Dear god, I'm a fucking mess. Almost punched the mirror of my hotel bathroom when I was seeking shelter so that the cleaning ladies out in the hall couldn't hear me sobbing. Gotta pull it together before my Chinese roommate returns. I've worked 80 hour weeks for six weeks straight doing research and studying. Took my final exam today after presenting my research at a conference yesterday, and I fucking bombed it. I'll probably be expelled. Got put under pressure and spent too much time on research. Overdrafted bank account, completely out of shape, thousands of miles away from home, no privacy, but no one to talk to. I'd make a joke about how the Golden Gate Bridge is only a short walk away, but one of my classmates killed himself earlier this year. Apparently it happens every few years or so, and it's a very small department. What the fuck is going on in graduate schools? The situation is ripe for a journalist to come in and blow the lid off this shit. Edit: and the only reason you poor chaps are reading this pile of dogshit is because my girl isn't around to cuddle me into contentedness. Sorry, I'm better now. Would you rather have a degree from a prestigious university that you felt didn't appreciate you, or have a degree from somewhere of lesser note that made you feel appreciated? I can't decide. Christ, I'm vain.
There is nothing you're experiencing right now that has any serious long term consequences. You're not going to be expelled. Worst case is you end up spending some remedial time not working quite so hard. You're a bright kid. You have a great presence. Your school isn't supposed to appreciate you - they get to brag when you make something big of yourself. It is in their best interests to help you make something big of yourself. Hang in there. This too shall pass.
Final for my worst class in 6 hours. If I pull a 69% i pass Chem. If I don't, I risk separation at worst and 5 weeks of summer school at best. Losing my beans, this was a timely comment to read.
Stop, reassess, get help if you need it. I'm sure your university has a help line. There is no shame in using it and nobody will know. See that panic button its probably attached to a blue kiosk on campus, if you dont know what to do hit that help will arrive shortly.
Oh, I'm not suicidal, don't worry. But it doesn't feel good when someone takes something I'm passionate about, puts a gun to my head, and says "Now do it better, you piece of shit." P.S. appreciate the concern though :)
Edit: The Chinese roommate turned out to be awesome. It was his first time stateside, and he was attending the conference just like me. Just wish I could have showed him a better time, but we had some good conversations. Had more in common with him than a shockingly large percentage of Americans. (This is now an actual edit): OK, remember this. This is the time that I failed at editing a post and made an entirely new post because that's how stupified I am. I'm not even going to link anything, I'm done, peace.
Prestigious University: "PU! something stinks in here." Pennsylvania just got lucky that the established convention was University of [state]. And yeah, lil, I definitely blame you for all of this (/cannot thank you enough).
What about a degree from somewhere of lesser note that doesn't appreciate you?
In just a few more years, an academic study will suggest that we've overemphasized the importance of academia.
Thanks man, but it's all good. :) The moral of the story? NEVER get a good-paying and important job that you enjoy before graduate school. Also, beat your children until they can physics.