First off, everybody lies. It's so sad these days that pretty much the only way to get ahead is with some aspect of dishonesty. Which I guess was kind of always common practice, ie: Anne Boleyn, but I think at some point we were supposed to become better as people.
The invention of the internet/social media has almost been backwards progression. I mean, yeah, you can connect to people all over the world in an instant which was huge for communication advancement and such, but it also gave everyone their own personal marketing campaigns where they could be whatever they want, say whatever they want, and pretty much invent this huge dishonest picture of their lives for anyone who was interested.
We praise people who do things like sending OD reversal drugs to heroin addicts. When the fuck did we get so shitty that this became the good deed of the day. Regular nice things, like saying hello to lots of people on camera, and other silly shit has become amazing to us.
The worst part is that it isn't getting any better. Insom and I have been watching this show "Catfish", and I didn't realize people actually made up entire fake identities and used them to start internet relationships. The fake identity thing wasn't too big of a surprise, but the length of time these people would keep things going and dragging on, lying to someone about who ther are for 4 years, telling them you love them, when you've been dishonest about who you are the entire time...
This just kind of go to show that people don't know what love is anymore. Not even an inkling of an idea. You don't fall in love with someone you're selling a fake perspective of yourself to. You can't love someone who lies to you about who they are, you think you are in love with the idea that they have painted of themselves for you.
Love became this superficial, hollywood picture of what every 16 year old girls is taught to want. Perfect guy/girl, physically flawless, never has a different opinion than yours, always supports your shitty decisions.. It's made love working at all, essentially hopeless because everyone has a hugely exaggerated perspective of what love is supposed to be.
- Perfect guy/girl, physically flawless, never has a different opinion than yours, always supports your shitty decisions..
IF THIS IS WHAT YOU THINK LOVE IS, YOU ARE FUCKING DELUSIONAL!
I was raised by people that told me to fight for what I want, fight for what I believe. Love is hard, you have to work for it. It is a bond you build up to be strong, and if you work on it and nourish it and cherish it, then you get that real love that people are actually looking for.
I'm not saying that loving someone should be hard, but the understanding and dedication it takes to be on that level with someone else is incredibly impressive and valuable. These are the people that are worth your time. These are the people that REALLY, LOVE you.
If you are dishonest about everything that you are: A. No one will ever truly love you in any aspect of the word, because it isn't you they are falling for, it's fake and dirty. B. You can't love someone that you don't trust enough to show who you are really. You can definitely love someone you don't trust, but not someone you lie about who you are to. That is obsession/infatuation, and is exactly the problem with relationships these days, because it isn't even about being obsessed with a person anymore, it's being obsessed with being in love/falling in love/finding a perfect match.
Sometimes these things make me feel hopeless about the world. I definitely have the love I need in my life, but seeing all this makes me lose faith in other people, and for some reason them communal lack of goodness weighs on me and makes me sad for the world.
The feeling'll pass. For me and goes and comes and waves. I remember looking at Facebook comments about Caitlin Jenner and just feeling truly, truly sickened by people. Like, these are Facebook profiles. These are real people with their names attached to their accounts and everything, not like Reddit. And it was still the most vitriolic garbage. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that people care so much about shit that doesn't matter to them just for the sake of having their bigoted opinions plastered on a virtual wall. I think I get where you're coming from. Sometimes I just feel an immense amount of cynicism for people around me and it turns into lots of contempt, like no one is being honest about themselves and who they are. That being said, and I can't say answer how old you are, but if you're college age like me I would guess it's a mixture of A: getting out of college because college kids mostly suck (especially in regards to the love thing you're talking about), and B: not letting social media get to you too much and recognizing that people are generally alright, even if they can be stupid sometimes. Hubski helped me understand B a little better.
I recently had a high school buddy post a photo of Caitlin Jenner and a soldier and said, "this is what courage really looks like" under the soldier. His post had like 5 "likes" too. I was disillusioned. Then, I made the comment under his post: Courage comes in many forms. To acknowledge one form doesn't diminish the others. -This comment received twice as many "likes." -My experience is that the good, sane and thoughtful people out-number the morons.I remember looking at Facebook comments about Caitlin Jenner and just feeling truly, truly sickened by people.
That was a meme started by a director. He did Friday Night Lights? Blue Something or Other? His name is Peter Berg. Caitlyn Jenner won the Arthur Ashe Award for courage at the ESPYS, ESPN's attempt at an award show for a thing with awards built into it (sports), and there's no rule that says the winner has to be an athlete. So this guy decides to pander to the kind of person who'd object to her winning a courage award by posting a picture of a soldier who got his legs blown off doing his job in some war that shouldn't have happened. It's like a perfect storm of colliding cultures.
You just have to coax the good out of them sometimes. :P
You have a pretty good idea, but I'm a little older than you and it's not like it makes me hate the world or feel down about myself, just I feel like the human race should be better by this point. People mostly suck, you'll get out of college and figure that out ;). There are amazing people though, you just have to weed through the crap. And the love thing I'm talking about is in regard to the show "Catfish" mentioned in the original post lol. Also, writing about the show catfish. I should have prefixed the title of this post with, "My reflections on catfish and misc. reddit bs."For me and goes and comes and waves. I remember looking at Facebook comments about Caitlin Jenner and just feeling truly, truly sickened by people. Like, these are Facebook profiles. These are real people with their names attached to their accounts and everything, not like Reddit. And it was still the most vitriolic garbage.
college kids mostly suck (especially in regards to the love thing you're talking about),
B: not letting social media get to you too much and recognizing that people are generally alright, even if they can be stupid sometimes.
I disagree that people are terrible. Internet publicity introduces a selection bias because the Internet, and especially social media, make relatively uncommon acts of stupidity, hate, or plain terribleness visible to everyone. Internet publicity can also make uncommon acts of love, intelligence, or beauty visible. My personal choice is to place myself in internet communities that emphasize the positive aspects of people rather than the negative aspects. Because of this choice, I've come to have a more positive view of people. Now a days I only visit Facebook to run my client's ad campaigns...
This is what I keep quoting in everyone's posts. Because I do the same. I surround myself with the people I find that are amazing and valuable. But it's choice and also sort I limiting I guess is my point. It would be awesome if you didn't have only a few/several good people, you've found over your life. It would be cool if everyone was that good, I think.My personal choice is to place myself in internet communities that emphasize the positive aspects of people rather than the negative aspects. Because of this choice, I've come to have a more positive view of people.
Even people with obnoxious views (sexist, racist) aren't terrible; sexism and racism are usually a result of history and social norms not personal choice. Gently planting anti-sexist ideas in a non-confrontational way allows you to have a positive relationship with such a person without ignoring the negative aspects. The platform matters as well. Facebook is designed in such a way that self-promoters and low-brow content fill the news feed.
Yeah, I guess my point is that the norms are terrible. That we, as a people, should be better communally than we are. Like, why is there still so much intolerance when we know better? It makes us look stupid. Our portion of history will be when technology developed the fastest and people stagnated, and none of out technology will be around to be in museums because we are a culture that's very much into planned obsolescence, and everything falls apart in 5 years.
Can I ask what communities these are? I've been looking to switch up the places I go online for this reason.My personal choice is to place myself in internet communities that emphasize the positive aspects of people
Hubski obviously. Most forums have boards that have a positive vibe (well except voat...). Reddit has places, 8chan has places, heck I even used to hang out in a chatroom on Kongregate a few years back with some really cool people, albeit with the occasional troll... IRC is also great place to meet people, just have to find the right group. If you like to code, certain open source projects have a positive culture. EDIT: how could I forget the wonderful people at Simtropolis? Haven't been there in a few years... but still
People build successful careers pointing out how shitty people are. For some reason we call these people "comedians." I saw someone take a left across five lanes to get in a turn lane when five seconds of forethought would have proved taking a right out of a different exit would have been easier. Then a day later I see that Louis CK bit and I'm relieved that someone else notices shit like this. I watch a lot of documentaries and stand up. Maybe it's because when those things are good they're very honest.
Fun fact: historically, comedy was/is used to point out the ridiculousness or absurdity of a person/situation/action/etc. Louis CK is a really good example. He talks about things that are actually pretty serious and sometimes dark, but paints them in a humorous and/or ridiculous manner so that the audience can laugh and think about how absurd whatever he's talking about actually is.
It's just weird that things shook out historically so that the fool and the jester are the ones telling the truth. What the fuck is the rest of the court talking about? Vague, hushed words meant to save their ass I guess. Everyone knows comedians are right but laying that shit out in the wrong situation is rude and offensive.
Yep, exactly right. Comedians get away with it because people actually recognize the truth behind the thinly veiled jokes. People want to laugh and have a good time. What better way than a comedy show? The audience gets their fun and you the comedian get uninterrupted social commentary time. Politicians hate him!
"Is it real, or is it just a ride?" Some people take their lives way too seriously.
This is an excellent perspective of the situation. +badge
He's one of my favorites, but I feel like when I watch him he's actually pissed about all the things he's saying that people laugh at. He almost looks sad telling half of his stuff.
Aside: People aren't "terrible." People aren't "wonderful." People are people. We are all fallible. The same person that risks life and limb to save a child from a burning building will cheat at cards. It's no use painting people with such broad strokes. I have not lost faith in humanity. This is not to say that there are not lots of reasons to be upset or disillusioned with humanity, but I chose to surround myself with people and circumstances that help me maintain a healthy outlook on #thehumancondition. So much of our experience is contingent upon who and what we surround ourselves with. My father-in-law is pretty sure that we are all going to hell in a hand basket. He's a devout FOX news consumer. He, and most humans are very outwardly focused. I would suggest that the majority of our problems could be solved by mindfulness. -It's a hard state to get to but when it's had, there's really not much you can fret over. I don't watch television, but I am aware of the awful things happening in the world. I have been poor in my life and somewhat affluent. I have experienced extreme trauma's and extreme joys, but even in the poorest of times I was able to tap in to the joy that is life. I have had a hell of a time these past few months. The other day my wife looked at me and said, "breathe." -I almost lost it, I was so grateful to her. One time in a podcast we did on running, cW said, "When I run, I run to change the world. Granted, I don’t change much of it, at least not all at once. But in another sense, I change every bit of it, in an instant. I change the world by changing myself." -Somehow, I think this advice is applicable here. Also, to answer the tag of the post: Nothing happened to good people. They're everywhere. If you can't find them, then it's time to change where you are looking.I'm not saying that loving someone should be hard, but the understanding and dedication it takes to be on that level with someone else is incredibly impressive and valuable. These are the people that are worth your time. These are the people that REALLY, LOVE you.
-Actually, I think loving someone should be easy. Living with someone, dedicating your life to them, this is hard. This takes time, patience and lots of effort. You get what you put in. But loving someone should be pretty easy. That love will evolve, no doubt about it, but it should be a prerequisite to the hard work to follow.
I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world.
This was my point, loving someone should be easy, not hard. But keeping the person/relationship you love will not always be, sorry if that wasn't clear. This was the point that love comes easy>maintaining that bond/relationship is less easy. This is also my path of action, but I'm talking about outside of that. Like.... I want more people to be better. I want everyone to be good. I get that it's unreasonable though. Just think about it sometimes.Actually, I think loving someone should be easy. Living with someone, dedicating your life to them, this is hard. This takes time, patience and lots of effort. You get what you put in. But loving someone should be pretty easy. That love will evolve, no doubt about it, but it should be a prerequisite to the hard work to follow.
the understanding and dedication it takes to be on that level with someone else is incredibly impressive and valuable
but I chose to surround myself with people and circumstances that help me maintain a healthy outlook on #thehumancondition. So much of our experience is contingent upon who and what we surround ourselves with.
TL;DR Social media is killing socializing. The media doesn't care about damage, only dollars. Completely anecdotal, but I've not watched TV nor been on Facebook or similar sites for years and I've found my overall confidence in other people to be improved. Sure, lots of people are idiots, but they're not necessarily malicious idiots. Media likes to sell what keeps people watching. Typically, that's going to be the most exciting, most perfect, most fucked up, or easiest thing. Take My 600-pound Life or 18 Kids and Diddling or The Bachelor or Twilight. Yeah, why wouldn't you, the most uninteresting person in the world, cause a feud to rival Menelaus vs Paris? To be fair, I have no clue about anything Twilight (nor do I care to learn) except commercials and very basic things people have said on the internet, but you get the idea. I think my beef is more with media selling unrealistic images of people and relationships, more than the stupid people that buy into them and are deluded into thinking that they have some basis in reality. Though, I guess they couldn't sell it if people didn't watch it. It's the easy way out, and we all would love to have the easy way. The difference is that some people can see through the bullshit and have a tougher but more rewarding road ahead. Our hypothetical Disney Princess wannabe is going to fall for "Mr. Perfect" and end up in some 50 Shades of Grey shit and/or in little pieces in someone's freezer. Hollywood and the media can do good things, like bringing to light social issues and "normalizing" lifestyles and ideologies that people may find taboo, but lately it seems that there's an ongoing campaign to create deluded little monsters who can't interface on more than a superficial level with other human beings. One last interesting aspect that I just thought about, which is again, a totally off-the-wall thought, is how we're treating kids these days as all "winners." Everyone's a winner. First place? Last place? Fuck it. You both win. Have a trophy and a some blinders so you don't have to face the fact that someone did better than you. Oh, you kicked a ball? Trophy. Ribbon. You're amazing. It really degrades actual accomplishment by reinforcing to children that no matter what, they'll succeed. You end up devaluing the effort that the first place person put in and you're encouraging the last place person to never make any more effort. In reality, nobody is a winner. First place feels like all that effort is going to get them the same result as barely-has-a-pulse in the corner and last place sees that they can jack around and still "accomplish" just as much as the hard worker. Takes off tinfoil hat.
I watch a few dozen hours of TV a year, mostly boxing or kid stuff with my 4 year old. I have a twitter account which I mostly enjoy, I follow a few journalist and NGO's and several writers, it isn't at all depraved. Other than that, no social media besides Yik Yak which in my neighborhood isn't at all tawdry or racist mostly a community bulletin board. The longer I'm away from TV and social media the more undesirable it becomes. Stop watching TV for a few months and advertising becomes almost unbearable. We've all acclimated ourselves to being constantly manipulated by forces that don't have our best interest in mind. Getting out the manipulation loop of television and insincere social media done nothing but make me more relaxed and happier.
Maybe once a month someone quotes a commercial or says "have you seen 'x' commercial," to me. "I don't have cable," has been my reply for like the last 6-8 years. _uck commercials. I don't miss a thing.
Yeah, I think we have cable for the roommates and John Oliver, but we're kind of a online streaming kind of couple. House is amazing.
It's funny how that works, right?And after being cut off from it, weirdly --I just got on with normal life. That is, instead of living in dissatisfaction that reality doesn't match reality television, I just concentrated on living a better life. And it worked!
I'm kind of with you here. I'm not so much into social media and such, but every time I hear anything/read anything about it, it seems pretty terrible, and seems to be depersonalizing the world. Which is funny because it's supposed to connect people. This part makes me happy because I feel exactly the same way, and I feel people that actually think/practice this are getting more and more rare.The longer I'm away from TV and social media the more undesirable it becomes. Stop watching TV for a few months and advertising becomes almost unbearable. We've all acclimated ourselves to being constantly manipulated by forces that don't have our best interest in mind.
Excellent comment as a whole, the only thing I kind of have a qualms with is this one because stupid can't help being stupid. In other words, being smart and being able to take advantage of someone(media), doesn't really make it ok to do it. As the higher intelligence, you should know better, and also realize you can probably benefit more by trying to educate rather than brainwash. When did the good of the whole stop mattering? Maybe when philosophers stopped being regarded as aristocrats?I think my beef is more with media selling unrealistic images of people and relationships, more than the stupid people that buy into them and are deluded into thinking that they have some basis in reality.
simple kindness isn't rare, it's just not shown because the news is things out of the ordinary, and kindness is ordinary. getting too tapped into the sadness drip gets into you after a while and makes it seem like everything is going bad. if you get in for too long it starts to poison the good things that you do see, like "is this good thing special now?" i wrote more but there's no way it could be constructive so basically don't lose hope the fact that there are people here to agree with you means that it's not true n.
I don't think everyone is terrible, just that it seems more and more that good people are harder to find. I think I mentioned that I have a few people around that are amazing and I plan on keeping around, but the more I see outside of my personal life, the more weird/bad shit seems to be going on. I'm not hopeless, just unsatisfied with the quality of people we seem to be putting out these days.
On the whole we're not treating one another worse, we're treating one another better. At the same time, though, as anyone who's ever spent an hour in deadlocked traffic only to discover that the crash was on the other side of the highway knows, people love to watch a disaster. So all the stories about the most fucked up things in the world are readily accessible. We can learn about horrors that we were ignorant to just a few years ago from the comfort of our living rooms. So while things are getting better on the whole, we're more able to learn about all the myriad ways in which things are bad. Then we've got the internet. As you may have noticed, people are often quite rude on the internet. How would they not be, though? Face-to-face communication benefits from countless generations of adaptation and evolution. We don't just communicate in English, Mandarin, or Dutch, we communicate with the tone of our voice and with body language. The difference between typing "go fuck yourself" onto a screen and saying "go fuck yourself" to someone's face is monumental. You don't have to watch the anger in their expression or show them any form of hesitation or discomfort in your own if you're on the internet. Likewise, any social niceties you might attempt to imbue into the text will likely be lost without your voice and face to ensure the intention is retained. Instead we're left dealing with the results of whatever tone our companions in discussion choose to assign to our text, most likely whatever the first thing that comes to mind is. Compounding the confusion we ourselves are left to our own devices when it comes to sussing out how bare text should be interpreted. That doesn't mean we're not becoming generally kinder and more compassionate.
This is part of the problem. Between how sue happy people are these days and the fact that you can hide behind your internet identity, nobody takes responsibility for the things they say. There is no real negative repercussion. You can be mean or rude and not have to deal with the actual damage/implication caused by what you said, so who cares... right?The difference between typing "go fuck yourself" onto a screen and saying "go fuck yourself" to someone's face is monumental. You don't have to watch the anger in their expression or show them any form of hesitation or discomfort in your own if you're on the internet.
Even beyond that, the normal social pressures we feel that we often don't even recognize fail to come into play. It's harder to defy social norms when people are looking at us and we have to watch their reactions. I have a strong suspicion that this is also why people are so terrible at communicating and prone to anger in regard to driving, and why small things like hand signals and nods can go such an incredibly long way toward making the difference.
I guess in weird I'm the sense that I feel the same pressures attacking someone physically as digitally. I recognize that the things I say are the same and will have the same impact/worse impact/or just wrong impact on the same situation. I wish there was a way to add stress to the submit buttons on heavy comments.
Well sure, it's still some form of communication so you're going to feel some degree of social pressure, but it's not the same. You don't see their face redden or their eyebrows furrow. You don't hear their voice become louder or start to waver or see them start to gesticulate. Even simple little things in tone of voice that make the meaning of a sentence clear are lacking. We still get some of our whole communication social pressure setup, but it's way dressed down. The really troublesome thing is, we don't even think about it. We just carry on as normal because that's how we're trained socially.
Lol. What I was saying was that I, personally, am affected/invested/care the same about both situations. As in, I probably react less about physical interaction than I should, and care more about the digital effect than is standard.
That's definitely true, but having less information doesn't change my tact, it doesn't make me feel better or worse about the way I treat people/situations. Like, I don't disassociate real people from their online counterparts.