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comment by blackbootz
blackbootz  ·  283 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: July 12, 2017

I am unwell. The last few months have been a series of massive adjustments one after the other. Broke up with a long time girlfriend, finished the semester that was occupying most of my time, moved out of my old house where I saw my family every day, depleted all my savings to buy brand a new house--in a neighborhood with daily muggings and the odd carjacking--and my dad moved across the country. My new day to day life is completely foreign to me and I'm finding that my coping skills are really lacking. I lack systems and routines. I haven't been exercising. I've been eating terribly. I bite my nails and they're the worst they've ever been. And I'm so lonely. And to add the maraschino cherry on top of this delicious sundae, money is tight and keeps getting tighter because my solution to all this? Lurch from weekend to weekend going out all the time to numb mysel. And/or to hopefully collide into someone to rescue me. (Which, as an aside, is absolutely the worst way to be when looking for someone. There's no winning.)

I talk to my friends about it but they don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. There are a few special people that have been helping me through this, and lord I am thankful through to my bones, but it's temporary respite from a chronic problem of environment. None of this is going to change on its own. I don't like what it is I'm doing but then nighttime rolls around again and the thought of being alone in the house makes me crazy.

If we're evolved from social primates who lived in small, tight-knit bands, then I understand what's wrong with me. Nothing I'm doing right now is aligned with what brings social monkeys happiness. I am unmoored. I am seriously exposing myself to risk factors for depression. But I don't know what to do or where to begin. I don't know how to make anything stick. Sorry if this is not the most bummed out blackbootz. I can intellectually grasp that everything might/could/will get better, but right now I'm in the weeds.

kleinbl00  ·  282 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Dude c'mon. You literally got the bitchin' pad in the loud neighborhood started going back to college and you're all I'm lonely?

Oh padewan.

The primary purpose of having a great place to live, as far as I'm concerned, is to invite people over. Game nights, movie nights, fill-out-your-absentee-ballots nights, don't give a fuck - the fact of the matter is, you've got a bitchin' pad and you're surrounded by people just as poor as you and the fact that you are not sharing that resource with anyone that you can halfway stand is a goddamn injustice to your social circle.

I mean, fuckin' study groups, bitch. They don't even have to be your study groups. Get the word out that friends should come by and hang out 'cuz you've got a bitchin' pad. That costs you zero. But fuckin' Fridays and Saturdays see if you can't get together between 3 and 8 people for any goddamn reason. What's a drink cost you where you are? $10? That's a Freschetta and a bottle of Two Buck Chuck. Two drinks? That's wine and pizza for four. Be a cheap little bitch and get a $20 popcorn popper and you've got dinner, drinks and snacks. And that's before you get people to grasp the whole "BYOB" thing.

Seriously, tho - lay in a stock of cheap-ass wine and let it be known that yours is an easy and available anchor where people can congregate. You'll be fuckin' Falstaff in a fortnight. It's like you've unlocked the Alpha Male cheat codes and left them in your other shorts or something. Fuckin' step up.

    Gentrification - when hipsters move into the neighborhood and open cupcake shops

I mean, this is why you got the bitchin' loan. Your government wants you to invite your tony white friends over to tart the place up and be upwardly mobile. Hop to, squire.

OftenBen  ·  282 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Dude I am feeling the pull into that weedy ditch. It's so easy to feel bereft and aimless when money is tight. I don't have much advice but I am here in solidarity.

Small things I do to boost my mood

- Yoga

- Pitcher of cold water in the fridge (Usually with lemon or orange)

- Practice good sleep hygiene (Cut screen time before bed, no intoxicants for an hour or two before)

I don't know how many hours/week you have spare, but I suggest spending some portion of them meditating, if you're not already. Does a world of good. I know that there are other hubskiers using various apps and stuff. I like Jack Kornfield and Sharon Salzberg, both who have a lot of resources on youtube.

blackbootz  ·  282 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I was telling someone else about how much I enjoy the practice of meditation but I allow myself to be "too busy" to do it routinely. It's also this irrational hurdle of money: $15 a month for headspace seems too high, but that's two drinks on a night out when I'll spend $100. I make no sense to myself.

I love the pitcher of cold water idea. I have some lemons but no pitcher. I'm going to fix this.

The sleep is a tough one. In another pubski I mentioned the lack of good sleep I was experiencing because of neighborhood noises. But I've fixed that mostly with a loud fan between the windows and I. I'm also having a housewarming party soon and hope the place will cheer up. Thanks OB

OftenBen  ·  281 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    It's also this irrational hurdle of money: $15 a month for headspace seems too high, but that's two drinks on a night out when I'll spend $100. I make no sense to myself.

From what I understand this is the beginnings of true self awareness, and I recognize a similar kind of insanity in myself. I believe this kind of realization (RE: drinks on a night out) dovetails nicely with what KB was saying about 'bitchin bachelor pad and cheap vino.'

elizabeth  ·  282 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Judging by your post, it looks like you know exactly what to do.

Routines, exercise, food and support system? That sounds like a great plan. Start slow and it will get better :) I find the hard part is pushing through the inertia when I feel stuck like this. Good luck man!

blackbootz  ·  282 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Someone said that you shouldn't trust yourself if you haven't exercised that day. I'm going to go on a run right now.

OftenBen  ·  282 days ago  ·  link  ·  


That's a wise soul.

blackbootz  ·  282 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Just came back. Feel ten times better.

_refugee_  ·  280 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Hey homeskillet if you don't know it check it;

blackbootz  ·  280 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Hey homeskillet if you don't know it check it;

Never heard of it -- Thank you! Just perused with my roommate and we think we know what we want for dinner this week.

_refugee_  ·  280 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yeah, I'm a big fan. I recommend/have had success with:

- balsamic chicken thighs

-zuppa toscana (ZOMG this is the best)

-african peanut soup

-thai curry vegetable soup

-thai curry chicken

- cucumber salad

I like her stuff a lot. I'm trying to do rough meal planning (first week: a rough success!) so I've been doing a lot more cooking lately.