| say it face to face, or not at all That's not really an option for a community which is grounded 100% in the virtual space. At least, not literally - none of us can speak to TFFG'a face. if we take the idiom, "face to face," and apply it less factually here/to Hubski, then "say something face to face, or not at all," has a few possible translations. Either - attempt to say your thoughts in direct contact with their subject (DM, email) - if possible - in this scenario, it's not; or, at minimum, say what you have to say publicly on the forum in a way and place that TFFG can be assumed to view it. All our names are attached to our comments; history lends us naturally to the assumption that if it's a post on the front page of Hubski, TFFG will see it; it's hard not to argue that this is the closest to face-to-face that Hubski gets. Especially when you deactivate and thus remove any other direct contact method. Besides, you can't possibly learn from knowledge others may have if you leave them out of the conversation. ---- As for the bid to stop taking sides and forming opinions - ... why are we all on this website again? Right, I must've forgotten: like the judge said, jus' the facts, ma'am, & nuthin else. We could make a sarcastic remark here about who's facts are most important, but I prefer to point out the opportunity and keep my opinions to myself. --- Besides-besides, we can't have conversations about what needs work on hubski, or what does work, or how to engage users, or basically anything meta about "what's right/wrong and how to improve/fix it" if we don't take a look at and have an awareness of who leaves hubski and what contributing factors may be identified. --- If the community drove TFFG away from hubski in part because some members publicly said negative things about him such as what's been mostly deleted in this thread, that's our answer. -- Maybe the community is shitty. Maybe everyone doesn't fit in. Maybe a little bit of both. (Maybe some users are shitty. Maybe, but who?) Don't ask me, but this thread isn't a black hole contributing nothing. Question is who sees the value and are they seeing the right one. You can pick up what I put down or you can pick up any other refuse instead. All I can do is put what I've got to put down and see if anyone differentiates.
Don't talk about people unless you are talking to that person. To do otherwise does absolutely nothing constructive. It makes people feel outed and ganged up on, and can do wonders for cementing your own views on people, either based on the efforts of others to make you feel that way about them or based on your own baises.
"Hey, did you hear about Susan? She heard back on her biopsy today, and it's positive. She's going to let the team know later, but I wanted to give you a heads' up because I know you're working with her today and she may be a little scattered. She could really use our support right now - she's got a lot going on." "I'm worried something's going on with my friend. She's stopped eating much and never comes out any more. Last time I went to her dorm, there was trash everywhere and even old food in her bed. She just seems trapped. I don't know how to talk to her about any of this, though. Do you have any ideas on what I could do?" "Drew's a great lawyer, but he tends to go off on tangents unless you really pin down the direction of the conversation. I noticed your meeting with him yesterday got off-track. Maybe it would help if you could really drill down to the specific legal language that applies to the situation you're trying to get his guidance on next time." "Hey, Mom's in a bad mood. Might be a good idea to lay low and stay quiet for a couple of hours. She said she was going to take a nap, but she looked a little teary-eyed. Heads' up, sister/brother." "I love our head of the department, but she's going to judge you if you come into work with green hair or visible tattoos." Tell me what's not constructive about any of the above. Don't be so pedantic. There are absolutely tons of scenarios where it's appropriate, even considerate, to talk about people to others. People are social creatures who do not live in a vacuum. We talk about each other. Sometimes, it's helpful to have our friends talk about us to others for us - when a significant trauma is experienced and you're too exhausted to tell people over and over again, you can sometimes depend on mutual friends or a key coworker to help clue everyone else in that you're dealing with something which is hard for you to speak about. Sometimes, others talking about us can actually help lesson our own burdens. I love black and white, but this ain't the line you wanna draw and die on, pardner.
There's this wonderful quality we all have, that you are pretending to lack. Common sense. Use it. A bunch of petty exceptions say nothing about the point I was making.