This semester has seen me kick fitness into high gear. And cousin, my body is a-brusin'. Gymnastics training, primarily the floor and high bar events. Club soccer practices. Weightlifting. And because of the newest teammate on the gymnastics club, I've been introduced to the wonderful and wild world of CrossFit. This newest member is an older student like myself who took a few year break in the middle of her undergraduate degree. In that break she trained for, qualified, and competed in CrossFit Worlds. I can't really convey how much of a monster achievement that is. She's also one of the nicest people ever, too. (Slight crush? Maaaybe.)
It's addicting to see progress in my gymnastics. And the camaraderie on the team is really sustaining.
I'm supremely content with this part of my life. That said, I've been turning something over in my mind for a few weeks now. It has to do with my desire for social approbation, particularly through--but not limited to--social media. It's crazy how much time I spend on Instagram. I also find myself working into conversation recent acrobatic accomplishments. On Insta, I check not only the reactions my posts and "stories" get, but look at other semi-famous users and imagine what their lives are like. Some people (typically gymnasts) find a niche as super-competent athletes that attract tens of thousands of viewers to their training sessions, meal preparation, motivational posts, etc. I think choosing to become an Instagram celebrity has to be one of the most hollow pursuits imaginable. But... my lord, when I post a video and the reactions pour in, it's like someone at Instagram hacked my monkey brain and is pulling at the levers.
I guess this is all to say that I intellectually understand that self-aggrandizing is tacky, immature, and can come across as insecure. Yet I've noticed I do it a lot. And it's not sitting right with me. I strive to be aware of it, only doing it when I feel it's appropriate. But it "seems" appropriate a lot of them time.
I think self-aggrandizement comes down to wanting to signal traits you have to others. And I wish I had the patience for my traits to be discovered rather than shown-off. What are your thoughts, pubski?