New plan:

- Withdraw from my university in the US

- Finish my bachelor here in Germany (3-4 semesters)

- Master's here in English (or European Literatures)

- Doctorate here in English

- English professor somewhere in the German-speaking world, with focus on theatre from a literary/historical perspective

I haven't 100% processed this? But I withdrew my remaining credit balance from the American uni, and I've worked out finances for the next 2 years at least.

I think I'm pretty excited, guys.

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New favorite idiom: das Leben ist kein Ponyhof (pronounced in Baden "s Läbe isch kei Ponyhof")

Life isn't a pony farm :)

First Pubski Post:

Moved from Anchorage, AK to the small but beautiful town of Kenai, AK. My girlfriend and I moved in together here so, big steps! We've been here about a month so far. Enjoying life, happy to be alive and well. Finances were somewhat strained during the move but finally feel like I'm getting back on track. New job down here is great; I moved from a large-small business to a small-small business haha my two coworkers are pretty cool and I think I'll be a productive member of this community.

Both the gf and I have not really found too many friends in our age group. This bothers her more than it does me but I think that with some time here we will both find some people we can get along with and build some friendships. Working on finding some groups/clubs to invest some time into to help this along.

I started a garden! Currently growing a few varieties of squash, broccoli, peas, potatoes, parsley, cilantro, scallions, carrots, snow apples, lettuce, beets, rhubarb, strawberries, raspberries and a whole lot of wildflowers mixed in everywhere.

The king salmon run has been one of the slowest in the last 50 years which has been hurting the freezer a bit but I'm gearing up for dipnetting! Hopefully, I'll be able to get a few dozen for the winter months.

I've taken the following goals to heart this summer:

Enjoy myself.

Work hard.

Strive for personal betterment.

Hope you all are living it up out there!

- Merlin

My older sister (SIS) got married last week. I'mma vent some detailed shit.

tl;dr older sister marries racist she barely knows.

I met the groom, brother-in-law, (BIL) about 24 hours before the ceremony. SIS met BIL 12 months ago on Christian Mingle. She was on there because she's been in a foreign country for 2 years and doesn't speak the language. Also Evangelical Christian. He's on there because he's 28 and never had a girlfriend, not once. Also Evangelical Christian. From the deep South. They met twice before a proposal. Total time spent in each other's presence at that point: <6 days. It's a 4 month engagement.

My wife is black. She's a bridesmaid. Several family members preempt, warn that BIL has "drunk deeply of the culture", whispers of "latent racism". He's from the delta. BIL apparently has a hilarious sassy black mammy voice. Very funny, I'm sure. He thinks he's progressive though. Finds it offensive that people find the accent offensive, "It's just a joke!" He doesn't use the voice in front of my wife. Doesn't speak to her, not ever.

Successful rehearsal regardless. Very isolated pockets of conversation, clear division of bride/groom families. Amid hubbub, at one point I hear a practiced Butterfly McQueen imitation. "Miss Scarlett, I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies," is just as funny as I expected it to be at a rehearsal dinner. Very appropriate. This one isn't BIL though, it's his best man. According to sources, BIL is a Hatty McDaniel type.

So me, brother to the bride and usher, trying to invite people out for drinks post-rehearsal dinner. Speaking to the groomsmen and their partners, all Southern gents and gals my age, all heavily accented. Talk is going well, nice-ish folks. Wife drops in, peck on the cheek, introduce her to everyone. Groomsmen clam the fuck up, no longer interested in drinks, no eye contact, conversational circle closes, "We're good, man. Thanks."

Oh word? Ok. Yeah. We're "good".

Wedding day. Big day. Busy, busy, busy. Lots of last minute changes. One change, my wife now has to wear a white shawl to cover her arms, ostensibly to conceal her visible tattoos. Bridesmaids are already in modest floor-length dresses during a Southern summer. Now a cardigan? The only bridesmaid to need one apparently. Also, natural hair is a no go. BIL's mom: "We need you to straighten it, honey."

Hmmm...this is nearly unbearable. Wife is a good sport, lovely disposition, a real gem this one. We practice a mantra: These people will never leave their bayou; they mean nothing to me and you.

Gets a good chuckle, but still. Very interested in getting her away from these people. Providing her pleeeenty of alcohol from various suit pockets. This wedding was Saharan dry. Remember, Evangelical.

Wedding occurs, sermon, communion, kiss is an A-framed pucker. I think I hear their teeth click, might've been someone's camera shutter.

BIL's mom and dad are a photographer's nightmare, very condescending. BIL's mom is an amateur photographer, uses the word "auteur" self-descriptively but it sounds more like "otter" with a second syllable accent and a hard "R" of course. Nightmare. Groom's side gets family shots first, then both, then bride's. As bride's family's ordering up, wife and I stand close near the edge. Audibly, BIL's mom: "Oh, is she family? I didn't realize."

I'm steaming.

Getaway car's parked outside, it's BIL's dad's. Bumper stickers are all Trump, Trump, Trump. Maga. Don't tread on me. Amendment 2. Red hat on the back passenger seat. You know what it is. So I snap a photo, send to the wife. She texts back, "Let's go. Now." Puff of smoke emoji.

Now approaching "Get Out" territory, I don't need a second word. We leave, drive 14 hours up the coast that night, no sleep. Fueled on caffeine, anger, and juicy fuckin' gossip. SIS was never a smart kid, but she picked a bad one. Like...cartoonishly racist, nothing latent about it. But we're home and safe.

Get a text from a cousin, SIS's confidante. SIS initiated marital sexy times, rubbing over the pants in the hotel. BIL cried as only a repressed Evangelical can. A lot. Wouldn't stop all night apparently. A no action night.

These people will never leave their bayou.

They mean nothing to me and you.

After the better part of two months of dating and second-dating and doubting and more dating, I'm finally seeing someone. We had a wonderfully romantic picknick this weekend, and we spent the afternoon today walking in and around her city, getting ice cream and holding hands. Good vibes, let's see where it'll take me. :)

Work is busy. I knew these two weeks would be particularly heavy, but wasn't expecting this. Gotta say no more often, even if the project is cool.

Uhm.

I ran a MARATHON this week, and signed up for another... And will probably run a 2nd 50k this year. And am going climbing outdoors after work today. Because the pacific northwest is the best place in the goddamn world for me right now. This year is shaping up so much better than I could have hoped for despite the set backs. I want to keep that momentum going.

Went on a couple of dates with a girl this past week, and realized a key component was missing from my last relationship. There wasn't enough of an "edge" to it, and I think I understand why people break up with nice guys a lot better now...

Adventures in homelessness!

At the end of March I got kicked out/left sober living. I possibly could have stayed but it had been 6 months and that was the agreed to length with my family. And I've had a social worker since January who was supposed to be working on getting me housing. That's the part I want to talk about because it was fucked up and I don't want to bitch about my mistakes and what a raw deal I got because of them.

I slept in my car for a bout a week. I got a couple nights in hotels but that didn't last long because I'm poor. After a week or two I got ahold of my social worker. I'd not seen her in a few weeks because of work. I got ahold of her by calling her supervisor. That process took a week or two. She told me the housing program she'd applied to for me took six months. A detail that would have been nice to know up front and I have no idea why she left out because I told her I wanted to leave sober living because it was expensive and not very beneficial. So we meet the next week and she has two more immediate programs I can apply for. The one through her agency involves the application that I fill out with her, a letter from a random shelter I've never been to verifying that I am homeless (pretty much because I said so, but I need a fucking letter from a stranger who doesn't know anything about me), and a medical records release. From the doctor who works in the agency I'm applying for the program through. I have to drive to the shelter, twice I think it was, drive to the doctor's building and wait like three days for the doctor to sign the ROI. That's a lot of fucking leg work in an area with piss poor public transportation to apply to a program meant for mentally ill homeless people. How the fuck do you do this without a car?

I get all this bullshit, give it to the social worker and a week or so later I get interviewed for the program. Not admitted. I do get admitted right away and get a call about an apart a few hours later. The state agency contracts with apartment complexes in the area. So I go to the complex the next day and fill out the application like I'm a regular tenant. And the next day I fail the background check for a misdemeanor. Why the fuck would you contract with a complex that is that strict about renting if you're serving a population not known for clean criminal histories?

A little about the agency, I don't know the exact structure of how things work in Georgia but we have community mental health boards that serve low income people who need mental health and/or substance abuse treatment. Which is great in theory. I've dealt with the ones in three other counties and had no serious problems. The one in a different suburb got me into a similar arrangement to the one I'm in now in a week and put me in a hotel while I waited. Whoever is distributing money here decided to combine the largest suburban metro county with a neighboring county that's not small itself. There seems to be some flex in how these different agencies run themselves and this one is a dumpster fire. Structurally and due to the burden they're under.

But back to the joy of dealing with them. I get turned down which was pretty devastating itself but now I have a second social worker who tells me there's an availability at a different complex with a roommate. I get a call a Week(?) later from a third social worker telling me that that unit is available and he'll call me the following week. I don't hear from him. I wait until Wednesday and try to call him. II tell my original social worker what's going on. By this point I've lost my new, housing social worker's number because I over estimated how long numbers stay in recent calls on an iPhone. She doesn't know who the other two are and they don't know who she is. They all do the same job in the same location in the same agency.

The timeline is not as clear at this point. It was about forty days from the denial to actually getting into the apartment. And the two new social workers are under the impression that I'm sleeping in my car the whole time. My mom was putting me up in Air BNBs. Which is not legally homeless here. I'm legally more homeless now than when I was in an Air BNB or a hotel. According to the first social worker I was homeless for six months according to the state because part of the definition is being in temporary housing which according to her a sober living qualifies as. So luxury apartment in boujie Cobb county: homeless. Hotel room in ghetto Cobb: not homeless.

I forgot the part where I had to meet social worker 3 in a parking lot one day for no reason I can figure out.

This is a shortened version of all this bullshit. Last year I was on the street for a similar amount of time and this has been so much worse. I spent a lot of that time last year in hospitals for a few different things. I got more dramatic sounding stories from that experience but repeatedly having the ladder kicked out from under me this time has been way more taxing. And I'm getting better treatment than a lot of the people in this area.

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

BSc as of yesterday and, hopefully, BSc² on Friday.

During my physics defence, one of the examiners noticed that I was getting progressively more nervous and cracked a joke to help me loosen up. Suffices to say that it did its job. It was so corny that even everyone else sitting on the examination committee started laughing. The man's a saint.

Now I need to compile stuff for grad school admissions, research scholarships, update my resume and focus on job searching. Still hoping for that metrologist position I mentioned last month, even though it seems like one of those "non-engineers need not apply" things.

I'm also considering applying for a third degree, either in chemistry or materials science. Course-wise it's nowhere near as insane as I thought it would be and I've been delving into that rabbit hole for over a year on my own anyway. But it's all speculative, hinging on things like my finances, time management and, hopefully, part-time employment. Those concerns, unfortunately, outrank any academic plans beyond 'finish grad school' I could have for myself. I might need to settle on taking one or two labs and some courses from the second year if anything at all. I guess that's one approach to adulting.

But yeah, my next few weeks are going to be about coordinating something like twelve+ big-ish things in parallel, two of which happening/about to happen thanks to galen and kleinbl00. Another one of them is moving in with one of my friends next week. It's his idea as he was looking for a flatmate since at least February without much luck. Everything to leave this place behind. Good riddance.

At least I now have two games to look forward. Cyberpunk 2020 that I'll be GMing and the continuation of 'no casters allowed' D&D campaign prepared by the abovementioned friend.

A bunch of you guys have aspirational goals or achievements to post about almost every week but my Venn diagram of 'willing to post publicly' and 'interesting' is small. Work is good but not exciting and mostly interesting but not something I'm passionate about.

I don't usually share hobbies either- most don't seem like they would be in the general interest, or I don't get deep enough to the point I want to share because I hardly get past the novice stage.

I feel like I should have something I'm really working towards but right now I don't. 'Which Hogwarts house would you belong to' came up at my in-laws and it turns out I'm definitely not ambitious and driven enough to be Slytherin, or perseverant enough to be Hufflepuff. If I'm a Gryffindor I show to much dislike for any outward sign of bravery to fit in well there, so I'm probably the Ravenclaw that looks dumb in comparison because I'm not at all brilliant, cheating is for Slytherins and maybe Gryffindors, and studying hard is for Hufflepuffs. I'm not unhappy with all this - working a pretty good job with small increments to experience and skills and responsibilities, and enjoying time on whatever hobby interests me at the time. I'm just kinda uncomfortable that i don't have a direction to really push myself right now.

If I had a point when I started writing this, it's gone now. I didn't mean this to sound so whiney.

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Recently I have been refreshing/relearning some dynamic-system modeling and controls and playing with some data visualization stuff in jupyter notebooks. It's one place where a 'hobby' and 'might someday be useful at work or somewhere' overlap.

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Also I'm going on vacation to Hawaii in a couple weeks. Anyone have suggestions?

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Also has anyone ever used IPFS for anything useful. Seems interesting to play with.

Tomorrow I show off a bunch of jewelry. My instructor has insisted that I also bring along the little CNC cannon I made in CNC class. I'm bringing some goddamn guilloche while I'm at it. The past three months in a nutshell: "precious objects" three different ways. The day after that I get on a plane and leave for four months.

I find myself researching obnoxious things like 7-axis Swiss machining centers... while also researching engraving. I'm rapidly pushing myself in truly strange directions. I can only hope they're lucrative.

I'm trying very, very hard to feel sorry for myself but the reality of the situation is I come home every ten days, I own the mother of all laptops for teaching myself CAM, and I'm paid an exhorbitant rate to watch TV for four months so that the other eight or so are absolutely unfettered by responsibility. This whole "teach yourself to be Cartier" bullshit is no one's fault but mine and I do obnoxious things like buy hexacore Xeon laptops because I can, goddamn it.

Remember that, kids: if you keep playing the game of life as if you intend to win it, you will eventually. But then you'll find yourself glum over having to make a dozen first-class flights over the next six months while sitting in your air-conditioned Porsche listening to audiobooks about other peoples' hardships.

What has two thumbs and fuckin' $80 allen wrenches? this guy.

'Sup pubski. I'll take water.

Relationships

I said (half) my piece to the lady friend. Took her better part of the week to get back to me, requesting a meet up or phone call. Was supposed to meet up today, but she wanted to reschedule. I opted for in-person again. Curious what she has to say, since I didn't expect to hear back from her in the first place.

Edit: Been making plans with other peeps to get back into the groove of reaching out to people... Rather than resorting to meeting up with her as I was for the past few months. Considering some peer groups as other outlets.

School

Smooth sailing this summer. Expecting Fall -> graduation to be the same. Looking for living spaces for that last couple months of school. Slacking on the ever looming job search (for something full-time) lately wanting to find the latitude to make my trip across the pond indefinite.

Edit 2: Traded my ol' tablet to my roommate for his ol' kindle. Really fucking like this mode of reading. Ate up a couple books over the past month or so. Feels nice. Will be able to contribute to the book reading thread now.

a day late to the pub.... but I gotta tell ya... I'm back in the saddle. It has been too long since I've regularly ridden my bike to work. I am in full blown endorphin afterglow right now. My mind is so clear and I feel so focused. I hate that I let life get in the way of a good bicycle commute. My new commute is about 40% longer than the previous one, so I'm still working up to it, but I'm fortunate to have a coworker who lives nearby. For months we have been carpooling, but now that I'm back in the saddle, I'm riding in Monday, hitching a ride home Monday night and Tuesday Morning, and then riding the chariot home Tuesday night. Lather, rinse, repeat on Wed-Thur. It couldn't work out better. I have the parking pass for the parking garage, so it's a bonus for him, and I get a free ride home until my conditioning is up to snuff. VICTORY. It's not as cushy as my old commute either - a lot more time on surface streets than before which leaves me feeling a bit more vulnerable, but I'm not riding through the war zone like kleinbl00.

Anyway - happy trails to you all. Keep on rockin' in the free world.

Headed to Chicago for the night. Having dinner with some prospective doctors. Then, tomorrow I am heading to a medical facility that treats players from the NFL to get them on boarded with Forever Labs.

We are hiring and it’s going well with the exception of one role; I need a full stack senior developer based in Michigan. If you know anyone...

Summer in Michigan is fun. As mk says it gives you amnesia. You forget how much winter sucks.

Lots of upcoming travel. NYC, LA, Austin and I’m sure soon... San Fran. At least they’re all cool places.

I’m gonna meditate now in the Uber. Been using the app “Calm.”

Onward!

Edit: also, found out I have a hernia. So there’s that.

I could use some of that professional and financial optimism right now. Currently I'm having trouble not counting the reasons I have to be jaded with my career situation. I'm making about double what I was two years ago, and living nearly the same lifestyle, but after student loan payments, retirement, owning a car (which I never used to), and a bit more on rent, I'm basically not any better off than when I was living off a measly grad student stipend. I’m not ok with that.

In the grand scheme of things, I'm not that bad off, but meanwhile I have friends who never went to school and are making 2+ times what I am and own houses already. Theoretically I should be able to squeeze a lot more money out of my career compared to what I am now, but that possibility shows no signs of materializing at the moment. Right now I’m stuck in a position when I know that I’m underpaid but can’t escape just yet because I’d be burning bridges and that’s just how the academic/scientific world works.

Currently watching Uruguay vs. Egypt in a pub in downtown Oslo. For the next pint, I’ll be on the patio doing some people watching. Norway is really something. France was pretty neat too. Massive trip report incoming in a couple weeks after I move cities myself (back in the states).

Paper was accepted, I made the journal’s cover :). Massive amount of citations inbound.

But I do miss my girl.

I'm an uncle now. There were some complications during the birth but the baby is out safe and sound and the mother is recovering well. I intend to write a rhyming children's book for my nephew and illustrate it myself. It'll be some time before he can understand it, but I can't draw yet so it'll be some time before I can illustrate it.

I just got back from my fourth kayaking session on the river. I love it. Everyone is super friendly and the coaches are informative and attentive. They can train you up through the various awards so you can become a coach yourself too, which I definitely want to do. There's a surprising amount of different techniques you can perform with the paddle. And it's great how much of a full body workout it is; you don't actually don't use your arms that much. My shoulders and legs are now the loosest they've been in years.

It's almost a year since my last trip to Canada. I've been meaning to write a trip report for ages but my brother has all the photos, so I'm waiting on him to process and upload them all. Here's a teaser:

Last month I broke my record for most amount of 'productivity hours'. I'm happy with how much my music is progressing. There's always things to improve upon though. I heard a quote the other day that went along the lines of: "There was once a time where you dreamed of being where you are now". I'll try to remember that when I'm 10 hours and 20 attempts into coming up with the next section of a track.

I'm also working on 2 comedy podcasts with a friend. The first is a purely improv thing where we play a couple of hapless and deplorable film producers who give ridiculous behind-the-scenes commentary of films. It's rude, puerile, and absurd. It's a total laugh to do. The second is a written show. It's still finding its feet so I can't say too much about it yet, but it's quite dark and has more of a 'human condition' edge to it.

Went to Portland, OR for the first time in my life this past week; brother graduated his MFA program and also proposed to his long-term GF. Stayed with them. Yay! Still decompressing more than having anything to say about it.

I thought this would be the right opportunity to let y'all know I've made an art/cartoons/sketches/comics Instagram and if you like what i draw, please feel free to follow peep and regram here. I realized I do a lot of art and I want to share it with people, faster and uglier than the process to get it published anywhere permits. I want to share when it's fresh hot rough and still exciting to me. Some sketches are going to be funny and some are going to try way too hard...but I wanna send them and embrace creativity, trying, failing and learning as opposed to trying to perfect things when I ain't know barely noshit about comics or cartoons or a lot of art as it is anyway.

I realized I felt constricted posting art to my personal insta; I felt like I was humblebragging or feared posting too much. It's so simple but this alt really did enable me to feel comfortable posting my stuff up, bypassing those feelings by just separating art out.

I want to have fun and put things out there and share things. I'm a dilettante, but I try to make it fun.