Edit: The Chinese roommate turned out to be awesome. It was his first time stateside, and he was attending the conference just like me. Just wish I could have showed him a better time, but we had some good conversations. Had more in common with him than a shockingly large percentage of Americans.
(This is now an actual edit): OK, remember this. This is the time that I failed at editing a post and made an entirely new post because that's how stupified I am. I'm not even going to link anything, I'm done, peace.