I turned forty and my wife surprised me with a trip to Michigan with a party at my parents house with old friends and family. Some of my friends go as far back as kindergarten. It was pretty neat.
The work week has been rough. I had to let go our marketing company. They seemed intent on not listening to us. I wanted it to work but as mk said, "when you're in a hole the first thing you do is stop digging."
Im headed to San Francisco for a meeting. A big meeting. The company is growing its footprint. We are bringing on Texas and New York. I anticipate LA and D.C. To come on board in short order too. Then we will pause expansion and focus on growing the markets we have.
My wife is starting to show. She's a little over 4 months now. We will name our daughter Mila Wren Heidede. Mila Wren because we like those names and Heidede after my grandmother. We told my grandmother last night and she was pretty touched. She told us that her legal name is Heide because Germany had a list of registered names you could choose from and though her father liked "Heidede," it wasn't on the registry. So legally she is Heide but everyone called her Heidede. She said that nobody calls her that anymore and she misses it.
I haven't recorded any music in so long. I feel like I've not been home in months. There are neighborhood barbecues every Tuesday on our street and I have only been to one. I could use a stretch of normalcy, but it's not on the horizon.
Routine is so important in life. It's comforting. I'm concerned that my routine is travel and that I'm becoming more comfortable with that than I am with home.
Re birthdays:
20 is oh boy, I'm 20
30 is oh fuck, better get on it...where's that list of things I wanted to do before I turned 30
40 is dig in and get on with it whatever it is
50 is like OH FUCK, how'd that happen? am I okay? Have I done anything?
60 is mellow -- even when one's personal world blows up ...mellow, chill
65?
Happy birthday!
Sounds like things are going great for you. I'm glad for you.
It also sounds like you could use more telecommuting in your life. Bless the job you do for humanity, but until you train those who could take over what you do, your health is of high importance to the job.
I'm flyin' off the fuckin' handle Hubski. Had my first camping trip of the year and just look at this shit. Mainly, look at that form. Was actually pretty stoked to see that my form is much, much better than previous years but not better than great runners.
More importantly. How gorgeous is this? I think doing 10.3 miles mostly running, with friends, with dogs, on an amazingly beautiful day rewired me a bit. Went on a run last night and was just exceedingly happy the entire time, went on a bonus run after, and felt great. I was literally just running and smiling at one point.
On the not so great side, I get to go down to a manufacturing plant that's closing to assist with the shutdown. Which means I get to be the worst person in the world in the eyes of a hundred plus people for a week.
Had a record sales day at the coffee shop on Sunday. I have a problem where I minimize good sales in my head by saying something along the lines of "well, sakes were only good because that lady came in and bought all the pastries or sakes were only good because the graduation happened down the street." It really doesn't matter why sales were good, shut the fuck up and enjoy it.
Sales to regulars are the best sales all the same.
I built a bookcase out of scrap wood for my daughter, it turned out great. Buying furniture is fine but building something fit exactly in a space is awesome. I let her pick colors to paint it so she now has a safety orange and baby blue bookcase.
At end of 4 sunny 70 degree days in a row. I can't remember the last time we had two 70 degree days in a row. It's lifting my spirits
I ran a 20K on Saturday and finished in 1:47:50. That's an 8:41/mile pace, a fast pace for me at that distance. I'm pleased. I then hiked another twelve miles Sunday, hill intervals Monday, and ran 4.7 more yesterday. I'm tired but pushing through.
A woman is trying to run the Ice Age Trail in 19 days. She's 405 miles in after nine days. Just 800 miles to go. She has the hardest stretches behind her. https://www.instagram.com/ani_weiss/
I'm thinking of trying to cross paths with her this weekend. She should be just a bit north of me by Sunday. I've completed 82 miles of the same trail.
Welp. Guess I have another person to follow on Instagram? Are you on it?
That's a great pace for a 20k. Which hike did you do on Sunday? I'm finding that the more you push the easier the things that you push through get. Then you do something harder. And harder. It's an addiction, I think.
I hiked a stretch of the Ice Age Trail, out and back. I actually did it in two sections. One in the morning, got lunch at a nearby cafe, and then figured I could finish that stretch. It makes me continuous through all of Dane County, Wisconsin. Part of it was on a gravel bike trail. That was so boring. There's another 20 miles of that going south, and I think I'll be running that. I can bike 8-10 miles down and then run back to my car.
I totally agree that pushing oneself makes that the new norm. Last year I was running three days a week. This is my third or fourth week doing four runs. It's harder, but I feel capable. It's partly an addiction and partly feeling like I'm more like myself. All my life I was a moderately capable distance runner trapped in an under motivated guy's body.
For the next half year, this will be my view!
...provided I manage to arrive early enough to get a spot near the windows. More importantly, I'm glad I can finally start my thesis. The great thing is that I don't really have any obligations here, but can use the municipalities' resources and people for advice. They even pay me a small internship compensation.
There's another course I have to do to for some final credits, but that course turns out to be laughably easy - we need to write a 2500 word literature research in a group of four WITH A PREDEFINED FORMAT. Because working in a group of four on something tiny is annoyingly inefficient, this will be an exercise in avoiding meetings more than in writing a paper. Boy do I feel bad for missing out on the three-hour first-draft presentations tomorrow.
There's a pretty big chance I will move to a bigger room this summer. Because of this, I might finally have enough space to make my own tiny home gym, so I've been reading a bunch on fitness again. Does anyone have some must-do exercises? I found a cheap squat rack with a pullup bar, so I was thinking adding a bench, dumbbells and kettlebells so I can do most exercises. Also thinking of tracking my progress much more diligently. Anyone have experience with smart weight scales? I just want something that measures body fat and will auto-fill a Google doc.
Almost forgot, but I went to the nerdiest place in the world last week. There is an old community building that a bunch of people turned into a haven / hackerspace for old arcades, consoles and games, so I played some Duck Hunt, played a game off a cassette tape and became a Mouse Expert on an Apple IIe. Felt nostalgia for something that was never in my youth in the first place, is there a word for that?
I'm still doing 20 push-ups before every shower. I'm more than a year in and think it's been worthwhile. katakowsj has a regimen of exercises that require very few accessories. Maybe he can chime in.
- Felt nostalgia for something that was never in my youth in the first place, is there a word for that?
If so, it's French.
- If so, it's French.
"Nostalgia" is Greek through Latin.
If johnnyFive is willing, he could easily make a Greek word for "pain for something I never had" (algos meaning "pain").
the thing that gets neglected the most in my experience is core. everyone remembers to exercise chest, arms and legs. the things you listed are more than enough to be in perfectly good shape. i bought a cheap bench on craigslist and sorta wish i hadn't. you can get pretty similar mileage out of pushups and pullups without wasting a lot of space. (it will serve as a tangible reminder to exercise, but you don't seem like a procrastinator).
anyway, if you have some kettlebells you can do good core exercises. but really all you need is a floor mat and a knockoff p90x blog.
Our house goes live on the market today. We will find out if we're priced too high (I think we are).
Then we just need to find a home for sale in the neighborhood my wife wants, in a market where we're second only to San Francisco for lowest inventory... it's terrifying.
I also just found a vape pen and juice in my kid's backpack. By kid.... I mean my 16.5 year old. It's funny, I'm not that mad that he has the pen... the juice is just juice... 0% nicotine... so it's not like he's even getting a buzz. I think I'm most upset that he is hiding it... and honestly - the most upsetting part is that I've spend well over $30,000 on his asthmatic lungs throughout his life. Having him vape or smoke or do anything to harm those lungs over which I've lost countless nights of sleep... that just cuts me to the core.
To add insult to injury, he and a friend were making some videos on his iPad - just stupid kid stuff like climbing into storm drains and goofing off... they're using a ton of obscenity (which I care less about) but they were calling each other "ni&&er" and "fa&&ot" - both of which are unused/unacceptable in my home, and completely offensive to who I thought we were as people. The irony is that his best friend at school is african american. I wonder what she would think.
Lot's of emotions at the moment... we'll see how this goes.
But I'm relaxed... and waiting to have a conversation with him. A wise friend who's kids are all now grown gave me the following advice:
- Listen more, talk less
I've only ever been on one side of this equation, so I'm exceptionally ill-qualified to proffer advice. But I think you're taking the developments in great stride. Knowing how hard I pushed boundaries, I bet I'll be blessed with quadruplets living the terrible twos until their twenties.
If it makes you feel any better, there was a time (incidentally, at the exact same age as your son) where I was obsessed with the n-word. It's not that I lacked the brain development to understand the reasons why it was off limits. I simply lacked the executive control to stop myself from relishing the thrill of dabbling in taboos. It wore off quickly. It's a stupid phase, but part of being sixteen is doing things you aren't supposed to because you aren't supposed to.
Those words have a lot of baggage associated to them that's lost on a 16 year old. When you are young it's just a bad word, you don't really think about it in context of cultural sensitivity or the historical oppression. Only advice I would have is to keep it off the internet permanent record. Things on the internet never go away no matter how long ago or how different of a person you are.
- To add insult to injury, he and a friend were making some videos on his iPad - just stupid kid stuff like climbing into storm drains and goofing off... they're using a ton of obscenity (which I care less about) but they were calling each other "nier" and "fa*got" - both of which are unused/unacceptable in my home, and completely offensive to who I thought we were as people. The irony is that he best friend at school is african american. I wonder what she would think.
If you ever feel comfortable talking about what happened afterwards, please do. I find such an insight into a grown child and a parent's relationship very important for me as a someone who looks forward to having a family of his own.
I get you viz your son, but two truths come to mind: 1) teenagers are invincible and dumb, and 2) social conventions change.
Next time your son's black friend is within earshot, you should tell him, "Hey! Why don't you share those videos you took with ____? I bet she'd like to see them!"
And then leave.
She will ask about the videos. He will realize the problem. And he will have to deal with it.
If I could choose one era where it made sense to sell and rent for eighteen months, it would be summer 2007-winter 2008.
But if i could choose two, the other would start about three months ago.
And shit - 18 months from now you should be needing one less bedroom, right? ;-)
Things are really, really good for me right now.
This, of course, is finally done:
And I have just been floored by the positive reception. It feels great to have this done with, and even better to have people like and connect with it.
On top of that, I am (hopefully) moving into my very own (rented) home with my partner in a week or so. It is quite tiny (a little over 500 sq. Feet), but it's ours and ours alone. We've lived together in various places for about 5 years, but this is the first we're living alone together, and I'm really excited.
Lastly, my bike ride to work includes one of the best views of Mt. Hood that I think you can get from the city, which is a pretty nice thing to start and end my day.
A bit of a rough week. Headed for SF for just a night.
I'm reading StJohn's Skunks Dance. It's just as ridiculous as Radium Baby, and at this point, I think it's even better. Thanks for the book, buddy.
Our neighbors objected to us having 5 chickens, so based on city ordinance, we can have 2 without permission. They did so with the city clerk, but didn't mention it when my wife talked about the chickens to them.
These neighbors are terrible people. When they first moved in, the wife would walk past us and ignore any greetings. The first time we met them, it was in the form of a $700 bill they dropped in our mailbox for some damage a dropped tree branch from a tree in our yard did to their garage roof in a storm, months after it happened, and unbeknownst to us. I did some calling, and found that in such cases, their insurance covers it, but we offered to pay their deductible to be neighborly. Instead, no, they wanted us to pay for it all and they insisted that it was our insurance that should cover it. They said that spoke to them, the city, etc... After calling both our companies, I found that their insurance had indeed told them that they covered it despite their insistence that ours should.
We live in the kind of neighborhood that has chickens and a music festival. Yard care is highly variable, and everyone is very friendly. We have great relationships with all our neighbors, except for them. I think these folk moved into the wrong neighborhood. I grew up in the type of neighborhood in which they would be at home.
I'm looking for a scene to paint.
Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it.
As for your neighbors, have you tried sending them sexually suggestive gingerbread men in the mail? I am hard-pressed to think of anything that would delight me more than receiving erotic cookies from an anonymous source.
I turned in the book to my ex-agent's boss yesterday. As I explained to her, it shouldn't have taken me nearly a year to rewrite eight chapters but I didn't get a chance to touch it until three weeks ago. I've been incredibly lucky just to have that contact and now all that's left is the waiting.
I resolved at some point last month to write three screenplays by the end of the year. Screenplays are easy. But they're hard when you've decided that the entire motion picture industry is creatively bankrupt and entering end-stage collapse and even the idea of pushing together 300 pages for your friends to go shoot on a shoestring is fucking depressing but that's what all my friends do so we soldier on.
Now that all the stuff for other people is done, I started putting the motorcycle back together, which has been fairing-off/clocks out for the past year thanks to an inability to get it fixed in the last sixteen hours before I went to LA. Got it back together and it wouldn't start. Used statistically-significant search terms to find the post on the Internet I wrote three years ago about what to do when your Italian hyperexotic won't start, which of course I'd forgotten about, which of course I'd already amended once with the other time I was saved by my own Internet easter egg. A testament to those crazy Italians: I could let my kawasaki sit for a month and the fucker wouldn't start. The Benelli has been in the back yard under a cover for so long that the cover is sunbleached and ripped and the bitch turned over twice and exploded to life. Of course, it still doesn't turn off without yanking a relay under the seat so the thing I took it apart for in the first place remains unresolved.
I have three weeks.
Three weeks to clobber the honey-do list, to enjoy time with my family, to live a normal existence where I can hammock under my trees, sleep in my bed, run in my woods and enjoy my weather before returning to Solaris.
My daughter has a rippin' summer ahead of her. It took four days of searching and calling but I have assembled summer school programs to cover the period when she's done with her current daycare (June 30) until her pre-K starts (September 6). And it involves two locations and three waitlists for the last week but it's all prepaid and so's pre-K too so I know that kid's going to be enriched this year. No more McDonald's and Youtube.
But I also know that I better put some lithium grease on the sunroof so I don't return to a Dodge with a lake inside and I know that I'll be coming home primarily to mow the lawn and vacuum the floor and I know that it'll be another lonely two thousand miles full of audiobooks, sweat and deranged homeless people and I don't know if we're going four months, seven months or nine months and I hope it's the former but we could sure use the money from the latter.
Could be worse. I could be going on deployment. Instead, me, my Nexus pass and my VIP lounge membership are going to be giving Lyft another $1200 so that my daughter's Epipens are a $15 copay and so that my wife can do what she does best in the place that needs her most.
I told myself I'd go test drive a Porsche 911 after I finished the book. I can't afford a 911, not even an ancient used one. I can't quite afford a new Roomba.
But my kid's gonna have a good year.
FERMENTATION
I've got some jalapenos lactose-fermenting on the counter. Two days in, no verdict yet on if they'll turn into pickles or not yet. Never done this before. They're bubbling, though.
edit: tasted one. slightly sour. starting to smell 'right'.
I think my sourdough starter has picked up some of the yeasts from my wife's homebrew. It smells startlingly like ale and apples.
GARDEN
The kale, are sad. The beets are stunted. The Turnips? Doing dandy. And the potatoes are thriving.
THOUGHTS
I'm finding the Stoic's conception of the divine pretty interesting. I don't believe it, but it is my first experience reading about a religion and feeling sorta wistful.
Holy Mary mother of God
My back is writhing with what is apparently known as Hell's Itch, or Suicide Itch. A ceaseless and unrelenting cascade of itches and tingles that knows no relief - pure, unadulterated torture.
On Monday, I was outside digging a trench in my sister's backyard for the gas boiler, and after getting all hot and sweaty I figured I'd take my shirt off - just for a little while, you know, not long enough to get burnt. I will never, ever, make this mistake again.
Yesterday I wore a long-sleeve shirt while I was back in the garden, and it was fine; the usual discomfort of a sunburn. But when I woke up this morning, I ended up running around the kitchen waving my arms around, screaming and stomping my feet. I'm still twitching now.
I called my dad and, owing to his own experience of it many years ago, he actually understood and told me to stay home (usually my father wouldn't care about suffering - it builds character, and so on).
I went to the pharmacy and got some Eurax, which I applied after a shower. Then there was another fifteen or twenty minutes of running about and howling before it started to take effect. It's not quite as bad as earlier, but it's still prickling and tingling very unpleasantly, and the worst thing is that there's no true relief.
Learn from my stupidity, Hubski! Drown yourself in sunscreen and never take your shirt off!
- Learn from my stupidity, Hubski! Drown yourself in sunscreen and never take your shirt off!
Me, Ukraine, late 2000s. Hell of a sea visit.
I'd go back if it wasn't for the regulations over men 18 to 60 entering the country. It was very sunny and it was very warm.
- But I'm not sure how you'd get there without passing through ukrainian territory actually.
Air and water remain open.
Not that I'm going there. Formalities notwithstanding, I don't recognize Crimea as a Russian territory. Forceful annexation is what it was.
I do agree with the "best sea at Crimea" part.
I had a shit case come across my desk at work, and Wednesdays are always long, since I teach in the mornings. So I decided to skip class, since I was really not in the right headspace, opting instead to pick up some beer, play with my daughter until her bedtime, and then make with the drinking.
As much as my brain doesn't want to be happy, it's been a decent couple of weeks. I got my first student, so now I've got to follow through on this whole teaching thing. It's scary but awesome at the same time.
I found an old journal, covering the time of my first year of college. Lots to remember fondly, but plenty not to.
- I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
- Gerald R. Ford
I average about 1 round of golf a year, only at family reunions. Last time was 2 years ago though, and was seriously bad, so I decided to practice some at a driving range. (Practice is cheating according to 1 uncle. He plays by natural ability alone (very badly))
If anyone has depressing jokes or quotes about golf, I would love to hear them
My dog just came in from outside and is already begging to go out again. I swear, if she had her way she'd lay out in the sun all day only opening her eyes and lifting her head to sniff the occasional scent on the wind.
Dala is working. So are all of my friends except one, who I asked to go with me to the art museum. She wants a rain check. I'm kind of bummed. I think I'll stop by the comic shop to say "howdy" in a little bit then spend the rest of the afternoon at home wrapping up the laundry and drawing. Bedsheets suck.
Had a good call with my parents this morning. We talked about a lot of stuff, cars and motorcycles, the weather, family. Talking to them makes me realize I'm so fortunate. I was brought up by a good family and I married into a good family and my life is filled with amazing people who I'm not related to, but I'm happy to consider family just the same. I wish everyone could be as lucky as me in that regard.