So my life is basically gone - at least like it used to be.
I was that busy IB kid who swimmed 1 hour a week did boxercize on sundays and theater 2 hours on wednsdays. And was politically active. And got good grades.
But I felt tired all the time - I couldn't keep awake during lessons even as I tried ( and the teachers reaction was that of worry and not anger. They even let me fucking sleep sometimes.) - i got winded walking up the stairs - I would sleep during my free perisods. And everything felt so HARD. Everyone else had the energy to socialize and I had to focus to just keep myself staning on my feet for 5 minutes. I would usually just give up and sit down on the floor. I froze all the time. Shivered even though I wore heavy wool sweaters. I would go home and fall asleep on the bus. I would lay down in my bed and sleep and maybe browse the internet.
I thought I was just lazy and shit at studying because it felt so hard to focus. I though I was lazy because that is what my dad told me - and still tells me even as the nurses that give medical advice told my mother to take me to the ER because I seemed seriously ill and worst case scenario it was something with my heart. And the doctor basically said that something was seriously wrong and that they would take some tests and hopefully it wasn't something immidiatly terrifyingly deadly. (It's not - I have a time at the specialist next week. Ask and I will explain but I am already ranting)
And I just... I just eat and lay down and take baths and surf the internet and sleep if it's a good day and lay down to tired to even listen to podcasts I've heard before.
I'm fucking tired and frustrated and sick. Like really fucking sick.
And my parents think the idea of bringing me water and maybe even food to my bed is stupid so I have to drag myself out of bed and down the stairs and then prepare my food, take adlevenol and something to drink myself or I don't get any.
I am so glad I am good at cooking I can do that with a 38 degree fever. I know because I have.
I just hate this whole situation so, so , so much.
Also sorry bout all the mistakes in spelling but this computers spellcheck is Swedish. I'll get to fixing that but I just installed steam. I have "order of the stick" to play.
Have they checked for Lyme disease? 'cuz that sounds a lot like Lyme disease.
It's not a death sentence. It isn't even a life prison term. It is, however, a vast panorama of treatment approaches with a probability fan from moderate success to abject failure. Which is true for many chronic illnesses, not just Lyme, so be persistent. Eventually they'll figure out what's wrong, and that's the first step to recovery.
I'm sorry your parents aren't reacting well. Part of that is being a teenager. They'll feel guilty later.
They'll test for lyme desise I persume - it's very common in Sweden.
However - arthritis is in in the family on my mothers side - my grandma had a lot of the symtoms I'm having now as a child and my grandmas father had it SUPER bad.
Also the ER doctor said that even if I wasn't in pain my joints were overly flexible to to the point were they'd want to give help/invesigate based on that alone.
I haven't seen the specialist yet - but I'm refered to a specialist that specializes in arthritis in children.
Sorry you have to go through all that :( Can't imagine how hard that would be.
Sometimes a drastic change of pace and environment can help a lot.
Personally, I find momentum really powerful. When I get productive, it will last as long as I don't stop. When I get sad, it gets harder to get over it the longer I'm sad. I have trouble going back to normal after like 3 days, I can't can't imagine how much the effect is probably magnified when the sadness turns into depression :(
I hope this trip helps you out, my best memories are travel related, it really is an amazing expereience with loads of interesting encounters. And the cool part is that you're under no obligation to keep in contact with people unless you want to. Sometimes you get super close and have the time of your life with someone for 3 days. They become family and they you part ways and never talk again. I like the idea that after a while you become a mini chapter in someone's life.
My good friend Dan, (played drums on all of The New Green albums) plays tabla and goes to India nearly every year to study more. He's there right now. Here he is playing them:
Dan's the little white boy on the left.
A month or so ago, the CEO of a Dutch automotive networking group found me on LinkedIn and contacted me after reading my published article on self-driving cars. He's invited me to join their next meeting on telematics in the auto industry as his guest! This could be an amazing opportunity to meet people in the business. Or at least an interesting experience! kleinbl00
I'M REPPED AGAIN BITCHEZ
Long story short, my agent didn't, in fact, flake, we just needed to work through some stuff. Which is awesome because the response rate for reads industry-wide is somewhere south of five percent. And then once they've read it they have to want to work with you, and that's less than five percent, too. So I was lookin' at a pretty terrible slog.
She's a junior agent at a super-lux boutique AAA firm. I'm lucky as fuck. The lesson: It's always better to try and work through differences than to start over.
Fantastic news, KB. She sounds young and hungry, too, no? LET HER BE UNLEASHED.
I've been passively interested in meditation and Buddhism for a long time. I've done sporadic meditating and reading but nothing consistent. But I recently read the book "Mindfulness in Plain English," and was really blown away and inspired by it. For the last week I've been meditating a couple times per day, and taking the messages in the book to heart throughout the day. It's been an incredible week, and I decided to research some more about Vipassana meditation and Buddhism. I so much liked what I read, and have been benefiting so much from daily practice, that I decided I will visit a Buddhist meditation center on Sunday, partake in group meditation, and start their "Introduction to Buddhism" classes. Here's to serious exploration of spirituality for the first time.
Yeah! The author is very, very articulate and able to express complex states of mind in clear, accessible language. The book also includes a thorough guide to the actual physical practice of meditation, which I found extremely useful. For anyone interested, an online version of the book (It's an older edition, a little different from the one you could buy) can be found here.
There's a ton to take away from Buddhist teachings, and even more from meditation practice. Definitely keep at it. But it's an old and varied religion so remember to take what you read with a grain of salt. That aside though, the best times of my life were spent reading up on buddhism and practicing meditation. Good luck!
As I used to do, in my LOTR PLaza days (atten: flagamuffin )
_refugee_ sidles into the pub.
No one else is there. It is a quiet pub, with wooden walls and a long polished bar down the right, going the whole length of the establishment. On the left there are several seating tables, with a few high-tops towards the back.
_ref_ sits down in the far back corner, orders a brew, and sits it, quietly waiting.
pabs steps in tentatively, glances around the dim-lit tavern. A man approaches him, asking for ID, and pabs bolts quickly out the door in panic.
Hey ref, Good morning to you. I'll have a quick beer with you, then I have to run. Today, the vice president for my company is in town and is working with me. Her plane is an hour delayed though, and our first appointment is at 10 AM Eastern standard. Not sure we are going to make it on time. A little nervous for the day, I've never worked with her before.
Have a nice day everybody, I'll see you on the flip side
Pub(?) Music:
Yesterday I realized I've reached a new level of zen. Nothing really upsets me anymore, or at least it takes a whole lot to really grind my gears. I have been told that this is because I'm "conflict avoidant", which I guess is true, but I don't see why that's a bad thing. The lady in front of me in line at Old Chicago was going nuts about her Goddamn blu cheese and where it's supposed to be on her burger - you don't understand everyone, it needs to be on the side, not on top, till she drove the to-go employee there to tears. She had to go take a moment and everything.
I mean holy shit people, we're all going to die someday, you know that? Is this what you're gonna remember on your deathbed? "BITCH DIDN'T GIVE ME THE BLU CHEESE RIGHT, COUGH COUGH dies."
It was weird. I've just stopped sweating the small stuff, I guess. It doesn't really seem worth it.
Bigger stuff: complete ambivalence towards school. I dunno if it was the weather or what, but holy crap did I just feel super jaded these first two days of classes. "These are all just a checklist to get my degree." No excitement, no passion, nothing. I might go see that counselor again. We've built a pretty good rapport.
Oh well. At least it's sunnier today.
- I've just stopped sweating the small stuff, I guess. It doesn't really seem worth it.
Testify. Welcome to the church of not giving a fuck. Other people have problems, they aren't my problems.
I have three 400 level classes this semester, I had three of them last semester. I'm used to a certain high level of data, analysis and discussion. To fill in a university requirement in this, my last semester, I have to take a freshman psychology class called 'the psychology of personality.' Just going over the syllabus, we're going to talk about Maslow, Myers-Briggs personality testing, and a brief stint with Freud and Jung. All of which are topics I've been beating to death fairly regularly since senior year of high school. Wheeeeeeeee.
Personally, if I can't get excited about a class I make excellence in grade my goal. That teacher I had problems with all last semester? 4.0'ed that bitch.
I have a hate-on for Myers-Briggs for a whole lot of reasons, but mostly because of this - an article by Malcom Gladwell (who himself might cause ambivalence in some hubbies) that tells about who Myers and Briggs were and how they made up their data. Please let me know what you think. I have other problems with M-B too. Anyway, congrats on your 4.0.
Thanks! I actually 4.0'ed the whole semester except for a single 3.5, which is my highest GPA semester since I started uni.
I don't know how to feel about the M-B. Someone very close to me got a lot out of taking a few of the tests, and reading about things that 'my type' likes/dislikes, finds comforting, struggles with, that kind of stuff. If it's had a net positive impact, as far as I can see, I find it hard to devalue it completely. (I'm an ENTJ, The Executive)
Anything that helps us understand ourselves and others can be interesting. My problem is people have used it as an excuse: I can't help it - I'm xyz - or whatever. That's not the point of mb. The point is to find out that people might be different from you and learn skills to accept them, understand them, and communicate with them (if you need to be on their team, or have them for in-laws, say). My other problem with mb is more pedagogical - as in -- what is the best way to teach people to be good communicators? Should we spend our few classroom moments making them do an mb test or actually teach them skills they can use when they are communicating.
oh Jesus, and those tests: Would you rather go for a walk in the forest or go to a party? Sometimes, a walk in the forest replenishes the spirit, sometimes a party.
hey 8bit I hope you find the right program, mentor, education, life, career, and all. I have a feeling that you have a lot of amazingness to give the world to make it a better place if the world doesn't drive the amazingness out of you first.
the soundtrack to this conversation is gorgeous: 03: Hills of Radiant Wind (9'00) and 04: Snow in Summer....
I want to play tabletop games so badly. I tried to get two of my friends to play fiasco with me but nope. I did get them to play a bit of CaH though - so that was fun.
So D&D or Pandemic or any other fun and complicated games are probably right out.
I've tried, but it since a lot of people are in the US it's in the middle of the night.
I also started a 'real' D&D 5e campaign this Sunday! I've played the D&D board game and Pathfinder and the likes before, but now that we've played a bit of the real deal I know that I like it much more than the derivatives. It's so much fun to have a bunch of characters, throw them in a situation and find creative solutions.
Nice. I'm beginning to think my DM is just mediocre or something, because I haven't enjoyed our campaign nearly as much as I expected / other people seem to. The immersion just isn't there-- we have a running joke that our campaign should be subtitled "or, [our DM] flips through books to music." Maybe I just have an underdeveloped imagination.
Your DM is sticking too close to his plan. Ask him as nicely as possible if he can improvise now and then.
The numbers only matter to the most hardcore of players. You have to get a sense for die rolls and just go from there to keep the game moving.
Is the door made of oak? Kicking it down will probably require a higher roll than if it was rotted through. Maybe only a Warrior-type character can do it.
Is a character trying to slash a goblin in a super narrow hallway with a longsword? Probably a difficult throw.
Is your character a thief trying to eavesdrop on the other side of a hollow wall? Probably an easy throw.
This is my problem with published campaigns generally, I think. I much prefer when a DM has constructed their own world not only because it's more interesting, but also because it allows for greater and more effective improvisation. It seems to me the best improvisation carries with it the necessary underpinning of a fundamental understanding of the world in (or with) which one is improvising, which is easiest to obtain when it's a world you've constructed.
The DM I have now, a good friend of mine, had a similar experience to yours a month ago. As a result he became a DM himself, focusing less on the rules and more on fun.
From my limited experience, D&D is the most fun when it is akin to improv comedy. If everyone takes the rules less seriously and comes up with creative new things to do, actions to take, it should be fun. But if the person leading the game / improv scene isn't going along, it's not gonna happen.
- The DM I have now, a good friend of mine, had a similar experience to yours a month ago. As a result he became a DM himself, focusing less on the rules and more on fun.
That sounds like what I may do, I keep thinking that I'd really like to DM to see if I can do better.
Yeah. It sounds like your DM may be new to running or isn't confident in throwing in his own flavor to the mechanics of the game. I have had DMs like that. After a couple of years of practice they become better DMs. But I would say encourage him to go off-book.
"Why, are you - are you the famous field agent Lilian Snow?"
"Yes, I am - or at least rather, I believe I may be. You see, the other day I received this mysterious postcard:
And now, as I was strolling through the streets of Hubski, just now, I felt a most particular urge, as if I ought to come in here and wait for someone. It seemed to emanate - from the postcard itself! I can only imagine it must be some kind of compulsion, set upon the object by its mystical sender.
When you entered, the feeling ceased. So let us talk. What is on your mind?"
(OOC: my power has just gone out and I'd really like it to come back on?)
I received strange card as well. It depicts a Canadian brilliance overwhelming the universe. The Great White North has become an arid desert; Greenland and Baffin Island have defrosted and sunk.
A mysterious inscription is the only clue as to how to understand this Earth-finishing image. Could it be an anagram for the DAMNED FUN OIL which overwarmed the globe? Or a warning, FILM NO UNDEAD from a zombie cohort tired of Hollywood stereotypes? Or some kind of cruel joke, O FINE MUD LAND.
SBG shuffles into pub. Is told to show ID. Shows passport. Is informed the passport is out of date and that even if it wasn't it shows her as 16. SBG sits down on the other side of the "alchool" line and orders a non-alchoolic cider that she drinks like it's vodka.
Somewhere in the back of my mind is the idea that I should get a tattoo. Because ones like what you just posted look awesome.
Class started Monday.
Gym started Monday.
Gym again today. Since I can't really move my arms, today is leg day I think.
I have my schedule arranged so that tuesdays and thursdays are thick with class, leaving MWF for long periods in the library, prefaced by an hour in the gym. No homework so far, and likely there won't be for a while. Textbooks that I actually need are in the mail, can't get started on those yet, and I don't have an assignment due for 3 weeks.
I think it's the first time in my life I'm actually really excited by my classes at school.
I have 4 Marketing classes and in each class we have to do a pretty complicated project. The fun part is that it's not bullshit theory stuff anymore, it's actually real life stuff: we have to find clients, get in contact with actual companies marketing managers, create an online marketing proposal for a real client (including an app concerpt). FUN!
I have noticed it's pretty hard to get in contact with someone minimally higher up in big companies. I email and some secretary just says that she will forward my email higher up... and it ends there. I guess next step are phone calls :P Of course, we could always do our project on a smaller company, but what's the fun in that right? All we need is an hour of a marketing manager's time. It's not gonna be easy but it's also not impossible. I'll keep trying :D
Oh and I signed up for some rock climbing classes. Why not?
It's a wonderful feeling to really enjoy your classes! I'm glad for you. I too decided to take advantage of my school's physical education options this semester, since I have some wiggle room in my schedule for once. I signed up for a swim class. I never learned more than one stroke or had any formal instruction. Why not, right?
Rock climbing is a great time. It'll do a lot for your grip and finger toughness :p
Hahah yeah, can't wait for my first class!
And once you get the accreditation, the prices is seriously laughable. It's 50$ for 4 months compared to 80$ per month in climbing gyms. Startup cost is a bit steep but fuck it, i've been wanting to for a really long time so now's the time to try.
I didn't realize how good we have it price-wise until I looked into it. I wish I did sooner.
I lost what little remaining faith I had in the youth of America this morning. I went to the coffee shop and my total was $4.08. Gave the kid a ten, then fished around in my pocket for change. Found ¢6. "Is six cents ok?" I inquired. As any reasonable person would, kid says, "Sure, no problem." He then proceeded to studiously count out $5.98 in change. I was speechless, so I simply took the money and walked away, dazed and confused.
We got rid of the penny here in Canada a few years back. All prices are still marked to the 100th, but then the cashier either rounds up or down to the nearest five cents. You still end up with coins in your pocket but I've found that people will often round to the more convenient number as opposed to the correct one. I think the U.S. needs to finally get on board with this. My girlfriend suggested that we should just start copper plating nickels instead, that way the impact of the transition becomes easier on the American psyche. :P
This happens to me so often I don't even notice anymore, but your post was in my head so I took especial offense when, on a $7.04 charge at Chipotle, I handed the cashier a ten, rooted around for four cents, failed, found a nickel, gave him $10.05, said "don't bother with the penny," was given a confused look, and then handed three dollars and one cent.
Anyway, I was just on the phone asked to give my credit info for something. When we got to the expiration, I said, "March 2017." The response, was, inevitably: "Soooo... five 2017?"
I said, "Well, no, actually."
And that's just today.
Back at college a couple of weeks early and I have an interview today for a new part-time job on campus. Hoping it goes well, I fit all the criteria they're looking for and then some.
Went to the gym yesterday and now I'm sore and don't want to leave this couch. Time to binge watch Helix and/or Sons of Anarchy.
Holy shit you guys, the senioritis is real. First week back from winter break was rough: I'm on fucking autopilot. I care just enough to keep my grades up, because that's all that matters at this point, and usually that means not doing much work (because it's unnecessary: I studied for 10 minutes for my chemistry midterm and made a 96). I've mostly given up on learning interesting/useful things, except in my physics class. Oh, and how ridiculous is it that my school has the last two weeks of the second semester after winter break? It's like, "Guess what? You have a 3 week break to forget everything we've taught you so you can bomb midterms! YAY!"
Of course, it didn't help that I was out with the flu for the first three days of last week, and I still feel awful (psychologically, not physically) because I went to a new year's party before I knew I was sick and gave literally all my friends the flu. Seriously, every time one of them coughs I feel a little pang of guilt. And before you say it wasn't my fault because I didn't know: that's true, but I was dealing with a couple symptoms, and I told myself that I was fine because I was really looking forward to the party. So my selfishness directly led to all my friends missing 3-4 days of school. Ugh.
On the bright side, I recently learned about a huge improvement coming to my jazz band (class) in the second semester: rather than just spending half of every rehearsal sitting around while the pianists try to get their shit together, I and the sax player are going to spend half of our rehearsals working like normal, but the other half playing more advanced tunes with our teacher (a professional jazz trumpeter) and various pro pianists from around town while the piano students work with another teacher. So that's super exciting. I can't wait to play real jazz.
Yay. I remember band from when I was in Wisconsin. It was super fun. I played the clarinet for a year and it was amazingly fun to play with so many people. But some people could just not get their shit together.
If we'd stayed I think I would hav tried to get into the "Good" band but I was just there for 6th grade.
Ugh - I remember 9th grade - the last of compulsory education in Sweden- the last term of that was rough. For everyone. We didn't have any of the bullshit you are describing though.
I've been off the 'ski a little bit, I know I dropped a few conversations halfway so apologies if you thought I ignored you or something. I haven't forgotten you guys!
eep, you're the best. i love being called pretty, it is such a nice adjective that boys don't get enough. gender norms are fucky u.u also, hello world! hubskin is gonna be something something, that's for sure. on a side note, your sister is definitely the prettiest one in the group. but i don't know if she counts.
Welcome! You have the best possible tour-guide for your journey through "hubskina" in 8bit. Still, let me know if you ever have any questions or suggestions regarding the site. It's always nice to hear about how someone perceives Hubski upon first arrival.
Enjoy your time here, I'll see ya around!
- ...gender norms are fucky...
Do you watch Trailer Park Boys? Because the only people I've seen using the word "fucky" watch that show.
Hi and stuff.
1) Sometimes, yes, and sometimes they were incredibly frustrating. those would be:
a) notifications that random people commented after i commented or "liked" another post. stop those, facebook. those notifications are pointless and annoying. b) facebook message notifications. i refuse to download messenger. facebook messages should be reachable within the facebook app. i don't want two apps to do one thing. don't let me read messages in facebook? fine. i'm not fuckin' reading my messages til i get to a non-mobile screen. 3) I feel better caring less about facebook.
4) If only I could do this for text messages specifically with the friends that tend to talk too much about nothing. (Seriously, you're one of my best friends, but when I'm at work, I really don't care when you send me 4 text messages in a row about how you need to turn some famous cute male celebrity gay for you. Actually, scratch that. I do care. I become infuriated and start growling at my phone to stop texting me. So yeah...that could help..."but I'd miss something important" - would I? would I really? always the weigh-off)
It is surprisingly difficult to think about science all day but then stop thinking about science after going home. One might almost almost characterize the degree of thinking required to wrap one's brain around the myriad of topics, fields, and sub-fields as obsessive.
Still, there's some cool-ass research coming out almost every week that seems to ever expand the realm of what's possible to understand and manipulate across so many organisms.