I’ve been learning a lot lately,
I’ve learned that moving into an apartment and living by yourself is something that I was not prepared to do. I’ve grown used to having roommates over the past few years, and enjoy the consistent interaction with them as I have liked everybody that I’ve lived with. Suddenly I’m thrown into a building in a city where I currently don’t know a single person, and have no family within 200 miles. The few people I’ve seen in this building have either ignored me saying hi or have not seemed to be very friendly people. It’s nice enough of a place, but its confines hold in my loneliness and wary of this area.
It’s worth noting that this area is not a place where I wanted to live or move to, but didn’t have many other options for a job, thus forcing my hand. It’s an area that I don’t plan on ever going back to as soon as this is all done. My fears of things to do that I’m interested in haven’t been allayed, as it seems there are two things to do: Go to a bar and drink, or go hunting. Neither of these things are very appealing to me. I pine for culture, be it arts or music, and love a thriving local music scene and local art and restaurant culture. This area has very little or none of that, from what I have seen over this past month.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to be happy when you don’t mesh with the area you live in, and that it’s hard to make friends when all you have is loneliness. It kind of breeds inside of you, promoting itself until you almost want to be lonely, and start to think it’s a waste of time to go out and try to salvage something out of this. I guess that’s why I’ve been spending so much time on my music blog, [Crooked Haze], and have really ramped up writing chiptune music. It’s also very hard being away from my Girlfriend after having spent the past 6 months together at college, and another 6 prior to that. She is a good chunk of why I’m still sane, but being away from your significant other is mentally taxing and something I wish could have been avoided. This is much more difficult than last summer was. Perhaps some of this will change though, fortunately a good friend from college lives here and will be moving back at the conclusion of our academic period.
I’ve learned that it’s easier than I thought to maintain an apartment, a few minutes each day to makes sure things are dusted and dirt isn’t accumulating anywhere. It’s not a large place, but not tiny either and I like the fact that it’s staying clean without putting in a huge effort. It is nice to be completely self-sufficient in that regard.
I’ve also learned that I am not the type of person to grow into a job or learn to enjoy it for the sake of getting through it. This is not a job that I’m particularly thrilled with, it seemed interesting in the descriptions but after spending a month I’ve realized it isn’t what I want to do. It doesn’t apply many (if any) of the principles and skills that have been taught and imposed upon me through college. It’s not the most interesting job, it doesn’t involve design or creating things, and isn’t something that I’m capable of forcing myself to truly like. They’ve hired an Engineer to do something that has no science or engineering involved. I’m essentially pushing papers and doing data management on a day to day basis. It’s kind of soul crushing to realize that I’m not really getting a single thing out of this, and hope that I can find a way out before my scheduled end date in August. It’s a good thing this is all temporary, but I’m still losing my mind over it and how everything has worked out.
This might seem like odd advice, but assuming this is a temporary situation, this is the approach that I would take: I am a monk. I am going to take advantage of this isolation to better myself. I am going to create the best [music] I have ever made, and I am going to improve more than I thought was possible. I am going to make a creative regimen, and stick to it. Life is full of distractions, and when they are taken away from you, you can pretend that you chose to leave them for awhile. I actually did this once.
Todays distraction: Going to the movies for a one-night screening of The Godfather. Fridays distraction: Going to Pittsburgh for a concert. I'm currently working on a chiptune cover of the theme of Game of Thrones. Is that an approach that you sometimes use with regards to Hubski?
Sounds like the lessons you're learning are all of the toughest ones, and all at once. Given the situation, one lesson you might be in danger of overlooking is that so many things in life are transitory, and that the presence of so many stressors doesn't necessarily equate the complete absence of good. Just means you have to dig a little more to find it. Don't know if you're looking for advice or just support. If support, then this is as good a community as any to find it. Might take the form of digital high fives or feedback on your blog/music or just continued interaction on any number of issues. On that note, high fives, man! I know there are plenty of people around here who really enjoy reading your work/thoughts. So I guess that's a form of friendship, if not a more ephemeral one than we generally hope for. If you're looking for advice, that's great! Because I'm gonna be presumptive and offer advice anyways- that's what I'm good at (that is, the unwarranted OFFERING of advice, I can't speak to the quality of advice offered). It sounds pithy, but don't underestimate the power of exercise. Studies have shown a pretty conclusive link between increased exercise and lowered symptoms of depression. I am not a sporty person, but I got into the habit of going to the gym and running/lifting whatever weights my scrawny frame will allow, and I gotta say, it just puts you in a better overall mind-state. I don't know if it's the release of endorphins or the directed routine or sustained activity that forces you out of the funk of inaction. But it helps. Correspond with what close friends you do have. Chances are, if your friends are spread far and wide in a new situation, they're feeling much of the same, and everybody can commiserate. Sometimes just relating makes you feel better, you know? Keep creating. On one hand, that's another form of activity, and again, activity tends to be the bane of depression/loneliness. And on the other hand- I don't know about you, but I find that I'm way more creative/productive when I'm in a foul mood. Don't know what that's about, but a good ol' case of the doldrums always seems to be fantastic creative fodder. I have more, but you didn't ask and I'm supposed to be working right now. Bottom line: sorry you're in a tough space. Hope you pull through it alright, and I hope we in this community can provide some sort of needed cultural/academic/social outlet.
Advice would be just fine with me. Exercise is good, haven't the money for a gym membership yet and the weather's been awful. You can only do so much core stuff in your living room before you get tired of it. Literally every person I've talked to is in a better position than I am. Aka they aren't being forced to do clerical work on a daily basis and waste their life. I emailed my adviser to see if I would even get credit for this, and she told me to try and make the best of the experience and to try to learn skills from it. There's literally nothing of that sort with what I'm currently doing. If there was any way of this that wouldn't get me in trouble with my university I would be biting at the first chance out. It's not even creativity. One is a music project and the other two are more work (a music blog and starting a record label with my roommates). Maybe I'll just go become an alcoholic like my dad was.
Hey now, a lot of alcoholics I know are very active and even proactive. That said, I come from an area with a high number of high-functioning alcoholics, though if 5 drinks a day is now considered binge drinking, then it's tough not to be an "alcoholic." Jokes aside, exercise is indeed a great thing to do. The thing about body weight exercise is that it's very adaptable, it's not just push-ups, pull-ups, jumping-jacks and other hyphenated words. Yoga is one. You mentioned you had a girlfriend. What if that was something you guys did together over Skype or whatever? It'd be good for a couple laughs anyway. A lot of people sit around and wish they had a more adventurous life, not realizing that the key to having adventures is going out and having them. One thing I like doing when I move to a new place is making the conscious effort to do something new every day. It doesn't have to be anything big, just something as simple as, "I'll try taking this road instead of that road." I once did that and ended up getting lost in a market, where some lady gave me directions to where I thought I should be and then gave me a bunch of fruit to give to the monkeys. In another city I decided to walk home to my new apartment. On the way I discovered about 7 bars that I didn't know existed and found out that my apartment was about 10 miles away from where I worked (I had no idea, I always took the train). My point is, make work the least significant portion of your life if you can, while of course doing a good job and looking for other jobs. I'm in a shitty financial situation myself at the moment and still looking for a new job, but I think this is a good time to work on stuff I've always been interested in, which I might also be able to use professionally in the future. Approach life with a hard-on. It's much more interesting that way.
"Approach life with a hard-on. It's much more interesting that way."
Hey mk, feel like putting this quote on the next batch of Hubski stickers? 10 miles and you're already well out of the city here, but I get what you're saying. I walk to and from work everyday, it saves money on gas and isn't that far. Plus you have to pay for parking. As for exploring, there's really not that much to it, I've already walked this entire downtown area that's worth walking around (aka not dangerous). Mind if I ask what you're working on/planning on working on?
P.S. I hope your financial situation improves and that you find something worth working!
Sure. One of the things I'm doing is working to expand my general knowledge of other countries, world politics and the U.S. constitution to prepare for the Foreign Service Officer exam. The process of becoming an FSO is fairly convoluted and takes a lot of time, so it's really a back burner plan. Plus, it gives me an opportunity to learn more about countries I might like to teach in. Jumping off of that, I've been considering other plans of what to do in the meantime. I think NGO work might be a good stepping stone, so I've been writing to friends who work for or have worked for NGOs in the past to get an idea of what to look for in a quality experience. I've also been in touch with a family friend who is trying to put me in touch with his clients who have NGO experience and even some people involved with the UN. I've also been working on getting back into poetry. You might have seen some scribbles and first-draft kind of stuff I've put up here, but I'd like to get back to a place where I feel like the writing is publishable and maybe even worth performing. One of the friends I wrote to is has been more faithful to poetry than I have and now we're discussing a collaborative project. With another friend, I've been tinkering with the idea of recording some of my older poems and I've been thinking about maybe getting a website together, so I've been learning a little bit about that. I feel like it's important to stretch myself out in a bunch of directions and to go with what sticks, while always trying out new things and finding ways to leverage them into other possibilities. It's no fun being painted into a corner, but when that happens I guess it doesn't hurt to try walking on the ceiling, you know? Thanks for the well-wishes. I hope something takes a turn for the better on your end as well.
I was gonna be all smart and link you to a community center in Eerie with free rec facilities... but Google pulled up a fat stack of nothin'. You're not kidding, that town seems... sleepy. Does look like there's a YMCA over there, though, and they usually have a sliding scale tuition system to meet the needs of people who can't throw down the full amount. Humanadon's Skype idea is pretty great, though. Neat workaround, and come to think of it, Skype yoga with your girlfriend could lead to all sorts of other... recreational... activity. Herm. So if you're still in contact with your adviser, are you still getting through your undergrad/grad stuff? Is that why you're stuck in Eerie? Or are you just out of university? If so, is there any way in hell to get out of dodge? Two thoughts: if you're still in school, maybe there are some in-house resources to draw on re. community involvement, peer-to-peer engagement, etc.? And if you're just out of school... that might be the crappiest time of life, give or take early high school, which I think we can all agree is an A-1 trainwreck for all involved. But post-school dog-paddling takes a close second. Not experienced enough to pull a high-level job, but feeling the bite of loans just acutely enough to wonder what the hell you paid all that money for. Then there's the transition from the structure of school to the chaos of life as a big kid. And the switch from being surrounded by friends and like-minded individuals to just living in any old goddamn place with a more random sample of the population. To be perfectly honest, it's entirely possible to feel like you're in freefall way past that point- I'm walking towards my 30's and I'm just starting to feel like my shit's halfway together. A lot of my friends are in the same boat, and- here's a morbidly uplifting tidbit for you- I was sure they were all doing way better than me until recently when we all compared drunken notes (in vino veritas and all that) and realized we all still felt like we were just barely edging on some semblance of conventional success. Seems like maybe the trick to this portion of life, as redundant as it sounds coming on the tail of your adviser's and humanadon's recommendations, is to approach it all with kind of a sense of nihilistic glee. And, to crib off of the 'Don (mind if I call you that, 'Don? Yes? Too bad, I feel it sticking already) one more time, don't pin too much of your self worth onto your very early career. Or hell, on any part of your career. This idea that a person is only as good as their job seems absurd, and maybe a very specific symptom of our particular society. As good as the sum of your experiences? At least that allows you to take a proactive role in shaping your self-worth. As good as your output? Closer, maybe, but that ought to include all of your extracurricular outputs as well, then. Such as, say, your music project, which it seems kind of odd to qualify as "not even creativity." And your blog, which is definitely a form of creativity, and more productive than you might think. Case in point, I recently applied to a blogging position at my radio station, but probably won't get it because... I've never written for a blog. At this point, you are more qualified for that job than I am. So: feel free to be as good as your output, and then make sure you're putting out a lot of stuff, and it may even end up opening unexpected doors. Or measure your worth by the number of people who you affect on a daily basis. Or don't bother to measure the worth of your life at all, as trying to paint an accurate and objective picture of yourself while you're in the soup is a fool's errand. The way you measure yourself and the way others measure you are two dramatically different beasts. Bottom line, and I could have said this in a few hundred less words: as hard as it seems, don't take your present condition too seriously. You're clearly smart, presumably well educated, eventually well-trained, and only temporarily chained to your current locale. Try to enjoy whatever glimmer of it you can, or at least the absurdity of the situation. Other, more practical ideas: -Make a list of books to read in your spare time. Alternate genres you like with stuff you wouldn't consider but have it on good faith is good. Throw in some really heavy stuff too, to get your gears working. -Start or join a board game club. Did this when we moved to our current city. Everybody in the club was pretty awkward, but board games allow you to overcome those social quirks that otherwise plague you, and they allow you to forget the outside world for a while, too. -Journal. I'm not kidding. Anyhow, like I said before, you're well liked around here, so if all else fails, interact with Hubski/other social sites and live on the internet a little bit. Who needs a cultural center when you've got a cultural gestalt at your fingertips?
I'm going to reply to this bit by bit since there's a lot to it. I've said it before to people in this thread, but thank you for caring, even just a little bit. It means a lot to me, stranger from the internet. I'm not exaggerating all that much, unfortunately. There's a Planet Fitness that I actually just found, probably going to go that route for the $10/month plus driving ten minutes to get there. The YMCA looks pretty nice, but it's probably more expensive. That's something we've talked about before (we went through a long-distance period last summer too), but she's not very comfortable that sort of stuff, so it rarely happens. That's not too much of a bother though, I respect it. I'm still in Undergraduate school, once you sign up for a job like I have, the school pretty much refuses to let you out of it unless you have very, very extreme circumstances that prevent you from fulfilling it. They're very big on that, and will make your hell if you renege on the job. And what you were just describing, that actually sounds worse than anything else... It's funny, I have some friends who graduated last year and have said pretty much exactly what you have with regards to the drunken notes section there. It seems to be almost universal, it's scary that it takes that long to start to see a payoff. I like that name, Don, so we'll stick with that. I'll have to come up with something for you! It's...well I guess that part is just who I've always been. I used to be a very good bowler (bowled on a top-10 ranked team in the country Freshman year of college), but eventually you can only take so much of the attitude displayed with that "not even creativity" quote. One of these days I'll stop trying to make myself the absolute best I can be at certain things, and drop that whole not good enough attitude. If you don't get the job at the radio station, screw it, start up something yourself! Then it will be entirely on your terms and you can really take it wherever you want it to go. "Absurdity of the Situation" ... have you been reading Camus lately? -I've been reading The Hound of the Baskervilles during Lunch break at work, I recently finished Winston Churchill: We Will All Go Down Fighting to the End. Already implemented that idea, though it's kind of scary that you came up with exactly what I'm doing... -Board Game Club...I'm sure there's 3 or 4 other people in this whole "city" that enjoy Catan or something. I'm actually considering joining a bowling league. Don't know if I can bring myself to do it though, there's something about not doing at a highly competitive level that takes away from the fun...a lot. -I love reading stuff on Hubski (and certain Reddit subreddits), I'll probably keep at the level I'm at, few shares and a post every day, comments fluctuate depending on the day. Thank you very much for your input fuffle, it really has helped calm my nerves, at least for the time being, and I mean that.
1) No, no, no! Humanadon is clearly "The 'Don" whether he likes it or not. You're gonna be "Supafly." Nothing better than assigning nicknames to names that are already nicknames. 2) Why would a school have such stringent work policies? Does it have to do with tuition payment, or are they just trying to work their numbers to make themselves look more effective in the realm of career placement? Either way, that sucks, man. But all the more reason not to worry- it's a finite situation. 3) The Hound of the Baskervilles is good. You should check out the whole series of Holmes stories. They're good escapism, and full of character. If you liked the Winston Churchill jam, you should check out Team of Rivals if you haven't already. About Lincoln, very well written. And speaking of bowling, This book seems to have been made for you. Really captivating read, too. Jealous that you were that strong at bowling. I always really enjoyed it but completely sucked at it. Still do. Anyhow, hang in there, and no need to thank me for blowing smoke. It's what this place is all about.
1) Well...fine! I do kind of like Supafly... 2) It's mostly the later, and it does seem to have with post-graduation job placement. For engineering majors it's something like 95+% job placement, which is hard to argue with. 3) I'm thinking about buying them after this. There's a bookstore that sells a bunch of classic novels for $3 each, so I'm probably going to see if they have anymore Sherlock Holmes novels. I already own Team of Rivals, haven't been able to dig too deep into it yet though. I don't like the title having such a negative connotation (based on that background), I've bowled alone countless times. It's one of the only good ways to work on your mechanics and improve them.
I know it sounds weird but try finding a reddit meetup in your area. I met so many people I actually connected with in NYC there, where it was really hard to find friends, especially older friends, because everyone I knew was in my classes at school. I was really looking for the different directions people go in life and as dorky and neckbeardy some of the redditors were, many were not. Where are you living now?
Erie, PA. They have a very small and not very active subreddit, and do meetups every once in a while. I haven't seen anything as of recent though. The last one they did on a Sunday morning and I'm a lazy ass who sleeps until noon on Sundays. It seems like a lot of the...louder population on Reddit is the neckbeardy part of it.
You can always post your own. And pull and insom and lurk in the corner and if you don't feel like meeting up then walk away slowly. Just make sure you shave. :P
I've done one of these. "IT" but you barely needed to know how to turn on a computer. Paid well though. I literally counted the money I was making and visualized spending it. For the next six months every time I bought something I converted the price to units of work done at that shitty job. Like, those bike repairs cost 2.5 hours at X -- no biggie. It helped. Sort of.It’s not the most interesting job, it doesn’t involve design or creating things, and isn’t something that I’m capable of forcing myself to truly like. They’ve hired an Engineer to do something that has no science or engineering involved. I’m essentially pushing papers and doing data management on a day to day basis. It’s kind of soul crushing to realize that I’m not really getting a single thing out of this, and hope that I can find a way out before my scheduled end date in August. It’s a good thing this is all temporary, but I’m still losing my mind over it and how everything has worked out.
The funny thing is, I've been doing that for weeks already. It doesn't really help. Especially since my tax situation is odd to say the least.
I am a few years off from finding and moving to a job, but I'm afraid of exactly this. I have trouble meeting new people unless it's facilitated by a mutual friend; I rely very heavily on triadic closure to make new friends. And I need social interaction a lot. I don't think I could handle moving alone to a place where I don't know anybody. Maybe I would force myself to become more outgoing and to learn how to meet new people unfacilitatedly, but what if I couldn't manage it? I hope you find your way to somewhere more suitable soon. Good luck, Butterfly.
Thanks ike. If, for whatever reason, you do end up in a situation I'm sure you've noticed that people at Hubski are a caring lot, and you could take just about anything from this thread to help you out. It's really a hit-or-miss. You could end up surrounded by people that have similar interests, or not even close.
May I ask what city you're in? I suggest you check out the site MeetUp. There you'll find a bunch of people interested in the same thing you're interested in doing the things that interest you. I use it for a rock climbing group since none of my friends climb. Also, and I know it sounds a little sketchy, you should try the personals on CraigsList. I know a bunch of people who have become friends through these ads. It could be worth a try. Stay positive. Listen to uplifting music with cool videos. And lastly, Hakunah Matata. Everything will work out in the end. Keep the mindset of "every possible situation is the best possible situation." In essence, of all the parallel universes, this is best possible one. Self fulfilling prophecies and all that jazz.
Erie, PA. There's a "Road Riders", Ruby Users, and Writers group for Erie. That's it. Personals might be something to look into. Honestly, the biggest problem is that I'm essentially an overpaid clerical/secretarial person who is supposed to be doing Engineering work. This job is a co-op, one where I'm supposed to be learning and getting first hand experience, and I'm not getting anything out of this. I'm hoping to try and use that as a reason to get out of this position after Spring, so that I don't have to waste my summer in this position too.
Have you mentioned your thoughts on the lack of pertinent practical experience to someone in a position to change that? Have you reached out to senior engineers in the organization and asked them to mentor you or bring you in on projects? Just curious because sometimes people find that it's as simple as nobody realizing that you have greater aspirations for learning. It could be that the person that was previously in your position had no such intentions. Hang in there, this experience will help you appreciate where you land next.
That's something @Blob_Castle@ brought up too, that I had not thought of (but will be doing!!!). I'm a Chemical Engineer - all the senior engineers are Civil or Mechanical/MechE Tech, two areas that aren't within my realm. The vast majority of design and project work is contracted to outside sources, that's the nature of this company. The only thing that might be a possibility is to take up some corrosion oriented work, as I have a bit of experience in that.Also, thank you and @Blob_Castle@ and anybody else for giving a damn and reading all of that. It's a bit whiny of a write up...this past month and half has not been very good for me mentally.
This may sound cheesy, but I always find a top performer in every organization I've worked for and specifically ask them if they'd act as a mentor for me. We schedule a call or a lunch every so often and go over any challenges or goals that I have. You could do this in any career and the mentor wouldn't need to be an engineer too, just someone accomplished that you could learn from. I've learned a lot over the years, even while in seemingly "dead end" positions. Hope this helps.
It's some great advice. It's just a matter of finding out who those people are. The departments are pretty segregated so I don't have work exposure to the people outside of mine, which is 4 people including myself.
The writers one could be interesting, IMHO. Is there any possibility of talking to your boss and potentially doing more work more in your skill set? Even if it's on top of what you're doing now, at least you'd be doing something you're more into.
It could be, but I'm already in the midst of three music related projects and don't think I could contribute that much to it. That's a very good idea. I don't think there's much Chemical Engineering within this company (I've literally only met one other Chemical Engineer, also not doing ChemE related work). But it's certainly worth a shot.
Understandable. Well, if you want to collaborate at all, I am a jazz bass student almost done with my third year. So long as the music grooves, I'm down. Yeah definitely. And if there isn't, you could collaborate with the other Chemical Engineer and work on some funky project on the side potentially.
Oh man, now that's some good stuff! I don't have enough recording equipment for non-electronic music yet though, otherwise that would be fun :(. The other Chemical Engineer is a 50 year old management guy that works out of our main office, which is over an hour away from here.
Well we'll see what the future has in store. Halfway point? If you can't tell, I'm trying to find as much positivity in this situation as possible haha.