Well...
Can't get my ass outta my seat most of the time to hit the gym properly. Everyone here is huge and scrawny ol' pabs is doing no work for himself. If I get an extra hour I use it to take a nap instead of doing something productive. Also this tag never dies lololol
I'm applying for a job, and I've just been putting the form filling off and off. I finally sat down, and under one section I just got completely stuck, like wholly stuck and no idea what information I needed to put. That really wrecked me, I mean who would want to hire someone who can't even fill out the most basic of forms right? There's got to be better candidates for the role, I don't even know if I'll be able to get back into that frame of mind and actually think about problems and complex solutions. I'll just be too distracted worrying about home and I'll have to move out fit a bit until we could afford to all move to this new city... It's all bullshit. It's just me panicking and letting my lack of confidence get in my way, I've kicked that forms ass now and just need to write my covering letter stuff and I've made a really strong headstart on that today. I'm going to give it a shot and I think maybe I actually could do the work, I just need to trust in myself once in a while.
Complacency (or myself - take your pick). I think I've written about my fear of stagnation before. I'm in a fortunate position where if things never changed, that'd be okay. It's this line of thinking that terrifies me. It's something that I constantly need to remind myself to fight. Luckily, I think I've done a good job so far.
I've developed this pseudo spiritual belief that chaos (and so change) is the main driving force on life, without constant challenge we stagnate and die. You see this in human history with some of the greatest innovations born from necessity, the animal kingdom where evolution and nature favour those which adapt (or die), to the universe itself where no matter would exist if every atom remained stable. Change can be a scary word, it's naturally chaotic and we want to reject that as we think that must be a bad thing, but honestly as someone stagnating and gathering moss, not changing is scarier.
Up until very recently, my own hyper-critical attitude towards anything I make, coupled with an unhealthy dose of perfectionism. I am learning to cut myself some slack for once and not worry as much about the final product. I'm also finally handing my music off to someone else to master, which I think will be A. An important part of letting go complete power and B. Something that makes the album better, cause I can't really mix/master for shit.
Prioritizing myself. Specifically, my health and my writing. Every day I go to bed with the intention of getting up in the morning, and doing my little stretching and light yoga regimen. 15-20 minutes, tops. Every day, I fail to do that. The tv series I am writing is ready for some real, head down, hands on the keyboard, work. Every day I plan to spend an hour in the evening working on it. Most days, I fail to do that. (Despite the enthusiastic support of my wife who - whenever I say "I want to do some writing" - will immediately make room for me to do so.) So I am totally empowered to do these two things, and very excited to do them. But I don't. So. What's holding me back? I have no idea.
ADD/ADHD, it sounds like. You know what you should do, you want to do them, but it sounds like you get easily distracted and don't follow through, which is symptomatic of those conditions. I recommend setting up an appointment with a clinical psychologist to get a diagnosis
My apparent and almost total inability to draw satisfaction from accomplishing goals. I've done some pretty awesome stuff, and continue to do awesome stuff and the exact minute I'm done, all good feeling, all gratification, all the life-affirming and will-to-live sustaining positivity gets washed away and I'm back to "Here are the fundamental problems in your existence. None of what you just did has improved upon those fundamental problems in any material way, shape or form. Why are you fucking around instead of trying to fix those problems?" I suspect that were I able to, in the long term, feel good about the things I've done/am doing, several other problems would resolve as a matter of course. Hard to have stress-induced gouty arthritis when you're not constantly in fight or flight, gotta-save-the-whole-world-plus-myself panic.
Being watched, or rather the inability to work while being watched. I'm forced to live in the same house as my parents & grandparents, and if it isn't them who intrude, its visitors or the domestic help. I'm never left alone for more than a waking hour and if I tell them, I'm asked to get over myself. Its really stressing me out as I have exams soon and need to get 80+ in everything, which is only making me more irritable.
Physically my bodies inability to fully coorporate, which I'm trying to break by reversing 24 years of poor mechanics and 22 years of a lack of serious running/fitness initiative. Which isn't to say I was overweight, just not in tremendous shape. Professionally, experience and the depth of knowledge that can come with that.