Good stuff: 8 AM, Saturday morning, I hear someone anxiously yelling outside. I go out and find the little old lady next door yelling "Help! Help me!! Somebody!". She'd somehow locked herself out of her house with no phone when she took her dogs out to pee. I go and get my Gorilla ladder, which neatly straddled the fence, and rescue her. It felt great to concretely help someone, or see another person besides my wife, even though I was aching and quasi-feverish from the booster shot at the time. Been in quarantine #3 for a couple of months while Omicron peaked locally, slowly losing my mind. Bad effects of the booster wore off after about 48 hours, as expected, and I went to a Super Bowl party. I couldn't wait two weeks. I miss my friends. Hung out with one of my besties. We were gonna write lyrics, but instead I ended up watching him play GTAV. This has happened before, and usually it pisses me right on off, but he managed to find a hilarious quasi-glitch; The police, in hot pursuit of his character, jump a small barrier out onto a narrow ledge, but are forced by the game's programming to take several small stutter steps after landing, propelling them forward just enough to then plummet to their deaths off the ledge. I must've watched 300 cops suicide themselves. Saw a couple synchronized suicides, even. There's a variation in exactly how this plays out such that it doesn't get old for a loooooong time, and you can kinda pick apart the game's probabilities for things like the using the audio file libraries of male screams and bones crunching, the tumbling mechanics, etc. Update: It's this position along the ledge of the Southeast side of the Kurtz Center. Bad Stuff: Bestie has been "about to get a guitar and learn how to play it" for like two fucking years, now. We're a band of three ex-highschool drumline guys (third guy is bestie and I's other bestie). We've written a lot of lyrics, and we've even worldbuilt for an album, which centers on aliens abducting inbred Creoles from the bayou for the purpose of interstellar travel "outbreeding". I learned bass, which means that I am now an entire rhythm section, and both bestie #2 and I are producers. We plan to do live shows. I so badly want to finally get this project off the ground, but bestie 2 has these things called children, bestie 1 is hella busy accruing hours to pilot 737s in the near future, and I need to finish my PhD anyway. The PhD is taking forever because my mind doesn't work as well as it once did, I think primarily because of a growing existential dread about the world unraveling. The gas tanks in the garage that I didn't have to use two weeks ago (thank god the electric grid held) will stay full, in case Russia or whoever decides to nuke the nearby military base, and I've spent some time gaming that scenario out. Eye-rolling is absolutely permitted, here, because I know how vanishingly small of a likelihood that is, in actuality, but I'm fucking sick and tired of how quickly shit is degenerating across the board. I think we all grew up with the expectation that society could only improve over time, and now we're all realizing that this expectation is simply false.
This seldom changes, especially if it's the same bestie who derails writing sessions into GTA. And, I get it, deciding between delayed pleasure vs having some mindless fun out with a friend isn't exactly a puzzler. If I may offer some unsolicited advice, the important thing is to get something rolling. Overcoming stagnation is not just about gaining momentum, it's exploiting inertia and realising that, once going, you're harder to stop. Do one thing, whatever it'd be, and keep charging. You might even get others rolling along. (We can even patent it as kinetic induction and branch KNsys out into human management. Just sayin'.)Bestie has been "about to get a guitar and learn how to play it" for like two fucking years, now.
Thanks, and agreed. Things may change now that bestie 1 just bought his first house and is getting settled. But who knows. He is really, really good at collaborating on lyrics. I'd just take them all and run off and write melodies, but he says he wants to be involved in the process... and then only ever wants to write more lyrics. He's the type of guy who hears much of an entire song in his head, but can't get it out into reality. I usually throw shit at the wall and see what sticks. Sometimes, though, I'll wake up from a dream with a song in my head that I wrote in my sleep. I'm also planning on seeing a vocals coach. I think singing and mixing vocals is my biggest weak spot, but I've worked a pretty decent processing chain where I've done stuff like built my own de-esser with Ableton's native modules. Done a bit of randomly generative stuff too, this guy's channel (fast forward to the end, no need to watch most of it) is a great example. It's just really hard for the three of us to find the time to all sit down at once, but when it happens, we come up with some interesting ideas. Over lunch last week, we decided that when the great pacific ocean garbage patch becomes sentient, its first words will be "Ego quisquiliasssss!!" (I am garbage). I want it to happen so bad, but I don't want it to feel like work to them, and I certainly don't want to destroy any friendships. We were really tight, rhythmically, on drumline. We were three of the four best members. I know the talent's there. Oh, I will absolutely be writing our company theme song someday. Happily accepting inputs for that from you, fellow shareholder :).
It's funny we have complementary problems: I wrote heaps of sheet music over the last year, but get bored playing it and default to stuff I almost know better by muscle memory than ear. IMO it should be "(ego) quisquiliae sum." It has to be nominative plural (-ae), and ego is optional for emphasis. "I am" is 'sum', as in "cogito ergo sum." I think an all-kazoo orchestral interpretation of Vanessa Carlton's A Thousand Miles would do the job. We're all about inspired dreams, longing, and making people think "am I having a stroke?""Ego quisquiliasssss!!" (I am garbage).
Oh, I will absolutely be writing our company theme song someday. Happily accepting inputs for that from you, fellow shareholder :).
Fuck the good stuff. My mother blew up every bit of scaffolding around her that she could reach. Spitefully. To illustrate that she has the juice. On the plus side I managed to get her in a situation where the people who house her and feed her and do her laundry and clean her living quarters can continue to keep her safe. But she tore apart every bit of forward progress I'd made on keeping her surrounded by the stuff that matters to her in an environment she can live in. My sister explained the situation to my father, while also observing that I was basically washing my hands of the mess. My father backed me up entirely - to her. Explained what a shitty childhood I had in comparison to her own - to her. Went over the gaps in my upbringing that weren't present in hers - to her. Twenty minutes of "kb had a rough time, actually, and this is far more noble than he has any obligation to be to any of us" - to her. To me? He picks up the phone when I call and slams it back down again. Which illustrates that he understands what he's done to me? But he's utterly disinterested in acknowledging it. I'm back on blood pressure medication. The constant daily nosebleeds were a sign. Unfortunately my old doctor doesn't take my new insurance so I gotta figure that out. Fresh new hell - I got hassled by a Karen for picking up garbage yesterday. This is what I do to feel better - I throw crabs back into the ocean. Walk around with a bag and a garbage grabber and police my neighborhood of trash. One grocery bag per mile every other day, in case you were wondering, and I've gotten to the point where I pull t-shirts out of puddles and leave them on trees to dry for a couple days before I collect them later. Walk around, listen to audiobooks about why the world is fucked and pick up garbage. Yesterday? Yesterday some bitch in a hair salon insisted I put the cane back in her customer's subaru. Said cane was, of course, a garbage grabber. When I pointed out that I was picking up trash in her parking lot she did this dipshit little curtsey and said "thanks!" but didn't say a fucking thing about accusing me of breaking and entering to steal a cane or some shit. My immediate internal reaction was "I drive a Porsche, bitch, what the fuck is wrong with you" but what the fuck is wrong with her is there are small-minded, shrewish humans in the world and our society protects them more if they're white. I found myself staring at the guts of a seiko last Monday with absolutely no ability to put stuff back together again. Drama has absolutely sapped my ability to engage in my hobbies. Which I'm trying to turn into a living. I have learned that I can absolutely keep myself a whopping ten pounds below my current weight if I never ever eat or drink carbs of any kind ever again. My wife wants to take the kid on vacation next week. She found a cabin in a town I hung out with when I was with the ex. It was where one of her friends had a vacation house, also where the friend's brother had died in a drunk driving accident, also where I got to know the locals as the bleakest bunch of mutherfuckers I have ever met outside of New Mexico. The idea of going there makes my chest tight. I was a good kid. I really was. My sister slept with the drug dealer while the cops released my friends to my recognizance. I'm still doing pretty well. Doesn't matter. I was apparently born to be the designated enemy. People keep telling me to write all this shit up in a book because they don't understand that there's no beginning, there's no end and there's nobody to root for. But fuck I guess they gave Ozark four seasons. I should stop watching Ozark.
What’s up, Pubski? So much happening in the world. Most of which is pretty scary. Russia on the brink, massive inflation, Canadian protests and govt backlash, covid fatigue, Trump and NY AG at it, SF overrun by vandals and ever growing crime. Let’s hear some good stuff. Me: yesterday my 4 year old daughter told me that when I am gone she is incomplete. My son and I played catch for about 1/2 hour yesterday. It was great. My oldest is on the honor roll, which is amazing and more than I ever accomplished at her age. I have been playing the guitar and stayed up late with my father and jammed with him. He on harmonica and me looping etc. it was AWESOME. best jam session of my life. My wife and I went on a trip together and had some great one on one time. Some of the investments I made years ago have recently bore some fruit. I bought a new car. It’s fun. It’s been a long time coming. So far, I’ve never had more fun driving a car. I feel like a kid. I had to buy an SUV cause we have 3 kids, but still it’s the fanciest thing I’ve ever bought myself. Worth it. I just hope the world doesn’t implode. My family is healthy and happy. It’s good.
If I’m in town, I’d be honored to join. Both of my oldest are at sleep away camp that week. This makes it likely that J and I will plan a trip. Let me know though. You should DEF plan to go golfing with me if I’m in town.
The last couple of days I've been aggressively pestered by head-hunters, and it's all for the kinds of work I could have handled around 3rd or 4th year while being helluva lot more motivated by the whole "meds, rent, food -- pick up to two" scholarship lifestyle. I guess the desirable "good fitting" people left, so that's them scraping the bottom of the barrel, but, unfortunately, I had enough time in health and comfort to develop ambition, sense of dignity, and standards. Same with the people/supposedly friends who went from years of blanking my existence to positively insisting I come by, catch up, meet their boss or some other C-level shitbag who four years ago would faint at the thought of sharing room with a plebe like me. Hard pass on both. It's likely not rational or optimal, and I'm willfully losing the points in game of life here, but if I ever was in a headspace for empty relationships and pretending at networking, it certainly ain't now. Between work, study and doing stuff around the house, I get to spend time m̶e̶r̶c̶i̶l̶e̶s̶s̶l̶y̶ ̶o̶b̶l̶i̶t̶e̶r̶a̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ playing chess and boardgames with my brother and his circle loving every second of it.
Enchanting Weekend With the Seawolves rugby season in full swing, my wife and I have basically given up on our weekends for the next 12 weeks or so, because we know we will either be going to a game, or doing a watch party for an away game. We LOVE it. But last week was a weirdo one-off Thursday night game, which gave us the weekend free. She had a whim that we go out of town to our Canadian friends' vacation home (which they can't get across the border to visit), and we asked my parents and sister to come too. Remarkably, ALL of us were able to do it, and we spent the weekend in a swanky "cabin" on a cliff over the ocean, woodstove warming us when we didn't have the doors thrown open to the gorgeous sunny weather outside. We played card games. We cooked wonderful food. We talked. We listened to music. We went for walks on the beach. It was the kind of completely encompassing wonderfulness I have not felt in a looooong time. It was good. VERY good. For all of us. We keep sending messages to the family group SMS thread about how blissed out we still are... Not everyone is as fortunate as we are, to genuinely think of your parents/kids as your best friends, and people you ENJOY spending time with. I know this, and I am appreciative of that fact every single day. My family is wonderful and I love them completely. Blissed out.