I'm not a twin. Seriously. Just because I'm in the same classes as my brother, am around the same height, and tend to be in the same places does not mean we are twins. The actual explanation is that I took college classes in high school as well as graduated a year early. This allows me to be at the same place education wise as my older brother. Is that so hard to understand? I seriously have people refer to me and my bro as "the twins". On a more personal level, I'm not cold/harsh, asexual, or gay. I don't get why some people think this, but they do. Just because I'm not clammering to get into a relationship doesn't mean that I'm not interested. It's just most people I can tell I wouldn't be able to stand. Also, I'm not smart. At least, I don't consider myself smart. I've met lots of smart people. I don't feel like a quite fit in with them. Then again, I don't feel like I quite fit in anywhere. I can just think and use google. That's gotten me farther in life than I can believe. And finally, who do I strive to avoid being/becoming? Someone who's "content". I see people just doing their daily thing, and just being "okay". I look around and see everyone in what looks to me like hell. Doing the same things day in and day out. Stuck in the grind. Then I see the heroes of anime and there they are, pushing for a goal, striving to become something. anything. And then they accomplish it. That's who I strive to be.
YES. Why bother living if you're not pursuing the ultimate potentials of your life?? You can always tell people who have lost the drive to be truly happy. I see this a lot in teachers who hate their job. They'll never say it, but you know.And finally, who do I strive to avoid being/becoming? Someone who's "content". I see people just doing their daily thing, and just being "okay". I look around and see everyone in what looks to me like hell. Doing the same things day in and day out. Stuck in the grind. Then I see the heroes of anime and there they are, pushing for a goal, striving to become something. anything. And then they accomplish it. That's who I strive to be.
I've been struggling with this concept for a while now. A while back I was someone who just did what was expected and kind of "arrived" where I am. It was basically A->B->C. Go to school, do homework, repeat. Apply to college, take college classes, and then here I am. Now that I have to figure out what I really want to do, I'm stumped. I started thinking about what I should do. After about a year of thinking and figuring out shit about life, I've come up and started bumping against the logical conclusion: nihilism. No purpose, no reason. Everything will disappear, everyone will be dead, and nothing will stay. There's literally no reason to do anything. But I sure as hell don't want to be those guys. So what should I do? I've currently applied an arbitrary goal to my life. But I'm having motivation problems. I'd like to be one of those people who strive to accomplish their "goal" but I'm having problems coming up with my own and having the proper motivation to push myself to it. And just like that, I fall back into the safety net of reddit and hubski. And continue my grind. Fuck.
I commented this in my previous post on #askhubski, I think it applies. I aspire to enter investment banking, and I once had a meeting with the PM (leader, basically) of a $2 billion hedgefund in NYC. The gist here is that if you're falling back into a safety net, and you don't have motivation, it's because you're not in love with it. You won't give everything up for it. And that means, frankly, that it's not worth your time. There's a book I read that I can't remember the title of, but I will pm you later when I remember; it covers this idea very well. You need to keep looking. You need to find out who you are and what you love. like you said, you've been spending a lot of time making the grades to become who you should be. Now you gotta start slowly looking around, and most importantly acting on what you find. Don't be the shitty teacher that dreams about getting hit by a bus every day, find the job you are meant to do.I told him about all my ambitions and plans, and after a few minutes of me spilling my dreams, he cut me off. And he said "Stop looking ahead. Stop planning. Figure yourself out first. Find your interests, all your interests, and act on them. All of them. Fail at all of them, I don't care. But know that you did them, and go as far as you can in everything that you can. In that way, you will end up where you need to be." Always keep that with me now, and I find myself branching out to interests and activites I never thought I'd be involved in :)