Li'l tip about relationships and questions: They're like subatomic particles. You can know the position or the velocity, but not both... and observing either will force the relationship out of quantum superposition.

It's entirely possible that the ex is enjoying that liminal state of over/not over. By asking the question, you lift the lid on Schroedinger's box.

Li'l tip about relationships and questions: They aren't exactly like subatomic particles. If there was nothing preventing you from getting back together, you'd be back together. The thing preventing you from flying apart is the fact that there's nothing prohibiting the liminal state. Interrogate the relationship and it will be a prohibition - the relationship will fly apart.

Li'l tip about relationships and questions: THERE IS SO MUCH DOUBT. Victory belongs to the brave. There are two scenarios:

1) You ask her "what are we doing? Are we getting back together?" and are met with demurral. She denies. She grows more distant. You feel like an idiot, she's bummed out. She doesn't know what you're doing, either, but by asking the question you make that not okay. Everybody loses.

2) You tell her "this is stupid. We're getting back together." Either she says "I have a boyfriend" or she answers in some other way that gives you concrete reasons why you're not back together.

Or you get back together.

Either way, you didn't puss out, you still have your dignity, and hot diggedy damn confidence looks good on you, son.

Take what you want. Make her say "no." If she says no, listen - but don't let shit wither and die in the margins. Life is too short for what-ifs.