Li'l tip about relationships and questions: They're like subatomic particles. You can know the position or the velocity, but not both... and observing either will force the relationship out of quantum superposition. It's entirely possible that the ex is enjoying that liminal state of over/not over. By asking the question, you lift the lid on Schroedinger's box. Li'l tip about relationships and questions: They aren't exactly like subatomic particles. If there was nothing preventing you from getting back together, you'd be back together. The thing preventing you from flying apart is the fact that there's nothing prohibiting the liminal state. Interrogate the relationship and it will be a prohibition - the relationship will fly apart. Li'l tip about relationships and questions: THERE IS SO MUCH DOUBT. Victory belongs to the brave. There are two scenarios: 1) You ask her "what are we doing? Are we getting back together?" and are met with demurral. She denies. She grows more distant. You feel like an idiot, she's bummed out. She doesn't know what you're doing, either, but by asking the question you make that not okay. Everybody loses. 2) You tell her "this is stupid. We're getting back together." Either she says "I have a boyfriend" or she answers in some other way that gives you concrete reasons why you're not back together. Or you get back together. Either way, you didn't puss out, you still have your dignity, and hot diggedy damn confidence looks good on you, son. Take what you want. Make her say "no." If she says no, listen - but don't let shit wither and die in the margins. Life is too short for what-ifs.
Your analogy may be correct, but you're missing one important factor in the equation, which I call: Heisenberg's Principle of Uncertain-teen. "According" to "Wikipedia": It is still largely unexplored field of science.In quantum adolescence, the uncertain-teen principle is any of a variety of mathematical inequalities asserting a fundamental limit to the precision with which certain pairs of physical properties of a particle known as complementary variables, such as emotion x and rationalization p, can be acted upon simultaneously.
(slow clap) I'm sorry, doctor, but I believe you are neglecting the "expectational breakdown" described by Schroedinger's Emoquation whereby the act of interrogating the system for the value of emotion x forces a breakdown of the wave/particle duality for rationalization p thereby ejecting the relationship out of quantum hopefulness and into practical despair or jubilance.
No matter how much you dissect this: your relationship, or any other friendship or conflict or anything right now– there's gonna be a big huge gap of uncertainty, unpredictability, and consequent frustration. I meant it as a joke, but it acts to remind that you shouldn't lose your head quite yet if you're frustrated at the moment– relationships in this time of our life man, they're not going to make sense whether you like it or not.
This seems like awesome advice. In fact, it almost certainly is. But at the moment I'm still working on processing it mostly because the thing that I'll have to do if I accept it is fucking scary. So I'll respond to this sometime tomorrow, probably. For now: dude, you're on fire tonight with the words o' wisdom. I really appreciate it.
One thing I've learned about rejection is it is easily the most overestimated, self-inflicted pain a person can go through. Not to diminish your anguish, but to gird your loins: The tricky thing about rejection is you're requiring a value judgement of yourself from someone whose opinion you are already overvaluing. You are basically asking the person you're most attracted to whether or not they judge you worthy of their reciprocal affection. If you look at it this way it's a horrible prospect and, if you have little self-esteem, the bad outweighs the good. But look at it another way - you are paying someone a huge compliment. The only way that's bad is if you're creepy and uninvolved with them. If they're someone you're friendly with, the only way to lose is if you make it awkward. This is the crux of confidence - recognizing that you're good enough, and close enough friends with - another person to think they'll be flattered by your advances, rather than embarrassed. And here's the secret: others follow your lead. Nobody knows "you" quite as well as you do and if "you" think that "you" are a creepy shitheel that no one would ever date, everyone else is likely to agree. If, on the other hand, "you" think that you're a fairly interesting person with a couple cool dance moves and a bunch of interesting hobbies that knows how to show a girl a good time, the girls will mostly take your word for it until they've evaluated you on their own. If you think you're worthy of her, you are. Even if you don't think you're worthy of her, FAKE IT. You may find that with enough practice, you can fill even your own oversized shoes.
OK, proper response time. 1. We (sitewide) should start referring to your advice as Bl00's Clues. 2. Yeah, you're making a whole lotta sense. It's about time I girded my loins (love that phrase) and had this conversation, so I'm going to. This is a public commitment so that I'll actually do it -- expect that I will have probably by the next Pubski. Here goes, I guess. 3. You should also answer the question