Share good ideas and conversation.   Login, Join Us, or Take a Tour!
humanodon's profile

I like stuff and stuff. If you also like stuff, I think hubski is a good place for you.

Some stuff you might like, that I like:











h-u-m-a-n-o-d-o-n, like "iguanodon"

following: 77
followed tags: 239
followed domains: 11
badges given: 16 of 64
member for: 1941 days
style: dark

tags used

comments 0
humanodon  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Paralyzed.

Hey there,

I understand that this is a complicated situation. I won't pretend to understand all of what you're going through, but I will say that I've confronted the question of abortion. Unfortunately, more than once. All I can say is, each time I made it very clear that if she were to have the child that I would do my best to be the father that the child deserves. On the other hand, on each occasion I also made it very clear that I was nowhere near the man that I needed to be in order to be that father. I think that those conversations were well-received because I didn't put the focus on myself or my well-being, but on the future that the child might have. To be honest, I still wonder sometimes how my life might look if things had been different. Either way, I know that each time the woman was agonizing as much as I was and I think that in sharing my worries and by hearing what she had to say that we were able to find a way forward that worked for us. I think that in the end, the best that you can do for yourself is to do the best that you can by her. Life is long and weird, and strange. There are plenty of questions that we can't know the answer to until much later. As you're only human, be as human as you can. Maybe there will be opportunities for better outcomes as the situation emerges, but that's only possible if you're able to engage in the situation together. I don't mean that you should stay together, just that the lines of communication stay open. Anyway, I wish you the best man, that's a rough road ahead.

humanodon  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: March 21, 2018

Well . . . dating sucks balls but . . . there's worse things in the world than spending a bit of time with a kind, patient, talented person. Have you checked in to see how she's feeling about things? That might clarify or affirm things that you're noticing about your own reactions (or non-reactions).

humanodon  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: March 14, 2018

This is great!

No one has asked me to board a handbasket just yet, but maybe I'll get an early check-in email closer to the date . . .

"Spiders in space". I dig that It really captures my feelings on what to do with this degree at the moment, but I guess that's something that happens when finishing a degree. Actually, I think that's a problem endemic to linking the literatures of various disciplines. Anyway, while it is a bit exciting that there's so many new social dynamics emerging, the question of how to study these things and then what to do about/with them is a bit daunting too.

I’m inclined to be open to this line of thinking. I wonder if you’ve run into Bourdieu and his theory of social capital. I’m tending toward the idea that maybe one explanation of current nation-wide social dynamics could be that with neoliberalism there is hyperfinancialization, or a focus on economic exchange over social exchange, due to the decentralization of relationships in production chains that bleeds over into communities. Basically, people have underdeveloped social skills leading to a focus on politeness over depth of exchange, manifesting in White Fragility/SJW-type intolerance of anything but PC orthodoxy. I know that contains a bunch of logical leaps, and sketchy ideas, but anyway, social capital makes me wonder if our frames of different types of exchange in American society are linked in ways that aren’t so obvious.

Somehow, I don’t think this would make it as a #meToo . . .

1) I study conflict resolution with a focus on organizational conflict

2) I gossip like a motherfucker

Personally, I take these things to be indicators and try to take a qualitative research tack. What nodes keep popping up? If everyone says Carol is a bitch, what's up with that? As for shame, what's going on there? Maybe digging into those feelings through something like writing out your thoughts (by which I mean, writing without self-judgement in an effort to map feelings, tensions, and potential inciting incidents) might be helpful.

I don't know your situation, particularly as some of the information is apparently sensitive, but I am curious about the role of leadership within your organization. What kind of leadership exists? Are there underlying sources that result in gossip? Can you talk to anyone in the leadership about this? What avenues exist for you to try to address this issue of morale?

Often, with top-down leadership, there is a great deal of power distance, resulting in a lack of employee buy-in, inclusion, and belonging. In organizations where power-distance is minimized and employees tend to have a lot of trust from their leadership, we see a lot of decision-making ability and thus, empowerment. When people have this ability, creating employee/"follower"-based solutions is often an option, which tends to improve morale.

In my view, gossip tends to occur when people don't have outlets that are sanctioned as legitimate for grievance within organizations. Often, this results in employee turnover, a lack of trust, and overall, greater expenditures in training and ineffectual interventions, such as diversity and inclusion programs rooted in compliance to Title VII and affirmative action, as opposed to employee empowerment. We also see litigation more often in these types of environment.

In short, avoidance of gossip or conflict tends to have adverse effects. However, engaging in conversations to address morale can also have adverse effects for employees as organizations are inherently conservative and interested in avoiding litigation and so may be prone to retaliation or attempting to sweep things under the rug. Of course, my advice would be to seek the help of a professional; a facilitator, a mediator, or someone who can help with conflict, but then, I have an interest in promoting the industry I'm hoping to be employed in. The one thing I can tell you, is that there is no need to be ashamed for feeling like things can be better, or for regretting a contribution to negative dynamics. It sounds like you have a clear idea of what the problems could be and that there might be a real need to address them. Who can be engaged to work this out?

humanodon  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: February 21, 2018

I went to the Harvard museum recently.

Hey lil! That was the intention, but to be honest, I'm behind on submissions, but now that the end of grad school is in sight, I might have some extra money to put toward submissions :|

Thanks kB! I hope so; I still try to check in on things once in a while. It’s cool to see many of the users I know when I do visit!

posts and shares 0/1