I engaged my dad in a discussion about systemic racism and racial inequality in the UK today. He doesn't believe it exists. It's only a problem in the USA apparently. Most of the arguments I made were dismissed with the reasons of "that's the way they choose to behave" or "they're genetically predisposed to be that way". I pressed him on evidence for those claims but couldn't really nail anything down. I was more forthcoming with the basis for my claims but I don't think my arguments were good enough. I am committed to reading more and gaining more knowledge so that next time I am in a better position. Still, I was saddened to see this reaction from my dad, even though I half expected it.

The 38 days since I posted this poem have been a blur. I wrote it not long after we got the news that my aunt had committed suicide. I live with mum and game daily with my cousins so I encountered a lot of powerful emotions in the weeks following. Never have I felt empathy-based emotions so strongly before. The initial rawness appears to have passed now but I have no doubt that there's a lot of healing still to happen.

Otherwise, things have been good. My exercise and strength training has been going well. I'm really happy with how my music is sounding at the moment, even if I could be working harder. Nearly all the houses surrounding our communal garden are now occupied, which is nice. It really feels like a community now and seeing people in the garden every day helps lessen the isolation of lockdown. But most importantly, I am going to go kayaking again soon. I can't wait.

I've never seen you that way before

beside me

broken

few words spoken

few words needed

I've never felt this way before

I feel my own pain for the loss

but rawer within me is the pain you feel

a second-hand grief

I guess by your use of the word 'trudged' that you don't rate Horizon Zero Dawn too highly? It's coming to PC sometime in the future and I was optimistic about it.

I enjoyed my time with The Outer Worlds. Good catch with Vicar Max, I hadn't made that link. I think that the companion characters are some of the strongest bits of the game. I especially enjoyed how they interact with each other.

But yeah, as you say, the story plods in the middle. Then it's like: psyche! You're actually halfway through the final act. Wait, who exactly is the antagonist? Oh well, here's the final mission.

I was also disappointed by how little weight it felt like your decisions had. There's the one big decision you make on the first planet which feels impactful. And there's a cool potential interaction with a companion too during the decision. But after that, nothing felt that important.

In a funny twist of fate, the writer for Outer Wilds has now been hired by the creators of The Outer Worlds. Potentially to work on the sequel.

Also, if you have a spare 15 minutes, there's a good video of the devs of The Outer Worlds reacting to a 12 minute speed run of their game. Obvious spoiler warning if you haven't completed it yet.

I think you may be talking about the RPG The Outer Worlds. A decent game but not a patch on Outer Wilds for me.

Outer Wilds is an adventure/exploration game about a solar system stuck in a time-loop. There is no formal objective. Instead, you search the solar system as you please to learn about an alien race that came before you and their purpose in what is now your home.

An easy mixup to make considering their similar names and the fact that they came out in the same year.

Has anyone else here played Outer Wilds? I completed it a few days ago and I can't stop thinking about. Plenty of games have had an emotional impact on me, but none quite like this. I feel a sense of emptiness now that I've finished it. Perhaps that sounds pretentious, but it is genuine. It's hard to talk about it without spoiling it. Every moment is filled with such imagination and depth that a relatively small game world feels huge. It puts most sprawling open worlds to shame. I think it may have become my favourite game of all time. Play it.

I've been training pull-ups for the last few months and progress has been pretty good. It's interesting to see the sharp initial rise in reps as your muscle memory improves and your body gets used to the movement. Then increases become more gradual once improvement comes down to strength/muscle gain. I've also been blasting the core workouts which are never not brutal. But it's all to keep me in good stead for when I can get in the kayak again. I was supposed to be going to Slovenia in June to kayak on the literal paradise that is Soča river. Oh well, maybe next year...

I've been taking an online course in logic and critical thinking. It's something I've been meaning to do for a while, but the comment that johnnyFive left on this article I posted was the straw that broke the camel's back. It was at that point that it became too clear for me to ignore that it's unsatisfactory to read an article and just think "hmm that's interesting" without really examining it further. So thanks for helping me push back the dark. I'm coming to the end of the first part of course and I've already learnt a tonne. It started from the very basics, but it's been super useful and I dig the conversational, in-depth style it has. I'm looking forward to learning more.

Yeah, I love this website. A personal favourite from my travels on there is Japan's Shonan Beach FM.

Another cool 'radio' site is Radiooooo. You select a country and a decade, then it plays the relevant music.

I have sun-tinged childhood memories of riding in our Land Rover Defender to primary school whilst 'Lovely Day' played on tape cassette. The same Land Rover which I photographed for one of the Hubski daily photo challenges 6 years ago! I'm going to listen to it now and remember a legend.

It's a bit of a jump to take what I said and end up at 'doing what you love is mostly shit'. Though 'often' was an overstatement on my part.

The overarching point I was trying to make is that just because something is your passion, it doesn't mean that it's not going to be hard work. Sure, sometimes the hard work seems like nothing and 11-hour sessions fly by. But other times everything seems unnecessarily hard and it's a bit of a slog. People can underestimate that.

Also, good times can be quickly followed by bad ones. Every creator I know has stories of spending many enjoyable hours on a project one day, only to review their work the next and realise it's shite. That's not a fun experience. The process is ultimately fun and gratifying, but it's not always so in the present moment.

That's the case for me and others I know. If it's not for you then more power to you.

I think that some people have a mistaken belief that the only thing standing in the way of them being productive is the amount of free time they have. Then suddenly they have all the time they could ever want and they realise it's not that simple.

Yeah, it's easy to be productive at work when you have a load of external motivations imposed on you. But working hard on personal projects during your free time requires intrinsic motivation. You have to build up a different sense of discipline and new working habits. Often it's not going to be fun, even if its something you love. And all the time your brain is trying to convince you just to chill with a video game or TV show. It's hard. oyster also makes a good point about productivity being different for each person. If you don't define those expectations for yourself, you're going to be lost from the start.

To top it all off, we're all feeling extra anxiety and stress from the current situation. That's been enough to stymie people who have already built up that discipline. So having a load of free time due to being quarantined is not some golden ticket to productivity.

Thanks, it caught my eye straight away. This is the company that makes them if you're interested. They have a whole range.

I could probably safely do some flatwater paddling by myself. But I don't drive so can't get to any water without other people's assistance anyway.

Maybe I should buy a bicycle trailer.

Social distancing is going pretty okay for me. I already worked from home. I always did my workouts and yoga from home. It's sunny here at the moment, so I'm getting a nice lunchtime walk for my government sanctioned one form of daily outdoor exercise. On Fridays I jump onto Discord with my friends to chill and play some Jackbox games. DnD is still going strong via group calls too.

The only thing that sucks is no kayaking. That sucks pretty bad. But I appreciate that it's barely even a footnote in the grand scheme of shitty things at the moment. For now, the wooden toy I bought in Canada has me dreaming of the good times to come.

I need a better chair. This one is getting uncomfortable and I'm sitting on it now more than ever.