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kingmudsy  ·  10 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: January 8, 2020  ·  

I've got permanent bags under my eyes. This is mostly owed to my larger than average eye sockets, but partly because I'm always staying up past my bedtime. I've been putting thought into why I'm constantly giving myself insufficient sleep for no good reason, and this is what I've got:

I'm good looking. I'm smart. I'm funny. People want to be around me, and I tend to attract them easily. But even around family, I have a baseline level of discomfort. If I spend too much time with someone, I accumulate a nauseated feeling in my stomach that's only relieved by periods of solitude.

Night is the perfect time, because everyone else is gone. They're asleep or they're kindred spirits and don't expect my acknowledgement any more than I want theirs.

I love what nighttime sounds like.

Even the highway by my house is silent but for the perfectly digestible sound of one or two cars pushing like boats through a river of asphalt. The night is so still that the sound of my parent's antique modem clicking away in the kitchen can be heard clearly from the carpeted living room. The TV is on, and although I've muted the late-night advertisement for a new and innovative CPAP machine, I can still hear the small whine of static electricity arcing from red to green to blue. This small whine is overwhelming. I can smell it if I focus on it. It smells like hot dust. If I'm feeling particularly aspirational, I know that birdsong will eclipse the modem and the pixels when the sun stretches its first amber fingers and brushes their tips over the roofs of my neighborhood.

'Alone' to me means 'relaxed.' People bring tension, and they take me from my thoughts.

I'm still sussing out the underlying reasons here, but that's the basic phenomenon - I can only relax on my own, and I'm always alone at night. I think for now a simple description of the phenomenon is good enough. I'll keep sussing, and maybe I'll bring you an epiphany next week.

Quatrarius  ·  11 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: January 8, 2020  ·  

the year has begun wonderfully

now going by new name and pronouns openly (with the only people not knowing are the ones it hasn't come up yet around them with): parents also like the new name (my mum and i teared up together talking about it) and trying their darndest to use em - it's amazing how much weight is off my back already

3 days into the new semester and I'm feeling good about academics so far, things are more interesting so far at least so we'll see how it goes

i went on a bountiful shopping trip and finally found some comfy tank tops among other purdy things

gonna start hitting the gym again this weekend / upon getting a feel for how the flow of each week will go / when the january crowd eases slightly

also gonna make a bunch of phone calls for haircut / piercing / therapy appointments to get the ball rolling on all of that

updates pending

elizabeth  ·  16 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Hubski Craft Fair v1.0 - January 2, 2020 (FINISHED)   ·  

Didn’t find the motivation to go buy supplies for the embroidery stuff I want to make yet. But in the meantime, I’ve finished this octopus I started more than a year ago. I abandoned the project halfway because I thought I needed to go buy filling for it. But I realized I could just gut an old pillow and complete the project! I’m happy with how it turned out.

goobster  ·  34 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Hubski, what is your ideal for personal wealth?  ·  

Growing up in San Francisco and being a part of the 80's-90's computer boom there, and the rise of the internet and IPO's, I know quite a few super-rich people.

Or, I USED to.

The problem when you are a wimpy little geek who whips up a piece of software, and then sells it for $100m to Google, is that now everyone "knows" you have $100m in cash in your pocket, and you were living fine on $75k/year, so you have "extra" money to give to them for their loony project.

So you stop reading emails. And returning calls. And get a private cell number. And isolate.

Because you still are, at your core, an introvert who thinks an ideal week is sleeping during the day, ordering a pizza, and sitting up in your living room all night coding, or playing games. And avoiding all human contact.

The balance in the bank account doesn't change that part of your personality.

Unless... you become a colossal dick, and abuse the large number of extraordinarily hot women who suddenly find you attractive, after you have had zero game your ENTIRE life. And you become "entitled" to this type of treatment by women, and expect it from ALL women... including the ones that work for you. Because you have never managed another person before, and now you are the CEO of a huge corporation and have to give interviews and fend off hot women and drugs and your senses get dulled from the constant stimulation and really all you wanna do is order a pizza and sit in your living room and have a 15-hour CoD session...

So yeah...

After a tipping point, it's not about the quantity of money, it's about the quality of what you do with that money.

I'm at that tipping point of comfort, simply because my house is paid off. That's $1800-2500 a month that is NOT going out to a mortgage company. That is a LIFE-CHANGING amount of money for something like 97% of the American population.

Saturday I went to this fantastic block in the Georgetown neighborhood of Seattle, where a friend of mine has bought ALL of the warehouses on the street and converted the entire street into artists studios. Blacksmiths. Painters. Sculptors. Ceramicists. Woodworkers. Sound artists. Fire arts. Everything.

I was able to buy each of the pieces that really spoke to me, and support a local artist. I have these things in my home now - along with others I have acquired over my lifetime - and will cherish these items, not just for their beauty/utility/whatever, but because I was able to use my money to support a local artist... who uses local materials... who pays rent to a friend of mine... who is creating a vibrant arts community in my city... which is being swallowed by Amazon and Google and Expedia and and and...

And the kicker is, that I make about 10% over the median income in my city.

I am not "rich". I am not "wealthy". But I am comfortable (barring any health issues that come up), and I'm good with that.

zebra2  ·  46 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: December 4, 2019  ·  

So the album releases on Friday, but it's on Bandcamp already

https://elkbird.bandcamp.com/album/nature-expansion-pack

Go ahead and take a download code for it!

kantos  ·  66 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: November 13, 2019  ·  

But seriously, this is a neat update. Appreciate it.

zebra2  ·  101 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: October 9th 2019  ·  

It is a pubski of meager means, but we make do with what we have. This is where the real party is. We have pruno and badges.

I made a glitch art thing. I think it will be the new album cover, which I intend to wrap up very soon now.

steve  ·  109 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: October 2, 2019  ·  

Early pub. I like it.

I’ve been carpooling with a bloke who lives nearby. The older I get, the more I realize we’re all very similar when we let our guards down and look for the best in people.

We let someone go at work this week. It’s never easy, but this one was the right time for the right reasons.

I’m still recovering from a vacation. I know that may sound strange, but it’s a thing. Between time zone differences, piled up work, inspiration overload, and general life evaluation - it’s been a rough couple of weeks. I’ll say this though - I am a blessed/fortunate man who has had more opportunity than most, and I don’t want to waste another minute.

I love you all. I don’t drink, but I feel drunk. My guard is down. My heart is full. I’d hug you if you were in front of me. Maybe you need one. I usually do. But if hugs aren’t your thing, a high five, a smile, or just a knowing glance. I’m here. You’re here. We can just be.

So here’s to you Hubski... I raise my metaphorical glass to you. And to you. And to this place. And to mk... wherever he is this week...thanks for opening early.

thenewgreen  ·  101 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: October 9th 2019  ·  

I was in Paris for 4 days. It changed me. I saw what life should be like. It should take 3 hours to have lunch. You should walk everywhere you go. You should only build buildings worth building. You should have the largest and most beautiful of those buildings dedicated to showcasing art.

The people have a leisurely way to them, while also having a definitive style. It’s remarkable. It’s a remarkably beautiful place. It’s the new gold standard for cities for me.

I’ll return.

cgod  ·  101 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: October 9th 2019  ·  

One of my cats learned how to kill birds and proceeded to attempt a neighborhood genocide. He went from not killing birds to killing one or two a day.

We ordered some bell collars and his kill count went down to one every two days.

We have more bells coming today, they are supposedly louder and ring easier than the ones we have.

I took his collar off today to adjust the bells (he was able to hook their rings on his teeth). He bolted during the collar adjustment and came back 20 min later with a bird.

If I can't get the bird kill rate down to something like one a year than he'll only be able to go outside at night.

He's a hell of a cat. The vet just saw him and said something like "this is what a healthy cat should look like!" He's lean fit and smart. I've never had a smart cat before.

Hope I can get a handle on his murderous behavior.

I'm drinking Broken Top bourbon from Sisters Oregon, I think they have bourbon figured out at their price point.

flac  ·  158 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: August 14, 2019  ·  x 2

Married.

More to follow after honeymoon.

zebra2  ·  101 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: October 9th 2019  ·  

You can’t prove it. This is a perfect pubski. I won’t tell you anything.

johnnyFive  ·  100 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: October 9th 2019  ·  

I went to a CLE (continuing legal education) thing at my alma mater last week. The theme was restorative justice, basically the idea that there may be better responses to crime than just throwing people in jail. It was good to see the work being done, and also that it was being done by people actually in a position to do something (some of the speakers included a local trial judge and a prosecutor). The last speakers were a couple of guys who had only recently gotten out of prison for murder, and who helped co-found a local group trying to stop street violence before it starts. They were really amazing, and I had a good conversation with one of them afterwards. You can tell when people get It, even if you couldn't explain what It is, and these two get It.

The keynote was given by Dr. Johonna Turner, who is with the Zehr Institute for Restorative Justice at Eastern Mennonite University, just up the road. To start with, and I recognize the unfairness of this, she was the first person I've ever heard use words like "intersectionality" without making it sound like all the ills of the world are my fault as a white cisgendered male. She managed to talk about these things and somehow make it feel like everyone in the room (or me, when I was talking to her later) was in it together. I probably spent an hour talking to her after the main event ended, and even ended up giving her a ride back to her hotel afterwards. She was very patient with my fumbling attempts to talk about issues of gender and race.

Meanwhile, I'm in the market for a new psychiatrist, as the one I had is leaving practice (or at least the local one). I was able to get in with one earlier this week, but I was not impressed. Apropos of nothing he started talking about how when he did inpatient work, most of his job was in sussing out fraudulent requests for hospitalization, and spent a good chunk of our appointment bemoaning drug-seeking behavior. He doesn't take depression seriously as a thing, totally blowing off my own issues with that particular condition (which are getting worse of late). He talked about the low success rate of a given antidepressant as if that were meaningful, especially given that it's basically impossible to know if a given drug will work for a given person ahead of time (and objectively measuring the effectiveness is super difficult). It was all very surreal, and I get the impression that he's out on his own because of anger at The System. But it's also clear that he's very stuck in his ways, and is more interested in them than listening to me. (This was further supported by the fact that he kept talking about out-of-pocket costs despite my having insurance, and that we spent half my appointment going through the questions that I'd already filled out on the intake paperwork.) Ironically one of the things that I was excited about was that, according to his intake person when I made the appointment, he typically avoids stimulants in treating ADHD. I'd be glad to change, because the med crash is a bitch. He instead prescribed a stimulant. To be fair, he did say that this one tends to be a more gradual come down, although I'm skeptical of his statement that I wouldn't notice it wearing off. I still have a couple months of meds from my previous doc, so at least I have some time.