Okay, here I am at the yearly checkin. Listening to thenewgreen's beautiful song, "Beneath the Table".
What you been up to?
I'm a true sandwicher. 94-year-old mom is struggling: greatly diminished, but even with aphasia and cognitive confusion, she values and appreciates life and love. 36-year-old daughter also struggling. So what I'm up to is caring for each of them in various ways.
Did you ever finish that one thing you swore you were going to do this past year?
I've had a few things on my list for a long while and getting to them now because anything can happen to anyone ANYTIME, I've been looking after finances, wills, a trust, POA. My older sister has bought herself a gravesite in her town in the Kootenay Mountains. She even took a picture of herself at her gravesite and wrote a haiku about it. Then sent me the haiku and the picture.
Under a pine tree
Buried but not forgotten
Happy and peaceful
Yes, I find this a little creepy, but I wrote her back saying I'd visit her grave after she's gone and sprinkle haikus. She wrote back saying that she'd like that. She's turning 72 next week.
How are things...really?
As soon as my sister gets here -- if ever -- (she's pleading asthma and covid fear) -- I'm taking a vacation. But how are things, really? Things are good and happy. BF is amazing. and that makes all the difference. It feels like I'm being my most authentic self in this relationship and life.
Though, to play hockey, as we say on hubski, that is to express ourselves creatively in order to avoid panic attacks -- I'm not doing so brilliantly, yet. I'm still hiding beneath the table.
Also, a shoutout to all those who encouraged me to write this: