I recently accepted an offer for a new job. I have had the offer for about a week now. Since receiving the offer I have had two other interviews. I'm telling you, it's amazing how much better I performed in the interview process knowing that I had a good offer on the table already.
Yesterday, I interviewed with the largest medical device company in the world. I sat down at the table with the regional hiring manager across from me and I wrote down three words on a piece of blank paper.
Fine
Good
GreatI responded by asking him, "how is your family?"
He looked confused and said, "great."
I circled the word "great" on my piece of paper, letting him clearly see me do so.
He looked perplexed.
I asked, "how come you said 'great' and didn't give me more details about how your kids are doing in school or what plans you and your wife have for vacations this year etc...."
He looked even more perplexed.
I said, "is it because I haven't earned the right to ask you a question like, 'how is your family' yet?"
He smiled.
I said, "in sales, how can we walk in to a prospect and immediately ask questions about how their first quarter was, or what their goals for fiscal 2016 are and expect a meaningful answer? We haven't earned the right yet."
I went on to tell him about my sales philosophy of "earning the right," through a consultative approach, leveraging in-depth industry knowledge and peer set analysis. I went on to describe how I use the challenger selling model to create a moment of constructive tension, where the prospect has realized a deficiency in how they are currently doing business. I then get them to agree that a solution is needed. Then, after getting them to describe the ideal solution to me, with them soliciting MY advice as to how to solve their problem. Well... then I can ask them, "how is your family." -I've earned the right.
I am not taking the job. But the hiring manager said I had the most polished selling skills he's ever seen in an applicant, which was very nice to hear.
OftenBen nowaypablo and anyone else that is interested in a career in sales, I thought I might start writing some of my philosophy/strategy here on Hubski occasionally.
follow #sellingwithtng for more posts.
Last full time job. Orientation, some executive dude making a presentation. Introduces himself as being married to a beautiful wife, he has two small children... And I'm sitting in the back of the room thinking, f*cker, if I wanted to know about your sex life and mating habits, I would've asked you. If someone were polyamorous, into BDSM, is a house slave bottom... If that person had told the orientation people their sexual habits and marital status, that would've been seen as obscene or inappropriate. Every time someone asks me about my family, things get awkward. Father died when I was a small child. Mother committed suicide. Older brothers sexually molested their sister. Cults. Stabbings. And all sorts of other stuff I won't mention. Running with Scissors is my spirit book. I've learned the best way to deal with questions about family is to say, "If I answer that, conversation may get uncomfortable. Care to talk about something else?"
A coworker who I liked and was close enough for her to make the following observation about me once said, "_refugee_, I hope my kids never feel about me the way you do about your mom." This was without me ever getting into much detail about my past wrt my mother, just relating my day-to-day existence over 18 months, during which (of course) my mother occasionally popped up. Without even thinking I told her, "Just be a good mother." Now that's one of those responses that in retrospect I realized could be mega awkward, and was certainly very telling. I considered it after I heard it come out of my mouth, though, in the 30 seconds or so that a conversation allows you to turn over what's been spoken, and I shrugged and realized that I still found it true. Yeah, when someone asks me about my family, I tell them about my siblings or my cats.
I can relate. Contract job I had few years ago, boss dude, without me ever mentioning family, declared that I grew up poor, abused (why is it that I STILL can't hide this?), and started making all sorts of judgments about me, proselytizing, criticizing food choices I ate, saying I was making choices like a poor person... He was born rich. Job didn't last long. For a number of years, I would make up stories about where I came from, like I was hatched, parents were spies masquerading as world class tennis players, and the like. Somehow that would make the conversation just as awkward as when I'd tell the truth. Some people just don't appreciate creativity. =)
The best way to deal with questions about family is to find or found a family you care about. I got nothin' on you but years. I can say that I relate to a degree and leave it at that. So allow me to point out, as one survivor to another, that "family" is anyone you care about and you aren't required to stick with the one you were born with. It's good to have family. It makes things easier. And it makes you less likely to resent people for telling you that their family is important to them. Your bliss is out there. The less attention you give to the rear view the more you can see out the windshield.
I've been remiss in not replying to this. I've been busy. Sorry. You aren't your environment. You are your aspirations. If you aspire to be other than someone who waits hours at the food bank, show that side to other people and you'll be surprised the support you encounter. Good luck.Quite honestly, I don't think I'd trust anyone who'd want to be friends with me the way my life is right now.
Fair enough. It is odd how your "friends" abandon you when you choose to stop drinking/drugging but it happens all the time. I can relate and would not do it with other people either even though that may be to better way to go. To be fair, any one that works in a non-profit has the best intentions of their clients at heart, in my experience. I have worked in food banks and other places like that and they can be amazingly positive. No one there will judge you and so please do take advantage of those services.
Yup. This is awesome. Stay awesome, tng– hope you find a solid gig soon.
I always associate sales with... I don't know... in some kind of negative connotation. It's very interesting to see how psychology plays a huge part in the business, but I wonder how much people who work in sales revere their jobs.
Want someone you just met to like you? Ask them to do you a favor - a small one. Psychologically, they'll want to justify why they did it, so they'll convince themselves they like you more than the average joe. When really they have no true reason besides that you asked them.
Reminds me of the Enneagram personality system and type 8: the Challenger. It's an interesting personality type to me, because in their times of stress and doubt they become the unhealthy version of my personality type, the investigator, which can give me a little bit of a different view of that tactic. It was really fun when I was in sales because I got to train some of those people and could push back with bigger challenges if they didn't properly size up the meeting before we started.
Are you big into the Enneagram? My last boss was and she made everyone do them. I'm a 3 (the achiever) with strong 7 and 8 tendencies.
I was raised on Myers Briggs, so I get the core concepts, but my fiancee is HUGE on the enneagram. She has a spreadsheet of the types of all her friends and favorite fictional characters (and would kill me if she knew I said that). It's really interesting though. I use a larger, personal system I hodgepodged together when overcoming my social ineptitude and the enneagram is a great system for accounting for the emotional state of individuals.
OMG that's so cute though. My boss would bring it up all the time. She'd be like "you are feeling this way because you are an X and you need lots of extra love and care" (this was usually about /her/ boss who needs to be reminded that he is appreciated). In the 7th grade (I think) I did an MBT to correspond with career options (which at the ripe age of 13 were fashion designer, FBI Agent, and civil rights activist, in that order). I dug it up recently and had a good laugh about the whole thing.
I would strangle your boss. "No, bitch, I'm feeling this way because you're pissing me off and stuffing me into your little box negates my individuality now put away your fucking pentacle and look me in the eye." "All models are wrong but some are useful." I've seen enneagrams do far more harm than good.
Aw no my boss is great. She was the only thing keeping me at this job for the past year. Obviously it wasn't a hard guide and she understood her bosses' needs because they're close friends but she would sprinkle quips about enneagram types in. I think it was all in good fun.
Amen. That shit is meant to be a guide, not a label. I hate when people use these things as an absolute reason for behavior, as if no outside influence could possibly affect how I'm feeling or thinking.
Yeah. I like it too. Growing up I had to take a MBTI test pretty much monthly so my mom could test new ones. At one point I could ask what she wanted to to get and crank out that score. In college I would post up at bars and trade therapy sessions for drinks. People would tell me about their lives and the people in them and I would deconstruct the situations so they could actually understand what was going on. It was actually really fun.
I would be interested too! I don't really plan on a career in sales because it's far from my strong point, but it's a skill that would be very useful. I bet a big part of your sales skills is your amazing ability to connect with people. I'm always surprised at how you can remember what's going on in our lives here on Hubski. You must have a secret excel file about us somewhere, otherwise you are just plain genius. I have a class this semester called "Improving your oral presentations" and my guess is that it will be more about how to make a sales pitch. I have a feeling it's going to be the most practical class in my whole program.