Dude c'mon. You literally got the bitchin' pad in the loud neighborhood started going back to college and you're all I'm lonely?

Oh padewan.

The primary purpose of having a great place to live, as far as I'm concerned, is to invite people over. Game nights, movie nights, fill-out-your-absentee-ballots nights, don't give a fuck - the fact of the matter is, you've got a bitchin' pad and you're surrounded by people just as poor as you and the fact that you are not sharing that resource with anyone that you can halfway stand is a goddamn injustice to your social circle.

I mean, fuckin' study groups, bitch. They don't even have to be your study groups. Get the word out that friends should come by and hang out 'cuz you've got a bitchin' pad. That costs you zero. But fuckin' Fridays and Saturdays see if you can't get together between 3 and 8 people for any goddamn reason. What's a drink cost you where you are? $10? That's a Freschetta and a bottle of Two Buck Chuck. Two drinks? That's wine and pizza for four. Be a cheap little bitch and get a $20 popcorn popper and you've got dinner, drinks and snacks. And that's before you get people to grasp the whole "BYOB" thing.

Seriously, tho - lay in a stock of cheap-ass wine and let it be known that yours is an easy and available anchor where people can congregate. You'll be fuckin' Falstaff in a fortnight. It's like you've unlocked the Alpha Male cheat codes and left them in your other shorts or something. Fuckin' step up.

Gentrification - when hipsters move into the neighborhood and open cupcake shops

I mean, this is why you got the bitchin' loan. Your government wants you to invite your tony white friends over to tart the place up and be upwardly mobile. Hop to, squire.