It's Father's day here in the States, and I figured an appreciation thread was apropos.
For those of you who have a dad (or two) who you like, write about him here - a story about him, something you learned, anything.
My family doesn't have the best relationship. Not bad; nobody gets shouty or angry when we get together for the mandatory family Thanksgiving and Christmas. But beyond those things, we don't really do much together. My parents will drive three hours to my city to spend three hours at a football game and then drive three hours home. They might find twenty minutes to meet me for coffee as long as it isn't out of their way. But two things stand out about my dad recently. One, a year or two ago he admitted he wished he'd done more with us as kids. He worked a lot and then tried to cram stuff in on weekends haphazardly, and nothing ever went well. I thought the admission really said a lot about his introspection and how he thought of us kids (i.e. he thought well of us). The second was when I ran my first half marathon a few weeks ago. He called me the day before it, and after I finished he sent an email to his siblings about how cool it was that I'd done it. So, even while things haven't been perfect, I'm glad he still tries. Now approaching his 70s, he's admitting his flaws, still trying and doing better.
It's nice to see your father becoming more self aware, isn't it. I think parents are sometimes unaware of how they parented. I had a conversation recently with my dad, in which he mentioned that his father was cruel to him as a kid, nothing was ever good enough and that he would even ridicule them. I said, "did he tell you you always did a half assed job," my dad looked confused, like how did you know that? and said, "yes he did." -Then it dawned on him that he did the same thing to me. Every job I did was "half assed," according to my dad. Funny how the apple doesn't fall far from the printing tree. You had better believe that I will NEVER use that phrase or sentiment with my kids.
My theory is that just being aware of your parent's negative qualities -- and that they're negative -- is all it takes to stop yourself from inheriting them. My younger brother seems to have a pokémon mentality when it comes to our parent's negative qualities, despite all but my most recent attempts to make him a more suitable housemate. Pointing out how much he sounds like one of our parents at the right times actually seems to be having a decent affect.
I used to read electric meters as a job. It was a lot of fun, I was young and I could listen to my Walkman while I visited each home. One day I drove up to a house and asked a man gardening if his dog, off the leash, was safe. The owner said "yes" so I got out of the car and it immediately ran up to me and bit me on my leg. It was bad. I was bleeding a lot. The man was very apologetic and took me in, cleaned my wound. He showed me the dogs papers etc. -He couldn't have been kinder or more apologetic. I went to the doc and had a couple stitches. When I got home I told my father that I should probably sue him. "I bet I could get a bunch of money." -I was 19 and was thinking about beer/weed money. My father looked at me disappointedly and asked how I would feel if someone sued our family if our dog, Luke, bit somebody? -Point made. My dad wasn't always the most engaged, he still isn't, but there were lots of good lessons in life, and I'm grateful for them. Also, there were certain areas where he was/is very engaged. There was/is no greater supporter of my music. The guy even built me a statue of The New Grewn symbol for my merch stand and he and my mom were at most local shows. He's a good dad. I'm grateful.
To Jay, Who was always "Chris" so he wasn't "Jay Jr.", Who has made me build 5 bathrooms, Who has made me build a bike from scratch when I was 6 years old, Who has made me a decent handyman, Who has made me a vegetarian to spite him, Who supported me in every way he can, Who has no idea how to use emotions, I love you.
Shout out to the guy who told me that it's my actions that make me a good person, not my beliefs or lifestyle choices. The rest of my family can suck it.
Growing up wrong was a funny thing. My dad was a lawyer, which meant he knew how to argue like no other. I endured this for several years, because he was also emotionally unavailable. (I'm not getting on a couch here or anything, psychoanalysts o.o) Anyway, one day he told me that pizza was invented in the United States. I called bullshit (without the language) and I got the encyclopedia and proved him WRONG. BLAM. Of course I was sent to my room immediately because it pissed him off. I was 14 or so at the time I think. And I had something to prove, hormones and crazy experiences adding up constantly. But, now. Years later, and as an adult. With kids XD I say yeah. Thanks dad. You did what you knew how to do. You loved me when it all boiled down. I remember the time he saved me from being pulled out into the wild blue yonder of the ocean. ....an undertow struck and my friend and I were goners. But, he saved the day....and then bitched us out lol BTW. He was my best-man at the wedding on the 18th of June this year.
There may be no cooler Dad on the planet, than my Dad. His resume ticks off all the key elements of Cool-Dad-dom: Race car driver (in Southern California in the 1950's, no less) Drag car driver Motorcycle racer (raced on the Isle of Man on a BSA in 1965) Pyrotechnican (who gave me his book of fireworks formulas, and encouraged me to make my own fireworks before I was 10 years old) Devoted husband to one woman for 51 years Tank commander in the US Army Reserves (almost deployed... and then I came along) Ferrari collector Plays Santa Claus at Christmas Taught me to hunt birds with a shotgun before I was a teenager Collects single malt whisky Gold Miner Built a go-kart with me Taught me to use power tools well Worked hard at progressively better jobs Provided well for his family Never raised a hand to his children Never took shit from his children Made sure his kids took responsibility for their actions Took me fishing in Alaska Took his family to Europe for a month. Twice. Has friends on every continent on the planet Got me into numerous places I shouldn't have been able to get in to. Has the most amazing Parking Karma any human has ever possessed. But, in the end, and most of all, he's my friend. Not many people rank their parents as their best friends. I do. Absolutely. And that may be their greatest achievement of all... a loving and supportive family, who choose to spend as much time together as possible.
Mine's all right sometimes. Called him this morning and he had no idea, naturally, it was father's day (because, seriously, who gives a shit). He told me a story about last week when he took a saw over to a public park to destroy invasive plants, left the saw to go sit in the shade for a while and then got in a standoff with a crazy homeless guy over it.
My dad's the best. Built part of the BAM railroad as a student. Worked at a translator in Cuba for 7 years. Moved to Canada from the USSR in the 90's at 47 years old. Hustled hard sometimes working 14 jobs at the same time once until he found his calling in being a landlord. Brought me with him to work: renovating, cleaning, painting apartments. Most avid reader I know. At least 4 books a week is the norm. Taught me a lot about dealing with other people, life. Love him <3 I think he's the most successful immigration story I know of. From nothing to millionaire (kinda, if he sells everything) starting at 47 with no knowledge of the language or functioning of capitalism. Then helped 90% of his friends from Russia move and get settled in Canada.
I wrote a post about how cool my dad is here I talked to him yesterday and he's pretty unhappy right now because of the problems my little brother is having. He totaled his car because GPS + executive dysfunction = turning left too soon. This is the 2nd time in a few months that he's fucked up a left turn (got a red light ticket turning left on a red because he was off his meds and foggy), and my dad feels like it's his fault but it's not. No one can know the gaps in an ASD brain except the owner of said brain and part of the dysfunction is not knowing how to articulate the gaps. Lil bro also got booted out of his zoo degree program for failing the safety exam for similar reasons. Locking the gate to keep a large carnivore in its enclosure is a pretty vital step and he missed that. So dad is going to build a mock large carn enclosure and help drill instructions into his brain over and over and over and hopefully he gets it. Dad also learned an entire college textbook of animal behaviors to help drill him in that class too.