I commented this in my previous post on #askhubski, I think it applies.

I aspire to enter investment banking, and I once had a meeting with the PM (leader, basically) of a $2 billion hedgefund in NYC.

I told him about all my ambitions and plans, and after a few minutes of me spilling my dreams, he cut me off. And he said "Stop looking ahead. Stop planning. Figure yourself out first. Find your interests, all your interests, and act on them. All of them. Fail at all of them, I don't care. But know that you did them, and go as far as you can in everything that you can. In that way, you will end up where you need to be." Always keep that with me now, and I find myself branching out to interests and activites I never thought I'd be involved in :)

The gist here is that if you're falling back into a safety net, and you don't have motivation, it's because you're not in love with it. You won't give everything up for it. And that means, frankly, that it's not worth your time. There's a book I read that I can't remember the title of, but I will pm you later when I remember; it covers this idea very well. You need to keep looking. You need to find out who you are and what you love. like you said, you've been spending a lot of time making the grades to become who you should be. Now you gotta start slowly looking around, and most importantly acting on what you find. Don't be the shitty teacher that dreams about getting hit by a bus every day, find the job you are meant to do.