Between looking for a new job and moving into a new place I've been actively avoiding contact with family back in Atlanta. I've got enough drama right now.
I hear you. Between an estranged, probably-mentally-ill aunt who shows up occasionally and without warning, a different aunt whose high-school sweetheart / fairly new husband just passed away and whose grandson was adopted by her brother and his wife, and my 80-something hard of hearing, diabetic-but-kinda-denying-it grandpa, I'm not exactly looking forward to Thanksgiving.
I reclaimed Thanksgiving. The idea started when I had chicken pox over Thanksgiving in 6th grade and my family left me at home to go have Thanksgiving with my grandparents. Then during college the relatives I would have had Thanksgiving with decided to bail at the last minute... so I threw my own together, even had a couple friends drive up from San Francisco. My wife's sister and brother-in-law are devout vegetarians yet get uber-pissed if "mom and dad" don't do every other Thanksgiving with them. The first time we were left without family for Thanksgiving, we threw an "Orphan's Thanksgiving" whereby we invited all the friends and acquaintances who were in town but also didn't really have family to visit. The end result was far more like a party than an awful, dreaded family engagement. We've been doing it ever since - yeah, it's nice if family can show up but we're bloody thankful that we know so many cool people to hang out with. We're probably even doing it on Friday this year so that we'll get to see the people who do have dreaded family obligations to attend to. Thanksgiving is much too important a holiday to spend dreading. I know you're young, but when you have the chance to reclaim it for yourself, fist in the goal, my friend. Thanksgiving is the only no-strings-attached feast holiday we got and by damn, it oughtta be done right.
Your difficult Thanksgiving reminds me of a conversation I had recently. My friend said that you start to resent your parents when the parents demand that you "make the family whole" or make the parents' lives complete at your expense. But then - where else would you go at Thanksgiving?
The Chinese place, with everyone else who wants to get away from Thanksgiving. I don't know if it's a regional thing or not, but us grinches congregate at them at Thanksgiving and Christmas everywhere I've lived. Shared holiday grumps and delicious egg rolls. Not quite Hallmark channel, but I kind of look forward to it after Halloween now.But then - where else would you go at Thanksgiving?