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I got to know TFG pretty well through IRC. We met at a time that I think we both were going through some pretty dark shit internally. We would talk just about every day, in my morning and his night and sometimes after he woke up in his morning. We'd go on for typically a couple hours sharing stories and trading advice and try to make sense of the world, relationships, and how one should live a Good Life.
Eventually, I noticed our mindsets drifting apart. I had come to the conclusion that what we were doing was ultimately self-destructive - that through all the self criticism and introspection we were doing we were just picking at old scabs and never giving them the chance to heal. At least that's how it was for me. He seemed to almost need to torture himself through introspection. He'd have revelation after revelation and always seemed to be on the verge of understanding a Truth about the world (though he was quick to point out there is no capital-T Truth). I convinced him to give himself a break for a day once. It seemed like it had helped at the time from what he told me afterwards, but as soon as his 24 hours were up he wanted to get right back at it and analyze everything from his 'break'.
I noticed that we'd drifted further and further apart mindset-wise, though I tried my best not to let on. I'd see the pain he'd put himself through and it would hurt me as well through a sense of empathy I'd built up for him. I went through another wave of depression similar to the one I was recovering from when I had met him, this time with identity issues mixed in. I ultimately decided the pain was too much and ghosted on him and Hubski as a whole. It was a selfish, self-preserving act that maybe was about as constructive as our introspection was. But I think I had to do it for myself.
I still feel for TFG, even if my actions say otherwise.
If you ever read this TFG, sorry for falling off the face of the Earth. I hope you find peace.
This is one bet I'm sad to lose. I think I'll give fate another chance to both remove Trump from office and have me give money to Hubski by matching wasoxygen's side of the bet again. If I understood that right, that means the sooner Trump is removed from office the more I pay.
I've been sick the past couple days, and I have to say; I'm not a fan. It's strange, having a valid reason to not get out of bed makes me hate lying here. On days where I wake up early in the morning go to work, I feel my bed calling out to me for just 5 more minutes; and now I wish to be anywhere else doing something productive.
I've got a lot more I'd like to share, but sitting up to type sucks right now. I'm going back to bed.
I think (or at least hope) that you're misunderstanding the headhunter fees. I'm not aware of any case where a headhunter will charge the candidate a fee, if you run into one who does that's a massive black flag and I'd avoid them like the plague.
While their commissions are generally based off of the candidate's starting salary, that's a fee paid by the company to the headhunter, and assuming no one's being shady, it will never come out of the salary itself. The way it's meant to work is that the commission is supposed to act as an incentive for the headhunter to negotiate for a higher starting salary for the candidate, and for the position to be filled faster for the hiring company. Of course, YMMV with how this applies in practice, as it depends on all of the parties involved.
The rest of your advice is solid! I just wanted to vouch for headhunters since I've had good experiences.
I've had a similar train of thought when it comes to self improvement.
Take fitness for example, I've come to accept that on some level I just don't want to go through the process to become fit. If I genuinely wanted to become fit I would have no problem doing the research to come up with a diet + exercise plan that meets my needs and I'd stick to it. But because I don't stick to it when I come up with a plan, that must mean that I want leisure more than I want to go through the work it takes to become fit. Maybe I want to already be fit, but I don't want to become fit.
There was a piece of r/getmotivated style advice that made its rounds a while back that said something along the lines of "Replace the phrases 'I don't want to...', 'I don't have time to...' etc with 'It's not a priority for me to...'" I've found it to be a bit shallow like most of those little motivational catchphrases end up being when applied as a life strategy. However, I do think it's useful for a quick perspective change. Do you really want the things you say you want?
To bring it back to your post, the notion of there being an internal and external set of priorities resonates with me. I think it should be a goal to make them line up as much as possible. The question is how?
I seriously want #2. Is that your tattoo on the monitor?
Everything feels very new lately. I've thought a bit about how to describe it and I think that's the way that captures the feeling the best. Though nothing huge has changed in my day to day habits, I've been filled with a sense of novelty about life as of late. Take work for example, despite that I've been going in 5 days a week 8 hours a day working on largely the same ongoing projects for the past however long, something about it feels less like a routine and more like something that I choose to do every day. This is a huge contrast to the way I've felt in the past where I felt time slipping by by the week and would be filled with a sense of dread. Rather than question it, I think I'll just savor the feeling for as long as it stays.
I've recovered from my Trump-shock that is evident in my last pubski post and returned to my default state of being Trump cynical. I seem to be on the opposite schedule as everyone; for the couple days following the election I was desperately grasping at silver linings, thinking things like "I hope he does actually 'drain the swamp'" (though of course now that I've seen who will be replacing the swamp 'monsters', this scares me) or that my family and I will be fine as we're not part of any of the groups that will be targeted by policy (true but this line of thought leaves a bad taste in my mouth).
I think the worst thing in my personal life with this is that the common political ground I thought I found with my family has disappeared since the election. This was the first election where the rest of my family didn't vote for the Republican candidate; it was nice being able to root for the same candidate in the debates & not have to sit there quietly and grit my teeth while the rest of the room spews hate at the TV directed at the person I secretly want to win. Of course we weren't always going to be on the same page but it was nice to not be a political outsider for once. They've all admitted since that they like his platform, just not his personality.
I would move to Canada with y'all to escape this #trumpsterfire (shame that tag didn't get more use), but I promised myself I wouldn't move anywhere colder than Kansas since it's only October and I'm already too cold. Looks like the Netherlands is vaguely the same climate-wise, any Dutch Hubskiers want to take in an American refugee? Will program for food and housing ;)
On a more serious note, I'm probably not going to bail just yet. In fact, I'll take it a step further and say that I hope I'm proven wrong about Trump and the GOP who has control over the House and Senate. I hope he and his party make this country great (though I'm withholding the word 'again') somehow, even though I have no reason to expect them to. Is that wishful thinking? Me going numb to avoid the pain? Is there a difference?