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I haven't posted much, and I mostly lurk now-a-days. This post was something I connected with. I'm not sure exactly how to respond or if there is a right way to respond to this, but here I go:
I hope that you continue to scream into the void if only because I can hear it. There is comfort in knowing I'm not alone. I haven't lived enough years to say anything meaningful about your struggle, but just know you aren't alone. Keep fighting and never let your voice be swallowed up.
I'm gonna say my more painful or sad experiences. This is in no way speaking for everyone else, but the creative pieces I have always returned to were born from my deeper conflicts manifested in word (in my case). They serve as deep breaths in an already complicated day to day. Some of them are dramatically overdone, or too soft to mean anything to anyone. All of them though have pain, sadness, anger, or doubt tied to them.
Been lurking most days now, but figured I'd stop in to say hello. I ended up getting a job a couple of months ago working for a market research/election research company. It's been a lot of fun so far and I'm learning a lot about both fields (even though currently I'm leg-deep in election research). Things are going well though and it feels very comforting to be employed.
I would get the Switch personally. I have one and that console is fantastic little thing. The games are really interactive and fun. Super Mario Odyssey has a lot of little puzzles and things to collect. The switch still has some motion controls. I've enjoyed everything about the console and it has a lot of parental controls for you to manage your kids playtime.
Holy mother of god. Star Wars was so painful to watch. I'm so glad I'm not alone. I have all these friends telling me I'm out of my mind for feeling the way I do. I legit left that movie confused as to why I wasted my time watching it. The one thing that frustrated me more than anything is the Force Awakened spent an entire movie setting the groundwork for the universe only for it to be completely wiped away in TLJ. I was alright with the concept of them wiping the slate clean and moving on from the old stories, but I never wanted it to be executed so poorly. I mean TFA was the first movie of the trilogy, but so was TLJ. Now we get to move on to the last film in this trilogy, except we are still only at the very beginning. I just have no clue what they were thinking with this film.
Just quickly to run through my gripes with the characters:
Snoke? Who is he? Oh, he is dead. OK.
General Hux? a comedic punching bag.
Phasma? I'm sorry who is that? The silver stormtrooper? Yea that doesn't ring a bell? Anyway, dead.
Kylo? Still mad for whatever reason
First Order? Slowly chasing some low tech rebel ships through space, can't catch um though. Dreadnought surface defense destroyed by one tiny ship.
Poe? He is a leader, oh he is not. He is hot headed, and must learn to be a leader? Oh OK, kinda generic.
Leia? Force sensetive? No full force user? Wait what?
Luke? Sad because he made a mistake of assuming Kylo was already lost. Even though his dad had the same issue, and he held out hope then?
Finn? Is going through nearly the same plot arch he did in TFA.
Rey? She is a good guy.
Resistance? Still resisting kinda.
I mean there are a ton of political issues outside of net neutrality that the government skews to near dangerous levels. Probably even more so than net neutrality. Those are the 'things' I'm referring to mostly.
The reality of it is, things are going to suck probably for a good portion if not all of our lives. If there is one thing I've learned is everything is an upward battle. You keep fighting you keep doing everything within your power physically and morally. That's all you can do. You just have to come to terms with the fact you will probably never enjoy the fruits of your labor.
It's definitely an experience to keep a journal. I found my writing to be a lot more truthful. It's definitely a place you can be brutally honest and still consider it healthy because no one is going to read it besides you. In some of my entries I'm a whiny little shit, but I can't be angry with myself because I would have preferred that whining to go on in the pages of a book no one will read rather than in my everyday life.