This community is a nice place, and I would like to be a bigger part of it. So I figure the best way to do that is to show up and start saying things.
I recently came to the realization that vulnerability is hard for me and always has been. I've always felt like a peripheral in groups: Accepted, but not an integral member. I used to think that I had some quality that prevented me from being fully accepted, or that my social groups were just lacking that depth. But I realized the reason is how unwilling I am to be real with people. To be seen as imperfect, and to show things like pride, bitterness, bewilderment, and jealousy. And to empathize when people talk to me about those things, and not act like I don't struggle with them too.
I've been reading Deep Work, and it's really eye opening for a lot of different reasons. It made me realize that I rapidly bounce my attention between different projects, and end up making substantial progress on none of them. So I made a list of all the projects I want to accomplish, and it's huge. Make web apps (and learning web development in the process), Finish learning Liszt's Liebestraum No. 3, do my new blog, write an ebook about FPGA development... too much to do at once. The next step is spending time prioritizing the most important projects, and then scheduling long blocks of time where I only work one thing, until they are done. This means I have to stop thinking about a lot of interesting things because I don't have time for them, which is hard.
I've also been reading The Name of the Wind, and it's so entertaining, but I just want to scream at Kvothe. Just... settle down, play your lute, make cool shit, be friendly to Ambrose, and things will blow over. You're causing most of your own problems. It's not fate that Hemme and Ambrose hate you and are doing things to mess up your life. You caused that, you little shit. Learn some diplomacy and get over yourself. Some people are jerks, but success is more important than revenge. You can take physical beatings but can't stand even a nick to your precious ego.