The past week has been pretty harrowing. Work was miserable, then I got fired. Now I’m actually feeling pretty good, oddly enough. I think I’ve never really had a big failure in my life before. Facing this one has been—dare I say, transformative? The reasons for my removal are fair. They really are. I could also list external forces that lead me to this failure—and those would also be fair—but I don’t want to make excuses or tell myself I am not accountable. Me from a year ago, hell even a month ago would be mortified to face that truth. Coming up to this point was among the most stressful periods in my life. Now that it’s come and passed, I’m really ok with it. I’m not going to flounder in sorrow or beat myself up more than I already have. I’m really just interested in learning from my mistakes and moving forward. I’m way more forward thinking, positive and happy than I ought to have the right to be right now. I’m also cool with that. I’ve also let work-life balance slip away from me big time. I was absolutely crumbling under the stress there. More than I realized. That’s also something that’s been following me around in life and work for a while now. I’ve been excessively negative for ages. I’ve been trying to understand why it’s so hard for me to avoid burnout. My conclusion for now echos kleinbl00‘s sentiments in this post. I try too hard to find fulfillment in my work even though I know it’s not what’s really important to me. Then I get too invested, burnt out and miserable. Right now I’m fine though. I fell like things have suddenly clicked. Like I’ve hit the bottom of the U-curve and it’s all up from here. And there’s so much to do in day-to-day life, holy crap. I mean, it’s only been a couple days, but little chores, self improvement, social time, projects... I make lists of things to to and can barely cover them. All these things that were getting neglected when I spent 60 hours at work a well plus another 10 sitting in LA traffic. I’ve been a busy body and there’s still so much to do. So yeah, I guess that’s where I’ve been at. Growing.
Happy persian new year and first day of spring, Hubski. Today was bring dad to school day at my sons pre-school. I spent the morning with him, playing cards, building paper airplanes and making a model volcano. It was really fun. I love him, very much. The kids have spring break next week. We are taking them to Sorrento Italy with another couple and their kids. I'm pretty excited. Work is a slog. As a CEO I feel like I am constantly raising money. We will begin raising our "A" round in April. Im gonna let a couple lucky people invest at our seed terms and then, BAM... our valuation is gonna go up. So, if you know anyone that wants in... We may already have the largest biobank of adult stem cells on the planet. That's kind of cool. If not, we will get there soon. mk Has developed some amazing IP. So amazing that we are going to spin out a company around it. I won't steel his thunder, but some day he can let you know about it. My wife wants to open a dermatology clinic in downtown A2. I'm excited for her, but I wonder sometimes if she realizes what she's getting herself in to. I'm looking forward to playing some music, beside a window and video'ing it soon. #songsfromawindow Who's in? ecib... you said you'd do it too. Have a great week Hubski. I love you. -TNG EDIT: It dawns on me that in the last 45 days (including the next 4) I'll have been in Michigan, Florida, NYC, Texas, California, Amsterdam and Italy. That's a ton of travel. But I'm excited for the next plane trip.
Got a friend with kidney failure. Got a friend with gout. Got a friend with pertussis. Got a friend with stage 2 lymphoma. Nice thing is I got four friends, right? 'nuther friend gave me his dead dad's watch to fix. Shit Lorus from the '70s. Needs a new case, new crystal, gawd knows what else. It's gonna come apart when I open it up 'cuz it's a shit Lorus from the '70s. But I also got a new fire-breathing ultrasonic cleaner from hell. Took the band off, mixed up some dilute Simple Green and put it in a 400W ultrasonic cleaner. Turned the water black. Hit it with a toothbrush and new Green. Turned the water gray. Hit it with a toothbrush and new Green. Turned the water gray again. I'm trying to wash a dead man out of his watch for his son and the dude refuses to go. Cleaner than it was; dude is still up in there though. In the end, we're all arm cheese. Went camping last weekend. Used newspapers my inlaws have been hoarding to light a campfire. Back in May '93 you could see Totoro, The Dark Half, Who's the Man, Benny & Joon, Strictly Ballroom, The Adventures of Huck Finn and The Crush at one goddamn multiplex. Turn the page and there's an ad for Lollapalooza '93 with Tool on the second stage. I saw that show. Tool was dope. It's all Freedom Rock now. (turn it up, man!) Friend with Lymphoma asked about the book covers on my wall. Told him it's from my bullshit failed novel that my agent didn't wanna buy. He told me to write another. I told him if two New York Times bestselling novelists can't convince me to write another goddamn book he's not gonna stand a chance in hell. Fucker got strident. Asked if I found it hard or something. Told him it was like breathing. Fuck books. Dropped him off after lunch and he insisted again. Fuck books. What sucks is when you feel vaguely dissatisfied and you look around and everyone else is really and truly in the shit and you take your level of disdain and multiply it by three oxycontins a day to deal with the eight inch scar ear to collarbone raised to the power of trying to figure out how to pay for treatment and your heart hurts. buttherearesomanygoddamnstarfishThe boy picked up a starfish, gently tossed it into the water and turning to the man, said, “I made a difference to that one.”
Can't enjoy the nice bubble you've worked hard to create for your family because everywhere you look you see friends and strangers in the pits. That's hard. I'm reading Chris Wilson's The Master Plan. He was black kid from DC caught in the game. Shot and killed a guy that was jumping him. Chris was 17 and this was the 90s--superpredators and tough on crime--so he got life in jail. It's difficult to read, but he talks about incorporating positive delusions. Starting with an endgame in mind and not listening to anyone, especially yourself, when it came to visualizing and working towards it. I doubt some paragraphs will do much to change your despondency at the sheer number of starfish out there. But the book is something else.
Mornin' everyone! Beautiful weather today, huh? Spring is here, the birds are singing, and the Mariners and the A's just played the first regular season game of 2019! Life is good. I've been spending a bit too much time in the bar lately, gonna be cutting down on that to spend more time practicing guitar again (and sleeping). I'm in therapy now as well, so that's really good. My therapist is still technically in training, but he's almost finished, and he's being supervised by a super experienced therapist. Also, that means he's young and cool, which helps ;) I'm seriously noticing how much better I'm doing since I got back on my antidepressants about a month and a half ago. Fighting social anxiety, pushing myself to learn new things and meet new people. It's wonderful having this much energy to get through the day, even when there's nothing to do at work so I end up using it drinking coffee with friends or cleaning up the office! I think I could live like this for quite a while, and I think I'd like to. On the more difficult side, a friend is slipping into a very deep depression, and is resistant to help. He's slowly started to open up to some of us about what's going on, but remains stalwart in his hopelessness, and refusal to seek help. He had a bad experience with a therapist and didn't react well to his antidepressants (which he's now off of), so he's kind of given up. It's very hard to watch. Trying to spend more time with him, remind him he's loved, get some joy in his life, but there's only so much we can do. Hard times.
I had a client of my marketing consultancy once who was a therapist. She was kinda punk rock, and didn't really want to work with "squares" or uptight people. She came to me with help to define her marketing message. So I came up with: Your fucking therapist. Adding "fucking" in there put-off the people she didn't want, and made the people she DID want as clients flock to her. She doesn't even print cards or have a web site any more. She doesn't need them. (Note: No, don't bother Googling that or her. That's not the literal tagline I came up with, but it's close enough to make the point.)
I am actually in a pub waiting to meet a new guy joining my team at work in a month, so thought killing time with a pubski post makes sense. It is that or following the live developments of the self inflicted shit show that is Brexit unfolding. I am totally preoccupied by Brexit. It effects my work, my hopes for the future and relations with the older elements of my family who show no regret for their vote despite decrying the current debacle. At work it was my job to give the Brexit preparation update and I tried to frame it as a mental health picture: knowing the difference between your circle of care and circle of influence - anxiety comes from focussing too much on the one you can't effect. It came across credibly enough but in reality I am finding it difficult to make the separation. This feels like a coup in slow motion by arrogant rent seeking public school boys. In any event I have cashed in my one weekend off per year with my wife and have booked myself on a coach to London to join the march for another more informed referendum. In truth I would prefer a genuine soft Brexit that maintains trade in its current form and keeps consumer protection in place. But that is not on the table, so for the first time in my life I am taking to the streets. Wish me luck!
Taking to the streets... for what? I'm not being snarky. I am deeply involved in Brexit, with friends on both sides of the issue, including journalists for The Economist, EU ministers, British ex-pats, ex-pats of many stripes living in Britain, etc. There isn't a position unrepresented in my friend circle of friends. So, the UK has voted to exit, the EU said, OK, and the UK set a date. Then did fuckall for 3 years, acted like entitled children, and now are reduced to asking for clemency from the EU, who has absolutely ZERO motivation or inclination to do so, because it would just weaken the EU without providing any benefits to the member states. Ok. So May is voted out either today or tomorrow. Either way, by Monday there will be some pasty twit with no plan, sitting at the wheel of a bus with no steering wheel, gas pedal mashed to the floor, and already 3/4 the way over a cliff. And this new PM is supposed to ... what? Devise a new plan? Get an extension from the EU? Hold a new Referendum vote? Start erecting fences along the soon-to-exist border between Ireland and Northern Ireland? Before the 29th? NONE of that is even possible. It takes a MINIMUM of six weeks to put ANYTHING to a vote. Even negotiating a revocation of Article 50 - much less an extension - would take more than a week. Nobody even knows what that would entail, much less how it would be enacted, or what verbiage needed to be in the document to make it legally binding. So why go march now? Take your wife and go to Inverness. Or Islay. Get a BnB and stay for a week. Don't read the news. Make some meals. Drink some tea. Read a book or three. Take walks. Visit distilleries and sample their wares. Stay out of pubs and away from the news. Then, pop your head up out of your cozy hole, and see what's left. I can't imagine what it's going to be like in two weeks...
Going to spend some time with Meditations Book Seven (Marcus Aurelius) as it seems to have something to tell me right now. Anyone else read it? Have a translation that is your favorite? A passage that you treasure? I have two translations, and my preference is for the Hays translation. It is done in much plainer English, and I am a very plain-spoken person I guess.
Does it come with the pure Latin text in the book? I am not familiar with differences between the translations, but it helps to actually meditate on the meaning of the words in the original version. If you need help, I don't mind discussing it with you. I like ancient texts and read them once in a while, so I think I will read it with you as a refresher for myself.
Neither copy of Meditations that I have has the original Latin. The “How to Keep Your Cool” does, which throws me off sometimes but I do like. I have taken lots of Spanish and one French class, so I can understand a little bit of the Latin, and it is interesting to see how words have survived and morphed over time on their way from Marcus and Seneca to us. ...now I kinda want to find a copy that has the original text too.
Just as a clarification, Marcus Aurelius wrote the Meditations in Greek.
Right. But you referred above to a copy having "the original Latin," which is inaccurate.
Meditations of Marcus Aurelius Study Guide - Parallel Texts in Greek and English https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EZ843B0/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_DexLCbFXNH0CR Here is original greek. I'm sure there is also latin. I say latin because it is a lot easier to meditate on for me. I hope you are well and wish you the best!
If there is, that would be a translation too, so I'm not sure what you'd gain versus reading it in English.Here is original greek. I'm sure there is also latin.
I gain a lot from meditating on the semantics.
Sure, but what I'm wondering why Latin is somehow better in this regard than English?
Latin is a simple, but complex language. I grew up learning ancient latin, so it helps with using those pretty 5 digit words that people who understand other languages tend to listen to. Plus, cyrillic is similar to both ancient latin and ancient greek. Basically, if I want something simple that won't take too much time and still be enriching, I would go to ancient latin over ancient greek.
Ok, but that doesn't answer why reading Meditations translated into Latin is better than reading it translated into English.
That is on my reading list. I also have “How to Keep Your Cool: An Ancient Guide to Anger Management” in my desk at work, which is selected from Seneca’s “On Anger” essay. Plus it has a funny picture on the cover, which is good for looking at and giggling instead of cussing.
Thankyou. All I could figure was active, aggressive, prideful ignorance. She seemed... okay but he hit on my wife by calling her a prude in front of a group of mutual friends (they were on a "break") and then called her on my home phone at my house to convince her to break up with me. When it didn't work he convinced everyone else to not call her until she kicked me to the curb. That was seventeen years ago.
Haven't picked up Meditations for a while. Enjoyed it and likewise found a few sentiments that resonated. I couldn't however get out of my head how monumentally poor succession planning such a wise statesman made.
Overstayed our time in Colombia, because we met some really awesome people and hung out longer than planned. So we're unfortunately going to rush through ecuador. Overall, the nature is beautiful! The adventures are fun. But food is kind of meh. Dancing is everywhere, but it's not really my thing. One night of drunken Salsa was enough for the year for me. And a lot of cities lack that historical flair I like. It really does feel like you're on a "new" continent here in South America. Most indigenous culture has been wiped, so there's not much of that to see :( Looking forward to Peru! It's been fun, but I don't think I'll be back in South America for a while. (Unless I talk my friend into taking me on his Patagonia hiking trip). The more time I spend here, the more I want to go somewhere to SE Asia and India... Sorry if that sounds complainy. But I've been enjoying thinking about what makes me like some places more than others :)
Had my first session of pre-marital counseling this morning. Some reading to do, some thinking to do. Still playing with medications. Trying to get back up onto the bike, it's been a disturbingly long time since I've done any mileage worth discussing.
it's not about the mileage... it's about the wind in your face and the whir of the spokes. It's about the freedom a bicycle represented to the 8 year old you. Ride. ride some more. forget the miles.a disturbingly long time since I've done any mileage worth discussing.
This week I spent waaaaay too much time reading some dude's Aether Wave Theory crackpottery. It's like a perfect guide on how not to physics, not linking anything because I doubt there's anyone who'd want it to metastasise here. Biochemistry lab is an odd, mostly positive, mix. The one thing I don't enjoy about it is the TA. Easily the least helpful person, their 'explanations' are the exact word-for-fucking-word quotes from our guidebook with no attempt at elaboration or answering questions. Creating Warhammer characters for my new group went swiftly and without any real problems, so they had a few hours to learn the mechanics during the game. They are already doing some roleplaying and it was quite natural with almost no shyness or anxiety of 'feeling silly', though there were moments where they weren't sure what to do and I had troubles hinting at the breadth of possibilities. We had a feedback talk after the game and set the date for the next Saturday. Overall, I had a blast, and they seemed to enjoy themselves as well. Other than that, I divide my time between studies and learning how to play Cataclysm: Dark Days Ahead. It seems to be operating under the same philosophy as Dwarf Fortress: losing is FUN. Love it so far.
This weekend I've decided to spend some quality time with How to ADHD's One Page Miracle, a kind of checklist designed to help with goal planning. They have a related form called "Should I Do the Thing?" that I'm hoping will supplement the broader view. Fingers crossed.
Well, it's been about.. 530 days since I was last in the pub, but it's great to see some familiar names and I've enjoyed reading what everyone has been up to. I've been making time for my friends, family and myself -- focusing on my own wellbeing as much as I do for others, I honestly feel like I am at the best point emotionally that I have been for years. There's still a lot in my life that I wish was better... but I am working on them and not letting things overwhelm me anymore.
A project, which I knew from the outset would become a Gordian knot if I touched it, has dominated my working hours for so long that I have passed through the other side of disgust. On the other hand, once it's done and dusted I'll probably be pretty idle. Looking forward to our holiday in the States in a few weeks. Thanks again tacocat for the Chicago recommendations. Lastly, am I alone in getting the distinct impression that an economic downturn in on its way?