I think for a lot of people they say things like, "I just can't live with myself anymore," and that's pretty fucked up. It creates a dualism, you and yourself. You aren't "living with yourself," you ARE yourself. Most of the self-loathing we have is due to us focusing on the past or fretting about the future. i.e., I don't like the choices I've made or I'm not prepared to be this rockstar in the future. This is insane. There's no past, no future, only the ever present now. That said, being totally present is easier said than done. As for me, I know when I've made choices that don't align with my values and when that occurs, I give myself permission to not like the decision, but it doesn't define "me." In the past I have had some real issues with "me," and it always stemmed from me feeling shame for past decisions rather than healthy guilt for past decisions. It's all good to take stock of choices and say, "that choice sucked." But it's no good to say, "I suck." Big difference that many people struggle with. Also, many of the things I felt guilt for were for things that happened TO me and not anything that I, myself, did willingly.
It's rough being a human. We have memories that can take root in all we do if we let them. I've started meditating of late and it's been fantastic! I highly recommend it to anyone that is struggling with self-loathing. Ask yourself a simple question, "What in this moment is lacking?"
Also, fwiw each one of you is amazing. especially steve.
EDIT: Also, be mindful of your thoughts. How do you talk to yourself? That brain is YOURS don't let it say shitty things. I've introduced a new mantra "Start Again." If I find negativity in my head, I say "start again." It gives me permission to wipe the mental slate and start again.