Ever since I graduated college several years back, finding some sort of balanced lifestyle has constantly evaded me. It's impossible to work 40+ hours weekly, practice decent personal hygiene, keep fit and eat healthy, nurture social, romantic, and familial relationships, stay well informed, have interesting hobbies, deal with unexpected hurdles, get enough sleep, and take time to pause for even just a few moments of reflection. I'm constantly shuffling things around, never finding a rhythm.
So how do you do it? Do you sacrifice something?
To me, it seems like a constant existential crisis where unreasonable expectations are increasingly levied upon us by society, far outpacing the limits set by human biological evolution.
What are your thoughts on this? Is this mostly an American cultural phenomenon, are our European/Australian/other-first-world-counterparts enjoying greener pastures?
I get that this is a pretty petty thing to bitch about, in the global scheme of things...
Bah. People always make this out like it's an impossible nut to crack without realizing that any task will swell to fill the time allotted. So you get up and you go running. You're exercising and getting "even just a few moments of reflection." Take a shower because you need it - now you're back-dating your morning for your commute so you have to get up. And lemme tell ya - the act of getting up is 90% of it. What are you doing in the car? On the bus? Listening to talk radio? NPR? The Morning Show? Lemme tell ya - I haven't listened to NPR in about ten years but pretty much everything that's on I've heard about 'cuz goddamn hipsters can't shut up about NPR. You don't actually need to listen to it. Grab an audiobook. Listen to music LOUD. Get into the flow of it. Better yet, buy a motorcycle and turn your commute into an adventure. The fact that you bring up work balance means they've gotten to you. You don't "balance" work. You claw back your life from it. They didn't put you on salary, give you a cell phone and let you VPN to the server after dinner because they want you to "balance." they did it because they want to own you from the morning you wake up until the minute you go to bed and sporadic intervals in the middle of the night. "Salary" is business-speak for "attach this vampire squid to your soul and let it suck you dry." You don't balance that shit, you vanquish it. They want you to think that if you don't work hard they'll pass you over or some shit but I'm here to tell you - they don't give the first fuck about you and they'll pass you over ANYWAY. On January 31 2007 I was awarded the "key man" award for 2006 at my 500+ employee Fortune 1000 company. On February 13 they laid me off as supernumerary. Stop thinking you owe them something. You don't. Work the hours you're paid for and if you get a job done faster than they think, fucking slack. Slack like you're getting paid for it by someone who actually gives a shit about you. Little thing that helps - pack a lunch every day and eat it somewhere you want to be, doing what you want to do. I worked at the Fisherman's Terminal in Seattle and every day I'd drag my sandwich out to the end of the pier, read a book and watch carp and seagulls. If you don't think that makes the rest of the day more bearable you simply haven't tried it. So now it's 4:30 or 5 or some other reasonable "time when normal humans go home" and you're going to hit the gym and flirt. Or take salsa lessons and flirt. Or go to a night course in something you care about, not something that might someday maybe get you a promotion at work they promised (they're lying). Hang out with people you want to hang out with. Do things you want to do. Now eat some dinner. Did I mention that cooking classes are a great place to meet people? Even if you're the only guy in a room full of MILFs, they still have some friend that just divorced. Even if you're the only girl in a room full of stay-at-home dads, they've got single friends. And the latter will never happen, by the way. Check it out. It's like 8 and you've had a full day full of you. Yeah, you spent eight hours at work but set that shit aside. Unless it's your passion, you need to recognize that you are trading life force for currency. You need that currency, for sure - but you sure as fuck don't need to feel guilty about it. You definitely don't need to feel off balance.
Everyone thinks they're busy, some people really are. I think I'm busy, but I somehow find time to tool around with you knuckle heads on Hubski. Someone that was truly busy would look at that and cry "foul". Yes, "tasks swell to fill the time allotted." so true.any task will swell to fill the time allotted.
Well put. This is the problem with so many "jobs". People have to shuffle around papers on a desk for 30 hours a week to do that which really only takes 10. Silliness.
Everyone thinks they're busy, some people really are. One of my roommates and I have had this conversation many times. My last job I could have finished all my work and had 2.5 months left but you can't just sit there so instead Reddit and other stuff comes into play. Now it's Hubski and managing music. Working as a board member for a radio is easily the busiest job I've had. The point I was going to make, though, is that this extends to everything. Especially academics, there have been many times when we've looked at what our friends who our friends are doing workload wise, the same people who claim to be exceedingly busy, and just laugh to ourselves because they're not really doing that much.This is the problem with so many "jobs". People have to shuffle around papers on a desk for 30 hours a week to do that which really only takes 10. Silliness.
This link isn't working but kb is referencing [Parkinson's Law](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkinson's_law)
although the Pareto principle works well here too. 80% of work is done in 20% of time, wot wot. And if we are talking of work never forget the Peter principle either. Everyone rises until they cannot perform anymore. That is why either you are surrounded by idiots, or your team will disappear in another six months. Man. Work theories abound with the letter P.
[Parkinson's Law](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkinson's_law) -Let's see if this works for me...
Really great insights, badge worthy, I agree, there's not really anything to refute. Thanks for this post, kleinbl00. The hardest thing for me is that I'm a "yes man", especially in my professional life. The way I see it, we have two options: 1) You can slack or fuck up, and earn yourself a corresponding reputation or 2) Perform well and become a go-to guy. I've chosen the latter, and suffer accordingly, but have accrued a wide range of experience that I wouldn't trade for more sleep or a more-involved social life. I'm lucky to have a job that I typically enjoy, and regard as "important". Still need to get out (headed for a glass ceiling with only a B.S). I'm on track for grad school in the fall of 2015, and I'm fully expecting to sacrifice my late twenties for a PhD. "Wage slavery" still aptly defines 99%+ of America, for sure. Happy trails, brutha, and thanks again for your time!
Nothing wrong with being a "yes man" if by "yes man" you mean someone who does what they are told and goes out of their way to help others. I don't want to preach selfishness, I want to preach self-sufficiency - in that it's your life, and if it isn't making you happy you need to evaluate if it's helping other people as much as it's hurting you. It sounds like you're already finding limits in what you're doing professionally. Time to find your limits in what you're doing personally. Believe in yourself yadda yadda yadda but also recognize that you gotta look out for you because nobody else is (unless you're married or in a close relationship with someone - the best thing about a real relationship like that is you support each others' dreams). It's gonna work out, man. Step one is waking up and going "something's not quite right." That realization is halfway to remedy. Good luck.
Priorities, mate. You are what you eat, that's the foundation for me. Never miss a chance to sleep. Work is the biggest drain. It's unreasonable. You're right, we haven't evolved significantly in 10,000 years and we're really pushin the limits on this model's hardware. We're animals pretending we're somehow above our nature. I will say at the moment i'm sacrificing things that are really not important. Mostly putting on airs. I've found that really hanging in the pocket in a groove with a tight band on stage is what's really important. Nothing else like it, yet
Mannnn, isn't that the truth. I'm salaried, and right now I'm experiencing a massive push to complete a phase. Once, my mom put me through therapy (in an attempt to curb my procrastination and make me more assertive, HAHaha, ok mom). I forget what feeling or desire I had outlined, but my therapist/friend-for-hire conceded that "if it's primal, it's valid". I'm all for attempting transcendence, but pretending we aren't all monkeys is usually a mistake. Also, please tell me what the phrase "putting on airs" means, I'm planning on using it in the next awkward workplace conversation... Cheers!Work is the biggest drain.
We're animals pretending we're somehow above our nature.
Oh man I do not envy salaried employees. They got you by the balls these days, don't they? Anyway putting on airs bullshitting. Pretending to be something you're not. La di da and all that. Not sure how you'd work that into conversation...try it with an English accent.
Can confirm: Balls currently in a vice. This sentence typed during a teleconference. Hahah, I'll definitely bust out my Brit dialect when I drop that phrase. Thanks.
Lists. Lists lists lists. I've got my Hubski list and my personal list and my every day lists and my work lists and my homework list my freelance lists. Then I have my goals. Those are at the top of my daily lists and my work list so that I don't forget to see the bigger picture in the whole mess. This allows me to stop thinking about what I need to do and just do it. Switching gears from one project to the next is easy and seamless. Not having your tasks organized is the single biggest waste of time. Things that happen at a certain time get thrown into my calendar with an alarm. That alarm happens 5 minutes before the event, not on the event, not 30 minutes for the event. If I can't prep for a call or meeting in 5 minutes then fuck it. If you set it to 30 minutes before, you essentially lose 30 minutes of your life waiting for the event rather than working on something else. And caffeine. I went off caffeine for a few months. That was great. Now I don't need to start my day with a coffee and only drink an energy drink or coffee after I get off work so that I can begin doing my other stuff. Also, fuck sleep. Fuck doing my hair. Fuck doing my makeup. Waste of time. Went to the hairdresser and said "cut it so that when I don't blowdry or straighten it, it still looks fine." Guess what. It looks fine. I now sleep 1am-7:48am. Leave house at 8:25am. Work at 9am. Off work by 7pm and to the gym on Wed / Fri. I have class from 5:30-8:30pm Tues / Thurs . Home at 9pm. Freelance/personal/homework. Hubski. Maybe a half-hour of TV. Phone off, alarm clock on, lights off by 1am. And repeat.
This might be a pretty immature thing to say, especially after expressing such a concern for time management, but... I just dunno that I'm a "lists" kinda guy. Due to my work schedule's general chaos, it's not feasible for me to fall into any set schedule. I'm thankful for my youth, I'd have real problems with keeping doctor's appointments. Even worse is that I still glorify the idea of spontaneity. Maybe I'm just lazy, but I enjoy the dead times between throttling myself for work and extracurricular pursuits. I'll fill the dead time with my girlfriend (wow, that sounds morbid), workouts, thinking about a script for this totally juvenile mini-movie I've got in the works... whatever I'm in the mood for. That said, I like your style, and envy your lack of caffeine dependence. Being a boy is markedly simpler than a girl; having less emphasis placed on your appearance is stupidly liberating. Hah, and that's just the tip of the iceberg... much respect to you females! Keep killin' it, thanks for the feedback.
If you crack this nut - write a book. For me, it's all about priorities and expectations. I balance A LOT right now. And for me, some things do slip - keeping fit is one that has fallen off the plate. Well, that and hubski lately. There is a lot of noise in the world telling us we need to be certain things, or achieve certain things. I find that I have to shut out most of that noise and just choose to follow what makes me happy and leaves positivity in my wake. sounds like onlythelonly has it figured outreally hanging in the pocket in a groove with a tight band on stage is what's really important.
Haha! I don't. It is definitely not an exclusively American phenomenon. Any society where there is pressure to achieve, achieve, achieve and be perfect in every way, you will feel this angst. I don't think anyone achieves the 'balanced lifestyle', it's more of a thing to work towards. An asymptote, even. Is it even possible to achieve it, though? How much time do you have to dedicate to each of those things? I feel like this is worthy of a back-of-the-envelope calculation but I'm about to go for a walk (I am getting chubby) and see the sun and the sea. That'll hopefully soothe my existential angst for a while.
Diet is 90%. You cannot exercise enough to keep the weight off if you eat like shit every day. This is quite literally math. 1 hour of walking = 200 calories. 1 hour of running = 600 calories. great source You know how many calories is in, say, a bagel and cream cheese? 500. You know how long it takes you to eat it? 15-30 minutes, maybe? I guess a small specific example of "How do I eat healthy?" every day that helps explain some of my broader time management: Dude, I eat a salad. Every. Day. Every fuckin day at lunch I eat a soup and a salad. I get a small soup and the salad can be as big as I want because you know what? F'n veggies, that's what. You can eat as many vegetables as you want, any day, any time, even if you're trying to lose weight, especially if you're trying to lose weight. I used to just skip breakfast but I'd get hungry so now I have a yogurt, one of the nice greek yogurts, the shit that's got 25% of my daily recommended brotein (yes brotein) intake in it. For me, for eating healthy, what works is routine. Just today someone was giving me shit about eating the same thing for lunch every day. You know what? When I eat a yogurt for lunch and a salad for dinner, I can go out drinking that night and maintain my weight. If I just eat meat & veggies for dinner I can lose weight if I want. If routine is what works for you then do it. I eat soup and salad and yogurt every day because it helps me feel good about myself and the contribution I'm making, every day, to eating my veggies and maintaining my weight. Sure I could have had steak and fried potatoes for lunch. And yeah it would've tasted great! (I guess...I kind of like my soup/salad thing) but I wouldn't have made a step forward to being a healthier person. Be healthy today. Don't wait for tomorrow.
Depends. People mistake the purpose of exercise. The primary goal of exercise isn't to burn calories. The primary goal is to change the way your metabolism works, so that you can process food far more efficiently. If you exercise vigorously, it helps to change your sugar metabolism, making it easier to store more calories without converting them to fat, while reducing your insulin sensitivity, two very important aspects of health. Sugar (our most important source of calories) is stored in lean muscle, and thus, the more of it you have, the better your ability to handle its intake. If you eat sugar and can't store it due to lack of space, it gets converted to fat, which we basically don't have a storage cap for. So while diet is important, exercise is at least as important. I would skew that 90% figure pretty much to 50%.
I thoroughly appreciate your input. I clearly was considering things from a purely caloric point of view. I also know that doing things like lifting weights and building muscle mass will, in turn, increase your basic metabolism rate, so they benefit you over the long term and can potentially do things like give your diet more flexibility. I have been doing a plank challenge recently. I do find it hard to be as physically active as I'd like but I am also a wimp about the weather.
Yo that's why I built a gym in my condo. Weather don't mean shit to me anymore! But, unfortunately, I'm selling my place right now. In a matter of months I fear I'll be a lame suburbanite like the rest of the work-a-day world. No more 80s themed home gym for b_b :( Onward and upward. Marital bliss awaits!I do find it hard to be as physically active as I'd like but I am also a wimp about the weather.
It's refreshing to hear I'm not alone, but some people feign to have it figured out. Tibetan monks seem to live a harmonious lifestyle, but are they really contributing to society? Debatable. When you crunch the numbers, yeah, it's impossible. But that damn angst just won't go away! Thank you for the input. :)
I don't know. I manage most of these things. The one I am most likely to potentially fail at is "have interesting hobbies," I guess. I'm a member of two book clubs, read poetry for pleasure, and publish on my poetry blog about 3x/month. It doesn't feel like a lot, there is a lot more I could do. Those also sound like relatively boring hobbies to me, "Oh I read and write." Everything else, including "get enough sleep," I manage well - or well enough. That is, I haven't spoken to my mom in 2 weeks, but it doesn't bother me. I even tried calling her the other day! But I'm very close with my siblings so I figure they take up any "time void" that would be left by a lack of closeness with my mother. I consider "decent personal hygiene," "get enough sleep," and "keep fit and eat healthy" requirements, not options.
What other hobbies do I do. Hmm. Drinking?40+ hours weekly, practice decent personal hygiene, keep fit and eat healthy, nurture social, romantic, and familial relationships, stay well informed, have interesting hobbies, deal with unexpected hurdles, get enough sleep, and take time to pause for even just a few moments of reflection.
Hahahah, yeah, sometimes I do just throw up my hands and go bowling. OK, maybe not bowling, but I'll retreat into a guitar riff, or blow shit up in GTA V (my true guilty indulgence). Good advice once again, Sir Dude. Thanks.
Mental Health. You have to take back your sense of agency and ability to impact the environment around you. Remember and realize food, water, shelter, and cooperation with the environment are all that really matters in survival. Keep it simple and think. So many of the accepted complexities of life are all mechanism humans created themselves. We made a lot of it up and so we must be able to do something else of our own will. If anything, I've "sacrificed" a lot of participation in mainstream American society. I genuinely only participate in things that I've deemed acceptable or fit what I want to do. For example, I wont do work that doesn't genuinely interest me because I refuse to wake up hating myself in the morning. I rather have less access to monies for a period of time that take up work that is not fulfilling [it literally has to be the only option available to sustain myself in any way.]