Sometimes I need to scream in to the void.
today I need to scream in to the void.
I'm getting old enough now to look back on long periods of time and realize when I'm good at something and when I really am not. This week I came to the realization about being really not good at something. And maybe I'm beating myself up a little too hard... but I don't think so. Ends may not justify means, but if the ends are all shitty, then the means probably weren't exactly best practices. The longer I walk this ball of dirt, the more I realize that being a little bit good at a lot of things means being shitty at everything.
I'm realizing that tomorrow is my worst enemy...Today is it. Today is all that matters. Of course, this is only partly true... but if you decide to exercise tomorrow, you'll always be out of shape. Take it from a fat guy.
This could be true for a great many things. I am trying to figure out the relationship between today and tomorrow. And yesterday? Yesterday can just go away. Yesterday is dark and mean.
A lot of days it feels like there isn't enough money. Every day feels like there's not enough time.
In reality, there is probably plenty of both... but the inertia of my choices steals much of both if I'm not paying attention.
The business world is cold. I shouldn't look for fulfillment here. I should just trade my time for money. I should bargain for a better rate... but I'd need to find something I'm not so shitty at first.
Or maybe there's a whole other place where you can trade your time for fulfillment... but also earn a living wage.
A living wage... what does that even mean anymore?
Hey - it's Monday! I don't even know what days of the week mean. Are they really that much different? They seem to bleed one into the other. lather. rinse. repeat.