Earliest open ever!
I have been swamped, but am starting to find a rhythm to life after the lab.
This week I built a pretty nice plant stand with cast iron pipe and some reclaimed oak boards. I'll take some pictures tomorrow.
Also, I finished this painting a few days ago. It's the Eagle Harbor lighthouse on Lake Superior. My grandfather was stationed there in WWII.
Looking for my next subject.
Thanks. He was in the Coast Guard. I imagine it was mostly to protect shipping from weather more than the Nazis. I know he was involved in at least one major rescue when a freighter broke up.
I wonder if they ever feared enemy infiltration of the Great Lakes.
The government had taken control of all shipping in the United States during the war and after. Food, resources and manufacturing moved in the great lakes was a humongous part of the after. Food shipments after the war prevented mass starvation.
It was the greatest conversion of a capitalist economy into a control economy ever. It killed a lot of Naziz and Japanese. Great lakes shipping was a big part of the war effort. Gramps was a cog in the machine.
Love the painting. You seem to enjoy landscapes, which is awesome, but have you thought about doing some nature themed still life? Maybe a fallen leaf in a puddle or something. There's something about trying to recreate the little things in the world that can kind of get you feeling philosophical.
Thanks. I know what you are saying, but for some reason I'm not feeling the 'study' subject matter. I think it's because I am looking more to paint atmosphere than the objects themselves.
I do want to try my hand at portraiture at some point, though. People have more than their features that need painting.
A big cup of winning please, barkeep.
As I mentioned the other day, a friend of mine and I organized a meeting for a group of engaged and interesting people who want to get more politically active, but don't know how best to use our time/efforts/money. We had an amazing group conversation with about 25 people, and had an elected City Council member, a public servant appointed by a Mayor, and someone that ran a large lobbying organization for many years, who all participated to help us understand exactly how to work in the system, and have the biggest effect.
So we got to see how policy is formed, how it moves through the system, and the various forces that act upon it along the way. We also figured out how to get more active, individually, and established a trusted group of people who are going to work together on specific issues.
Several of the people are actually going to run for public office, as well!
It was a huge success, in every way. And our next event is coming up next week, and we have two more scheduled after that, so we are setting new habits and expectations, rather than just having a feel-good event and then going about out daily lives the same way we always have.
It feels good.
Also...
Went to an amazing show last night to see possibly the final reunion of the Circus Contraption Band, along with Devotchka, Jason Webley, and Vince Mira. We closed the place down at 2:AM, then the wife and I went out to breakfast together. Got to bed about 3:AM, and am totally useless today... but what a great Valentines Day!
12AM Pubski feels wrong somehow. I suppose it's more realistic though.
Going home this weekend for 3 nights. I've got a date lined up, and a party with which to kick back. I won't be bringing the date to the party. Just happy to talk to a girl that isn't from my school-- they're very strange here.
It might be worth an hour of therapy in advance of my date to avoid unloading myself on that poor girl.
e- dont be gross you know what I mean
Can't think of a way to explain without sounding really dumb and/or offending one or both genders. There is a dramatic personality and attitude change in a lot of cadets, much different from what I'm used to, that occurs when they come here-- largely due to a male-to-female ratio of 4 to 1.
The idea being that both young men and young women placed into a high-stress environment will behave in unpredictable and maybe 'abnormal' ways to cope with that environment? This effect being exacerbated by skewed gender ratios?
Whoa, slow down there Cadet Pabs, that's some radical stuff.
HEY HUBSKI
Found in the alley behind the bike shop.
Here's a more uptodate picture of me. (Also sometimes found in the alley behind the bike shop).
Speaking of bikes, I went on a ~50 mile ride on an empty stomach monday. 0/10, do not recommend.
Also: On sunday, my mother in law got a record player for my father in law's birthday. The radio tuner on it works great, and the speaker's noice, but the needle is missing and I think the stylus is broken. Couldn't figure out out to fit it into the arm anyways.
Finally: I returned my copy of War and Peace. I'm at the end of Volume 1. I think I'm gonna read a volume per checkout. I was gonna grab Thelonious Monk:The Life and Times of an American Original, but the biography section of the library was getting moved. So I panicked and picked up The Easter Rising instead.
I also went to the local bookstore and picked up a physical copy of Capital, and a copy of Malcom X's autobiography.
EDIT
Oh, and my wife convinced me to buy a wacom.
I lead a pretty tame life. Or try to. I can been pretty abrasive on the clock...
My first impressions of The Easter Rising are: this is not the history for me. I'll give it a few more pages before I set it onto the "returns" conveyor, though. Apparently the Biographies are back. They used to be in their own section, but now they've been dispersed through out the collection as Dewey intended.
Edit: On into the returns she goes! I cannot stand the tone the authors used.
We're guessing that it is late 60's or early 70's. We found some forum posts online that told us where the date codes would be, but all that is left is some goop where the stickers once were.
It does seem to be really well cared for, though. The wall cord could stand to be replaced, but aside from that and the missing needle, seems to work. You can produce sound if you turn it on and run your finger along where the needle should be.
That's pretty sweet. I'd suggest checking the capacitors inside quickly to ID any problem ones, and consider taking it to your local audio repair shop (if you know of such a place) to get the necessaries replaced and everything tuned up. My equipment isn't that old, but some of it's pushing 40 and electronics definitely get fussy with age and need some maintenance.
bfx is overwhelmed, so back to the headers, bitch...
WORK
Hoooooly shit. One unannounced state audit which took up all of this morning and yesterday afternoon, and a day long (scheduled) audit tomorrow with a certification agency. Monday and most of last week I was in process flow mapping sessions for a systems integration project which will "close" in April into May. Meanwhile, I'm about two weeks behind on all my other work, and now have daily work to essentially rebuild our entire waste removal process. Fuck.
In between all this, a recruiter from one of the largest, multinational, consulting agencies in the world reached out about possible positions in the Pacific Northwest...so I'm at least going to go through the interview process to both (A) re-hone my interview skills and (B) if it goes well see what they're willing to offer me.
LOVE
Dumped again. By a girl who decided to basically shut me out for a few days, and then do it over text with the reasoning that she's still working through things and isn't in a spot to manage a relationship, and since she can't call herself my girlfriend decided to end things. Meanwhile, plays it off like it's to my benefit and offers to meet in person because "she feels like shit doing this over text". Oh, okay then. Yeah, that didn't happen. Thinking of offering the olive branch, at least it feels like the mature thing to do. So, back to not actively searching for anything because who knows, maybe I'll be moving again in two months?
HUBSKI
kleinbl00, myself, and an old friend of his went a killer ambient electronic show last week. It was seriously a great show, at least for Loscil. The track linked had me questioning reality, it was so...mind bending. Between the repetition and the visual performance happening on a screen behind the stage I was losing it in a trippy kind of way. Guess it was nice hanging out with kb, too...
HOBBY
I designed and built a fucking tape rack, how cool is this!?
OTHER
I hung out with a bunch of people who are all friends and part of a church tonight. That was interesting. Incredibly nice group of people, and way out of my normal comfort zone as evidenced by the prayer circle prior to eating.
Pretty much every thrift store and Craigslist area have tape decks. You have to wade a bit to find a decent one, but it's not too hard.
- :-(
I've had a couple of realizations about the kind of people I am attracted to, and the kind of people who are attracted to me, and how that interacts with my relationship with people in general...so maybe that's a plus?
Got an email from Restoration Hardware yesterday informing me that a table I bought from them in 2014 is being recalled. Why would a simple table consisting of four legs and a top be recalled? Apparently the metal top contains lead. Fucking lead in the table I've been eating at for almost three years. So I called per their instructions, and they generously offered me store credit. "Are you serious?" was my immediate reply. "Well it was literally only that one model of table, so you could get a different table." "Not a chance I'm buying any of your poison." So the woman "asks her manager," which consisted of putting me on hold for like 12 to 15 seconds, and says that they can actually offer me a full refund. "That's it?" I asked. "Yes." So here's me today contacting lawyers. I'm going to be a huge, litigious dick about this.
I salute your outrage and wish you the best with your future litigation but I will remind you that the environmental lead exposure everyone is losing their minds over in Flint is a bare fraction of the lead exposure you and I grew up with.
Much like environmental mold, lead is oh shit bad NOW primarily because it can be avoided. And you should. But proving actual damage is harder.
I agree, but mainly I'm just pissed off that they actually had a conversation with management on this that started: "Here's how we handle this: first offer store credit. If they balk, often a refund." The callous indifference is more what I'm reacting to. How about a refund with interest to start. And an apology. With all the negative press that the state of Michigan has received, you'd think they'd be more sensitive. Possible I'm overreacting, but they started it.
I haven't been home for this many days in a row for a long time. Feels good.
Chilling after a 20 hour work day. The kids sick, which means I'm going to lose my 1 day off to taking care of her. She was super sweet to me today, makes it easier.
Spent 6 hours with my hands above my shoulders painting the ceiling of the shop, going to be sore tomorrow. I didn't even paint the whole damn thing. 2/3 of the way through my arms ceased to cooperate and my painting just kept getting slower an messier. Called it a night before I made things worse.
I'm tired and it's late, free association time.... partying with gay men taught me not be afraid to dance with my hands above my shoulders. Straight guys almost never let their hands reach above their shoulders when they dance. A tip to straight guys, try it, it's liberating.
Little remodel on the shop is going slow but well. I can only get long periods of work done on Tuesdays after I close but trying to make that time count.
- I'm tired and it's late, free association time.... partying with gay men taught me not be afraid to dance with my hands above my shoulders. Straight guys almost never let their hands reach above their shoulders when they dance. A tip to straight guys, try it, it's liberating.
I want to go back in time and shout at whoever told me not to dance with my hands above my head/shoulders/knees/toes. Unfortunately I would then be shouting at a 16 year old, which makes hypothetical-time-travelling-me a complete dick.
For reasons pretty much unknown, I have ignored all my responsibilities and hobbies apart from work this week, and instead learned how to be a Dungeon Master. I only had a shit ton of 6-sided dice though, so I'm doing Warrior, Rogue, and Mage instead of D&D. My valentines day consisted of working the most insane shift of pizza-making imaginable (lots of heart shaped pies, too) and then staying up till 2 am running this module with my BF, his brother, and his bro's girlfriend. Lots of fun, and I kind of suck as a DM right now, but that's okay.
Am I right in thinking that you're into D&D, rd95, or am I completely making that up?
I felt bad because you had just said something serious about being in the hospital and about your health. Anyway, I'm still sitting in the airport. Still awake. It's 2:26 a.m. and I have two more hours before, apparently, I can go through security.
it's quite surreal.
it totally was a dick maneuver on MY part! I was up late finishing a thing for work and when I saw lil surface and mention IRC I was like "Hey.... I could throw some toothpicks in my eyelids for a few minutes....
alas - a few minutes late I was drifting HARD. I felt extra bad for the same reason lil did - you dropped some serious shit and we both peaced out.
I did crash... and crash hard. It's the new normal. Up 'til late, up early. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
I figure the time zone issue is also why we've never gotten a group Civ or EU4 game going.
It'd have to be play-by-mail, which sounds glacial.
Although, I'm slowly realizing that if my face-to-face group is going to keep playing together, we're probably going to have to go that route. One of the core members is now working 10-13 hour days 6 days a week...
Camaros fit on Blazers, too. it is known.
There were prolly a half dozen of these in the Espanola valley. I decided to be difficult and put a Triumph TR-7 on a Scout chassis, which involved cutting 15 inches out of the frame. Of course over in the UK they just use Landys which makes it hella simpler.
Thank you for that link. I had read it before, but I just laughed till there were tears in my eyes. Needed that.
- I'm doing my best to stay 'in character' with monsters
Sadly, there's a lot of DMs that don't do this. The fact that you're willing to take the time to put effort into making your kobolds a serious threat shows that you even respect low CR monsters, which I'd awesome.
Dude, you are speaking my language. My favorite monsters out of the MM? Goblins, kobolds, orcs, gnolls, and lizardfolk. When I world build, I often have Orcs at the very least and usually gnolls and/or lizardfolk as major political/cultural players. When your players are smart, they often wisen up real quick and see "Oh, the lizardfolk aren't necessarily the bad guys, they got their own wants and needs they're struggling for over here."
As for your battle tactics? Same page, yet again. I'm pretty certain it was you and I talking about how I don't really like players getting past level 10, partly because there's too much to pay attention to mechanic wise, but also because it often pushes "lesser monsters" out of the picture. Fuck that.
I fuxking love D&D. I'm currently going through two year withdrawal at this point and I'm itching to game again. Devac is also big into gaming.
As for DMing? The first few games are hard for any DM. If I were to give one key of advice, it'd be to know your world and NPCs enough that improving situations are a cinch. That, and keep your player group small. Three is perfect. :)
Well it looks like Pubski Midnight Run Edition, I can dig that.
By the way, here is a poem I did about being awkward:
I'm quickly slipping into a maddening inner universe of innumerable universes. I've sort of lost the ability to tell a compelling story. I spend most of my time creating elaborate worlds, and character that are sort of displaced in both time and space. The character often end up jumping from universe to universe changing with the landscape of each world. I've been returning to a daily writing exercise in the hopes of getting myself back on the horse, but things get really out-of-sorts very fast. At this point I can count maybe 4 separate universes floating around in my head, partially scribbled on paper, or tucked away on napkins somewhere. I imagine that somewhere down the line I will sort of naturally mesh all of them together in an attempt to regain control of problem that isn't really that much of a problem.
Oh man, I know that problem... digging in and fleshing out whole universes...
Every time I start geeking out on another one I remember this article from The Onion, and quietly close my laptop and step outside: http://www.theonion.com/article/novelist-has-whole-shitty-world-plotted-out-21193
Behold: the Arcbuilder Universe.
It is: A bulletin board.
Dozens of fictional planetary systems in Celestia, which is how I found it back in like 2004
...but as far as I can tell, a mere 5,000 words of prose.
you are now aware that there are something like 200 novels set in the Battletech Universe.
I've recently started to work on my fifth world, to turn it into a literary RPG; you may think of it as book written by many people from their character's perspective, with a hint of GM interference where necessary. The other four are alive and kicking. I find it more productive to work on each world in bursts: once the ideas for one run dry, I turn my attention to another, where the river's been filling in the time.
Oh, cool. A Pubski in my timezone. The Russian Hubski meetup is getting closer to reality.
You know those cool lectures on various subjects from the uni you see on the Internet? I've just had one in real life.
We started Theory of Language today, and today's lecturer was an old American by the name of Patrick Dennis Maloney. He was quite frail physically, but his head worked just fine. I've missed most of the lesson by the curse of running around the uni trying to get the bureaucracy sorted for as simple a task as finding someone capable of helping us work with the projector, but the parts that I caught were cool. He was funny and engaging.
I got to speak to Mr. Maloney after the class. I wondered if it was okay if I ask him about himself; he said "Sure, what do you wanna know?". I fanboy'd the whole way through: you know, like fangirling, only more emotionally restrained. He's a cool old guy, with several advanced degrees in various subjects - law and engineering among them. He's in Tomsk because of his wife, who is Russian: she moved back home from living with him in Anchorage, AK, because her mother was sick. She still has father here, which is why they both stay; the father is 91, so Mr. Maloney said he doesn't "expect him to be there for much longer"; once that is settled with in one way or another, he said they'd rather move to somewhere warmer in Russia, like Gelendzhik by the Black Sea.
He also hosts "Open English" lessons in a nearby university, where anyone can attend freely and for free, just to get whatever English education they might need (like preparing for speaking on an English-as-second-language qualification exam, or just sharpening one's knowledge in grammar). Seeing how we're clearly interested in languages, he said that if enough people are interested, he'd organize Open English classes for us, here in TSU. I'm looking forward to attending those.
I may or may not have a date today, but I don't want to talk about it just yet. EDIT: nevermind.
The uni's been engaging and interesting, what with the few new subjects that introduce one to deeper concepts of language and linguistics, and it's also suprisingly tiring. I come home quite exhausted, and between that and taking the necessary rest, I'm left with just a few hours of potential productive work. Back when I didn't engage with education and homework as much, it didn't seem like a big deal, but now that I want to get into it, it becomes obvious that I need a better manner of work.
Working out has been going well for me. Having my body and mind improve from exercising has been an awesome experience; seeing that a run that used to break me down after a minute now feels like a breezy walk fills me with joy.
I'm getting used to contacting with my uni group much less. Since I'm no longer as interested in them, it's easier to disengage from conversations aiming at a cheap laughter and complaining over trivial matters. There are limits to when my compassion is applicable, and I've reached them with the group.
That's about as much as I have to tell so far. I'm tired, so I might be missing something else important. You can ask me if you want to know something.
Learning and studying a language is SURPRISINGLY tiring. I used to experience this a lot when I was in Budapest, because so many linguists go there to learn the weirdo language.
I did a week-long immersion course to become proficient in Hungarian, and I have never been more exhausted in my life. My classmates and I were amazed at how draining it is...
I think I'm becoming tired so easily in the uni because I'm bored with it. It's nowhere near engaging or curiosity-entertaining that I was hoping for it to be. No wonder people start reading on their tablets soon after a lecture starts. I'm going to have to make my own effort to find stuff to learn simply not to become dumber out of boredom.
So true. The first few weeks of studying abroad in Canada were much more mental effort than I'd imagined...going from talking Dutch all summer to not hearing Dutch more than once a week is quite a difference. After about three weeks, my brain decided "okay we're now gonna switch over to English" and that mental drain dissipated. (Switching back to Dutch was a similar process - extra weid because it legitimately feels like you're relearning your mother tongue. My Dutch used English syntax for like, a month.)
What's the best way people keep track of their thoughts and obligations? A physical to-do list? An app? My system is showing strain and I have a lot of psychic weight I'd like to unload. I'm all ears and eyes to your recommendations.
Tomorrow marks the first day of the spring soccer season for the men's club team at my school. I can't wait.
- What's the best way people keep track of their thoughts and obligations?
The main thing is to keep the obligations in one place, wherever that place is. You get in trouble if you have an app, an electronic notepad, a steno pad, a teeny tiny notebook, and a journal.
But thoughts! Thoughts - that's something else. Keep your thoughts somewhere safe so you can find them later.
I don't know about you millenials, but writing things out tends to lighten that psychic weight for many people.
This really resonates with me. I have too many disparate places for stuff. Like three apps and a physical pad. The physical pad is for redundancy because I don't trust my system and can't relax unless everything is in one place in front of me.
Thanks Lil, I'll start condensing.
Org is great! I've been using it for several years now:
Sadly, it a massive pita to interface with other platforms. I have like 4 intermediate steps to get scheduled items to show up on my phone, and even then it drops birthdays events with non-standard time ranges =/
Directory tree of .org files, version controlled with automatic commits every hour. by cron. .ical snapshots are created every hour using (org-icalendar-combine-agenda-files) and exported to a location accessible by private URL. Then google / windows live consume that URL to create calendars that show notifications on my phone / windows lock screen.
It's a mess tbh.
Oh my goodness. Yea, the screenshot alone has me balking. Formatting text in hubski is the extent of my coding skills. That's only half a joke. But it looks cool! Props to you.
I'm a much bigger fan of physical lists for things that aren't mundane, such as grocery lists, doing laundry, things of that nature. For bigger ticket items, obligations involving others, goals, and other thoughts I'm a fan of keeping a journal in something like a Moleskin and using something like a white board for physical to-do. The tangible nature of writing and having to put in that thought creates a stronger connection to whatever that thought or obligation is, and allows me to better digest it bit-by-bit.
Even though I rarely lose things these days (knock on wood), I feel nervous having everything in one place that's not backed up. That said, I make so many physical lists on these 7x3 inch legal pads that I have a zipper envelope to carry them all around. I love writing and indenting and making arrows and crossing things out.
But it'd kill me if I lost it midway through the semester.
How's Google Keep? Is it easy to organize with? I used an early version a few years ago and I didn't take to it. But I'm open to trying again. I use simplenote (nvALT on my mac desktop) and it's too basic. A scrolling list down the lefthand side of the program without a good way to organize further.
They added a bunch of features since then. You can now change the color of notes, add labels to them or 'sticky' them, which means they'll stay at the top. It's also possible to draw now in the app. You can also insta-keep web pages with the browser plugin. It can also use pictures, so you can just snap a picture of whatever you want to remember or keep. And you can switch between having checkbox or not. All features that I don't use regularly, but they're there when I need them and make it a good tool to use for me.
Rather than recommend an app or a thing, can I recommend a book?
GTD is a cult that has waned in popularity but still has zealous proponents that ascribe far too many powers to it but there's a kernel of truth to it that can be gleaned by reading the book in an afternoon. The trick isn't in finding the best way to track your obligations, the trick is in finding the best way to complete your obligations and what works for someone else may not work for you.
For me, the simple, kitschy stuff really does work - having a label maker makes me more organized. Having a file with 12 months in it gives me power over my receipts. Etc.
blackbootz The key insight that I think kb refers to and that I got out of GTD is that it is essential to develop some kind of system first and foremost. Whatever site / app / book you use should fit that system best.
For example, my approach to email is that I make a Todoist to-do out of everything that asks me to do something. I archive all the other emails and only archive emails with actionable items once I did that task. Simple system + Gmail + Todoist = clean inbox. Might be a good idea to reflect on where your obligations come from and what systematic way you can tackle them - e.g., when you get a text with something to do, where does that thing go?
You know I hate books :p
So I actually own a copy. The top review in Amazon nailed the issue on the head for me: The book is 80% filler. Page after page of rehashing detracted from my motivation to finish it when I picked it up last year. But I'm a lot more motivated to glean its lessons now that I'm roughly 10 times busier. I'll crack it open.
bigass, long notepad paper post-it note thing I stick over my desk. Writing will always be better than an app, because it's right there in front of your face wherever you work and you can do things like make your "To-Do List" into "Fucking Shit to do Today:"
Well Hubski, it's been a good while since I was last on here, so I feel it's time to come back and rediscover what I loved so much about this place (a great example being these public forums where everybody can just talk).
School
My life right now is mostly taken up by school work. I changed majors last semester (from math and physics to math and philosophy), so adjusting to the radical world of reading that my philosophy courses require has been kinda stressful. But I feel a lot more fulfilled now! I finally feel happy with what I'm studying at school because I feel like I'm finally applying myself in a way that's meaningful to me. I also was able to stay on the research group that I was a part of when I was a physics major, and we're finally producing meaningful results!
SSBM
So in the time that I've been off of Hubski I've started playing a lot of super smash bros melee. I've kinda reached my first plateau right now what with me just grinding out techskill and working on my punish game, but I've been able to make a lot of new friends and I've been lucky enough to have a pretty decent selection of high level players to actual train with.
Music
I've been playing a lot of guitar recently, which is odd because I'm very much a bassist seeing as I've played for over ten years. But learning guitar has been a fun and fruitful exercise. This hasn't stopped me from playing bass, though. I've found some people that I can just go and jam with once a week, and that alone has improved my bass playing so much. The organic aspects of creating music is so wholesome to me. I've also been listening to a lot of music (duh). I've found, though, that the music that I listen to has moved greatly towards the experimental side, so I've been having a hard time showing people the new things that I find cool and exciting. Like, I really want to share something like Street Sects new album because I think it's fantastic, but power electronics is, let's say, a little less than mainstream.
Personal
This is the big one. Both of my sisters (their twins) are graduating from high school this year and I couldn't be more proud of them. They've already committed to what colleges they want to go to (Colorado State and Colorado School of Mines). I'm sad I haven't been able to be their for them throughout their senior year. This past year has kinda been a shit show in my household, however. My dad is going through a very messy divorce with my step-mom after getting fired from his job all while trying to sell the home I grew up in just so he can help put me and my sisters through school. I just wish I could help him more.
Health
It's been about a month since I stopped being a vegetarian (I was a vegetarian for a little over a year), and I've finally been able to get on what I feel like is a healthy diet. Mentally, my health could definitely be better. I haven't had nearly as many depressive episodes as I had last year, but I still lapse into that depressed mindset where I can't even get out of bed. Luckily I'm much more motivated this semester what with my new major and all, so that has helped me greatly.
I dual main Falco/Falcon and yeah I go to my weeklies as often as I can. I'm trying to go to Big House later this year as my first big tourney (I'm in Ohio so a bunch of people usually carpool)
Ah, sweet. My roommate in college was a Falcon main with a solid pocket fox (used to be listed in NY a while ago I think, goes by Wildcard), so I got in a lot of practice in. If I had a better computer, I'd probably play some rounds with him on Dolphin, but alas. I will live and die a Ganon main.
Dolphin has been a life saver for me. And Ganon is dope!
Pub is open early and it's already filling up. thenewgreen is playing music over there in the corner. I imagine none of us should be up, except ButterflyEffect who is in another time zone.
I think I'll get a real drink since the pub is open. Maybe it will help me sleep. See y'all tomorrow.
Work
The application for my promotion/new title/additional responsibilities is in. My updated resume is super shiny and comfortably padded. My bosses are sending their letters of rec this week. I have an appointment on the calendar to speak with my potential Co-P.I. at the end of this month, after I've refined what I'm probationally calling my Research Protocol Feasibility Assessment Tool. It asks the question 'Can patients actually complete the testing you want them to complete? Can you get the information/samples you need from them?' in many different granular ways. I worry about putting more barriers in the way of new studies being initiated, but at the same time if we're producing bunk data, what does it matter if we do the research at all?
Personal Life
I had a really great, relaxed Valentines day yesterday. We cooked steaks and fettuccine al pesto genovese, spent the bulk of the evening in gentle conversation about the future, our goals and dreams. I want to improve pediatric cardiac care and research, she wants to address mental health in specific and wellness in general, but isn't sure about exactly how she wants to pursue that line of interest. Discussion is ongoing. Rather than go out on Valentines day, I booked us a couples massage for Saturday and I'm planning on taking her to the Detroit Institute of Art afterwards.
Feeling human is wonderful. Feeling confident is narcotically pleasant.
Hobby
Friday's concert with the Budapest Festival Orchestra went amazingly. 3500 people came out to hear Beethoven's 9th and the maestro was so exhausted after the performance he was allegedly slumped on a couch in his dressing room for a solid 45 minutes after he got off stage. Rehearsing with the BFO was a delight. The level of musicianship and ensemble they display is truly inspirational. The maestro takes the podium, all chatter stops, all eyes lock on his baton with a near-audible click, and magic happens. Performing with them has to be one of the highlights of my musical career.
Now I have to focus on Missa Solemnis in March with the Detroit Symphony, and start looking more critically at the Missa in Tempore Belli for NYC in June. My director sends out notes after each rehearsal and after Monday nights session with the Missa Solemnis, he sent out an email that said, in general, "I didn't expect us to have made so much progress on this piece back in August. Everything we work on now is just putting the extra layer of polish on an already shining performance. You have a lot to be proud of, I would encourage you to use that confidence and pride as fuel to work even harder on the nit-picking details that will elevate our performance from 'Amazing' to 'Beatific.' "
So I guess you could say I'm doing well. Onward 2017 with full steam and a big grin.
Edit, because relevancy
Health
Biochemically, I am still doing phenomenally well. I am fully transitioned into the heart failure clinic and am being managed appropriately. Blood draws that I thought had to be every other week might only have to be monthly, as long as my chemistry stays stable. I'm having a throat-scoping in March because not drinking water in excess seems to be causing some issues when I swallow, and GI wants to be sure it's not some kind of mechanical issue before they start into the water/salt/diuretic titration conversation with the heart failure docs.
As it stands, the message I get is 'You're sick. Here's how and why you're sick. You know your treatment options as well as most of us docs, and better than some. We're here to help in whatever way we can, but the ball is really in your court. There's nothing we can tell you that you don't already know.' So, with that in mind, I've created my own cardiac rehab program. I use my exercise bike almost every day, striving for at least 10 miles pedaled each time. My goal is to push that to 15 miles come the end of March or so. After talking with some of our cardiac rehab pros, I've learned that there are two key components of a cardiac rehab program. The first is the physical change that regular exercise gives, the second is the mental change that occurs from pushing boundaries and exceeding them. Depression, crippling, life-ending depression is common in cardiac cases because we are constantly being told things we can't do, and pushing past erected mental barriers with regard to exercise capacity has been proven to help deal with that.
Woo! Midnight Pubski! I fuxking love it! Here's life.
Social Life
Continuing to get in touch with old friends and hanging out with people more. On my last day off, I had a spur of the moment lunch with a friend as I was in her side of the town and we literally haven't seen eachother in person in over a year due to vastly different schedules. After lunch I helped her go shopping for gifts for her friends who are moving in together and (I think) getting engaged. It was a good time.
Also had dinner with some coworkers after work the other night and a good time was had by all. Dirty jokes were told, work experiences shared, etc. One of my coworkers is known for being sarcastic and 90% of the time it's fine because when at work, a two minute conversation is had, jokes are told, and then we all go about our business for fifteen minutes or so before getting back together for another few minutes of joking and shit. However, a two hour dinner conversation with that same level of snark gets to be a bit much. I think next time we hang out I'm gonna not so subtly, but still politely, suggest he tones it back a bit.
Took Dala and dog to the park on Sunday for a nice walk. Then came home, gave the dog a bath, and just hung out. It was awesome. I need more weekend days off, if only to spend time with the spousal unit and that ever annoying but ever lovable dog of ours.
Still trying to find a way to do regular movie nights with PlaceboEffect again (who needs to get his ass back on Hubski, by the way).
Still working on networking.
Churches
A Pubski or two ago I mentioned that I've started emailing a Presbyterian pastor/priest/Christian authority unit. This past Sunday I was able to get off work and I went to his service. It was, in all honesty, amazing. It was insightful, thought provoking, and he really encouraged his congregation to take the subject matter to heart and go out in the world and do some good. In all seriousness, after some of the dud services I've been to lately, this place is a breath of fresh air. I'm meeting up with the guy for lunch today and while it's just something casual a part of me really feels compelled to make a good impression.
Motivation or Life or Whatever
Been on Hubski a shit ton less. Been on the internet even less altogether. Focusing on my social life has been going very well as I'm making a conscious effort to keep avenues of friendship open and have been hanging out with various people more. Not focusing on job hunting this year has already taken a major load of stress off my shoulders and I think it's been a very healthy decision overall already. Keeping an eye out for potential volunteer opportunities that will both fit my constantly changing schedule as well as allow me to network and develop new skills. Been doing more around the house to make sure shit is properly together and buckled down. I'm making really good strides overall. That said, for some reason, I feel a mix of both overwhelmed by the uptick of activity in my life as well as completely unsatisfied at the same time. It's like I feel like I'm doing too much when I'm doing stuff on my days off work, but when five or six in the evening finally comes around, I feel like I haven't done nearly enough and it frustrates the hell out of me. I think I'm gonna start keeping a journal of shit I've accomplished, if only to keep things in perspective.
I'm kinda fucked. I'm homeless and unemployed and the only money I'll have for a while is whatever the pawn shop gives me for my iPad. My checking account is $2,000 overdrawn and I somehow owe PayPal $300 (thanks bank, at least I legitimately owed you that $300 as opposed to all the fees you're never getting). I'm in a shelter in a town where I don't really know anyone and my car might be repossessed. My car which is an hour away and doesn't have sufficient tags or insurance. I also might have an arrest warrant out for me in another county. And I'm still going despite trying to kill myself about a month ago. Which is ostensibly why I left the rehab I was mandated to by the state. I really don't understand myself. Shit's not that bad relatively and I'm suicidal, I'm watching the shit hit the fan and I'm determined. But getting drunk as fuck and jumping off the parking deck is actually a comforting option to me.
In the past three months or so I've been arrested twice, barred from my dad's house by court order, mandated to a rehab that only consisted of AA meetings, got psychotically depressed and had no help except from a strip mall nurse practitioner, got kicked out of said rehab and have been living in hotels and hospitals for 5-6 weeks. I also think I have pneumonia since one of those hospitalizations was for that and it seems to be viral. Just in case you weren't following the misadventures of tacocat on hubski. camarillobrillo has and he probably wants to kick me in the nuts.
I have no idea what I'm doing but I keep doing it for a while longer. This is a long, stupid story but that's the gist of it.
I'm at the library right now so I can type a lot and feel like I can be coherent as opposed to forgetting what I just said on my phone. Any replies will be from the phone
Damn. Sorry for the chaos, man.
But ya know what... I saw something in your writing... it's like you went through a bit of a cathartic process. I wonder if maybe you should make a habit of it? Writing. Journaling. Blogging. Whatever.
In between the lines, it seems like you were able to process stuff by just letting it out. Any chance you might visit the library daily, and write as a regular thing?
Even having a 1-item To Do List is something, and it might help you keep on keepin on, until things turn around.
Sending good vibes your way... (that's trite, I know, but it is honest)
In college I could write in my head about my day and remember it at night. I wrote half a horrible book that way. I don't know. If I don't die it'll be good for me.
There are certain poetic symmetries about this. I'm back in my college town after ten years. I pawned my iPad at the shop a guy who stole from me took my stuff. When I was new here there was a church sign that said "Welcome home, Chris" and here I am back and not too miserable. I still might jump off the parking garage though
After staying up all night in YYZ, and a six a.m. Flight to Atlanta, I switched planes and headed to Key West on a full B737. "B" probably stands for Boeing.
We were circling around to land when the plane started climbing above the clouds and turned towards Miami, where I now sit. A sensor had indicated a brake problem. The KW runway is too short for brake problems. Captain said, "If the brakes aren't smoking, we'll head back."
And so here I sit. Of course it can always be worse. My seat mates just told me that a plane hit a deer yesterday in Charlotte. thenewgreen ?
Oops we now have to deplane.
Hi pubski. The bar is closed. The US customs and immigration is also closed. Apparently it opens at 4:30 a.m. Yes, I'm in an airport.
The Canadian security guy told me to go to Terminal 1 where "there's more happening" but I passed.
The coffee fromWendy's is surprisingly good. I might see if there's free wifi and check IRC as I promised. But maybe I'll just write a poem, a blues poem;
It's midnight at the airport
And the gates are locked up tight
To be continued
School
Finally finished with all my exams this week. All-in-all, I think I did rather flaky on them... one of those feelings where the tests were so easy I must have been some major details. Either that, or I have some minor mistakes scattered around my work. Ah well. Now, with exams out of the way I can turn my attention to anything else at least a week.
Club
Because I failed to notify the SGA of last minute changes to the November travel plans to Cali, we were put on notice for probation. Good news is the meeting is today and I hope to sort it out. Bad news is I have no idea what this really means after searching through as many linked documents from the SGA site as I could find relevant. Unrelated note: there's club drama that I'm completely oblivious to, yet seeing red flags left and right. Not really concerned, but funny to notice how out of the loop I am. Frankly, I prefer the ignorance so long as I can maintain a neutral status as someone people can go to if they need to talk.
Work
Went to the job fair two weeks ago. Going to mark it down as a practice round... There were only a few places I was interested in approaching and only handed out 10 or so resumes. Part of that was the line for Lockheed-Martin being so damn long. With all the engineers at our school, the line only got longer every time I came back to check. By the time I made my small rounds, joined the line, and moved a fifth of the way to the recruiters, I had to go to my next class. Small bummer, but I got a free, shiny LinkedIn profile picture out of it that I have been using to apply online elsewhere. Interning for Lockheed would be a dream experience. Hoped to get a leg up on other applicants by making a good impression on the recruiters - the internship I'm applying too is non-technical so in theory all those engineers who surrounded me wouldn't have been my competition. Meh. On another note, I just got off a phone interview with onward Israel which allows me to get an internship in Israel over the summer (and I'd get a free flight there thanks to Birthright). Truth be told, that's the back-up plan provided I get it since I'm not likely to move to Israel for a job after uni.
Home
Roommate situation is in the air. This makes me unhappy granted how much better this year's gone having a childhood friend and his own friend (who went to the same schools as us) compared to my first and second year situations. Previous plans were that the childhood friend (Friend A) would have another friend of his fill the third slot (Friend C) since the current one will not be in the state next semester. The meet up was rather choppy, sudden and in a completely non-neutral environment (our place). I didn't get a good read on Friend C and told Friend A in less words... naturally, it didn't leave too good an impression. He let me know he's looking for other places now. I'm looking to recourse and be more open. It's not necessarily hard to do so, just a pain to be in such an awkward place.
Personal
In a low. Been doing the usual attach-self-worth-to-interactions-with-X, hasn't been doing me good. The whole roommate thing got me in a funk. Friend A's group of friends are very tight, so it was easy to project someone something was wrong when I was getting flat out ignored by one of the more outgoing ones recently. A similar occurrence happened in a club meeting last night. These bits happening under 24 hours amidst exams really sent me into a tizz with questions about my psyche in relations to others and my childhood. Good times.
tl;dr more tedious, slightly deviant, yet mundane activity than normal.
Personal life
I'm going to Spain to visit some friends soon (Madrid, Zaragoza). Really excited about that. I should do a post about it once I get back. Sorry I don't post so much here right now. I've missed reading these threads.
I went to a politics event the other day. I want to get involved with something and help people. UNFORTUNATELY I didn't actually talk to anyone even though people seemed quite friendly. Then it hit me, I haven't actually been to a social event where I didn't know anyone for such a long time. Without exercising my social skills I think my anxiety has come back. I felt like I was back in first year at university again. I need to make a point of meeting new people more regularly. Just hanging out with the friends I know isn't enough...
I feel more and more stressed.
(on the plus side I have managed to do Memrise and Duolingo for Japanese and German every day for just over a month)
Work
I went to a big corporate event the other day. It was dull. At least I managed to cycle to the venue. Some exercise is better than nothing. I've been told I should sign up to a gym. Why do I feel so unmotivated to just do something???? This is so frustrating. I keep telling myself I should cycle to work every day but that involves carrying my bike up and down the stairs in my building and for some reason I find that really intimidating. How did minor adulting tasks suddenly take over my life?
Life
This past Saturday the weather was very nice and my wife, a friend, and I consumed a substance, listened to some music, drew some stuff, went and looked at some plants, thought some thoughts, and generally had a rather relaxing time. I drew some really neat looking geometric things; maybe I'll get a tattoo of one of them.
The weekend lifted me out of a depressed spiral that had been going since about September or so. I got off my ass and went back downstairs and started working on stuff I'd set down months ago. I also finally pulled the trigger on an OA setup which I need to solder a vacuum hose nipple onto a pipe so I can get another one of my cars running.
Research
Last week I helped my advisor with a grant proposal that's related to some of my undergrad research. I hope it gets funded--it's too much work for me to pick up at this point, but it'll be fun to help some new PhD students working on it.
Got another ISS transit of the moon, this one during the day. This was a week or so ago, just now got around to working on the video. 40 frames total. ISS moves from about the 5 O'clock to 1 O'clock position. 5 frames per second in the video; the raw video was shot at 30FPS, the transit itself was .79 seconds. Now I have to wait for my auto accident settlement, get some stuff fixed up that I have been putting off and get a real camera and start doing some hard imaging.