I've been traveling again for work. Monday night I had dinner with coworkers. I went back to my hotel, logged back onto my work laptop, and tried to start getting shit done. Work's been pretty crazy lately. After about an hour in which everything I tried to do failed to take, I started feeling guilty for going out to dinner. I already knew i'd have to work late every night this week, plus probably both days this weekend, if I wanted to make my Monday deadline. In another hour or so I was crying. (Still in front of my computer, still trying to do work.) I realized I felt guilty for taking the time to eat food that day. I realized that while I love working for my current company, I was at the point where I was going to start looking for new jobs (I'd already emailed a recruiter back on LinkedIn that day) because I was ready to fucking jump ship and get the hell out of there. But I like my boss. I realized I'd been in this role for 8 months, which was depressing, because every single month as my deadline has approached I have told myself, "don't worry, next month, it will be better." And this is 8 months in and no, it hasn't gotten better, not one whit. So I did a very scary, very adult thing. I wrote my boss an email. (I wrote a few drafts first.) Tonight I am sitting in front of my computer trying to update the June testing calendar (which is not working for some reason) and all I can think of is the 30 [system name] screenshots I still need to get, that I was going to get tonight. And now it’s 8:30 and I feel guilty for having gone out to dinner because I feel like I should have spent that time working. That’s not right. I feel like I need to work late every night this week and both days this weekend if I want to meet deadlines. That’s not right. Unfortunately, this is the way I have felt almost every month for the past 6-8 months. I have to admit that I can’t do this anymore. I hope we can try to talk about this. I am feeling a little emotional right now but I have to admit that I have not been happy with this situation for some time now. Maybe we can slim down the big controls (the ones with 20+ attributes), reduce sample sizes, eliminate redundancies (like how we test for insurance fulfilment on 3 different controls), or maybe there are other options. I hope there is something. I love working with you, but there is nothing that I love about the XXX project. I did figure, they weren't going to fire me for saying this, and at least I was giving my boss the chance to help fix this situation and keep me, instead of just jumping ship. I kind of figured it was fair. It was better than just jumping to another job at another company that I probably wouldn't like as much. The very next morning we had a meeting face-to-face with the department head. They took every single suggestion I made and went with it. I was a little amazed. I walked out of that meeting feeling like I had gotten everything I wanted. I also felt like, at no point did this become an issue of "are you not working hard enough?" I have to admit that that feeling, the feeling of guilt, that my workload was a result of me not working efficiently, or well, or prioritizing correctly, was what had been holding me back from having this discussion. I was worried that it would all come back on me. I was worried that it was actually my fault, and that I couldn't see it, or that I just needed to work harder. That it was all my failure. No one felt that way. I think this is among the most adult things ever that I have done, and I wanted to share it with Hubski. In part because wow, that was a really hard and stressful thing, but for those of you that maybe havent' had to do this or don't know that you can...I tried it. And it worked for me. And no one is going to fire you because you say your workload is too heavy. (They might put you on some sort of 'plan'....I guess it depends...But what I want to say is that, it is worth a shot.) Look at me guys. I'm...I'm...Adulting."I don’t think I can continue testing for XXX the way that I have been doing. I realized today I have been in this role for 8 months and for at least 6 of those months I have been constantly stressed: either I feel my hands are tied, or that I am working myself to the bone to meet a deadline that often, much to my upset, is missed anyway (due to exceptions, work not being done, business pushback, or whatever).
well played. Most companies, managers and executives aren't necessarily evil. Sometimes (as it sounds like in your current experience) they were unaware. Fortunately for you, they are wise enough to listen and adjust. Super awesome bonus points for ref today!
One of the most important things you can learn is that employers benefit more from your employment than you do. Once you've taken that lesson to heart, you discover that you can negotiate the spread between "what you offer" and "what you get" such that the situation is stable long-term. It takes self-esteem and self-awareness to understand your own value to an organization but once you have it, life gets better. Congratulations. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, gave it to a Thai knock-off sweatshop.
Thank you. I have worked at a lot of banks and it is tiresome changing them. It is really very stressful, although the money shows. I did not want to move away from the best bank I have ever worked at. But yeah, I really did have to hit a point where it was "Let your boss know, or start finding out how to GTFO" before I could be brave enough. :) Thank you.
Which means, probably, that there is no possible way you aren't working hard enough, so it would have been ludicrous to bring up. Which means you rock?!I also felt like, at no point did this become an issue of "are you not working hard enough?"
I honestly want to say thank you for sharing this with us. While I don't think my current job will really have that level of stress I'm terrified of it. It's not uncommon to hear about companies that are in perpetual crunch mode and it's hard not to feel like that is the way the software industry is moving. On top of that all I've really had modeled for me is improper work/life balance. My grandfather ran a small business so he was always at work early and always coming home late. This left an impression on my dad, so he was always gone to work before I got up to go to school, and then most of his evenings or weekends involved long stretches of time in front of his work laptop. I'm terrified that will become my behavior. My fiance and cats deserve better, but there are almost never stories like yours, where you said enough is enough, everyone agreed and you were (fingers crossed hopefully) able to actually achieve it.
I miss you guys. I've been staying away, lurking occasionally and only piping in when specifically invited because frankly, I haven't been this depressed or stressed since I was a 137 lb suicidal anorexic in high school. Put it this way: The good news is that we have progress such that the swing between one lease and another over the course of ten years is on the order of three hundred thousand dollars. No, not total, between the high and low candidates. And I've been dealing every day with people whom I would erase from existence, given half the chance, and finding myself having to defend their actions to my loved ones because demonstrably, the devil you know is better than the devil you don't. That $300k spread? Determined by three numbers that brokers raise and lower like penny ante poker chips. It's a monumentally disturbing process. I don't want to jinx it but I think we might be entering a new stage of chaos and dread. I have spreadsheets upon spreadsheets upon spreadsheets in which commas and zeroes play out like abstractions and the direction they fly - away from us or towards us - is heavily reliant on having done the calcs right. And I'm certain beyond a reasonable doubt that we've done the calcs right but it's the unreasonable doubt that gets you in the end and unreasonable doubt I have in spades. The fact that I've put this much analysis into a business I have no interest in joining, no expertise in aiding and no business managing certainly doesn't help. But at the end of the day, the next time I change the oil in my car it will be in Washington. The next time I buy shampoo it will be in Washington. My next set of running shoes will come from Washington. My next thanksgiving turkey will be raised by a friend of a friend... in Washington. I have about 5,000 miles of lanesplitting California freeways and then Francesca will be safely ensconced in a land of moss, carpool lanes and sensible drivers. What's hard about this is that if it was just me missing you I'd continue to shut the fuck up. I don't have the closure I want to convince me that I won't be an absolute dick to someone. But one of the reasons I miss this place is I have concrete evidence that you're likely to be missing, me, too. Which is difficult for me, but also a fact, so there it is. We fired our broker last Thursday. By Friday we had two viable leases in front of us and by Monday we had 30 new candidates we'd never seen before of which seven were equal to or better than anything we'd seen since October. PROTIP: never ask brokers if you should fire your broker. They'll make it your fault. In looking over the negotiations we've had so far, however, it now becomes obvious that we were the dicks without even knowing it, without even meaning to, because our broker was a dick. The new guy is still... iffy. I think commercial real estate brokers ought to be culled like Australian jackrabbits. But as vermin goes, he's less noxious than the asshole i've been wedded to for eight fucking months. Wish me luck.
If anyone can pull it off, it's you. It might require some luck but I'm confident you've wrung every drop of luck out of the equation. To use your advice to me: hop to, squire.
First of all, it is a fact. Secondly, congrats on the migration. I'm sorry it's been such an awful experience. Keep driving north to Vancouver for our Thursday night meetup! Aside: I just got rejected for a job I was pretty stoked about. First time I've been directly turned down for a job. Ever. Worst part, they had never met me but made the decision based on a personality test. Weird. Anyways, enjoy your journey pal. Francesca is going to love it. Years ago you mentioned that this was a goal of yours. Now you are making it happen. Do you know how rare it is that people make moves of this size to achieve their goals? My hats off to you. Well done and congratulations. Life is not for the meek.
Nice hearing from you. Good luck indeed. See you on the other side.
Can confirm, do miss kb. Very glad that you've made some good decisions that seem to be helpfing, and congrats on keeping on with the good fight to do what you want to do in the long run. Good hearing from you klein, good luck until your next check in.
Yesterday was one of the best days in a long time. It started with me and sounds_sound getting coffee and a muffin, then riding our bikes along the Sea Wall to play tennis. We have been talking shit to one another about our impending tennis match for some time now. Let's just say, it was an epic battle that came down to the last games and ended 7-5. -We only played one set. We then rode our bikes to the beach and went swimming. It was so damn cold at first but then, envigirating. I have never swam in the ocean surrounded by forest. I've done so in remote tropical settings but never anything like this. It was like swimming on Endor. After that we rode our bikes to and had lunch at the Cactus Club on the beach, where we people watched and had two beers. Side note: LOTS of beautiful people in Vancouver. After lunch we continued our bike ride along the Sea Wall. I was using s_s's girlfriends purple bike and wearing her pink helmet. I looked ridiculous, but it was fun. Then, s_s took me to the towny bar that he frequents. We ran in to his buddies there. Then we rode back to our hotel and went to dinner. Where we had these: Then, s_s took us on a walk through some of the city where we saw dance troops rehearsing in outdoor ice rinks, waterfalls: And this amazing piece of artwork titled "Internity," by Patrick Hughes in the Georgia Hotel: That was the end of the evening. A Great day! Thursday night we have a Hubski meet up in Vancouver. Who wants to join myself, s_s and forwardslash?
thenewgreen went swimming with his shirt on. Just sayin'
Trust me, had I lost we would have played more.... I was getting tired and he was gaining momentum. Seemed like a good time to stop.
Sorry, I was just enjoying the thought of a spirited game of strip tennis between you and sounds_sound. :) "That'll cost your trousers, old boy!"
Unfortunately, only one. However, it was our sixth of the day. s_s had to work the next morning. Right now, I'm on the ocean having a whiskey sour though and it feels good. Chill.
Rocking the Ray Bans with lady liberty in the background. Nice. Did you enjoy the trip? Have you been before? It's a pretty amazing place.
Even though I don't even have a degree yet, I sort-of got a job offer this week. Last Friday I was invited at the office of a large geo-IT company. One of the lead managers there saw that I'd won the Esri contest and he invited me over for coffee. As I had expected, it was a thinly-veiled job interview, but it went much better than I would've expected. He was interested in what I had done with my project and he was genuinely interested in how I want to develop / grow over the next years. I explained him what I'm doing right now and what I want to do on the topic of self-driving cars. His interest in me seemed very genuine (unlike most job talk I've done so far). Instead of the one hour planned for the conversation, we ended up talking more than two hours. By the end we were talking about ways in which I could perhaps work for them. Nothing's set in stone but I have another conversation in two weeks. We decided that I'm gonna figure out if I can combine working part-time and doing my masters degree, and he's gonna see if I can do something with their transportation / technology department. It might be too much work for but I'm gonna try if I can. Regardless of how this plays out, I'm really excited. Anyone got any tips on how to talk serious business (read: salary)?
This is my first week on Anti-androgens. I do this alone for a month, see how things are, then get onto estrogen. Even though I have a lot of stresses in my life (especially job search), the fact that I'm on this road now is a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm pretty stoked, overall. I'm playing in a cover band for a local Rib Fest. I've had a week to learn 3 hours of music, most of which is not complicated, but just took time to learn. My dad's coworker is one of the guitarists, and their bassist had to back out because "Babies" (totally understandable), and kind of left them in a lurch, so they called me up. I'm having a pretty good time. turns out things like Country Roads, Mary Jane's Last Dance, and other bar band standards are kind of fun to play - All my bands have never been able to agree on covers.
While we're on the topic of adult things, now that I have a place to live and know some utility costs and can estimate others I finally finished up putting together my first ever budget. It's a big ole spreadsheet that also calculates paying off my student loans (boo) and my inevitable getting a new (used) car. It's weird looking at something that says "you make this much but you'll be left with this much at the end of every month". The student loans are freaking me out more than anything else, what a scam. In other news, today I'm making campground reservations and that's a lot more exciting.
Thanks steve! (and _refugee_!). I don't think there's much of a choice in sticking with it beyond the tweaking that's bound to happen, I'm in way too much debt to afford otherwise (well, I can, but then I won't pay it off in the desired timeframe). I read way too much r/personalfinance and it makes me feel like none of the budgeting and planning I've done is good enough. More positivity: A couple of girls were checking me out when I was out at dinner so that felt pretty good.
A lot of people seem to be on the road or about to be on the road including thenewgreen who is in Canada and including me who is in the US for three weeks!! I left home at 4:30 this morning and just arrived at the Southernmost Point of the continent. Stay tuned. Here's the first thing that happened on the plane from Miami. I met a youngish-looking woman - maybe 30s, maybe 28 - no idea yet. She said that she had never been here, but her husband had recently died and she was working through his bucket list. She's planning to head off to the Grand Canyon in a few days. I didn't get any details (yet) and sceptic that I am (Wait!! Isn't that a tank? Checked spelling. I'm ok - septic tanking, sceptic thinking), anyway, sceptic that I am, I don't even know if her story is true -- but it's a moving and interesting story if it is true ... Will keep you posted. Also congrats to _refugee_ If adulting is learning to live in the world, then yes, you are adulting.
That is an awesome story. That there is a movie script waiting to be written. Who wants to write this film with me? I think I'd change it to a mother that fulfills the bucket list of her college aged son. humanodon, let's write it.
Nice! Check your email. Tryouts for team "write a script" are closed. You, steve and I are on it. Let's do it!
Let's do it. No joke. Let's take this to email.
Something happened in the 1910's in American English that made the usage of skeptical become much more common than sceptical. This change never happened in British English. Source:
http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/36749/why-did-sceptical-become-skeptical-in-the-us My guess is that what happened was they invented septic systems and people kept getting mixed up. Just checked that too. 1860, France.Before the 1910-1920's, sceptical was used in both American English and British English more than skeptical.
For everyone wondering where I've been: long story short, I currently enjoy the real world more than the internet right now, for a multitude of reasons. Basically I can choose to go on reddit and hubski, etc. and get angry all the time, or ignore them and enjoy real life things. And I'm picking the latter every time, because when I log onto hubski and get three (THREE) PMs telling me how racist I REALLY am, I end up having to make a choice. And it's an easy one to make. (8BITPROTIP: it's the one where I don't have to deal with white people having to tell me SO BAD how wrong my opinion is because [reasons], and if Martin Luther King were alive, he'd probably BLAH BLAH BLAH) But 8bit, you're on Twitter, what the hell bruh Yeah, bitching about Frontier, auto-submitting blog posts, and debating whether I'm a kid now or a squid now. So if you wanna follow me than fuckin go for it, I don't give a shit. Otherwise, yeah, fuck that. Yes, there's plenty of sympathy to go around for my dealings with all these fuckbois, but it's like going to your favorite bar and getting harassed by people there every week. Yeah, you'll have support and yeah you can ignore the people at the bar, but it's not the same and you're gonna find someplace else to hang out eventually if you wanna be comfortable. Then again what do I know about bars
Mute. Ignore. Hush. -repeat when necessary. Like all corners of life, you're going to run in to assholes. I'm relatively confident that you'll find less of them here. Maybe not, but at the very least we have developed tools that help you shed the assholes. Hang out with those of us that don't require muting, ignoring or hushing. We dig you. Like a lot. You're a smart and talented guy. That said, enjoy your time away from the inter-webs. That's important stuff. We'll be here when you get back.
I'm officially posting from my first proper lunch break in the office. The past several days have been full of orientation, training of various kinds and waiting for people to respond to emails and permission requests to get me into all of the various digital resources I need. It's a strange thing to go home at the end of the day and know that I don't actually have to do anything until 8am the following day. No homework, very little reading which will become no reading after a few days/weeks, and no responsibilities beyond making dinner and prepping my lunch for the next day. I signed a lease over the weekend for a 1Br/1Ba that's less than 15 minute drive from work, in an apartment complex with lots of trees, nice lawns and very boring, bed by 8 neighbors. I think I'm adulting too _refugee_.
Are you KIDDING I moved away ten days ago. Cor. Anyway, you'll want Bricktown, which is pretty much all the nightlife OKC's got. I like walking along the canal downtown, especially at night when it's a bit cooler because of the water. Some good restaurants all within walking distance, including barbeque. If you have a significant amount of time, you might check out the botanical garden, or the local summer Shakespeare troupe, or just wander around the outdoor park right next to Devon Tower. Hat's off to the city of OKC, really, they've done a lot to model their downtown on San Antonio's Riverwalk recently. Doing the best they can. It's way nicer than it was. http://www.visitokc.com/things-to-do/ http://www.bricktownokc.com/ Links and their attendant sublinks should take care of you. I've heard good things about Tapwerks as far as dinner/drinks goes, but there are a lot of options all within park and walk around distance.
It's been a while since I was in OKC, but if you like Mexican food, try Abel's (near NW 50th and MacArthur). Not fancy but really good.
Planning a blog post, in two parts: Ideological Shifts, pt. 1: How I Overcame My Atheism... Ideological Shifts, pt. 2: ...to become a secular Humanist. I realized about a month ago that there was a way in which I could frame Christian scripture so as to (mostly) dispense with contradictions: consider the Bible not as a binary text (lil OftenBen) but rather as a series of parables, communicated on a variety of levels (from Leviticus as a 'rulebook' for the Israelites in its time to Jesus literally telling stories), which allows the reader to develop an intuitive understanding of how to apply the transcendent wisdom of the text (10 Commandments, Sermon on the Mount, etc.) to their everyday lives. This framework, combined with my latent understanding that certain phenomena lend credence to the idea that we may never understand all of the machinations underlying the universe and its existence, led me away from the near-total rejection of religion that had characterized my youth thus far. However-- I also came to understand that there were certain parts of scripture which I could not reconcile with my personal views, regardless of my framework. The story of Ananias and Saphira comes to mind. This got me thinking a bit more, and I came to realize that the wisdom which I had identified in Christian thought could easily be applied without acceptance of Jesus's divinity, God's existence, or the infallibility of scripture. Essentially I re-realized something I'd considered a couple years ago. Religion is comprised of two fundamental components: belief in the divine, and belief in a moral code. Acceptance of one need not necessitate acceptance of the other, although they tend to reinforce each other. Essentially, that's how I ended up at secular Humanism. I believe in love. I believe in community. But I also believe in the power of people, working together, to overcome adversity. And I see no reason for recourse to the divine; I'm now happily agnostic.
You're going deep huh? I can completely agree with the whole 'Separate morality from divinity' bit. In fact, back when I considered myself christian, a number of my more 'intellectual' peers considered themselves morally christian, not so much worried about the whole divine thing. But I can't call myself christian. Too much history and bigotry wrapped up in the name. I refuse to make excuses for those who aren't 'True Christians' TM. I refuse to allow others to make excuses for them. Secular Humanism is the way to go if you are too smart to fall for any major religion, and too empathetic to let everyone go to hell in their own way. Or maybe that's just me projecting too much.
I spent a week at West Point. 0500 physical training in the cold rain, marching back and forth from lecture hall to classroom to mess hall and back to barracks at 2230, lights out. Cadences and cadences, an early morning mile-run with a brigadier general and my platoon of one-hundred Cadet Candidates gave me the sort of motivation with which I could barf twice and keep running––I did. It was... fucking awesome. Stupidly but intentionally, I decided to cut caffeine cold on day 1. Military-grade headaches ended day 3. I watched Airborne Rangers jump from a Chinook on day 5 and got in a Black Hawk day 6. By day 7, I made the sort of friends that last after you've crawled through enough dirt together. There's a Preparatory Academy to which I can be referred if admissions decides i'm not yet ready. My squad leader (one of 8 squads in one of 5 platoons of kids during the program) was a Sergeant at the Academy and had finished his sophomore year, after spending that extra first year out of high school at the Prep. I spoke to him a lot about it, he was a really smart dude and I think it might be worth it if I'm given that opportunity, instead of a direct admission. I thoroughly enjoyed not being able to check my Facebook or Instagram, roommates from Texas are hilariously naive but good-hearted, yelling for hours in rank-and-file groups is more motivating than amphetamines, and going to GovBall for two days immediately afterwards pretty much gave me the most intense, invigorating, and beautiful week I've had in a while. (Yeah I saw them alive, yeah it was transcendental, yeah Flying Lotus was better)
A whole lot of things are going well, thankfully. Found a new apartment, our two rabbits are getting along now (instead of fighting/chewing up the security deposit/peeing on each other's stuff), and work is pretty not-on-fire at the moment. On the other hand, I am really stressing myself out about proposing to my girlfriend. And I don't even have a good reason for it, I just want to be engaged already and not have to freak out about it for 2.5 weeks. Forge ahead!
Hey, if you can settle the squabbles of two rabbits, then you can propose to your girlfriend. I remember those days though. I carried my engagement ring in my pocket for days before finally popping the question. I kept thinking that the perfect moment would manifest itself. It didn't, so I had to plan it out. It went well though. She said "yes.": Good luck to you! Report back and let us know how it goes. Forge ahead, indeed!
It's Saturday night, I'm on a beach trip with my bros. We'd been at the bar about five minutes when a beautiful blonde walks over and introduces herself to myself and one of my friends. We make small talk for a few minutes, when an interval of silence begins between topics. Not wanting it to creep into the "awkward silence" domain, I ask, "So, have you been working hard?". She furrows her brow and says "I'm... I'm sorry?", to which I reply, "Oh, you know, my friends and I all worked our asses off this week so we could go out and party down here for the weekend.". So now she's got her lips pursed, one eyebrow raised, and she's like, "Uh, no, actually, I'm on island time. And that means that I can do whatever I want, whenever I wanna do it." (Edit: yes, we are on an island). "Cool," I say, and proceed to say something stupid about how I'm finally on island time, and how nice it is. The conversation is clearly over, I've really put her off. She walks off, and we all go back to bro night. About an hour later she leaves the bar with someone else. One of my friends who was outside smoking a cig and missed the whole thing thinks that I accused her of prostitution with the "Have you been working hard" question. Truthfully, I was just trying to make small talk, but I think I may have stumbled on a very interesting question to ask women at bars. I may need to find a way to make it slightly less bullish. Thoughts?
Can always try and reverse the question - "So, are you on vacation?" followed up by "From what?". Whenever I'm trying to make conversation with anyone, some of my go-to's are "What've you been up to?" and "So what brings you here?" - vague, informal, open-ended questions that are great for starters. It's such an strange aspect of human culture that we can misunderstand each other so weirdly at times...
Those are both pretty safe. And yeah, the spectrum of people's communication protocols is deep and wide, even in a dive bar outside of city limits. I didn't communicate properly, I went for a swiss army triplet when she ordered a paraflam cheese. But on the flip side, I'm not into one night stands, and I'd never date someone with no job or not in school. It was just interesting to accidentally stumble across a sort of AFK filter of that criteria for the face-to-face "scene". Guess I hadn't really thought about it before it happened. All of this is monumentally eclipsed by the fact that I'm already in love with someone, and it's monogamous.