco caused at least one moderator suicide. this stuff is realer than most people realize.
These two statements are not mutually exclusive. Do you consider "internet crush" and "blind worship" synonyms? You are not the first person who has observed, and attempted to leverage, that flippant remark as if it denotes a deep, significant, connection - for some reason some small subset of people sees that "I have an internet crush on kleinbl00" and assumes not only that I am a slave to him in my devotion, but that I must be enlightened, freed from my crush. And that it is THEIR duty to disillusion me! If you cannot disagree with someone you have a crush on you are in for a very hard time in life, relationships, and dating. If you cannot perceive flaws in those who you admire and enjoy, then you are either not very perceptive or willingly blind yourself to negatives. Neither of those traits describes me. You know what having an internet crush on kleinbl00 means? It means that when we disagree (and we do disagree), I make a conscious decision as to whether I want to engage or not. It means I sit and consider, "Is this discussion worth it?" and sometimes I think, "Nope." It means that sometimes, when we disagree, I sit back, consider everything about myself klein doesn't know, ponder how he must have an equal or greater share of such items in his invetory, and I think, "He thinks he is right, I think I am right, it is not harming either of us to think that, and to prove would be exhausting. Let us both instead be happy, and continue to enjoy talking to each other." Thank god I'm the only one claiming to have an internet crush in this discussion tho' cuz damn I don't want to know what the other side of it would or wouldn't look like. If anything, I strive to simply accept the internet user for who and what he is. It is impossible for two strong personalities not to clash heads sometimes. If my bio said I was a pistol-totling pussy-whipping rattlesnake-eating half-Mexican half-Asian cowboy learning the tricks of the rope trade to train in the rodeo, would that somehow be relevant to this discussion of whether I "only agree with [a person] when I agree with them"? No. Would you believe it? Does it matter? Nope. A person who cannot see, acknowledge, even appreciate the vast gulfs that exist between us all - the ones that get deeper and bigger and vastier as we get more emotionally close - a person who cannot accept fundamental differences, is a person who doesn't know what affection is. That is a person who thinks love is weak, simple-minded, dependent on another to be led, wholly reliant on its object in order to take shape. I do not worship. I do not grovel. I do not, as they say, put the pussy on a pedestal. I accept humanity. tl,dr: i's a dik
i'm singing britney spears after reading this so you can tell how my friday is going
Wow. It was a tiny joke. I don't care if you agree with kleinbl00 on issues or not. Like not even a little bit. And this isn't about you 'accepting users' or any larger philosophical comment. It was a little joke. It's not my duty to disillusion you. I don't even know you. But as this is the first time I can remember talking to you, I hope this isn't you putting your best foot forward to a stranger.
I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope I can change your mind one day. Though I looked around at our comment history and there aren't many interactions worth mentioning, not because they were good or bad, but because they weren't much of anything memorable. I don't know what I said that got you so riled up, but if you ever want to fix it and move on I'm happy to be a part of that.
I think of The Moon is a Harsh Mistress and how on that colony they didn't have any particular laws. If there was a problem, either man could accuse the other and find a third party to act as judge. After hearing the case, the judge would give a one time verdict. I have to go back to the book to fill out the nuances, but it was an interesting idea that didn't rely on tomes of preexisting rules and let the community deal with problems as they arose.
Here here to this. I was one of those that came in the Reddit exodus and it is a bit jarring to see some discussion take on more of a Reddit-y tone. I much prefer Hubski simply for its more soothing and, I guess, cerebral atmosphere (without sounding like a bit of an ass) and I do hope that the community tries to maintain that.
Damn...this is equal to when eightbitsamurai left (before he came back, which...yay!) for me. Bad thing to read right after hopping on Hubski.
is an overstatement, the only reason there's no "user_inactivated" is because a search party would be sent for me and steve would probably find my address and just knock on my door one day asking where I went. I only ever show up now when someone @'s me, lil makes a post, or there's another influx and I get one of these or these or hey look another one because I can't help it my snark meters override anything else And yeah yeah yeah bad apples blah blah blah just mute them blah blah discussion blah blah but I just want to talk about how I'm a racist asshat blah blah blah but shit ya'll like I said before, I can just choose to not have to deal with people combing through my history and posting on shit from weeks or months ago telling me that I'm wrong/racist/dumb/angry/etc, and even if that last one is true, the choice is what makes it so FREEING. Plus if you mute #askhubski 1/3 of my front page disappears so there's that, hacame back
This is what I'm getting at, too. When racist asshats dominate everything, it makes it preeeetty fuckin' clear to POC that this looks just like reddit. I've been racking my brain for a week about what better things we can do to moderate out scum, I've been picking the brains of other users, I was talking to mk today, and the few ideas I have will piss off a number of people no matter what. I find it worth fighting for though, so I'll push ahead as much as I can, but then again I'm not asked to defend my stances on race relations every single day. Oh wait, a racist asshat made sure there's been a thread in my feed every day for a week to tell me white privilege don't real. He must be right.
piggybacking off that, 8bit isn't just being required to defend his stance on race relations... he's being asked to defend his own existence.
I'm pretty sure the answer is "stop engaging," and I'm pretty sure not enough people get that for it to be effective. If we all decided a shitty user was shitty and no longer fed that user attention, there wouldn't be such a problem. To be honest I've had that one we've been talking about all day triple-modded for so long that when people started to post about him, I had to go looking to figure out what the issue was. Yes you should stand up against someone's racism. No you should not make a habit of giving a racist an audience.
What if you didn't have to stop the asshat from being an asshat, but their comments were rendered invisible to you? Almost as if they were muttering to themselves…
It's a great idea that I like a lot, along with a block feature that mk and b_b were talking of earlier. My bigger issue is the image that is put out. The asshat we're talking about has made himself present in every post recently, so new users first experience is going to be... a vitriolic racist red piller. It would still be great, because as users will go on, they'll see that people have applied the Mutter option to him so much he never gets responses.... except from new users who don't know yet. Imperfect, but it's still a step that would do a lot.
Posts highly-muted people make are hidden from global, comments on others' posts are not though. But then again, false positives in posts on global are only slightly bothersome. False positives on highly-muted people having their comments would be a lot worse (and easily abusable).
I cannot blame you, bit. mk What if we didn't allow new accounts to post to askhubski? :D :D I'm mostly kidding, but also, god damn do new kids like to ask questions that have already been asked and aren't that interesting. Seriously I would care about your goal of the week if I cared about you, (pick a user at random). But I don't. I don't know you. I have no reason to care or to share except maybe a bunch of people will think my goal is cool and spoke me or comment vaguely flattering things about it at me. I know this is going to sound crazy but I don't get off much on other people's validation, especially when they're all hollow masks of a crowd. So I'm not going to share a goal just so other people circlejerk it. And also, person who asked that question: I don't mean my comments personally, I just picked the last askhubski post I could remember that wasn't something completely stupid like ("when's your birthday?"), seriously, please don't have a shitfit. I hate everyone posting in AskHubski right now and it has only the littlest bit to do with actual-you.
I sincerely miss you posting more often, and I fully support whatever mod decisions that are made that allow you to be a fully active and contributing member to the community here. If a space can't be made for you of all people I don't know who the hell else can call it their internet home. Also, I'm going to @ you in every comment I post from now on. You're on summer break now, yeah? How's it going so far?
Gratsi to you + everyone else that posted. Oh yeah I forgot this was Pubski. This summer I have: Fasted Lost 10+ pounds Picked up Skullgirls competitively, did not win a tournament
Played Ace Attorney Played Rune Factory 4 Picked up Roy for Smash, did win a tournament Worked I guess, whatever Read some books Went to New York Got a second job Moved to a better apartment Probably other stuff but it's not important
Just visited. Skullgirls is awesome, I've never done any competitive fighting game stuff besides Smash but the tutorial is so thorough that I pulled off a combo like half an hour after reading it. Also the design is amazing and soundtrack is bomb. Cool beans all around.
woah, you've been getting shit done! Second job in your field or a college stop-gap? I've always wanted to do a fast, but I get seriously bitter and snappy about everything after 6 hours without food and I can't conscienably do that to my friends. Happy (and hopefully peaceful) Ramadan, btw
It's kinda in my field, foot in the door, so to speak. I would say with fasting the intent is half of what makes it easy. If I go to work and forget my lunch, I'm going to be cranky and pissed for the rest of the day. But if I wake up in the morning and have the intent to fast for the rest of the day, it's significantly less stressful.
that makes sense, I'm gonna give it a try once I get home. I've not been eating nearly as much as I used to which (which was A LOT, 2-3 mission burritos a day a lot) but I think I've been priming myself for something a bit more rigorous. Did you do any caloric intake at all, or just water/assorted teas? And the foot in the door is way to go, congrats! Connections go a long way, and something tells me you've got some rad ideas that would merit the support they can provide.
First full week of HRT complete! last month was just anti-androgens, this month I have those and a lower dose estrogen. I've also lost about 20 lbs since I got home in May, so I hate myself less.
You shouldn't hate yourself at all. You are an awesome person and +/-20lbs ain't going to change that (hopefully :P ).
the weight is just a part of it. You gotta remember I basically look in the mirror and hate what I see. this whole process is about trying to improve that situation ;). Thank you for the compliment on me, the person, though. I try to be a good hubski citizen and think you're pretty great too.
I have had like 10 interviews in the past week, by phone and in person. I FAR prefer in person. I am considering three different fields right now. I had two great interviews today, but there are undoubtedly people with more specific experience interviewing as well. It's an awful and demoralizing process. Thankfully, I have a strong resume, but still, nobody likes to sit there and be judged for an hour. You imagine all the other applicants are more articulate, more accomplished, younger and more attractive. Younger, that's a new one. For the first time in my career I don't feel young. I'm pretty much middle-aged. So weird. I need to channel the powers of Mike Myers. Please wish me luck. Those of you that care, I'll be pretty sparse around here the coming weeks. A lot will rest on insomniasexx's hands. Be nice to her. Be back soon! Hopefully with some good news, -TNG
GOOD LUCK TNG GOOD LUCK 10 interviews is amazing. Clearly your resume or contacts or both are GETTING you the interviews. That's the hardest thing for most people. I'm glad you had "two great interviews." You didn't ask for my thoughts - but I'll dump them down anyway. Might be helpful for someone: I wonder if there's a way you can change your internal experience. Instead of seeing it as being "judged for an hour" - maybe take the attitude that you and the interviewer are sharing some time together for the best possible mutual outcome. You want to help the company find the best candidate. Kind of like a courtship. Courtship, sigh. The trick is to be both confident and humble. You are the smartest and most dedicated, but you also know you have a lot to learn. You know you have a lot to learn, but you also know that you are a quick learner. In one job interview, I told the interviewer this: "I think I know what you are looking for - you want someone who will energize the department, who will be innovative and create a lot of partnerships with other departments." -- something like that. Actually, the interviewer had not framed what he was looking for in quite that way. My statement got their attention and eventually got me the job.
Recently I've been feeling a little withdrawn from hubski. There's SO much new content. So many new users. So much dust settling. And today I've been reading current and old posts about muting and hushing and filtering and it reminded me that I've been muted before... I only know of two times, but it could be a lot more. The first time I knew I was muted, I reached out to the muter, we discussed the matter, and I'm not muted anymore. Sure, I had to eat some humble pie, but also, when the muter realized I wasn't really TRYING to be a dick (but I admit that I sounded remarkably like one) we worked it out. The second time I was muted - I reached out on a few occasions, and never got unmuted. It's a huge bummer to be muted when the user shares great content - but you move on. Looking at some of the other posts in the pub today... I find myself wondering "am I one of ButterflyEffect's 149 filters? or am I hushed? At this point, I know cgod would tell me to move on and it doesn't matter. I am a little torn by it though. I don't lose a lot of sleep over some one not liking my comments... but if I'm getting muted... am I unknowingly walking around like an asshat and I don't realize it? I don't live my life by other peoples' opinions of me. But I don't want to be an asshat.
No. But you don't have the advantage that you do offline. You are one of the more intellectually generous and nonjudgmental people I've known. It's hard to make those qualities come through with text all the time but I'd be surprised if anyone with an open mind could very often think of you as an asshat. You are a kind person who is open to a wide range of experiences, I think those qualities are going to usually shine through. Anyone who mutes you probably has some issues to deal with that aren't really about you. On the other hand, I'm often a cantankerous dick and probably have earned a number of well justified mutes.am I unknowingly walking around like an asshat and I don't realize it?
re: filtered / muted / hushed. Nobody that I regularly interact with on this site is on any of those lists. In fact the vast majority of those people are people who came during influxes and stopped using the site within a week, so the numbers are very inflated. I'm very judicious in curating my feed so whenever we have a lot more people show up I spend some time culling a lot of them.
No worries! Your comment and the context of it caused me to think "that is an astonishingly high number, isn't it?" and based on your comment I don't want anybody here whose opinion and input I value feeling uncomfortable thinking anything along the lines of what you just posted - especially since those are exactly the people who are not on those lists.
Went to the Efteling yesterday with friends to check out their new 123ft, 90 degree dive coaster. It gets the Veen Seal of Approval. I love the mining theme they've given it. I'm also starting to pack my stuff to fly to California this Friday. Trying my best not to forget anything important - my checklist is already 20+ items long.
I'm probably going to get some stuff from the pharmacy to get me to sleep during the flight - I leave my home 6:00 am, and will arrive in the hotel some 18 hours later. One 11h flight, a transfer and a 2h flight. Seriously considering pulling an all-nighter Thursday just so I can sleep on the damn plane. Nevertheless, the experience and the people I'll meet will more than make up for it. I'm looking forward to stay there for 1.5 weeks!
I very rarely manage the dream of sleeping through a long flight and I've done some long ones. I'd advise against the all nighter just because if you don't manage to sleep through the flight you'll feel like absolute rubbish upon arrival. Anyways, I wish you luck and many happy memories. The places I've been to in California have been nice so I imagine you'll have a blast.
I've been friends with her for four years. Recently, I started seeing her 1-1 and I thought I would be able to maintain our relation as it was : just friends. But I started having feelings for her. I really don't know what to do. She's smart, funny, friendly and extremely beautiful and I'm going to tell her tomorrow what I feel because I will not live with that "what if [...]" in my head. It's probably going to be very awkward. She's probably not going to understand but I have to be honest about my feelings. Emotions are really not my area of expertise and I'm probably going to spend some shitty weeks after that if it goes down the wrong way.
Dude, no! Don't confess your feelings. Ever. Under any circumstances. Ask her out directly and honestly. And if she says no, just say it was something that crossed your mind, but no big deal. Honesty is the best policy, but only when presented in a way that is attractive. Women want to be taken out on real dates. They don't want the pressure of someone who's in love with them from minute one. I don't know how old you are, so I'm not lecturing you specifically, but this is something that's lost on our current youth. (Looking at you galen; I saw your post, bro; fuck snapchat, call your girl and tell her you're going to take her somewhere---anywhere dammit, but a real place to do real things in the real world!).
Man I wish I had gotten this drummed into my head at a younger age. Would have saved me a lot of time and heartbreak.Honesty is the best policy, but only when presented in a way that is attractive. Women want to be taken out on real dates. They don't want the pressure of someone who's in love with them from minute one.
We went to eat at night two times in the last two weeks (just the two of us). I'm seeing her tomorrow in an afterwork thing, she invited me. The thing is, I feel like it's always in a friend-setting and to change that mindset, I feel like I have to tell her my feelings towards her or it's not going to change. I don't sms/snapchat her except for asking her out to dinner (but I think in her mind it's a friendly dinner, not a date, as it was for me too before I had feelings for her). I'm 22.
| People want to be taken out on real dates. They don't want the pressure of someone who's in love with them from minute one. FTFY
As a woman who has asked a number of guys out... Confessions are awkward. Asking people out is less awkward. (Though it can have bad effects on a friendship sometimes too. IME closer friends are less likely to have their friendship destroyed by it though.) Also, it's just kind of a pet peeve of mine when people give advice about "women" when what they're saying is really "for best results, treat this woman as a person." A lot of things aren't that specific, you know? There are some generalizations you can make about people of different genders, but IMO a lot of the best dating advice is of the form "treat this person how you would want to be treated, were you in that situation." And I'm pretty sure having someone confess their love to you, when you don't feel the same way, is just uncomfortable regardless of your gender. Whereas having them ask you out is a little bit easier to move past because it's a smaller escalation of the relationship.
The more bravely and confidently you handle this, the less awkward it will be. "Uhm, yeah, I know we've, like, been friends for a long time but, uh, I kind of, er, want, like, more. I think. Uhm." is going to be terrible even if she feels the same. "I'm having a really hard time not thinking about you and I'll hate myself forever if I don't try for more" will plant a seed even if she shoots you down. And if she shoots you down? Don't be awkward, don't be weird, but don't for a minute pretend you're going to let things go back to what they were. People think that relationships are like glass - you have to break them to make them something else. They aren't. She might turn you down this time but if you believe in yourself and let her see it, you'll get another chance. And maybe another. And eventually she'll succumb. I knew my wife for nine years before we started dating. Shit, I was her second husband.
Thanks a lot kleinbl00. I'm definitely going to try to handle this the best I can. I like the thought about planting the idea in her head even if it's a long shot. It's worth a try.
Once I get into a decent college I swear I'm just not gonna enroll and flee to Paris to start a subway mariachi band.
Funny you say that. I was thinking about running away myself and becoming a wandering, do good cowboy. I could use a troop of mariachis to follow me around and play fitting background music. I know this would require a lot of commitment on your part, so I'm willing to pay handsomely in pennies, sometimes nickels, and the occasional sweaty sock.
I've discussed this with the band. Los Pollos Hermanos is pleased to join your posse. Olé!
Am in Paris. We are standing by to welcome subway mariachi band + do good cowboy with champagne and stinky cheese.
Hear that nowaypablo? We're committed now. I guess I have to take a few french classes to get back up to speed.
Funny you say that. Kinda like this? I have hired a couple of mariachi bands for New Years Eve parties. And some bagpipers once for a NYE party to come in playing Auld Lang Syne at midnight. He said they would only play for 30 minutes and I asked if that is because their lungs got tired. He said in a proper Scottish accent "Oh God no. If we played any longer people would try to kill us." But they ended up staying a few hours and jamming with us anyways.
There's an El Camino near me for sale. Freshly painted, body looks near mint. I'm really tempted to get it. I don't have the cash to spare though, or the place to keep it, or a way to appease an angry wife when she comes home to find a car we don't need sitting in the driveway taking up space we don't have. . . . I still think I'm going to give the guy a call.
"Baby, don't get mad at me! It's not my fault. nowaypablo said it was inevitable and I agreed with him, so I just let myself give in . . . What? No! I am not sleeping in the bed of the truck tonight. That's not how this marriage works . . . Okay. Fine. Whatever. Where's the fucking sleeping bag?"
I've been banished to the bed of the pick-up truck since July 4, but I haven't told anyone except thenewgreen and _refugee_ and wasoxygen. I guess that's quite a lot of people. I'm getting used to living in the pick-up truck. The weather's been great and I parked it by Lake Huron. There's even a guy here who's been making all the meals. They said I could stay as long as I want, but I'll have to make a foray back to the city tomorrow morning. Damn.
Both relative terms, so pick your poison. The difference in asking forgiveness is that you've committed a sin of omission, whereas if you ask permission and are denied then you are forced to commit a sin of commission to achieve your ends. Commission usually trumps omission in degrees of evil, so it is both "better" and "easier" in my opinion. But, I agree that the saying flows better when using 'easier.'
idk i just googled fruity drink but damn doesn't it look good, especially while i'm still stuck in my office
For what it's worth I'm with you on the choice of drink, and I didn't imagine the hookers and blow until OftenBen mentioned them, but now I can't unsee them. Maybe everybody should just post a nice photo of their favorite beverage. Then it really will be like a pub: everybody drinking exactly what they ordered!
I'm going to spend down my bitcoin today - especially to pubski posters. mk - if I circledot people who are not among the bitcoinski illuminati, does my bitcoin get dinked -- does my donation % to hubski still stand? For research purposes: Yesterday was all about amassing bitcoin. Today is about spending. Waxing and waning. I will see if there's any correlation. Is bitcoin like love: the more you give, the more you get back?
Can I be a saint if I'm not Christian? I might be up for IRC, especially if there's a theme. Quatrarius come forth with a theme? -- or anyone really.
Was recently introduced by a friend to a young lady who attended one of my performances of As You Like It and apparently think I'm cute. We chatted/flirted for a while through Instagram, Snapchat, texting. She seems really cool: plays guitar (classical and electric), is into philosophy and film. Oh, and I think she's cute. I will almost certainly ask her out soon. Damn my leaving for college in a month! (Then again, this is the perfect opportunity for a fun, non-serious relationship. And there will be many fish in the sea of Raiders.)
This is my experience, too. After taking a long time off, I can do about 12 clean push-ups. After a week or two, I can do 20, and after two months doing 30 feels as easy as walking down the hall. It's definitely worth sticking with it.
It may help to make them easier for a bit. You want to be getting close to your goal reps (although 20 is already a ridiculous number). Try putting your hands on the edge of your tub or the toilet, or even counter (be careful though). This decreases the weight on you hands (which I've found for normal pushups to be about 2/3 bodyweight).
Haha, same! Started yesterday. Sore all over, it's great. My roommate is a defensive end on a college football team and is a finely tuned fitness fanatic. He's really knowledgable about it and I'm taking advantage of it. Here's to gainz.
that reminds me that i meant to start back up yesterday... i can get in to the gym tomorrow after work though :)
are you using SL/SS 5x5? i could use someone to keep me accountable, even if it is just someone on the other side of the hub
Really funny you say that. Earlier this week I called up one of my old boxing coaches to see if I could swing by his new(ish) gym and say "hi." I'm not going to get back into it, I'm too old, but I think I might observe some classes from time to time. Keep my knowledge on the sport fresh. Keep at it though. You'll get back into the swing of things soon enough.
I was only able to box for a short time, for about a year, before a medical complication arose that will forever sideline me from contact sports. However, I was literally at the gym for four to five hours a day, three to four days a week, as well as private sessions. So I while I'm no expert, I did learn a great deal. I miss it horribly though and I'd give almost anything to start it up again. My wife though, I think she likes the fact that I'm home. I'd recommend starting Muay Thai back up if you can. I dabbled in it for about a month or so, but it wasn't my thing. I'm sure you already know, but at most MMA gyms, the Muay Thai they teach isn't genuine Muay Thai, let alone Muay Boran, but more Muay Thai techniques as molded for MMA. However, what you do learn will still be very effective, especially if you ever want to dabble in the idea of competing. As for finding an MMA gym, they are really starting to crop up everywhere now. They are definitely becoming the new hotness. What's absolutely great about MMA, as is with boxing, is that because it's a sanctioned sport, the people involved have genuine fight records. You can look up the history of the coaches as well as the fight teams that represent the gyms and see what their records are. The numbers alone give weight to the value of the gym.
I actually wasn't a huge fan of Muay Thai to be completely honest. A martial art style I always wanted to learn was Pencak Silat. My friend who lived in Singapore for a while studied it, and it is a very interesting art style. I always wanted to master a style, but I never really had the time to dedicate to it with work and college. I was hoping that at some point I would take 6 months to just study an art for a while, and see how I felt about it afterwards.
Silat (of which there are many, many styles) seems to have shot up in popularity almost overnight. I'd personally be a bit wary of learning an esoteric style such as Silat, just because if it's not common it's hard to tell if you're learning from a good school. One of my friends absolutely laments that there is no place for him to learn Sambo. Though if you have the opportunity to check it out, jump on it. You might learn a thing or two. As for being a dedicated student, don't worry about committing to an art 100%. The majority of people that go to these gyms do so as a hobby, six months on, six months off, sometimes skipping classes for other things. You get out of it what you put into it, and if you're not looking at competing, you don't have to give it your all. Myself personally? I was never going to compete. I wanted to learn boxing to be a coach. That's the reason I was always going myself. That said, you should still find a good school so you find worthwhile techniques. If you're gonna learn something, it's best to learn it right.
That's what I figured. Besides going to Indonesia or any of the surrounding states it would be hard to find something that is authentic. That is a huge issue I see now-a-days with martial arts. It's hard to find schools that are teaching the authentic principles of the art. Yea, I have no interesting in competing, but rather to learn the art or style as a hobby.
That's always been a problem actually. It's just that the success of MMA has brought to light how bs some of the more "traditional" styles are. Competition weeds out which techniques are effective and which ones are sorely lacking in merit. Even if you go to a school that is authentic, that doesn't necessarily mean it's good.That is a huge issue I see now-a-days with martial arts. It's hard to find schools that are teaching the authentic principles of the art.
Well for gyms that focus on MMA, Boxing, BJJ, and Judo (until the fallout from IJF's recent policies really start to hurt the style), for them the proof is in the pudding, competition results. Competent coaches plus good program regimens plus dedicated students = wins. For other styles, such as Karate, Krav Maga, Tae Kwon Do, Wing Chun, etc. it's very difficult to figure out which schools, if any, are decent. If you ever visit forums like Sherdog you'll see that they're not held in the highest regard for a reason. Still, if those are the styles you want to learn, it's a good idea to look into those schools with your bullshit meter running at 100%.
Yeah, for sure. I've mostly been looking because it's hard to convince my fiancée that the gym is actually fun. I did ju jitsu as a teen and really enjoyed it, so I'm mostly looking for enjoyable ways to get in shape. I have a strong suspicion that the competitive nature of most MMA gyms would be a turn off for her, and it's not like we would be looking to compete. All that said, there's definitely belt mills and I'd like to think that I can smell most of the time.
A lot of the MMA and Jiu Jitsu schools are much more open to women now. Some even offer women only classes to make women feel a bit more comfortable. Since the styles have really come en vogue in the past 10 to 15 years, gyms are really starting to jump on it. You'll find members of all ages and walks of life in them. Everything from your redneck mechanic to your white collar lawyer. Once you walk through that door, put on your gi/gloves, who you are outside the gym doesn't matter. You're there to learn, grow, and help others through the same process. It's a pretty awesome thing to see.
For sure, I loved my dojo growing up. They were always really cool and egalitarian. I guess I've just been turned off from MMA gyms as back when I was doing all this was when MMA was first starting to hit mainstream and everyone that I met that was doing it had that highschool jock attitude of "Holier than thou" and "Your dojo doesn't participate in the UFC feeder events, so it's obviously shit".
You'll get that elitism from time to time when it comes to anything that involves competition. MMA, football, hell I've even heard of men's softball clubs that are full of goons. One of the things that a lot of people don't consider though, is that a lot of the people who talk like that in the MMA world are literally all talk. They often scrub out relatively quickly. There are literally thousands of people who are better then you. They can outroll you, outbox you, whatever. If you have a big ego and it depends upon you succeeding, you're not going to do well. Conversely, if you're a person who values hard work, dedication, and learning and can stand to be humbled from time to time, you're gonna grow. Everybody at the gym that I went to was very mature and well composed and they're more than happy to help you out, especially at the beginning. I also think a lot of people who "practice MMA" and trash talk haven't been in it for long. They see the trash talking you see when companies like UFC, Bellator, Invicta, etc. are promoting fights and they think that's the general attitude of the fighters. That's not the case at all. The majority of those people are awesome and down to earth. In fact, you'll constantly see them stop to talk and take pictures with fans, even when they're just having a day at the mall with their family. The trash talk you see on TV is part of a two fold system. It's a psych game for the fighters and it's a marketing tool for the promoters. It should never be taken as an indication as to who these fighters are. True, you'll get some goons that stand out from time to time, but that's true in any sport. They shouldn't be a representative of the whole.
Started work this week! Even though that meant flying back to the east coast. The program I've been hired into seems to be setting us up for success as managers down the line and apparently the company has a five year plan for us. Very exciting times. I've never been as cogniscient of who I am and confident in myself, and it's weird to feel that way as it is a new experience. I think this will be a good new chapter of life.
I just launched site #2 of the week. randomuser helped me a lot with this one. It's for a romance novel author and her sexy, sexy books. It's only 4am. Not bad. I'm actually pretty proud of this one. The design didn't get destroyed. The client was a delight to work with. I used CouchCMS again which means I got to just crank out clean and semantic HTML/CSS and not fuck with the layers and layers and shitshow that is Wordpress, et al. And the invoices were paid within 24 hours. If only every client, and project, could be this fucking awesome. Goodnight. I'm going to sleep for a few hours before i get on the phone again to drum up some more business.
oh my god i've read this author Don't judge me, cowboy romances are the best.
Lol, I think my favorite part about working on this was the titles. Inheriting a bride, roping a billionaire, order a bride, lassos a bride...
I mean, you aren't wrong, but... what kind of porn do you consume? Surely the objects of your fantasies are super-idealistic to somebody. At the end of the day, these self-indulgent fictions (whether written, graphic, etc) are mental happy places that I think people should be allowed to enjoy without fear of reprisal or offense to others, so long as everything that goes into the making of them is legal and consent-driven.
Well, yesterday was the first day I went back to my apartment and really felt like I got home when I got in the door. Up until that point it had really just been 'The Apartment' but not 'My Apartment, if you guys catch my drift. I think having a few dishes in the sink and a bit more furniture makes a big difference. It's really strange to go from always living with someone, and usually a lot of someones, to being by oneself. I wish some days that I could split myself in unequal halves, the majority half going to work and the remnant staying home to tidy up, unpack boxes, etc.
I'm hoping to take a course on neurotechnology in the fall though, so in the mean time I'm trying to sharpen up my very vague understanding of how brains work. I've been making slow but steady progress up the structure of the brain. Unfortunately memorizing has never been my strong point, and already much of the anatomy is dissolving into "a bunch of nuclei here, some nerves there, tracts running this way and that."
Don't feel bad, I actually worked in a neurobiology lab and still need a post-it with the cardinal directions :( I need a mnemonic for them already
The best (read: worst) thing about trying to memorize anatomy is that fucking everything has like 3 names, especially in the cortex. There's a Brodmann's number, and then the name that references where it is anatomically, and then it's also named after a person who did significant work on it. Like Brodmann 44/inferior frontal gyrus/Broca's area. Anyway, I'll stop bitching. Why are you going to take a neurotechnology class? What do you want to do with it? :)
Partially out of curiosity, partially to try something that's more out there for me, and partially because some of the people I work with use methods from it and I'd rather not have my barrier to participation be having zero clue how it all works.Anyway, I'll stop bitching. Why are you going to take a neurotechnology class? What do you want to do with it? :)
I love this site. I love everything about it. I've never truly felt at home on the internet, even on things like social media, but here, here I feel like I'm truly myself. I don't need to impress anybody, I don't feel pressured to be witty or smart, but I do still feel accepted. Every interaction I've had here has been pleasant. Everything I've seen has made me love this site even more. I've had people help me out with problems from how to properly brew coffee to how to understand certain aspects of math. This is the only site that I feel not only allows for, but actively encourages meaningful conversation the likes of which I have seen nowhere else. I feel like all of you are my friends, and I've experienced with my own eyes how helpful and welcoming all of you guys are. I didn't feel this deserved its own post, and finding out about pubski just made me feel like sharing. You guys stay awesome!
don't take it personally. you're probably better off. also i got very excited perusing your profile because i thought you were an American University student. i just graduated from there last spring and would be ecstatic to find out a hubskier went there.
I've been on Facebook about 36 hours, and I'm already sick of it. It's nice to connect with people I haven't seen in ages, but it is just so full of useless stuff. Plus, I have no idea how it works. I'll get notifications (which I should probably turn off, before my inbox dies) that say someone posted a comment to me somewhere (is your Wall still a thing?) but then I can't find it where I think it should be. That's the way life goes.
I just facebook as a chat client for people who are not technologically savvy enough for a real IM or I don't really know that well
Facebook is a good way to find out which friends and relatives are marginally retarded. When I remembered I could block posts and did it to every meatheaded meme one of my cousins shares it became much better. Better meaning 90% Onion and NPR stories. Luckily my particular personality disorder shields me from the emptiness many would be filled with the impersonal reality that is my Facebook. I care more about some people here than I do for a woman I slept with when I was 17 who's entirely too old to be making the duck face in every picture
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Mustache update: I have secured some wax to style my new found hairs. I realized today that one of the kids (i.e. my age) I work with assumes that he is smarter than his coworkers that didn't obviously grow up middle class. I don't know if I should try and nudge him away from that or not. Probably not, as I don't really know how to, but it isn't very endearing of him.
I have an interview to extend my student visa (I'm an American in the UK) for my masters coming up on Saturday and I am just super, super nervous. I noticed a few mistakes that I made on the online application and even though I've typed up a cover letter explaining them, changed the errors on the printed version and initialled them, I still keep getting stuck with the sinking feeling that they'll reject my request for that reason alone - which means I would've lost out on a ton of money and I'd have tp apply AGAIN which is just a pain. It's been really bugging me the last few days, sorta sucks. Luckily I've been doing plenty of writing and playing Witcher 3 to try and keep myself busy...
I'm feeling more like myself than I have in so long...I'd almost written off the possibility altogether. I'm so grateful, even under the circumstances.
Fell asleep last night around 930, woke up at 3am. Watched some shitty Kevin spacey movie where he is an anti death penalty activist. So terrible I won't bother looking up the name. Went into work around 8. I stripped and painted the 5 20 or so foot pillars on the patio. Took all day but it was nice to get the job done in one go. Got off, drank a 8oz double Ipa, and a 4oz imperial stout to ease my bones. (If you're ever in Dayton Ohio stop by toxic brew, I work there but I still thnk objectively we have some pretty top notch beers.) Now I'm about to hop in the shower then go hikng till sundown with my lady. All in all, awesome day. I should get up early more often.