Just to balance the romantic love moment with reality, an equally worthy blog could be on the topic, "Can you remember a moment when you knew it was over?"
Per the second question about knowing when it was over: We were arguing, nothing too heavy just some simple bickering when half in jest I said, "well, maybe we should just break up." She paused and the room got serious. "Alright." Is all she said.
That's a horrible cut man, no fair. If it had been a more serious argument, backed by tensions/issues etc, then it's make more sense. Small consolation, an old mate of mine was going out with a girl a few years ago now; one night together they did the "well I bet I can not talk to you for longer" dare.... And after a week or so they split.
I didn't give any context, I probably should have. Turned out we were both ready to move on, it just took the right moment to bring it to light. We had been dating for about 5 years and had little to nothing in common, except our sex life. It worked out well. edit: But that "quiet contest" story is a shame..
The context does help I admit, as I was pondering some pretty bad background scenarios that would lead to a breakup based on a musing statement.
And as for said mate with the 'staying quiet' breakup, I have a feeling there were bigger issues afoot and an escape was wanted, and it was just an opportunity to get out. As long as it worked out for the best for you, that's all that matters. I had a horrible event that was practically the grand-slam of nails-in-the-coffin. Happened on an overseas trip last year, and while I'm not very keen on resurrecting exactly what was said and done, all I will say is I should've a) left her in the hotel room, continued the trip on my own accord and rebooked an alternate flight home, and b) probably not spent 4-5 months working out whether to end it. But, with the 20/20 of hindsight, I realise now that when the inevitable came, it wasn't pretty, but that 4-5 months was spent as a logical, rational pre-mortem analysis of the 4+ years we'd been together, and when she did the dramatic walk-out-the-door routine, I didn't come running after her. Instead, I went and caught up with a mate for lunch, made plans for travels, life, work and new projects, and haven't looked back since.
Thanks for your story BlackBird. It would have been brutal (but justifiable) to leave someone in another country. It looks like you waited for the right time. Knowing it's over seems to happen more slowly than knowing it's on. By the time it is ending, there's some shared experience, kids maybe, lots more untangling to do. I wrote a short post a year ago here about endings, if you're interested.
More than happy to share, to an extent or course. If there's one thing I've picked up in this world, it's going through some pretty Captain-Average moments, learning from them, and trying to impart wisdom to friends/those around me; I do what small I can to be a good mentor to anyone who's path I cross. Usually works best in a good bar with single malt whiskey, vodka, or great beers haha. I'm definitely going to read your post on endings you mentioned; I should be working but, you know. Hubski ;D
I would love to read a whole blog post about "Can you remember when you knew it was over?" I don't know if you've written it yet. I have a long history of knowing it's going to be over before pulling the plug, often months before. I tend to beat a relationship to death before I'm ready to leave it. I want to experience all the good times, even though I know it's not going anywhere. At some point I fall out of heady, whispy, mind-numbing love and so can see clearly: "I don't want to be with this person for the rest of my life." But that doesn't usually mean, I don't want to be with this person right now. So I stay in the relationship until I no longer want to be with the person...at all. I don't know if that is right or wrong. Most people find it unusual, though. I have also wondered if I fate myself to my breakups. By saying "Oh, this'll last another six months" or "Another month before I'm sick of it," do I condemn myself to breaking up by anticipating it?
Thanks -- yes, that's a good question ref and I might have a lot to say about that. I think both men (b_b?)and women hang on long after the relationship is sooo over. When we do finally leave, it is the right time -- and we learn a lot about leaving that we can use in the future. Give me 24 hours. . .
Totally. Been there, done that. Breakin' up is hard to do. It's hard to hurt another person's feelings, and it's hard to have enough confidence in yourself to trust that you're making the right choice. But life is about choices, and I don't think that good things happen to people who sit and wait for life to come to them. I'll look forward to your post on the topic. As you know, I've been wrestling with some heavy life decisions recently (in a good way), and certainly the topic of what to do about relationships weighs heavy on a lot of people's minds.