and everyone else
I think for a lot of people they say things like, "I just can't live with myself anymore," and that's pretty fucked up. It creates a dualism, you and yourself. You aren't "living with yourself," you ARE yourself. Most of the self-loathing we have is due to us focusing on the past or fretting about the future. i.e., I don't like the choices I've made or I'm not prepared to be this rockstar in the future. This is insane. There's no past, no future, only the ever present now. That said, being totally present is easier said than done. As for me, I know when I've made choices that don't align with my values and when that occurs, I give myself permission to not like the decision, but it doesn't define "me." In the past I have had some real issues with "me," and it always stemmed from me feeling shame for past decisions rather than healthy guilt for past decisions. It's all good to take stock of choices and say, "that choice sucked." But it's no good to say, "I suck." Big difference that many people struggle with. Also, many of the things I felt guilt for were for things that happened TO me and not anything that I, myself, did willingly. It's rough being a human. We have memories that can take root in all we do if we let them. I've started meditating of late and it's been fantastic! I highly recommend it to anyone that is struggling with self-loathing. Ask yourself a simple question, "What in this moment is lacking?" Also, fwiw each one of you is amazing. especially steve. EDIT: Also, be mindful of your thoughts. How do you talk to yourself? That brain is YOURS don't let it say shitty things. I've introduced a new mantra "Start Again." If I find negativity in my head, I say "start again." It gives me permission to wipe the mental slate and start again.
PAY ATTENTION KIDS! TNG SPOUTING WISDOM ALL UP IN HERE. I do take slight issue with How do you talk to yourself? That brain is YOURS don't let it say shitty things. I've introduced a new mantra "Start Again." If I find negativity in my head, I say "start again." It gives me permission to wipe the mental slate and start again.
You aren't "living with yourself," you ARE yourself.
only because of some stuff that crops up when I meditate. After sitting regularly for a while, you will notice that there's two you's up in your head. There's the stream of thoughts that pours out of your brain, like 'What was that noise? Did I pay my water bill? I wonder what I should make for dinner? This seat is uncomfortable.' and then there is the 'you' that watches that process happen. Your brain creates thoughts just like your pancreas create insulin, like your gallbladder creates bile. But there's definitely something else that sits in between the stream issuing from the brain and our actions.
That blows my mind. You are an easy man to like; generous, engaging and open minded. I personally believe you are a better person than I'll ever be. I wonder what it is that you dislike about yourself the most? What could you do about it? It's my hunch that you strengthen and empower many of the people around you. I'm guessing that you open many people's minds to more liberal and Christian points of view than they are often presented with. While I haven't followed all your posts here I think you are in some ways playing your cards close to your chest here on Hubski. You seem like you were born a generation ahead of many of your peers and in that way you are a leader.
I absolutely have times when I do not like myself. It's not for any particular reason, it's just - I was describing it the other day and the best I could come up with is that there are occasionally days where I am just not a fan of myself or anything i am doing or could be doing, really. It's like ennui except there is no excitement that I could find to dispel it.
This is a question and a half to ponder first thing after waking up. I'm not entirely sure. That's a bit ironic as someone who has often professed to others the importance of loving oneself. I liked cgod's take on it, I certainly enjoy myself. I can and do spend hours in my own company with no qualms at all. On other hand, I kind of feel like I'm a person always on the brink of potential but never actually achieving anything notable. I guess that's hard when you've decided to pursue music for the majority of adult life. Or at least it's perused me. Sometimes I feel like I only keep it up because it's the thing I'm best at. I don't know if I have the drive or strength to do the work required to keep progressing. I think if I'm being honest with myself I do ultimately like being myself, for the most part. But I guess it's testing when you're going through the whole mid-twenties 'crisis'. Especially when you're living at your parents in a sleepy little market town. Damn it's dull. But the only way I could escape right now is by betraying my principles and getting some soul crushing work in a city. So for now I'll just lay low and save.
I don't know if I like myself but I enjoy myself. I'm just another terrible human. The older I get the more convinced I am that people are just foul creatures and that I'm really no different. It seems oddly old testament, fire and brimstone of me. My mind has often lingered on the idea that life isn't fair but it can be fun. Maybe my mental health is a little off kilter. I'm intensely focused on surviving 80+ hour work weeks without breaking. I don't think I'm in bad shape just in a mindset to do what I need to do.
It's funny, I keep finding new highs of kindness and selflessness to inspire me, and new depths of depravity to scare the bejeezus out of me. I've mostly accepted that as cynically fun it is to say something to the effect of 'People can't surprise me anymore,' there will always be someone, somewhere doing something unexpected. I enjoy finding those people.The older I get the more convinced I am that people are just foul creatures
I like being myself when I'm alone. And when I'm with my absolute closest friends. I'm pretty good at alone. I go out to eat, I run and hike, I smile at people I pass on the street, happy to see a smile back and happy knowing that person will never think of me again. I dislike being myself when conversations are involved, even with pretty good friends. I don't think I'm interesting and don't think I say the right things.
I generally like myself. I'm young and smart and pretty and the world is my oyster. Even when I'm insecure about something, I still like myself, which I think is pretty uncommon. I don't like myself when I harm another person. Grey area for doing something embarrassing.
There's lots of binary in this discussion. I'll start with my personal binary. I'm a big fan of myself on paper. Resume-wise, personal history-wise, where I am now, versus where I was a few years ago, versus, where I theoretically could be now if a few dice didn't land on six. There's a lot to be happy about and grateful for and proud of. How I feel about myself however, is more a question of perception than one of fact. I am very good at completely discounting anything and everything good, positive and productive that I've done in the past if I am in a very self-critical mood. That's when I'm not a fan of being me. When I swat down each achievement and keep piling up all the things I could have theoretically done differently, or even worse, the extensive list of reasons why I'm just a bad candidate for being a living, breathing homo sapiens. But the question 'Do you always like being yourself?' is an iterated version of the question 'Do you like yourself right now?' How I feel about myself at any given moment, on any given day is subject to lots of context. How are things going at work? Have I meditated today? What's my blood chemistry (Sugar, cortisol, various other factors) like? Did I start the day in a mental health black hole? And the big one for me, 'Have I done my best to be a positive in the lives of those around me?'
I absolutely love being me, and I really wish more people could say the same. Sometimes, I try to go about facilitating this, but my efforts are usually clumsy, at best. The only way that I'm not comfortable in my own skin is when I'm thinking of my own mortality. But no adult has zero medical problems, and I'm just lucky that most of mine seem to reside outside of my brain.
I do. I don't like being myself when I am 10, and lying to my grandpa. I don't like myself when I am 17, and failing high school because it doesn't matter. But I like being me in any present moment. I am in control of me now. I figured out I can _chose_ how to feel about something and if I regret something I just did, I don't hate myself for it. I learn from it and deal with the consequences impartially and move on.
Do I always like being myself? Yes. Yes, I do. Because I am honest, straightforward, and comfortable with being by myself. Honesty: Just be honest. Don't be a dick about it. Just be honest. It means you don't have to try to keep up a facade or network of lies. Straightforward: Think about what you actually want, and then ask for it. Be straightforward in your dealings. People want to make other people happy, so if you are honest and straightforward about your desires/motivations, then people generally bend over backwards to make those things happen. Be Comfortable With Being Alone: This is the most important thing of all. You need to find a way to be perfectly happy with being with yourself. When you can just sit, without distraction (tv, music, conversation, etc), for as long as you want, you are at balance with yourself. And then you can be a good partner for someone else. I spent decades making noise - turning on music, talking excessively, etc - to fill in the gaps. To fill the quiet spaces with noise, so I didn't have to be alone with myself and my thoughts. This constant running from myself eventually ended one marriage, ended a second engagement, and chased me across 6 countries, as I ran away from myself and my discomfort with being alone with me. So be honest, be straightforward in your dealings, and make peace with yourself. Then you can't NOT like yourself.
I read the question back to myself and it sounds weirder every time I say it. Not particularly? Don't get me wrong I don't hate myself, but there are definitely times that I very strongly dislike being who I am. I like to believe that I'm growing, and that one day I can honestly say I enjoy being myself all of the time.
Well, I admit I also wonder: does anyone like themselves 100% of the time? It is possible, or are you then a narcissist on some level? I don't think I have friends or family members that I know who I like all the time, so....should I like myself all of the time? We all fuck up sometimes, and I think it's reasonable for us to be unhappy with ourselves when we make mistakes...Isn't it? I don't know, I've been thinking about this this weekend.
One of the things that I wonder about is who is the real me? In the comfort of my own company I'm the type to dance around the room and act slightly foolish, but I probably wouldn't do that in public even if the mood struck me. Does it mean I dislike that part of myself? Or do I like the person I am being now too? I think it's weird for me because I view the self as hard to pin down.
I began meditating seriously maybe a month or two ago, and even to this point I have only made the question more complex in that time. I really don't have an answer when someone asks me who I am. I'm more willing to lean towards that idea that the self is very fluid, and its very hard to say I am any of those moments or I am all of them.
Nuance my friend, nuance. It's unhealthy to beat yourself up for every little mistake, but it's also unhealthy to gloss over them all with a big thick coat of 'I'm amazing on the whole so it really doesn't matter what gets fucked up in the process.'does anyone like themselves 100% of the time?
I'd say it's also unhealthy. A workable and useful truth lies somewhere between constant self-flagellation and ego indulgence. Personally, I'm working on judging myself by the same standard I judge others. Did you hurt anybody? Did you make someones day a little brighter? Are you working towards things you are passionate about?
It took me far too long to realize that the space inside my head is just fine. I like to think I turned out pretty much "OK" and have had this conversation with the parents that I'm glad they raised me right. Life is awesome right now, and I am working on keeping it that way.
At this point in my life being me is great. Health wise I'm in the best physical shape of my life, my diet is getting steadily better, and I'm in an incredibly privileged place in society in the sense that from the outside, I am the norm. However, this does present a lot of things that I struggle with mentally, as I'm trying to work towards embodying principles of anti-oppression and creating a more equal society. As a whole, though, I like being me right now. It's nice to have a group of people with similar interests that validate some of my quirks.
I think I am beginning to understand what can make a mid-life crisis, and it is scary stuff. I do my best to resist affording myself the luxury of separating myself from my actions. I am most happy when I feel like I am in a period of growth. I enjoy being myself.
I maintain a pretty positive outlook on my life. So yes, I like being myself. I don't think I ever dislike being myself. Sometimes I may regret an action, or I may want to remove myself from some situation. But yeah, I think I always like me.