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comment by kleinbl00
kleinbl00  ·  1339 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: He Called Me His 'Girlfriend'

Within the birth community, everyone calls everyone else "partner."

It pisses me off so much.

I've got a fuckin' vow, I've got a mortgage, I've got insurance cards in common, I've got a kid, and I'm a "partner." No, fuck you. I'm a husband. But we can't say "husband" because that's exclusionary to lesbian couples. Who shouldn't be called out as "lesbian" because they might not be romantically involved. So. In order that the least-connected among us not be offended, we must denigrate the most-connected.

I've been married since 2009. Whenever I do repairs or improvements for the benefit of my spouse I ask if it earned me "boyfriend points." Because as a husband, I fuckin' oughtta do that shit but it's still nice getting an "attaboy" every now and then.





thenewgreen  ·  1338 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yeah, I'm her husband. And my wife's my wife. Pretty simple. No ownership implied, but some vows were made. We take them seriously.

lil, I don't like spousal unit. It sounds cold and inventory-esque. Makes it seem like you're only dipping your toe in the water. -But maybe that's the point? Also, I think misvairski deserves an entirely new terminology. He seems pretty rad.

lil  ·  1338 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I'm leaning towards the Dutch expression "robust pleasure source" - but actually he doesn't care what I call him, as long as I call him. Last night he told me the expressions in Japanese and Hebrew - both of which seem chummy and companionably and tender and endearing and beloved-sounding. English does seem to be lacking in flexibility around what to call loved ones.

thenewgreen  ·  1338 days ago  ·  link  ·  

"Robust pleasure source" -well, that's just amazing. Go with that.

arguewithatree  ·  1338 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I like habibi which is Arabic for my love or sweetheart (he would call you habibti)

Cumol  ·  1330 days ago  ·  link  ·  

We actually use Habibi much more widely nowadays, up to a point of saying "ya habibi" in a normal conversation to someone we know.

I would also say that it depends on how you say it

Cumol  ·  1330 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Which hebrew word did he use? Motek? :D

lil  ·  1330 days ago  ·  link  ·  
lil  ·  1339 days ago  ·  link  ·  

What does your wife want you to call yourself or her?

Lesbian couples call each other their wife.

Gay male couples call each other their husband.

In any event, whatever she calls you, I bet she appreciates you and that's what counts.

illu45  ·  1329 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I like partner, personally. Keeps things simple for me. But if others want to use different terms when describing those with whom they have relationships, that's no skin off my back.

swedishbadgergirl  ·  1338 days ago  ·  link  ·  

In a way settling on this common denominator word feels very impersonal.

Like, instead of asking and adapting to what the individual couple wants to be called it's already been decided that they must be "partners".