I'm gonna miss Inbox :(

She sounds like an incredible lady. So sorry for your loss; we'll all keep you in our thoughts. Sending love <3

Wanderers Before the Sea of Fog, Donaueschingen

Not my shot, but from the next night, when I climbed down into the source of the Danube and stole some source water :)

See also:

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/25/business/media/buzzfeed-layoffs.html

The quiz is created by a BuzzFeed community contributor, which means they're not an employee and have no ties to the company. They're basically using the company's platform to make fun of them.

Had a doctor's appointment, got a referral to a psychiatrist. Made an appointment with a counselor from the school, and I'll ask the psychiatrist for a referral to a proper therapist. Priority number one right now is getting out of this deep funk; then, figuring out how much homesickness is just depression manifested and how much is "real"--in other words, whether I will be able to manage this once I'm healthy, or whether I really need to look into ways of going home. Baby steps.

In the meantime, I wrote a poem.

splinter (11:29pm)

  Tear out these new roots,
  so young
  they're just splinters.
  I don't need another home.
  I got mine.
  Orange bright across our skyline
  Hill country of my heart
  I got
  roots.
  I got home.
  That
            empty road across your soul
  that
            silence before the sunset,
  this is where my grandfather died,
  and I couldn't fly in to see him.
  That's home, motherfucker.
  Take me back.

Doesn't help that I'm writing two presentations and two papers and starting a new job this week. The stress is hell on my mental state, but what can you do. I already put off one presentation and the job for a week, eventually I just have to do it. Wish me luck, y'all.

i assume that someone with real knowledge will come explain this in a minute, but my understanding for now is that there are now 4 possibilities:

- they keep negotiating and find a new brexit deal before the deadline and pass it in parliament (lol good luck)

- they convince the eu to give them an extension on leaving (maybe)

- they just up and leave the eu without any kind of deal, which fucks over british trade and immigration for, like, a while (nobody seems to rly want this, but it's what happens if nothing else changes, so it's a real possibility)

- new referendum and hopefully a remain vote this time (seems unlikely? but maybe)

Then go read the study, lol. This is a magazine article.

Absolutely! Text me details? :)

I don't really know what I'm doing and mental health is hard to talk about but sometimes it's good so hi

I've been back in Freiburg for 4 days and I'm doing really really poorly, I'm incredibly homesick all the time, depressed and anxious, can't get any work done and can't sleep. (And the stress nausea! Oh, the stress nausea!) I cried every day since the day before I left home because I just didn't wanna go and now I just wanna go back. Did some calculations and I'll probably have to stay here for 3 more semesters after this one's done just to finish my BA, which sounds like an unimaginable, unbearable length of time to be so far from home. And between work and school here, if I stay, I'll only be home around 2 weeks a year. Questioning if it's even worth it considering that I have no idea what I would do with my BA (and I'm 19!!)

Today's been better, I guess. Got an extension on a presentation I was stressing about, finally got a fair amount of uni work done, even though I haven't left my apartment since yesterday. Plans with a friend this evening. And I made a doctor's appointment for next week so I can ask for a referral to a therapist and a psychiatrist. But for now it's just really fucking hard, you guys.

Well wishes/prayers/whatever you believe in appreciated.

Been thinking a lot about this Alexi Murdoch song as I try to fend off the homesickness.

Well I had a dream I

stood beneath an orange sky

Yes I had a dream I

stood beneath an orange sky

with my brother standing by

with my brother standing by