Iunno if this has been #askhubski'd before, but I got to thinking about it thanks to TNG's post about difficult conversations with our parents and thought this would make a cool conversation-extension. So yeah, what do you need to do? What are you procrastinating on/about/whatever-the-appropriate-word-here-is (are there any English teachers on Hubski?) and why?
For me it's a bunch of stuff, but 2 major things: the first is a difficult conversation with my parents about religion, which I mentioned in my answer to TNG's question from up above, and the second is a difficult conversation with my ex about the nature of our relationship. Sorry for kinda harping on this across the site, but I feel like the fact that I bring it up so much is indicative of how much I a.) care about us and b.) need to do something about it. So if you wanna read about the backstory, check out my comments on Pubski from the past couple months (and maybe a #vaguequestionsbypablo from a while back? Don't remember), but the gist of it is my ex and I have been flirting hardcore for a bit and I don't really know where our (lower-case r) relationship is at this point, or where either of us would like it to be. And I probably need to get that conversation started because it doesn't seem like she's going to.
But enough about me-- what aren't you doing right now, and why?
I'm in this same boat! I think I can pay, but even if I can, I don't know that I really want to be ferrying back and forth between school and work during the winter. Last years snow was terrible, and I don't have a 4wd truck to get around in when things get bad. But I wish you the best of luck man, don't give up hope, you really can always go back when you're squared away financially. Plenty of ways to get loans or grants.
Damn man, I'm really sorry. I know it's not much coming from a stranger through your Internet-box, but really, I hope things work out for you. Yours is one of the few answers to my question that I feel like you're totally justified in wanting to avoid it. Enjoy college while you can.
Think of the nearest deadline and start panicking. Works like a charm. And definitely use http://asoftmurmur.com/ when you're studying. I suggest craking up "fire" and "coffeeshop." I was planning on just bailing on a physics test last week, and then my friend bitch-slapped me hard across the face. It woke me up pretty well and I did O.K. so I guess you could try that too. I should be studying.
I live in Texas, and there was an Ebola scare at my school. Because of this, I stayed home for about 3-4 weeks and now I have a large amount of homework to make up for that I have been avoiding like the plague.
Not necessarily - I get by pretty well without doing anything over the weekend. Then again, I made doing as little effort as possible while still passing into a sport in high school, and urban planning / geography isn't the hardest subject. But I do think that if you're studying 8 hours a day, 7 days a week, it might be a good idea to start learning to learn more efficient.
Li'l tip about relationships and questions: They're like subatomic particles. You can know the position or the velocity, but not both... and observing either will force the relationship out of quantum superposition. It's entirely possible that the ex is enjoying that liminal state of over/not over. By asking the question, you lift the lid on Schroedinger's box. Li'l tip about relationships and questions: They aren't exactly like subatomic particles. If there was nothing preventing you from getting back together, you'd be back together. The thing preventing you from flying apart is the fact that there's nothing prohibiting the liminal state. Interrogate the relationship and it will be a prohibition - the relationship will fly apart. Li'l tip about relationships and questions: THERE IS SO MUCH DOUBT. Victory belongs to the brave. There are two scenarios: 1) You ask her "what are we doing? Are we getting back together?" and are met with demurral. She denies. She grows more distant. You feel like an idiot, she's bummed out. She doesn't know what you're doing, either, but by asking the question you make that not okay. Everybody loses. 2) You tell her "this is stupid. We're getting back together." Either she says "I have a boyfriend" or she answers in some other way that gives you concrete reasons why you're not back together. Or you get back together. Either way, you didn't puss out, you still have your dignity, and hot diggedy damn confidence looks good on you, son. Take what you want. Make her say "no." If she says no, listen - but don't let shit wither and die in the margins. Life is too short for what-ifs.
Your analogy may be correct, but you're missing one important factor in the equation, which I call: Heisenberg's Principle of Uncertain-teen. "According" to "Wikipedia": It is still largely unexplored field of science.In quantum adolescence, the uncertain-teen principle is any of a variety of mathematical inequalities asserting a fundamental limit to the precision with which certain pairs of physical properties of a particle known as complementary variables, such as emotion x and rationalization p, can be acted upon simultaneously.
(slow clap) I'm sorry, doctor, but I believe you are neglecting the "expectational breakdown" described by Schroedinger's Emoquation whereby the act of interrogating the system for the value of emotion x forces a breakdown of the wave/particle duality for rationalization p thereby ejecting the relationship out of quantum hopefulness and into practical despair or jubilance.
No matter how much you dissect this: your relationship, or any other friendship or conflict or anything right now– there's gonna be a big huge gap of uncertainty, unpredictability, and consequent frustration. I meant it as a joke, but it acts to remind that you shouldn't lose your head quite yet if you're frustrated at the moment– relationships in this time of our life man, they're not going to make sense whether you like it or not.
This seems like awesome advice. In fact, it almost certainly is. But at the moment I'm still working on processing it mostly because the thing that I'll have to do if I accept it is fucking scary. So I'll respond to this sometime tomorrow, probably. For now: dude, you're on fire tonight with the words o' wisdom. I really appreciate it.
One thing I've learned about rejection is it is easily the most overestimated, self-inflicted pain a person can go through. Not to diminish your anguish, but to gird your loins: The tricky thing about rejection is you're requiring a value judgement of yourself from someone whose opinion you are already overvaluing. You are basically asking the person you're most attracted to whether or not they judge you worthy of their reciprocal affection. If you look at it this way it's a horrible prospect and, if you have little self-esteem, the bad outweighs the good. But look at it another way - you are paying someone a huge compliment. The only way that's bad is if you're creepy and uninvolved with them. If they're someone you're friendly with, the only way to lose is if you make it awkward. This is the crux of confidence - recognizing that you're good enough, and close enough friends with - another person to think they'll be flattered by your advances, rather than embarrassed. And here's the secret: others follow your lead. Nobody knows "you" quite as well as you do and if "you" think that "you" are a creepy shitheel that no one would ever date, everyone else is likely to agree. If, on the other hand, "you" think that you're a fairly interesting person with a couple cool dance moves and a bunch of interesting hobbies that knows how to show a girl a good time, the girls will mostly take your word for it until they've evaluated you on their own. If you think you're worthy of her, you are. Even if you don't think you're worthy of her, FAKE IT. You may find that with enough practice, you can fill even your own oversized shoes.
OK, proper response time. 1. We (sitewide) should start referring to your advice as Bl00's Clues. 2. Yeah, you're making a whole lotta sense. It's about time I girded my loins (love that phrase) and had this conversation, so I'm going to. This is a public commitment so that I'll actually do it -- expect that I will have probably by the next Pubski. Here goes, I guess. 3. You should also answer the question
Playing ranked mode in League of Legends. I enjoy competition, but ranked mode often removes the fun of the game and replaces it with stress and frustration.
I'm cleaning, drinking tea and hubski-ing/answering email because I don't want to be thinking about schoolwork and the application/hiring process for my 'big boy job' in the spring. I'm caught up on homework, and my grades are good, but November is going to be a busy month. I wanted to get to the range with my shotgun to put in some practice before hunting season opens up in 5 days, never happened. When I start eyeing the gloves, bleach and brushes in the bathroom I think I'll actually start doing the organizing, scheduling that I have to get done.
Between looking for a new job and moving into a new place I've been actively avoiding contact with family back in Atlanta. I've got enough drama right now.
I hear you. Between an estranged, probably-mentally-ill aunt who shows up occasionally and without warning, a different aunt whose high-school sweetheart / fairly new husband just passed away and whose grandson was adopted by her brother and his wife, and my 80-something hard of hearing, diabetic-but-kinda-denying-it grandpa, I'm not exactly looking forward to Thanksgiving.
I reclaimed Thanksgiving. The idea started when I had chicken pox over Thanksgiving in 6th grade and my family left me at home to go have Thanksgiving with my grandparents. Then during college the relatives I would have had Thanksgiving with decided to bail at the last minute... so I threw my own together, even had a couple friends drive up from San Francisco. My wife's sister and brother-in-law are devout vegetarians yet get uber-pissed if "mom and dad" don't do every other Thanksgiving with them. The first time we were left without family for Thanksgiving, we threw an "Orphan's Thanksgiving" whereby we invited all the friends and acquaintances who were in town but also didn't really have family to visit. The end result was far more like a party than an awful, dreaded family engagement. We've been doing it ever since - yeah, it's nice if family can show up but we're bloody thankful that we know so many cool people to hang out with. We're probably even doing it on Friday this year so that we'll get to see the people who do have dreaded family obligations to attend to. Thanksgiving is much too important a holiday to spend dreading. I know you're young, but when you have the chance to reclaim it for yourself, fist in the goal, my friend. Thanksgiving is the only no-strings-attached feast holiday we got and by damn, it oughtta be done right.
Your difficult Thanksgiving reminds me of a conversation I had recently. My friend said that you start to resent your parents when the parents demand that you "make the family whole" or make the parents' lives complete at your expense. But then - where else would you go at Thanksgiving?
The Chinese place, with everyone else who wants to get away from Thanksgiving. I don't know if it's a regional thing or not, but us grinches congregate at them at Thanksgiving and Christmas everywhere I've lived. Shared holiday grumps and delicious egg rolls. Not quite Hallmark channel, but I kind of look forward to it after Halloween now.But then - where else would you go at Thanksgiving?
I'm tired. I'm avoiding doing anymore homework or studying. I'm so over it at this point in the semester, grades? Psh. I don't want to bury my face in a book. Right now I'm avoiding going upstairs to change shirts before I'm interviewed for a documentary that a person I know is working on. Going upstairs involves work and I just cooked and ate a big dinner and don't want to move. I'm also avoiding thinking about the fact that I'm flying out to WA state on Friday, because few things make me as uncomfortable as flying.