He was posting as per normal, then I noticed I wasn't seeing anything from him. I checked today, and his account's been deleted. Is anyone in touch with him still?
I recall this thread as the most recent where he posted.
It wasn't pretty.
I have his email address and can forward some messages if you really want me to, but I don't know if it's a good idea right now. I'm not claiming to know him as well as perhaps some of you, but if it was me I would likely want some time to cool down. Last time he was on IRC was on 30th of July and didn't pop since.
I knew as soon as I read your post who the other user involved would be.
After reading that and as a person who unintentionally came across as a dick to Kleinbl00 specifically, I didn't get all pissy. I took note that I can seem to, and actually very much do depending on the situation, lack some basic interpersonal skills. So I apologized and admitted that. Like that's kinda an understatement (my weirdness). But that makes me the problem. The world does not need to conform to my idiosyncrasies. I need to learn to exist in the world better.
That's true enough, but also goes both ways: he doesn't get to dictate what's an acceptable way to communicate on hubski or anywhere else.
- he doesn't get to dictate what's an acceptable way to communicate on hubski
Sure he does. We all do.
The filter/mute/hush/block settings are available to everyone.
If TFG had only been ticked off with KB, he could easily have blocked him. But he deleted his account. Which makes me think he was ticked off with more than just KB.
As someone who also has spent a lot of time 'stuck in his own head' I think my two cents is warranted.
I've definitely had my low points, and shared quite a few of them. I even had the bad sense/taste to be argumentative when people were trying to help.
I'm thankful for the patience of this group. I think that of all of the places for a person with depressive tendencies to wind up, this is a fairly welcoming space. Welcoming in the sense that no one begrudges you for the occasional overly negative post. That said, if I had been continuously combative I doubt I would have continued to find support.
I like to think that this place encourages growth. I am a vastly different person today than the person who wrote
and I am thankful for hubksi's part in helping me get past that point in my life.The question isn't the motivation though. It's the methods by which these things are discussed. If I want to have that kind of conversation I need to start somewhere other than 'All optimistic people are stupid, fite me.' I need a more nuanced thought process and a mind that is open to be proven wrong, or at least some flexibility in my thinking if it's to be a productive and personable conversation.
We don't have to agree on anything except the mores by which we communicate. Those are essential.
I think this conversation is unproductive.
It feels like taking behind the guys back.
Sure, he had his quirks - but who doesn't? This diversity of experiences is why I like hubski. And his linguistic post s were super informative and plain amazing.
And to re-iterate what was said - you can always fileter folks. You don't have to read anyone's diary if thats what they feel like posting. I read a lot and didn't reply to a bunch (for lack of productive commentary) . Cause I still cared. But you can just filter and forget - that's the beauty of the 'ski
You are right and I suppose I'm feeling ungenerous tonight TFG became a significant member I Hubski because he was so active. I sometimes appreciated that activity and I sometimes found it difficult.
I feel like I tried to tell him a few important things about being happier and he shrugged off every single one. He wasn't happy and more than half of his solutions were diet, exercise and keeping a more ridged schedule.
I found it frustrating.
I hope he is doing better. I'm sure he looks at Hubski still, I don't think I could talk behind his back.
Some times some things on Hubski are far from beautiful. I've feel like I'm in a Hubski funk. I've seen a few pieces of content that I've really found distasteful and I'm probably a surly bastard right now due to other things in life.
- I think this conversation is unproductive.
Sort of necessary though, would you agree? If we want the community to develop, we need to be able to examine why people join, why they leave, what can be learned?
I get the icky-feeling. It might be necessary though for the good of the group.
I didn't realise he had taken a timeout from Hubski. I've got him as a friend on Steam and we were having a chat about front-end dev stuff a few days back. It was a perfectly pleasant conversation. Having read the thread Devac linked, I'd guess he inactivated his account mostly as a heat of the moment type thing. I don't think it's an unfair evaluation to say that he sometimes overthinks things.
I'll see if I can have a chat and game of DotA with him next time we're both online.
Mine too (and to be clear, my earlier comment wasn't referring to TFG).
Conversations about people are shit conversations. This thread confirms it, more than anything else.
Stop voicing dislike, ganging up, and taking sides. If you have something to say about someone, say it to their face, or don't say it at all.
| say it face to face, or not at all
That's not really an option for a community which is grounded 100% in the virtual space. At least, not literally - none of us can speak to TFFG'a face.
if we take the idiom, "face to face," and apply it less factually here/to Hubski, then "say something face to face, or not at all," has a few possible translations. Either - attempt to say your thoughts in direct contact with their subject (DM, email) - if possible - in this scenario, it's not; or, at minimum, say what you have to say publicly on the forum in a way and place that TFFG can be assumed to view it.
All our names are attached to our comments; history lends us naturally to the assumption that if it's a post on the front page of Hubski, TFFG will see it; it's hard not to argue that this is the closest to face-to-face that Hubski gets. Especially when you deactivate and thus remove any other direct contact method.
Besides, you can't possibly learn from knowledge others may have if you leave them out of the conversation.
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As for the bid to stop taking sides and forming opinions - ... why are we all on this website again?
Right, I must've forgotten: like the judge said, jus' the facts, ma'am, & nuthin else. We could make a sarcastic remark here about who's facts are most important, but I prefer to point out the opportunity and keep my opinions to myself.
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Besides-besides, we can't have conversations about what needs work on hubski, or what does work, or how to engage users, or basically anything meta about "what's right/wrong and how to improve/fix it" if we don't take a look at and have an awareness of who leaves hubski and what contributing factors may be identified.
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If the community drove TFFG away from hubski in part because some members publicly said negative things about him such as what's been mostly deleted in this thread, that's our answer.
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Maybe the community is shitty. Maybe everyone doesn't fit in. Maybe a little bit of both. (Maybe some users are shitty. Maybe, but who?)
Don't ask me, but this thread isn't a black hole contributing nothing. Question is who sees the value and are they seeing the right one.
You can pick up what I put down or you can pick up any other refuse instead. All I can do is put what I've got to put down and see if anyone differentiates.
Don't talk about people unless you are talking to that person.
To do otherwise does absolutely nothing constructive. It makes people feel outed and ganged up on, and can do wonders for cementing your own views on people, either based on the efforts of others to make you feel that way about them or based on your own baises.
"Hey, did you hear about Susan? She heard back on her biopsy today, and it's positive. She's going to let the team know later, but I wanted to give you a heads' up because I know you're working with her today and she may be a little scattered. She could really use our support right now - she's got a lot going on."
"I'm worried something's going on with my friend. She's stopped eating much and never comes out any more. Last time I went to her dorm, there was trash everywhere and even old food in her bed. She just seems trapped. I don't know how to talk to her about any of this, though. Do you have any ideas on what I could do?"
"Drew's a great lawyer, but he tends to go off on tangents unless you really pin down the direction of the conversation. I noticed your meeting with him yesterday got off-track. Maybe it would help if you could really drill down to the specific legal language that applies to the situation you're trying to get his guidance on next time."
"Hey, Mom's in a bad mood. Might be a good idea to lay low and stay quiet for a couple of hours. She said she was going to take a nap, but she looked a little teary-eyed. Heads' up, sister/brother."
"I love our head of the department, but she's going to judge you if you come into work with green hair or visible tattoos."
Tell me what's not constructive about any of the above.
Don't be so pedantic. There are absolutely tons of scenarios where it's appropriate, even considerate, to talk about people to others. People are social creatures who do not live in a vacuum. We talk about each other. Sometimes, it's helpful to have our friends talk about us to others for us - when a significant trauma is experienced and you're too exhausted to tell people over and over again, you can sometimes depend on mutual friends or a key coworker to help clue everyone else in that you're dealing with something which is hard for you to speak about. Sometimes, others talking about us can actually help lesson our own burdens.
I love black and white, but this ain't the line you wanna draw and die on, pardner.
There's this wonderful quality we all have, that you are pretending to lack. Common sense.
Use it. A bunch of petty exceptions say nothing about the point I was making.