1.
mivasairski blindcopies stuff to me all the time. He sent a letter to someone quoting me. In it, he referred to me as his 'girlfriend' -
2.
I responded:
- !!!!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THOSE SINGLE QUOTATION MARKS???? At the very least, I deserve double quotation marks. Hmmph.
3.
He wrote me back saying,
- I was gonna say my significant other. But, significant as you are, I don't know how """""other""""" you are . . . Hmmm . . . what to say, what to write. Life can be so complicated among us humans.
4.
I wrote:
- I’m perfectly okay with girlfriend. No single or double quotation marks. I’m a girl, I’m your friend. Womanfriend is okay if you don’t like girlfriend, but the extra syllable is awkward.
I’m also okay with romantic partner, but now we’re into five syllables. On the other hand, it has the unmistakable “romantic” in it, so there is no confusion.
I’m also okay being a “unit” of some kind. Significant unit would be fine.
We believe in the Great Oneness and a unit is one. It also suggests unity.
So henceforward, I think I’ll call you my significant unit.
I haven't heard back. We're three time zones apart. But I do like the sound of significant unit. What do y'all call each other out there in the hubverse?
Note: I've been ambivalent on the use of "wife" and "husband" in my past, preferring "spousal unit" - but I do see those terms a lot on hubski. I was uncomfortable with the ownership associations. I don't care anymore. Mutual ownership is delightful with the right person.
Within the birth community, everyone calls everyone else "partner." It pisses me off so much. I've got a fuckin' vow, I've got a mortgage, I've got insurance cards in common, I've got a kid, and I'm a "partner." No, fuck you. I'm a husband. But we can't say "husband" because that's exclusionary to lesbian couples. Who shouldn't be called out as "lesbian" because they might not be romantically involved. So. In order that the least-connected among us not be offended, we must denigrate the most-connected. I've been married since 2009. Whenever I do repairs or improvements for the benefit of my spouse I ask if it earned me "boyfriend points." Because as a husband, I fuckin' oughtta do that shit but it's still nice getting an "attaboy" every now and then.
Yeah, I'm her husband. And my wife's my wife. Pretty simple. No ownership implied, but some vows were made. We take them seriously. lil, I don't like spousal unit. It sounds cold and inventory-esque. Makes it seem like you're only dipping your toe in the water. -But maybe that's the point? Also, I think misvairski deserves an entirely new terminology. He seems pretty rad.
I'm leaning towards the Dutch expression "robust pleasure source" - but actually he doesn't care what I call him, as long as I call him. Last night he told me the expressions in Japanese and Hebrew - both of which seem chummy and companionably and tender and endearing and beloved-sounding. English does seem to be lacking in flexibility around what to call loved ones.
"Robust pleasure source" -well, that's just amazing. Go with that.
I like habibi which is Arabic for my love or sweetheart (he would call you habibti)
In a way settling on this common denominator word feels very impersonal. Like, instead of asking and adapting to what the individual couple wants to be called it's already been decided that they must be "partners".
In Dutch, the words used to describe husband and wife are, respectively, man and vrouw, man and woman. It only means husband/wife if it is used as a possessive, by putting my (mijn) in front of it. Talk about ownership associations. On the other hand, there's the equally-used word echtgenoot, which comes from hecht (meaning close or robust) and the verb genieten, meaning 'to enjoy'. Basically, someone you're very close to and enjoy the presence of. Sounds a lot better than significant other if you ask me.I was uncomfortable with the ownership associations.
In Armenian, one way to describe a significant unit is "իմ չարս." It means "person I'm striving toward." To me, that means this is someone whose qualities you are learning from, qualities with which you are striving to better yourself. It can also mean someone whose love you are striving to earn, which, even years into a relationship (from my relatively little experience) we still ought to try to do. Reading all the married hubsquids' comments though, a marriage sounds a lot more like a contractual work order where both parties are simply doing their jobs. I imagine it's because your spouse-ly duties are what remain important in maintaining trust and a healthy relationship when infatuation fades, and what-not.
That's beautiful noway. Can you please send the word in English letters and a reasonable pronunciation guide.To me, that means this is someone whose qualities you are learning from, qualities with which you are striving to better yourself. It can also mean someone whose love you are striving to earn, which, even years into a relationship (from my relatively little experience) we still ought to try to do.
I would have done so at first but I couldn't find an accurte way to write it out phonetically. Its a bit like Yaris, as in a Toyota Yaris, but with a soft A and R, and no i-sound. Closest I can think of is "yar's". yahrus? Thats both "my" and the word itself, by the way. Edit: its similar to walrus! but again not as much of an 'uh'
At what point does 'dating' become a 'relationship?' Related anecdote: I met someone at a coffeeshop early on Sunday and we spent the better part of nine hours lying in my darkened bedroom talking quietly about how we feel we relate to the world and those we care about. In the span of an afternoon, this person went from a complete stranger to trusted confidant and intellectual foil. After how many dates do we say that we're "dating?" After how many dates do our identities gain the possessive 'My boyfriend, my girlfriend?' After how many dates do we (And society) acknowledge that great one-ness that exists tangibly between us?
Keep in mind that "dates" and "dating" are terms invented by parents who want their teenagers to come home at night. (Really hoping I can say something that will make steve giggle.)nine hours lying in my darkened bedroom
WOW wow, congratulations!!! That's awesome. So happy for you.
yup. a friend of mine asked us in a group chat if 6 dates was enough to "define the relationship"... yes?? no?? talk to them not us cuz we don't know?? this shit makes me crazy.
The answer to all those questions is "when you two decide that it does."
When you stop wondering if it's been enough dates. I think it's possible to acknowledge that "one-ness" while being under the dating umbrella, but everyone has their own definitions. This past year has proven that the "good old fashioned" way of meeting somebody in person is what works.
Shit is so wacky. You're telling me that much as I try and believe otherwise, I'm a hairless monkey who best bonds with other hairless monkeys through face to face interaction? Weird.This past year has proven that the "good old fashioned" way of meeting somebody in person is what works.
Think you mean as much as everybody with an investment in making money off dating apps/websites/media tells your otherwise.