Now that it's died down a little, I want to take my previous question to another level.
Who aren't you? What are misconceptions, misunderstandings, and false impressions that you find people have of you? Perhaps more importantly, who do you strive to avoid being/becoming?
I'm not as nice and non-judgemental as everyone at my school thinks I am. I'm just able to keep my damn opinion to myself. I'm also not as secure in my gender as I look.
so it seems, and i'm not like, upset that i don't fit into a gender binary or anything, It's just confusing to figure out who and what I am while also avoiding being too outward in experimentation. I'm in one of the more conservative arts fields (classical music), and i'm also a very private person.
Outward experimentation isn't usually as obvious as you'd think. Reddit's /r/Asktransgender is usually quite useful for any Gender-based questions. It's mostly to do with just being the most happy you can with yourself. rmuser/Zinnia Jones, one of my absolute heroes in Gender Education, has a pretty good article about choosing a different gender presentation because it makes you happier rather than the other option making you sad. Sorry if this is a bit too much information for what you offered. I'm _very_ pro-experimentation because I think a lot of people are too confined by their gender rather than accepting all facets of it.
I'm not a twin. Seriously. Just because I'm in the same classes as my brother, am around the same height, and tend to be in the same places does not mean we are twins. The actual explanation is that I took college classes in high school as well as graduated a year early. This allows me to be at the same place education wise as my older brother. Is that so hard to understand? I seriously have people refer to me and my bro as "the twins". On a more personal level, I'm not cold/harsh, asexual, or gay. I don't get why some people think this, but they do. Just because I'm not clammering to get into a relationship doesn't mean that I'm not interested. It's just most people I can tell I wouldn't be able to stand. Also, I'm not smart. At least, I don't consider myself smart. I've met lots of smart people. I don't feel like a quite fit in with them. Then again, I don't feel like I quite fit in anywhere. I can just think and use google. That's gotten me farther in life than I can believe. And finally, who do I strive to avoid being/becoming? Someone who's "content". I see people just doing their daily thing, and just being "okay". I look around and see everyone in what looks to me like hell. Doing the same things day in and day out. Stuck in the grind. Then I see the heroes of anime and there they are, pushing for a goal, striving to become something. anything. And then they accomplish it. That's who I strive to be.
YES. Why bother living if you're not pursuing the ultimate potentials of your life?? You can always tell people who have lost the drive to be truly happy. I see this a lot in teachers who hate their job. They'll never say it, but you know.And finally, who do I strive to avoid being/becoming? Someone who's "content". I see people just doing their daily thing, and just being "okay". I look around and see everyone in what looks to me like hell. Doing the same things day in and day out. Stuck in the grind. Then I see the heroes of anime and there they are, pushing for a goal, striving to become something. anything. And then they accomplish it. That's who I strive to be.
I've been struggling with this concept for a while now. A while back I was someone who just did what was expected and kind of "arrived" where I am. It was basically A->B->C. Go to school, do homework, repeat. Apply to college, take college classes, and then here I am. Now that I have to figure out what I really want to do, I'm stumped. I started thinking about what I should do. After about a year of thinking and figuring out shit about life, I've come up and started bumping against the logical conclusion: nihilism. No purpose, no reason. Everything will disappear, everyone will be dead, and nothing will stay. There's literally no reason to do anything. But I sure as hell don't want to be those guys. So what should I do? I've currently applied an arbitrary goal to my life. But I'm having motivation problems. I'd like to be one of those people who strive to accomplish their "goal" but I'm having problems coming up with my own and having the proper motivation to push myself to it. And just like that, I fall back into the safety net of reddit and hubski. And continue my grind. Fuck.
I commented this in my previous post on #askhubski, I think it applies. I aspire to enter investment banking, and I once had a meeting with the PM (leader, basically) of a $2 billion hedgefund in NYC. The gist here is that if you're falling back into a safety net, and you don't have motivation, it's because you're not in love with it. You won't give everything up for it. And that means, frankly, that it's not worth your time. There's a book I read that I can't remember the title of, but I will pm you later when I remember; it covers this idea very well. You need to keep looking. You need to find out who you are and what you love. like you said, you've been spending a lot of time making the grades to become who you should be. Now you gotta start slowly looking around, and most importantly acting on what you find. Don't be the shitty teacher that dreams about getting hit by a bus every day, find the job you are meant to do.I told him about all my ambitions and plans, and after a few minutes of me spilling my dreams, he cut me off. And he said "Stop looking ahead. Stop planning. Figure yourself out first. Find your interests, all your interests, and act on them. All of them. Fail at all of them, I don't care. But know that you did them, and go as far as you can in everything that you can. In that way, you will end up where you need to be." Always keep that with me now, and I find myself branching out to interests and activites I never thought I'd be involved in :)
This. I hate when I share something I'm into (music, tv, art, etc) and people brush it off because "oh, it's from Japan." Seriously? Music is music. It doesn't matter if it's in english or japanese. I don't have a bias because it's from Japan. It's just that my tastes lean towards Japan. If american music sounded like Japanese music, I'd lean american. It has nothing to do with the country.I do not prefer products just because they are from Japan either. My tastes just lean towards them.
What's stopping you from possessing the skills you want, but don't have?
I'm not at all who I present on Hubski. I've jawed about this before in earlier posts, but it bears repeating, if not only to myself for purposes of self-improvement. The Hubski me gets a little closer to who I'd like to be. Patient, polite, easygoing, willing to engage. On the other hand, the physical me isn't so goddamn serious. Not reverent of anything, not really comfortable having a conversation that doesn't involve a lot of jokes and salty language. Both versions of me could talk a lot less. I am not concise.
This is something I find interesting. I act completely different on Hubski than when I'm not. It's as if the bar is just a little higher than where I usually am at. I like to think this lets me strive to be a better person. I noticed my mindset changed drastically when I joined hubski and purged my reddit of any "bad" subreddits and added all "good" subreddits. My actions are still the same though, which sucks.
That's not a bad place to be. It's so much easier to be a dick online, where none of your interactions have immediately trackable real-world consequences. If you find that you're being more civil online rather than less, I think it speaks well of your moral character. I'm just still trying to find that sweet spot between staying civil and not coming off as an insufferably boring blowhard.I act completely different on Hubski than when I'm not. It's as if the bar is just a little higher than where I usually am at. I like to think this lets me strive to be a better person.
Do you find yourself being true to who you present yourself as irl?
You mean true to my online presentation in real life, or true to real life in my online presentation? In real life, I'm a lot more sarcastic than I am here. But that's because I can gauge my audience and determine whether or not they'll take offense. Harder to do online with relative strangers. On Hubski I'm a lot drier. Sometimes I find myself wanting to cut loose, but it just doesn't seem like the appropriate venue.
I mean true to yourself in your real life presentation ;) And I know what you mean, I've felt that too, I'm hesitant to crack a joke here :D
Ah! This is neat! I could get behind a daily writing prompt!
I post them infrequently, but anyone can post one. Sometimes the prompt speaks to people, sometimes less so. Subscribe to #todayswritingprompt.
What false impressions have people had of me? Once, two of my male college students came up to me as I was leaving the arts building. With one on each side of me, they took my arms and said, "C'mon miss, we know you're a stoner. Come and smoke with us behind this building." It was very hard convincing them that I generally preferred my experience without enhancements. (Now where's my Friday night glass of wine?) People on hubski sometimes think I'm a male rapper. Lil Wayne = not me. Wikipedia lists over 30 rappers whose names start with Lil. I wish, but - no, not me.
Well who wouldn't want to smoke with Lil wayne??
I am not as super-efficient as everyone thinks I am. Or, at least, it's not as easy as everyone thinks. Everyone talks about it like there must be nothing to it, when it in fact involves thinking everything out to an extreme, and can feel really neurotic at times. Not that I'm complaining about being able to do it. I'm just saying that there's more work involved than most think.
You's a strong, independent woman who don't need no man!
I'm not your toy ;) But seriously, I'm not a bitch. I don't know why people think that about me when they don't know me. Many of my friends told me that before they knew me they thought I was really unapproachable and bitchy. Or heartless. Maybe I should make efforts to smile more or something.
I am not pretentious or stuck-up. I am merely shy. This means that sometimes I will see people who I think I know in public - oh and by the way, I have trouble recognizing faces/making eye contact sometimes - and I won't say hello. I don't want to bother them and I won't be sure if it's really who I think it is. This has had the consequence of me seeming very elitist or unfriendly to people when really it's the opposite. I work around it now, but the elitist/whatever perception still comes up sometimes. Not it at all. No, I'd love to be most people's friends. Also, someone thought I hated Lord of the Rings once, when really it is the very opposite that is true.
Me too. Recently I've been overcompensating by saying hi to people when I'm kinda sure I know them. This has resulted in a lot of awkward stares and girls thinking im coming on to them. So embarrassing :SI am not pretentious or stuck-up. I am merely shy. This means that sometimes I will see people who I think I know in public - oh and by the way, I have trouble recognizing faces/making eye contact sometimes - and I won't say hello. I don't want to bother them and I won't be sure if it's really who I think it is.
Everyone thinks I'm Jewish too!!!* What makes you worried? *(...not that that's a bad thing.)
Same here. I think it's because I have glorious curly hair and a slightly bent nose, as well as me being a ninja with numbers, and liking money. I don't have anything against the Jewish, but I find it weird how people just assume that I am.
Worse. Northern New Jersey :D Little known fact, there's a quarter in Jerusalem known as the Armenian quarter filled with all kinds of me!
My already worrisome personality loves to attach to all sorts of deadlines and mock the expectations I have of myself and views others have. I have quite the assortment of classes (Honors classes of each Earth Science and Algebra II, and this is only my freshman year of highschool!), and I simply want to do well, it can be daunting.
Cool, I'm a sophomore and I'm just taking Algebra II (Honors!) :D You must be taking Geometry next year? And don't worry about that man, if it was easy life wouldn't be interesting. Just make sure your worries don't get in the way of actually meeting your goals. You'll do well.
I've been told I'm arrogant, a few times. It's made me pretty self-conscious, and now I find myself hesitating and questioning whether or not what I said sounded stuck-up or egoistic. I wish I could explain to the people closest to me that I don't value myself above them, quite the opposite; I believe every single conversation you have is an addition to your knowledge and character, and so I am eager to hear what others have to say.
While the hesitating and questioning can be hugely detrimental (and I am sorry that you have to deal with that, I know the feeling) sometimes I really wish more people did it, at least to some extent. One of my flatmates has absolutely no clue how obnoxious he can be sometimes and it's irritiating as all hell.
More than anything, I appreciate being judged. But I really don't mean judged, what I mean is I wish people were open with their opinions of me, and told me, so that I could improve myself. Not for them, or to impress anyone, but to make myself a better person.. for myself. And sure, being a better friend or getting rid of shitty personality traits resulting in people liking me isn't so bad either. How was your flatmate being obnoxious?